Wild Rose
by Joannawrites
Summary: A sequel to A Bond So Strong. The riders discover Jimmy has left behind a daughter after his death. This is the story of the next generation of The Young Riders, struggling to make their mark on a still Wild West. *Complete*
1. Prologue: Ghost Riders

Prologue: Ghost Riders

She stood as still as a statue, her eyes riveted to the crowded cemetery down below. The whole town had turned out, she noted with some satisfaction. Of course, they'd come more to say they'd been than anything else, but at least they were there. No one saw her there. They never did. No one wanted to see her.

She stood alone on the hill. She wore her only dress, a faded gray frock that she'd outgrown a few years ago. It was all she had though, and her only way to pay her respects properly.

Tears threatened her eyes as the words of the preacher drifted to her. She fiercely bit her lip and forced them down. She didn't cry. Anger twisted her heart at the scene. She'd always been angry, but never so much as today.

A breeze finally stirred on the hot summer air. She twisted her neck so that the wind might caress her cheek. The breeze grew stronger, and strands of straight, coppery red hair drifted across her neck and forehead.

But still, her strange, silvery gray eyes remained dry and clear.

She had loved him dearly, and he'd never known why.

* * *

 _August 20, 1876_

All her life she'd loved the land of the West. She'd built her life around it, dreamed, lived, loved, and grieved there. Perhaps that was why she took such comfort from the tiny bluff that overlooked the windswept grass rolling all the way up to the majestic silver mountains.

A blink of her eyes instantly transported her back fifteen years. _God,_ she thought as she watched the shadows of the clouds roll over the mountain, _I was so young then…we all were._

She could feel the earth tremble long before she could hear the hoofbeats in her mind of horses long gone. She could hear youthful voices brimming with excitement, could almost see them all as they'd been then, fresh faced and happy, as they thundered into the station. She could feel the energy and heat radiating from them as she reached up to take the reins, to greet them with a smile.

"Rider Coming…" Unconsciously the words formed on her lips and escaped them. The heavy, still air of summer did little to carry the words away, seeming to warn her that her voice was never to reach the ears of those riders again.

There were no more riders coming in, she knew. It was an era long gone.

A pain unlike any she'd ever known seemed to squeeze her chest, an emptiness and hollowness that she doubted would ever leave her settled deep into the pit of her stomach and spread throughout every corner of her.

A man with unparalleled greatness and heart, who had given such shades of meaning to her life, was dead.

"Mama?"

She turned around slowly from her perch on the bluff and felt a wave of tenderness wash over her as the tall boy nervously dropped the reins of his loud colored paint mare and walked up the hill to her side. He was the picture of his father. Light, thick brown hair was tousled from his gallop to find her. His blue eyes had a million facets, a million depths, all of them loving and gentle when he gazed upon her. He was thin and lanky, not having quite grown into his large feet and hands yet, but he still moved with an easy grace and confidence.

Words were too hard, she realized as she stood up and turned to face him, her throat was far too tight to speak. She couldn't possibly say anything when she stood here and looked at the young man in front of her. Not when the memory of his namesake washed over her in waves of dizzying agony.

"I came out here as soon as I heard. Rachel said you didn't want to be bothered, but I couldn't let you sit out here alone all day," his eyes were apologetic and sheepish for intruding.

 _Just like his father,_ she thought, and a smile crept onto her mouth, although her lips trembled with restraint of holding back tears, _He has to protect me too. But there is no protecting me from this. There is nothing anyone can ever do._

When his mother still didn't speak, James felt tears start in his own eyes. James Hickok had been a legend in his own mind since before he could remember, and a loving uncle as well. News of his murder had shaken James to the core, and looking into his mother's tortured eyes made matters much worse.

"Mama, I'm sorry."

Lou finally could hold back her tears no longer as she stepped forward to wrap her arms around her son. Could this be the same boy that she'd once rocked in her arms, the same tiny child that had come to her in the midst of the blood bath of the War? The same child that would never have known his father if it hadn't been for Jimmy's great love of them both?

"Mama, I'll miss Uncle Jimmy so much!"

He forgot his young man's pride as he sobbed onto her tiny shoulder as he had not allowed himself to do since he was a child.

Lou finally found her voice in light of her son's grief, "I'm going to miss him too, James. I don't think we'll ever stop missing him. Time helps though," she added the last part to console her son. As for herself, she knew better. Jimmy had been a big part of her life and family for too many years.

As she held her son, there in the sweltering late afternoon heat, Lou's mind again drifted to Jimmy Hickok in life. A firebrand at first, but slowly, and ever so surely, a man of great dignity. He'd never found the peace he desired so desperately, although he'd had bouts of love and rest, often while visiting her and Kid at the old Sweetwater station.

Her emotions had always been a maelstrom with Jimmy. Although she would never change the choices she made or the life she lived, she and Jimmy had always had a special bond. She'd guiltily denied it for a long time. She loved him as her brother, as her friend, as someone more dear to her than she could say. And, at one time, she'd even loved him as more than those things. There had always been an attraction between them that was more than physical. They understood each other perfectly. Always had, right till the end.

"Why don't you come back to the station?" James suddenly asked her, stepping back and wiping his eyes, "Teaspoon's there, and word has been sent to everyone else, just in case they didn't know. I'm sure Papa will rush home as soon as he hears."

Lou's heart twisted again as she thought of her husband, out moving some horses to auction in Kansas. She prayed he wouldn't find out until he returned, although she longed for his arms now sorely. She wouldn't be able to let the brunt of her grief out until her husband looked into her eyes. She dreaded and wished for his return with confusion. It would be one of the hardest things they'd ever have to face, and yet, they had both known some day the news would come, much as it had, in the form of a newspaper.

"Mama?" James repeated softly, his concern and discomfort at seeing the woman that was usually so steadfast in such shock and grief.

Lou reached for James' hand and squeezed it tightly. "I think I want to sit out here a while longer. I'll be fine. You go see if you can't get Rachel to feed you something."

"Rachel is always trying to feed me something. If she had her way I'd look like Teaspoon by now."

Lou genuinely smiled at his brave attempt to grin, "There's nothing wrong with that. Run along, now."

He nodded, and with rare wisdom for someone so young walked away. He instantly understood that his uncle's death had affected his mother in a way that no one else could even come close to understanding. Although Teaspoon looked twenty years older since that morning when for all they'd known Uncle Jimmy had still been alive and well, and protecting the citizens of Deadwood, James knew his mother was fighting with emotions she might not even understand. He knew better than to ask questions. She probably couldn't have told him, even if she wanted to explain it.

Best to let Papa talk to her. He was the only one who could, James thought.

Lou watched him ride away, his back straight and proud in his saddle, Katy's granddaughter kicking her heels high and enjoying the run.

Slowly, she turned around and folded her arms across her chest. A chill had come over her, even though small beads of sweat glistened on her forehead. Her long dark auburn hair was pulled back from her face and hung down her back in a thick braid, but a few strands escaped and stuck to her tear and sweat moistened skin.

The same empty, deadly calm settled back over her as she watched the sun sinking lower.

She'd just seen him at Christmas. He'd spent two weeks with her and her family, teaching James how to shoot, helping Kid with the horses and talking quietly with her. They'd always had the ability to talk about nothing and everything for hours, although it was strange for two quiet people to have so much to say to each other.

Again, she could feel the trembling of an approaching horseman of yesterday, and she longed to look up and see Jimmy on his golden palomino, black hat pushed low over eyes that were both piercing and guarded, but always gentle.

The thundering persisted, and Lou realized with a start that there really was a rider approaching her.

She stood up and unconsciously moved her hand close to her gun, ever on the lookout for the dangers of the still Wild West. However, her hand swiftly dropped to her side as the big black and white paint mare came into view.

Kid had come to her.

She never tired of watching him ride, she thought, just as she loved to see their son on horseback. The horses were the center of their life, right along with the land they raised them on. They'd tried to get Jimmy to stay on the ranch with them, to be a partner and not just a hand, but he'd refused.

Lou could still remember the shouting match they'd had the day he refused their offer. He'd been too worried that trouble would find him, and along with him the McCloud family.

Kid rode directly up to her, and his horse, Belle, sat on her haunches and threw dirt onto Lou's split skirt, although she didn't care. She thought of how much Belle looked like Kid's old horse, Katy, who was still alive at twenty years old, and as spoiled as ever. Every foal she'd ever had bore her loud markings, and her blood was coveted in the region.

Lou finally and reluctantly turned her eyes up to her husband's. Even if she hadn't already known the news that brought him home early, one look into those pools of blue would have told her the worst had occurred. They were more pained than she'd ever seen them. Even the deaths of Noah and Ike hadn't brought this look to his face. His skin was tight and pale, and everything about him looked haggard. He and Jimmy had their share of disagreements and differences, but they had been brothers and best friends since they were boys. Kid had a lost look about him, and for a moment, Lou felt she was seeing him as she had the first time.

Lou felt the tears come coursing down her dusty face before she realized she was crying. Kid reached down and swept her onto Belle in front of him, putting his arms around her and sobbing into her neck in great heaving breaths.

Lou wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him closer, willing him to hold her tightly enough so that she could take his pain and he hers.

Not a word was spoken. None would do. Jimmy was dead, and nothing in the world could change that. There would be no last goodbyes, no words of love to pass between them ever again.

Kid straightened in the saddle. Lou righted herself also. Kid suddenly screamed into the wind, a cry of grief and rage, as well as a signal to his horse. The spirited animal quickly started into a dead run.

Lou and Kid both leaned low and allowed the wind to dry the tears that continued to pour from their eyes. Lou closed her moist eyes and felt the rhythmic, surging power of the horse beneath her, trusting the animal and her husband to take care of her.

And so they rode hard, away from their home, trying desperately to come to terms with James Butler Hickok's death.

He'd been part of each of them since they met. He meant so much to each of them separately, and together as well. At times he'd almost come between them, but always, always, he'd been a part of their whole, intermingled and intertwined with their life and their love.

And today and ever after, he was gone.


	2. Chapter 1: The Burn of a Stare

Chapter I: The Burn of a Stare

The lights of the little town were bright against the otherwise pitch blackness of a wilderness at midnight. No moon had helped them on this last leg of their journey, and they rode with torches to light the dangerous ground.

Dakota Territory was rough itself, and Deadwood was much worse.

Nevertheless, the weary travelers were thankful for the civilization even a primitive town like Deadwood offered after three days of nothing but rocks and salt flats.

"I'm getting too old for this," Teaspoon had muttered the other night as he grunted and shifted on the rocky ground.

As Lou sighed and pressed against Kid for warmth, with a rock digging into her side unmercifully under the bedroll, she had been inclined to agree with him.

They'd been on the road for five days making most of the journey by rail, stopping often and spending the nights in small towns along the way. However, an interruption in the track had made it necessary for them to take the horses from the box cars and ride them for the last two days.

None of them wanted to think of why they travelled; of the waiting goodbye to be said by a graveside where He'd been at rest for months.

The October air had a bite to it tonight, and the wind blew strongly.

"At least we won't have to sleep outside again," Emma murmured, shivering even under the weight of Sam's heavy jacket. Rachel sighed with relief as well. They weren't accustomed to the harsh life on the trail, as the others were, and it was hard for them.

It had been two months since Jimmy's death, but that was how long it had taken everyone to find their way to Sweetwater. It was still amazing to Lou, as scattered as they were, that they'd come so quickly.

Buck had shown up first, appearing very much the Kiowa brave in buckskins and an animal hide vest. His eyes had been tired and wary at first, as they always were after months of living the nomadic life the Kiowa were forced to adopt. He divided his time between living with them, and travelling to Washington D.C. as a spokesman for the Native Americans. Only after Lou, Kid, and James warmly embraced him did the shadows in his eyes recede, and a smile start to appear more frequently on his face.

Sam and Emma had arrived next, from their home in St. Louis, where Sam acted as a regional marshal. They had a beautiful family there, with two nearly grown daughters and one son a little older than James. Sam had wisely left all three of his kids at home, none of them having seen Jimmy more than once or twice, and none of them really ready to face a week's long trip in the wilderness.

Rachel and Teaspoon had long ago moved to Sweetwater, and built a house not far from the McClouds. Although they were not married, for neither had the desire to ever step up to the altar again, they'd lived together for nearly thirteen years, and shared a deep love. Lou had never been able to fully guess the nature of that love, but she suspected they lived as man and wife in spirit and body, if not in law. Teaspoon was still the marshal of Sweetwater, and Rachel had set the school in town up herself, and still had her same passion for instilling a love of learning in children.

Cody was the last to arrive, having to travel all the way from New York, where his Wild West Show was still a huge success. Kid, Lou, and James had gone to New York a few years ago to see it, and had been amazed. Jimmy had even been a part of it…for one night. Until the bright lights had hurt his weakening eyes, and he'd shot out the spotlight. Lou had scarcely seen Jimmy look as miserable as he did up on that stage and had scolded Cody sharply after the show for talking him into it. Jimmy had smirked smugly behind Lou's skirts, enjoying watching Cody squirm under her wrath. Cody had married, but left his beautiful young wife in New York. When questioned why he didn't bring her, his words were flat, "This doesn't concern her."

Lou smiled slightly in pride as she remembered the amazement and praise from them all when they saw the station. They'd seen it several times before, but never failed to marvel at all they'd done with the place. It was little wonder, Lou thought, their ranch _was_ impressive now. They'd bought a thousand acres in addition to the old station. The house had been renovated completely and added onto, now sprawling impressively on the flat land at the heart of the ranch.

The old barn had collapsed on itself during the neglect of the war, and had been torn down to make room for new stables. The new stables that stood in its place were Kid and Lou's pride and joy. Two long, wide buildings with spacious stalls inside, light and airy in the summer and cozy in the winter. Paddocks and corrals contained sleek, brightly colored paints, which were the trademark of the Bar M Ranch. A new bunkhouse to shelter the ranch hands had been erected. A livestock barn had been added in addition to the stables, to house the cows, chickens, goats, and pigs also belonging to the McClouds.

The only things reminiscent of the old days of the express were the creaky windmill, the beacon that had led them all home from a hard ride time after time, and the old bunkhouse, where they'd lived so closely. Lou worked hard to keep the bunkhouse exactly as it had been in the days of the express, should any of them want to come home and stay there instead of in the main house. Jimmy had always stayed in the bunkhouse…

* * *

It wasn't hard to find a hotel in the busy little town, but finding a hotel that didn't seem to crawl with vermin was a different story. When the party finally settled into their rooms in a place that seemed the least likely to get them murdered in their beds, Lou lay down on the bed and sighed, allowing her weary limbs to sink deeply into the mattress.

"Mama!" the voice preceded the tall figure bursting into her room by only a split second. Tiredly she looked at her son, whose tall frame filled the doorway almost completely, his eyes bright with excitement.

"What are you looking so pleased with yourself about?" she wondered.

"Uncle Cody asked if I wanted to come out onto the porch with him and Sam and Buck!"

Kid shuffled in the room, sliding by his son wordlessly, collapsing onto the bed face first, and laying there motionless with a contented sigh.

"Why aren't you going out on the porch?" Lou asked her husband without moving to look at him.

"Because I feel about a thousand years old, and all I want to do is sleep."

"Sound good to me."

"Well?" James asked, stamping his foot.

"Well what?" Lou asked, with a slight grin, seeing the set of his stubborn jaw as he became agitated with her.

" _Can I go_?" he hissed.

Lou giggled, "Go where?"

"Mama!" He cried out, stamping his foot again with impatience, but finding in at inadequate expression of his frustration.

"Let the boy go so we can get some peace and quiet around here," Kid suggested, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"Go ahead, Jamie," Lou smiled, loving it that his uncles loved him so much, "Be careful, though. I don't want you wandering off alone."

"God, Mama, I'm fifteen years old! I can take care of myself! When you were fifteen you were already out on your own!" James pointed out indignantly.

"You're gonna be out on your own too if you don't kindly close that door and let me get some sleep!" Kid muttered around a mouthful of pillow.

Lou raised her eyebrows and exchanged a grin with Jamie, waving him away and laughing, "Go before you make a hole in the floor with your dancing around."

With an exaggerated sigh of mock irritation, James disappeared.

Lou giggled, despite her tiredness, and told Kid, "I think my favorite thing about being a parent is the right to aggravate him beyond all reason at times."

A soft snore was her answer.

Lou watched him for a moment, his face-at least what she could see of it over the overstuffed pillow-was dirty and creased with exhaustion and stress.

She tugged the heavy blanket over him and herself, and nestled her icy toes against his warmth, smiling slightly when he jerked in his sleep. Sensing her, he reached out and fitted her into the natural hollow that she'd seemed to carve along his length in the years they'd shared a bed. In seconds, she was sleeping soundly by his side, confident that Cody would look after Jamie for her.

Lou had no inkling of how long she'd been asleep before her eyes fluttered open in the darkness of the room. There was a bright moon out, and fires in the street still burned. When her eyes adjusted, the room seemed very light indeed, and sighing, she sat up slowly, knowing she wasn't going to be able to go to sleep again. Careful not to wake Kid, she slid out of bed.

Low male voices drifted up through the drafty window, which seemed to indicate to her that she hadn't been sleeping for very long. She pulled the curtain aside and had a good view of all the men of her family, save the one sleeping in her bed, and Teaspoon. They were sitting on the stairs, near one of the street fires.

Cody was talking, gesturing wildly with his hands, and often reaching over to smack Jamie on the shoulder. She couldn't make out the words, but imagined that Cody wasn't disappointing them with his natural ability as a storyteller. Lou smiled at Jamie, his eyes wide with wonder at everything Cody told him.

Her heart swelled with love for all of them, sitting there together, but especially for her son. She couldn't believe at times that Jamie, caught somewhere between child and man, was the same tiny infant first laid beside her in the middle of the war. When he slept he still looked so much like the child that she wanted to wrap herself around him and protect him fiercely, but she also recognized his need for independence, for room to discover who he was.

And God, what a man he'd make! Lou thought proudly, with a stinging sensation in the back of her eyes. He had his father's gentle heart, but her own will of iron. Kid's leadership ability was a gift he shared, and he was more fearless and sometimes ruthless than his father, which Lou thought might come from her. He could be a lion or a lamb, she realized, and he'd be a force to reckon with some day…although that someday was coming faster than she was willing to admit.

Another round of laughter caused a tender smile for all of them to lift her mouth.

If only Jimmy was down there as well…

A blast of cold air rattled the window suddenly, lacing around her with morbid tidings, reminding her that one had been pulled out. One of them was gone.

She wrapped her arms around herself, trying desperately to shut out the cold hands tugging at her heart.

James wasn't sure why he looked up. Perhaps he saw the curtains move, or perhaps it was a sense of regret that his mother and father weren't there, sharing in the warm memories of Uncle Jimmy. Whatever the reason, he was still surprised to see his mother standing by the window, looking sadly out toward the mountains, as if she expected someone to come riding in at any moment.

 _He's not coming back, Mama_ , he thought with a heavy heart.

The room flooded with the light of a soft lantern, but James didn't think his mother noticed. He sighed in relief when he saw his father come to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and placing a gentle kiss on her neck.

Lou jumped in surprise, not having realized Kid was awake, so deep were her thoughts.

"After tomorrow it will be better," he whispered into her ear, his warm breath causing a chill to run over the rest of her body.

"How? How can we do this Kid? How can we say goodbye to him…to Jimmy?" Lou's voice sounded almost frantic, and Kid turned her around and pulled her into his chest.

After holding her and stroking her hair when she sobbed, Kid's voice reached down to her, gentle as a caress, "We won't say goodbye. We'll say, 'until we meet again'."

* * *

The sun was very warm on Lou's back, despite the blustery wind that kicked dust into her eyes and dirtied her fine black dress. In fact, a slight sweat broke on her brow, and trickled down her back as she gazed at the simple grave.

Sighing, she had no choice but to acknowledge that the coldness that settled into her bones came entirely from within.

She closed her eyes as Teaspoon continued reading passages from the Bible, drawing more strength from the two strong hands that clenched both of hers from right and left than from the words. Kid and James stood right beside her, heads bowed with their own silent thoughts as Teaspoon continued, reading the scriptures that were appropriate, the ones that Jimmy had liked best.

A tear dropped off Lou's nose, squeezed out of her eye by her tightly closed lids. She tried to picture him, and succeeded all too well.

Not incredibly tall, but commanding, slim in his youth, but a bit stockier as the years went by. Wide in the shoulder and chest, narrow in the hip. Long brown hair framed a square jaw and a wide, sensuous mouth, high cheekbones, a straight fine nose. The teeth were a brilliant white, startling in his weather tanned face. Eyes unlike any she'd ever known. Eyes that, though dark in color, could flash and shine and burn and pierce. Eyes that had caused many a man to back away in fear, and many a woman to approach eagerly. Eyes that saw too much too early, and carried a pain that at times dimmed but never faded completely. Eyes that were intense, demanding, and saw straight to her soul, accepting nothing less than everything she was willing to give.

Eyes that reached out, that touched. Lou had never been able to feel anyone's stare so much as Jimmy's, and recalled countless times she'd felt that slight burning in the middle of her back, at her cheek, wherever his eyes happened to be falling. She'd never failed to turn and find him there, so real was the heat of his gaze.

Lou thought that surely it must be her overactive imagination when she felt that familiar burning feeling at the back of her neck, but it persisted even as she focused on Teaspoon's words, and her heart skipped. Was he there, then, watching over them in spirit? Or was he there in body, actually standing behind her, laughing at them all for believing that such a life could be cut short by an assassin?

When the feeling continued, making a wave of heat rise over her neck and suffuse her cheeks, and gooseflesh stood on her arms, Lou turned her head quickly with a gasp. Both James and Kid looked at her in surprise and swiveled their heads as well to see what she was looking at.

Lou quickly inhaled when she spotted someone on the hill behind the cemetery. However, soon her head cleared and she realized it was only a girl. Kid and James turned back around, unconcerned after surveying the situation, but Lou continued to stare openly.

She'd felt it, and it wasn't her imagination. She still felt it. She could feel this young girl's stare as plainly as if she'd walked up and tapped her on the shoulder. She'd only known one other pair of eyes in the world that could stare so intensely, and it unnerved her.

Lou wrinkled her brow. There was something familiar about her. She had long dark auburn hair that glinted in the sun like gold, and she was tall. She didn't move and stared boldly back at Lou. Something in the arrogant tilt of the head, the carriage of the shoulders reminded her of someone she'd known long ago.

As suddenly as she appeared, the girl was gone. Lou didn't see her go. The moment she dropped her gaze and then raised it again, she was nowhere in sight, as if she'd faded into the hill.

A slight squeeze on her hand from Kid returned her to the grim moment at hand. Thoughts of the girl still stayed with her, the burn of her stare still hot on her neck. Oddly, it was comforting.

The service was much too short, and yet, Lou felt as if she'd been standing there, with the still freshly turned dirt of Jimmy's grave crunching beneath her boots for days. Teaspoon thumped the Bible closed with a shocking finality, and Lou felt herself dip slightly as her weak knees almost gave away.

No one moved for what seemed like hours. Instead they stood in the deepest of silences. Not a sound from the country or the town behind them dared reach into the graveyard. It was as if time had stopped, and a bubble enveloped them safely in remembrance. Slowly, they said their final goodbyes, one by one walking up to the grave, then turning and making their way from the cemetery, avoiding the miserable eyes of the others. Buck, Sam, Emma, Rachel, Buck, Kid, James, and Cody were soon all gone.

And then it was only Teaspoon, Lou, and Jimmy left in the graveyard. Lou met the older man's eyes and fully understood the message there. Leaving the cemetery, was in turn leaving Jimmy behind, to mesh with the earth in the cycle of life, alone, as he had so often been in his later years.

They were reluctant to leave him. They'd both had different kinds of love for Jimmy, but equally strong and complex. Lou watched as Teaspoon walked slowly up to the tombstone, crouching down beside it, despite his stiff joints, and leaning his forehead against it.

His words were too low for Lou to catch all of them, and only as his voice occasionally cracked with emotion could Lou understand what he was saying, and thus only caught bits and pieces of phrases, "a son to me…so proud…a great man…love you…"

Lou closed her eyes, wishing to close it all out, to deny that she was here. Suddenly the sun seemed to win out over the chill inside her, and she was incredibly hot. She was next to tell Jimmy goodbye, she realized, and her heart began thumping far too rapidly against the wall of her chest. Her lungs felt shallow and drawing a full breath of air became too hard, although she frantically tried to pull air in. A ringing sound in her ears seemed to keep time with the bright lights flashing in front of her eyes.

Through the huge splotches of red and blue she was seeing, she noticed Teaspoon straighten up and turn to her, his face alarmed as he rapidly began walking toward her. Shouts behind her seemed to indicate that she was, in fact, weaving unsteadily.

Then, without remembering the transition, she was lying on the ground, the loose dirt of Jimmy's grave rubbing roughly against her cheek as she closed her eyes and found escape.

* * *

"What happened?" Lou asked, sitting straight up and knocking the cool cloth Emma had laid across her head into her lap.

James, who'd been sitting on the edge of her bed, gasped and started at the sudden movement.

"You fainted," her son informed her, "And the Doctor said you should lie down."

"I don't faint," Lou snapped.

"Yeah, you do," Cody answered pointedly, from his perch by the window.

Lou was a bit surprised to find them all there, sitting around her hotel room. Kid pushed through them to lean down close to her and kiss her forehead.

"It was a hard day, and you haven't really eaten anything in days. You made yourself weak, and that with the toll of today…"

Lou groaned and held her hand to her aching forehead, "I have to go back. I have to tell him goodbye."

Kid nodded, "I know you do. We'll go tomorrow if you're stronger. Today, though, rest."

Lou glanced out the window and gathered that 'today' was almost history. The sun was setting slowly, and the town was coming alive. She sighed, feeling very foolish indeed.

"Are you alright now?" Kid asked with great concern, feeling her head for a fever.

Lou nodded, "I'm fine."

Kid smiled, "Good. If you're sure you are okay, I'm going to go into town with Cody, Buck, and James, all right? Emma and Rachel are going to stay with you."

Lou nodded, "Just be careful, for God's sake. This town is wilder than Jimmy let on."

Little did they know how right she was.

* * *

James walked proudly between his father and Buck, feeling manly to be out on the streets with them. Women and men alike looked curiously as they walked down the main street, all with the easy grace of born riders.

It was dark, and the fires already lit the streets. The town had an air of danger about it that thrilled James, who was feeling invincible with the legendary men at his side. He was quite content to drink his sarsaparilla with Buck in the smoky saloon as Kid and Cody chose to drink whiskey, no doubt to wash away the day's memory. James had rarely seen Kid drink anything stronger than water.

It was late when they left the saloon and started back to the hotel. Cody and Kid were noticeably more relaxed, although not drunk by any means, and the conversation flowed easily between the old friends.

* * *

"Give it back to me, now!" her voice trembled in rage, and her eyes snapped with fury at the very large man in front of her, who extended the object of her desire high above her head.

"Beg for it, and we might," he informed her, and a round of raucous laughter from his drunk buddies filled the dark alleyway.

"Beg _me_ , and I might not claw your eyes out you son of a…"

She was cut off in mid-sentence by the big man's hand cracking against her cheek, the edge of the metal object in his hand cutting her below her eye.

She gasped in shock and anger, then threw herself at the man with all her strength, nails raking his face and a scream of fury bouncing off the walls of the saloons on either side of them.

A glancing blow sent her flying backwards, into the dirt, and she hit her head hard.

"Get this straight, darling! Wild Bill ain't around no more to protect you! You may have warmed his bed in exchange for his protection once, but he ain't around and the new marshal ain't into whoring!"

Without any warning at all she was up again, shrieking and reaching for the hand that still encased her most prized possession. "Give it back! Give it to me!"

When one of the man's companions moved to hold her, she placed a well-aimed kick in his groin, thus stopping his advances.

The other man got his hands on her and she screamed like a banshee, kicking out with all her might, while trying desperately to sink her teeth into the man's flesh and claw him at the same time. He was easily three times her size though, and aside from splitting his eardrums, there seemed little she could do. Finally, she fell silent, chest heaving, and looked at the man in front of her from under a wild lock of hair.

"Now, maybe we can talk reasonably. About how you can get this back."

"I could cut your throats!" she growled, and struggled again briefly.

"No, but you could entertain us tonight…"

With surprising strength for such a small girl, she tore loose from her captor's grasp and screamed bloody murder. Although every instinct told her to run away, the blood of rage was singing in her ears and she went toward him, lunging at his chest with such force that she knocked him flat on his back.

James was laughing at Kid's recollection of the time Jimmy had gotten a sore tooth and how it had taken all of them tackling him to get a good look at it, and more effort still to drag him to the dentist, when the shrill scream filled the air.

" _Give it back to me_!"

Bewildered, Buck, Kid, Cody, and James all stopped and turned their heads in the direction of an alleyway. Another scream, mixed with terror and fury, pierced the cold fall air, and as if by reflex, James was off first, flying down the alleyway.

Kid's piercing command for him to stop fell on deaf ears, as the older men followed him frantically, for his sake as much as whoever was screaming.

The light in the alleyway was much dimmer than on the street, but thanks to the bright windows of the saloon above, James had a clear view of the situation in front of him.

Two men were dragging a woman off a third man. Both the woman and the man were screaming in rage. James called out, but was still too far down the alley for the party to hear him over their own screaming.

In horror, he watched as the third man scrambled to his feet, a heavy board clutched in hand. His intentions were unmistakable as he raised the board over the girl. She shrieked and struggled, but was restrained by the two men at either arm.

"No!" James roared, every ounce of color draining from his face as the huge man brought the board hurtling toward the tiny woman. Cody, Kid, and Buck emitted similar sounds of protest.

She managed to twist mightily, and the board avoided her face, but the sickening crunch of the blunt object crashing upon an arm pulled taut by the other men echoed in the alley, and everything went completely silent for a moment.

The fall to the ground seemed to take forever, but she didn't really mind. There had been a brief, shattering pain in her forearm, but now it just tingled unpleasantly. She landed on her back, hitting her head quite hard.

She stared up at the poorly built saloon roofs, noticing how they both leaned inward. Cries from men running down the alleyway filled her ears, mixing with the gentle hum of the rattling of her skull.

 _Rescuers_ , she realized, then thought wryly that they were a bit late.

Her eyes slid down to her arm, lying at a disgusting angle out from her body, and with detached interest she studied the bone, sticking cleanly through the skin, glowing ivory in the darkness.

"That's strange," she said to the shadowy figure that bent over her, asking frantically if she was all right, "The bone is sticking right out, and I don't feel a thing."

She lost consciousness then, her large eyes fluttering closed.

Kid let out a shaky sigh, glad to see she was still alive. A cry of surprise escaped him when he moved back and a square of light from a window above fell on her face.

She was no woman, but merely a child, twelve or thirteen at most.

He looked up at a particularly loud groan and saw the second man collapse on the ground beside the first, and Cody rub his knuckles in satisfaction.

He searched for the third man, and saw him running down the alley. Kid raised his eyebrows when he saw his tall, lean son quickly gaining on him with ground eating strides. He also noted that the man he chased was twice his size in girth, if not height.

"And what does he plan to do when he catches him?" Kid asked Buck and Cody.

He soon found out. James leapt upon the broad back of the man and his weight succeeded in throwing the man into the dirt. Kid couldn't help but be proud as James' fists moved expertly. A right, a left, an undercut, and the man under him struggled no longer.

Soon Buck was on his way to find the new marshal, providing there happened to be one, and Cody and James came to crouch beside the girl with Kid.

"She's just a girl!" Cody said, his voice wild with fury.

"I heard her yelling at the man about giving her something back," James said slowly, panting and sweating with exertion, "And I found this in that man's hand."

Kid and Cody looked curiously into his outstretched hand and gasped.

In his palm lay the tin star they'd seen a hundred times.

Jimmy Hickok's badge.


	3. Chapter 2: An Oath Sworn on the Grave

Chapter II: _An Oath Sworn On the Grave_

Though it was late, Rachel, Emma, and Lou were still sitting up and talking softly when the door to Lou's hotel room burst open.

All three women jumped and stood up when Kid walked through the door first, the limp body of a girl in his arms.

"What happened?" Rachel demanded, and at the same time Emma and Lou both wondered, "Who is that?"

Kid set his mouth in a grim line and ignored them, laying the unconscious girl on the bed. Lou cried out softly when she saw the girl's arm, splinted crudely, with the bone poking through her fair skin.

For a moment, they all stood back and stared at her. She was actually tall for her age, and very slim. Her hair was a brilliant coppery red, and her nose spattered with a few freckles. Her chin had a stubborn, almost square shape to it. The fight with the three men in the alleyway had left her with a bruise on her left cheek and a long, shallow cut across that cheek.

"It's the girl from the cemetery," Lou murmured

"Where is a doctor, she needs this arm set?" Emma said sharply, focusing on the most important matter at hand.

Buck shook his head, "The doctor in this town is falling down drunk in the saloon. I thought that maybe Lou could do it."

Lou widened her eyes at her friend as if he'd lost his mind.

"Well," Buck shrugged, "You did work in the hospital during the first part of the war. Lord knows you've doctored our wounds when we needed it. I'll help."

Lou nodded slowly. It was true enough. However, her experience involved stitching wounds, administering medicine, and writing letters home. But, she'd seen bones set a thousand times, and knew what to do. There was no one else, after all.

With a deep sigh, Lou began untying the splint, careful to avoid jarring the arm. She spoke as she worked, "Alright, but I'm going to need your help, Buck, Kid, Cody. You're going to have to hold her still." She paused, the board they'd used to splint the arm in her hands, "How did her arm get broken?"

"Someone hit her," James supplied, with a quiver of anger in his voice at the memory.

"With that board," Cody answered, waving his hand at the object in Lou's hand.

The board clattered to the floor loudly as Lou released it, looking at it in horror. "Good God," Lou breathed slowly, not appreciating the irony of using the object that had injured her to split the arm.

She was all business as she bent over the girl, motioning Kid and Buck to hold her, knowing the pain would probably jar her into consciousness if only for a minute.

She was right. Lou's hands were as gentle as possible as she maneuvered the broken arm, setting it at the angle she thought would most likely be the correct one. She breathed in deeply, knowing that there was nothing gentle about her next move. "All right, I'm going to pull it now. It'll be quick, but it will be painful."

A scream tore from the girl's lips as Lou quickly yanked the arm straight out, breathing a sigh of relief when the bone disappeared neatly inside the skin, leaving only a bleeding puncture wound behind.

"It's alright," Buck gently told the girl, looking into her wide eyes, which were the the oddest silver color he'd ever seen, "The worst is over now."

She said nothing, but bit her lower lip fiercely to avoid crying out with pain. Her eyes shone with tears, but she blinked very rapidly, refusing to shed them.

Kid was taken aback by her eyes as well. They were a deep, dark gray, rimmed with black, with tiny specks of lighter gray in the center, surrounding her pupils. "What's your name, sweetheart?" He asked her gently, brushing a strand of hair gently away from the cut on her cheek. She blanched beneath his touch, but did not attempt to avoid it.

For awhile, she didn't speak, and he imagined it was because she was still fighting the pain. Then, she parted her lips and managed to whisper, "Autumn Rose."

Kid smiled, "Well that's one of the prettiest names I've ever heard of, Autumn Rose. What is your last name?"

Her beautiful eyes suddenly slid away from his and her lips clamped firmly shut.

"All right, don't tell me," Kid said, smiling slightly, "But, listen to me, Autumn Rose, whoever you are, you're safe with us. Those men won't bother you again!"

Despite all her effort, a tear escaped from her eye and she turned her head into the pillow to hide it as much as she possibly could. The two men above her lifted their restraining hands and in her field of vision was suddenly the woman she'd been watching earlier that day in the cemetery.

Lou smiled slightly as she saw the recognition on the girl's face.

Rose watched her carefully, no trust in her eyes, only acknowledgement that she had no choice but to let this woman care for her. She fixed her silver gaze on the deep brown eyes looking down at her, and felt something in her lift, as if like recognized like.

An unexpected wave of emotion and realization washed over Lou, and she had to place a hand against the headboard of the bed to steady herself when she fully looked into the girl's face. It was suddenly clear why the gaze had been so comforting, the carriage so familiar. Now the eyes seemed to know her as she looked into them with tears slowly filling her own eyes.

Jamie suddenly stepped forward, and addressed the girl shyly, "I think you were looking for this."

Her eyes traveled from his kind blue eyes to his outstretched hand, and she could no longer hide the tears of relief. She made a small gasping noise, and reached out for his hand with her good arm. He smiled and gently released the silver star into her keeping.

Exhausted, and hoping she was in good hands, but too tired to care if she was not, she closed her eyes, the badge clutched within her fingers.

"Why in the world would she have Jimmy's old badge?" Kid finally wondered.

Lou smiled, and wiped the tears from under her eyes, "You fool. A blind man could see it."

"What?" Cody and Kid asked together.

"Her. She's Jimmy's daughter."

* * *

"Ouch," she groaned softly as her eyes fluttered open. Her arm, while painless upon the initial injury, now ached meanly.

"I know it isn't pleasant," came the soft voice from the other side of the room, "I fell off a horse about two years ago and broke my arm too. It hurts bad for about a day, then it gets better, I think."

Rose emitted a startled gasp and pulled herself up. The room was lit only by a single lantern, but it was plenty bright enough for her to see the youngest of her rescuers.

"Who are you?" she wondered.

"James McCloud. But everyone calls me Jamie…unless I'm in trouble with Dad…then he calls me a lot worse."

She laughed, despite her intention to be cold to him, "And which one is your father?"

"The one that carried you in here. Does it hurt much?" Jamie wondered.

Rose found herself staring intently into his kind blue eyes. He winced slightly as he nodded toward her arm. "Nothing I can't handle," she told him tartly, although in reality it hurt like the devil.

She looked around restlessly, "Where's the badge?"

"Right there on the night table. Mama was afraid you'd cut yourself on it."

"How does your Mama know Bill?"

"Bill?"

"Wild Bill Hickok," Rose elaborated, rolling her eyes, and irritated at his stupidity, or so it seemed to Jamie. He tolerated it quite nicely.

"Oh. They are old friends. All of them rode in the express together before the war. I'm named after him," Jamie puffed up noticeably with pride, then squinted in her direction. "How do you know...Bill?" He knew his mother's guess, but he wanted to know the truth from her.

"If you believe half of what the men in town say, I bed with him."

Jamie felt his ears grow hot in embarrassment at her boldness. He shook his head slowly, "No. Uncle Jimmy would never do something like that…not with a girl."

Rose snorted with laughter, then winced as she jarred her arm, "Oh, yes he sure as hell would. But you're right. Not with a young girl. And not with me."

Lou poked her head in the door, and smiled when she saw her patient was awake. She glanced at Jamie with purpose. "It's late, Jamie. Your father is going to stay in your room with you. I'll stay with Autumn Rose."

"It's just Rose," Rose mumbled quietly, not sure she liked the idea of being alone with this woman with eyes that knew more than she wanted her to.

With characteristic directness, Lou sat down on the edge of Rose's bed and leaned over to check the dressings of her punctured arm and then fixed a heavy gaze on the girl.

"Did Jimmy know?" she wondered softly.

"Know what?" Rose asked, feeling her good hand clutch down on the sheet. What did _she_ know?

"About you. Did he know you?" She said, her voice sounding strained.

"Yeah. He knew me. He saved my life once…pulled a drunk man with a knife right off me before he slit my throat."

"That's not what I meant. Did he know you were his daughter?"

A million expressions crossed her face, as she tried desperately to hide the truth from this woman.

"What are you talking about? Are you crazy?"

"I'd have to be not to see how much of him is in you." Lou responded calmly.

Tears welled rapidly in her eyes, but immobilized, Rose couldn't run from this woman's prying eyes. The remark had meant more to her than any words ever spoken to her, save those from her father himself.

There seemed no point in lying.

With a shaky sigh, Rose shook her head, "No. He didn't know. I came to find him, to meet him...but I never could tell him the truth."

Lou reached out to touch the girl's good hand, "It's a shame. It would have brought him joy." Lou got up and hastily walked to the window, looking out of it intently, with her arms folded tightly across her chest.

"He talked about you a lot." Rose shut her mouth tightly after the words escaped. She had not planned on speaking to this woman any more than absolutely necessary.

"Do you know who I am?" Lou asked in shock, turning back around without bothering to swipe at her tears.

"Lou...well, Louise," Rose said simply, but didn't need the nod of agreement from her to know it was true, "I knew it was you when I saw all of you at the cemetery. I go there from time to time, to think, and to visit…"

Lou's eyes blurred again, slayed at the idea of this girl grieving for Jimmy alone, visiting his graveside. "I'm sure he is grateful for it." She paused awkwardly then asked, "What did he tell you about me?"

Rose smiled slightly, remembering the long, warm summer days she'd spent in his office, perched on his desk while he leaned back in his chair and spun tales for her.

"Told me how you rode for the express, how you dressed up like a boy and fooled all of them," Rose's eyes drifted doubtfully to her now, femininity personified in a simple white night dress, long auburn hair loose around a beautifully delicate face. "Said he never respected another woman more than you. Never met a braver one." Rose's voice trailed off and tears misted her eyes, "He told me once…that I reminded him of you…the night when he saved my life."

Lou came back to the bedside and sat again, brushing the girl's hair away from her forehead. She was pleased when Rose watched her warily, but let her.

"Then God help you, and me, for that matter," Lou smiled slightly.

Rose raised her eyebrow in question. Ignoring it, Lou asked, "Do you have any other family? Where do you live? Won't someone worry for you?"

Rose shook her head, "I don't need any other family. My mother died last year, and the only way I knew who my father was, was that she cursed his name on her deathbed. She was a…a lady of the profession," Rose's cheeks burned painfully at the revelation to the fine lady sitting in front of her, "she was mad because Bill…I mean Jimmy, wouldn't settle down with her, so she ran away from him and never told him about me. So, I came here…to tell Bill- _Jimmy_ -I just never could get up the nerve."

Lou sighed, "And how do you eat? Where do you live?"

"Well, at first I got a job in the saloon," when she saw Lou's eyes cloud over with painful shock, she hastily added, "I mean, I didn't do _that_ , I just waited tables, did laundry, stuff like that." Another shadow passed Lou's eyes, Rose was sure of it this time. Still, she continued, "A drunk man tried to attack me one night, thinking I was his daughter who'd run off with her beau, can't blame her with him having such a temper, and he tried to stab me. My fath... _Jimmy_... pulled him off, and took me back to his office. He put me to work there, sweeping the floor and keeping the place tidy. Let me sleep there too, when there wasn't any prisoners in there. If there was, he'd get me a hotel room and let me stay there, near him."

Lou smiled and closed her eyes, amazed once again at the generosity of the extraordinary man who'd been such a part of her life. No doubt, he'd remembered her own experience at the hands of Wicks at a similar age, and had wanted to save Rose from a similar fate, which was why he'd kept her out of the saloons.

"What have you done since…since he passed on?" Lou wondered.

"I tried to look for honest work…but there wasn't any, least not for the likes of me. Most of the town knew I was Bill's pet, they all assumed I bedded with him. So, I went back to the saloons. They let me sleep in a back room if it ain't too crowded."

"Isn't too crowded," Lou corrected her by reflex, used to curbing Jamie's wayward grammar, which he picked up from the ranch hands, and Cody when he was around.

"Hmm," Rose mumbled in reply, her eyes searching the beautiful face in front of her, "Why are you keeping me here? Why haven't y'all sent the saloon to get me?"

"Because there is no way you are going back there, ever," the voice wasn't Lou's, and both of them turned in surprise.

Lou smiled slightly at the intruder and waved her arm in his direction, "Rose, this is my husband, Kid. Did Jimmy tell you about him too?"

Kid walked up to stand behind Lou, hand automatically seeking her shoulder and squeezing it affectionately. Rose's cheeks went bright red as she nodded, wondering how much of her story he had overheard. Yes, she'd heard about Kid from Jimmy too, and the fights they'd had over Lou and how Kid had always wanted Lou to be careful and how that had driven Lou half-mad sometimes.

"I have to go back," Rose said quietly, "I got nowhere else to go and it's not so bad."

"Oh Rose, but it can be," Lou said quietly, tears filling her eyes, "I would know."

"You were a…?" Rose couldn't bring herself to say any of the synonyms for the profession she was referring to in connection with Louise.

"No, but once, like you, I worked in a place like it," Lou said softly, and Rose could finally understand the sadness in her eyes. "And I wouldn't wish what happened to me there on anyone."

"No place for a young lady," Kid agreed.

"Well, I'm sorry, but it isn't any of your business," Rose finally said, feeling defensive at their disapproval of her way of life. Easy for them to say, she thought bitterly, dressed in their fine clothes from their fine town, or wherever they came from.

"Well, no, it's not. But we'd like it to be," Lou told her softly, and when she started to protest, leaned forward and put a finger over the girl's lips. "Just listen for a minute. Kid and I, and Jamie, own a horse ranch in Wyoming. It's the old pony express station where we used to ride with Jim-your father. And I know with all my heart that he'd want us to look after you. And with all my heart, I want you to come home with us."

Rose felt tears of gratitude fill her eyes and spill over, but she wasn't ready to believe it true yet, "He didn't even know about me. Why should you care?"

Lou shrugged, "I don't know why I should, _but I do._ I guess because you are part of him, because I see him looking out through your eyes and it's more of a comfort to me than you will ever know. Because once during the war, he saved my family. I'll tell you about that sometime...I bet he never did. We can love you. Just like he would have, Rose. I wish he'd known you were his own!"

Rose was blinded by her tears, but still she protested feebly, "What if I wasn't really his daughter? What if it was all a mistake? What if my Mama lied...or was wrong?"

Kid smiled gently and resisted the urge to stroke her hair. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten her and he didn't know what she'd been through at the hands of other men. "You are his daughter. I should have known that when I saw you trying to take those men on, three to one. You're just like him," Kid's mouth twitched. "But even if you weren't his, do you think we could leave you here to this life when we have plenty of room to share? Not to mention plenty of work to go around."

Rose grinned slightly at this, Kid felt a great wave of tenderness pull at his heart.

"Go to sleep now, and think about it. We'll talk more in the morning," Kid smiled back at her and backed out of the room.

Rose's large eyes studied Lou as she settled into a chair by the window with a blanket, "You aren't going to sleep there are you? It'll be uncomfortable."

Lou laughed, much to Rose's surprise, and she found it a musical sound, "I've spent half my life sleeping on rocky ground, and sometimes on the back of my horse! I assure you, this is better than most!"

Rose nodded, and closed her eyes, but found herself glancing up from time to time to look with curiosity at this woman who had made such an impression on Bill that he'd never given up his way of life for another woman.

Her dearest wish in life was to know more about the legendary man who had been her father. And these people knew everything. These people were his family. Her heart beat hard. She was so afraid that they'd be taken from her suddenly, the way Bill was...or that they'd change their minds if they knew all the awful things she'd seen and done in her life.

* * *

"Did Uncle Jimmy know she was his daughter?" Jamie's voice startled Kid, who had just eased into the small bed beside his son. He'd been convinced Jamie was asleep, and had taken great pains not to wake him.

"Don't you think you could have told me you were still awake before I stumped my toe twice, and hit my shin on the chair?" Kid wondered, reaching out to ruffle his son's hair.

"Those were some interesting words you used, by the way, Dad. I'll have to remember them at church on Sunday," James said, then snorted with laughter when Kid poked him in his ticklish ribs.

"Go right ahead. It isn't my mouth your mother will wash out with soap!" Kid pointed out, then answered his son's earlier question, "And no, Uncle Jimmy didn't know she was his daughter."

"Oh." Another long silence, and Kid sighed, closing his eyes and thinking James had done the same.

Wrong again.

"What will happen to her?"

With a groan, Kid opened his eyes and smiled at the ceiling. At this particular moment in time James reminded him of when he'd been five, and asked nonstop questions from why the sky was blue to how were babies made. He chuckled at the memory.

"What's funny?" Jamie asked him.

"Nothing. I just expect any minute that you're gonna climb in my lap and ask me to read you a bedtime story," Kid laughed lightly, then before his son could ask what he meant by that, said, "Never mind. Rose will come home with us. It's the least your mother and I can do for her. Especially now. She's got no one."

James sighed, "Kind of like you and Mama when you were young."

"Yes," Kid said thoughtfully, "like me and your mama." In fact, the resemblance between the young Lou and Rose was startling.

Again, a short silence, but this time it was Kid that broke it.

"Do you mind, son? I know it's kind of a shock to put off on you. I'm sorry we didn't discuss it with you first."

Another silence made Kid wonder if Jamie did, in fact, resent the idea of having Rose in his home. Kid tried frantically to think of some way to explain why they had to do it.

It turned out, James was only choosing his words carefully, "No, I don't mind," he finally said. "I thought a lot about her tonight. I keep seeing her standing there on the hill looking down at all of us in the cemetery. And I think about how hard it was to say goodbye to Uncle Jimmy today, and I realized she had to say goodbye too, only she didn't have anyone else to be there with her. She ain't got…I mean, _doesn't have_ any one. And tonight, if we hadn't been there, those men would have hurt her bad…probably killed her before it was over with."

Kid cleared his throat, "About that…"

Jamie drew a deep sigh in and said with resignation, " _Here we go_."

"You're right. Here we go," Kid said, sounding as fatherly as possible, "Next time, you don't go charging in there like you are the cavalry. Those men could have had guns, and taken you down without a thought. Always use this," Kid tapped James' forehead with his finger, "before you do anything."

"But Papa! I had to do something! You ran in too! And you would have even if I wasn't there!"

"I also had a gun," Kid pointed out, "Just think next time, alright?"

James sighed and sounded duly scolded, "Yes sir."

Kid grinned suddenly and then said, "With that out of the way, I'm proud of you, son."

The room was still, and then he spoke, and Kid could hear the smile of pleasure in his boy's voice, "Really?"

Kid nodded, then realized his son couldn't see him, so he said, "Yeah. It was a brave thing to run in there, not knowing what you'd find, even if it was stupid. And you took that man down very nicely. It's a big man that will risk his neck for a stranger, and I'm more pleased than you know to see you're a big man, James Noah."

James puffed up with pride, hearing his father use his full name was rare, unless he happened to be in trouble. Now, he felt Kid said it because he lived up to his two namesakes, heroes both of them.

"But don't go getting any ideas," Kid continued, cuffing his son gently on the ear and reading his thoughts, "I don't want you being a hero just yet. Next time you tackle a two hundred and fifty pound man, he might be quicker with his fists than this one was. And I sure don't want to answer to your Mama if that pretty nose of yours gets broken."

The yelp of laughter that Jamie let into the still night startled Kid, but he soon broke into laughter too.

In a minute, they both quieted down.

Kid closed his eyes, sure that this was the end of his son's questions.

"Papa?"

" _What?_ " Kid hissed, desperately wanting to sleep.

"I'm proud of you too."

Tears touched Kid's eyes at this unexpected revelation from the boy who was his, but wouldn't be for much longer.

James, encouraged by the silence and the darkness, continued, "I mean…what you're doing for her, I'm glad. I hope that I got that from you and Mama, the kindness I mean."

Kid reached out to stroke his son's hair, like he hadn't been allowed to do for sake of his boy's pride for years. James lay still and sighed in contentment.

"You did get that from us, Jamie. That and so much more. You're going to be greater than me or your mother, son. And we can't wait to see it. Now, get some sleep. I love you son."

"I love you too," came his son's quiet voice, just starting to deepen.

Kid wondered briefly what it was about proximity to death that caused them to admit things they wouldn't have the day before. Wondered why it stopped the urge in Jamie to be his own man, and instead urged him to lay close to his father's side as he had when he was young, seeking protection from the monsters under his bed or the thunder that rattled the house.

He sighed. It was of course, the desire not only to slow time, but to reverse it. To stop the process that carried them on to uncertain futures, and instead to go back into the warm certainty of the past, to spend just a minute more in a safe embrace, to look into a loved one's eyes again, to make it known to that one how much you'd loved them.

He found tears running down inexplicably down his cheeks as he thought of Jimmy and the daughter he'd never known, the conversations like this one that he'd never had. It was the deepest form of tragedy, he decided, as he leaned forward to kiss his now sleeping son's forehead, not to know one's child.

"I'm gonna watch over her for you, Jimmy." He said aloud and then closed his eyes to sleep.

* * *

The day was overcast when Lou left Kid standing on the rise where she'd first seen Rose yesterday. His eyes had been dark and still with concern for her, but he'd not protested when she stopped him, kissed his cheek, and continued alone.

All other thoughts but the task ahead of her left her mind as she came to a stop at the tombstone with _his_ name on it.

Without paying any attention to her light brown skirts, Lou crashed on her knees in front of his stone. When she heard Kid's cry from the hill, she quickly held her hand up to signify she was all right.

" _You know Kid_ ," she began in a shaky voice, "He never did think I could take care of myself." The words came faster with the initial words spoken.

"Oh Jimmy…I don't even know how to do this properly, but I don't think you'd mind if I stumble around a bit. I haven't been the same since I found out what happened to you. Every day I wake up and I pray that it's all been a bad dream. But seeing this, your resting place, I think I finally have to admit it's true."

She paused and closed her eyes, freeing the tears that had welled in them and bowing her head. "And I'm so angry Jimmy! Angry at the man who shot you, angry at you for riding away from Sweetwater, angry at myself for not dragging you off that damn horse and making you stay! I think I knew it would be the last time…when you rode away. I watched you till even your dust was gone, with an empty feeling inside of me. I didn't know what it was then, but now I do. I could still feel your kiss on my cheek hours after you'd gone, and I kept asking myself why…now I know. I wonder if you knew. Were you just so weary with life that you welcomed the end when it was near?"

"And the reason I'm so angry is because I don't know if you ever knew how much you meant to me, to all of us! I can still remember the first day I met you, and how I thought you were an arrogant, hot-headed idiot, and I suppose you were. But I remember every day in between too! And you were so much more than what everyone always made you out to be!" Lou's voice rose with her anger and grief, "I _knew_ you, Jimmy Hickok, and so did the others, and we knew your heart! And that's something the world never knew, and I feel sorry for them!"

"And I'm here now to thank you for some things I can never thank you for…for something that you did years ago to ensure my life and my happiness at the risk of your own. Oh, Jimmy, I would have loved you and loved you well if you would have let me…but you didn't. Because of that damned fool idea you had that no one that loved you could survive. But look Jimmy, I'm here, I loved you for years, and I survived! Kid and the others loved you too! But I know Jimmy, I always knew, that you loved me. And I loved you back. But you knew before I did that me and Kid were meant to be, and you gave me my life…And you didn't just give me my life…you fought for it for me. Sometimes I still dream about Cody telling me that you'd taken Kid's place in the prison. You gave up your freedom and your country for me and him, and Jamie…because you loved us all so much…and there's no greater love, and there's never been anything I could do to repay you, except give you shelter, rest, and all the love in my heart… _until now_."

"I met her last night Jimmy…Rose. She's extraordinary, you know. I'm sure you saw that, but what maybe you didn't see-although I don't know how in God's name you didn't-was that she's your daughter Jimmy. I don't know who her mother is yet...her mother kept her from you. Rose came to tell you she was yours, but she never could find the nerve. I know you would have loved her if you'd known, I'm sure you loved her anyway not knowing…but still, it would have been different. And Jimmy, I see you in her, looking out from behind her eyes, and I know that you're still here."

Lou drew a deep breath, "So, I came here not only to say goodbye to you Jimmy Hickok, and to thank you for my life, but to make a promise to you that I will never break so long as I live…I promise to take Rose and raise her as my own, to give her all the love and shelter and peace I would have given you if only you would have let me. She'll know of you, who you really were, she'll have your name, and I will love her as I always loved you!"

Lou slowly extended the flower in her hands and lay it at the base of the headstone, "I know you don't like flowers, but Rose asked me to give you this one…she's worried you'll miss her, because she won't be able to visit anymore, but she thought this rose might remind you of her. She loves you fiercely Jimmy, thinks you hung the moon, and I don't plan on ever dispelling that notion, because I think she may just be right. I told her, that spirits weren't confined to graves like bodies, and that you'd look in on her, and I hope you can."

Lou leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on the tombstone, closing her eyes and imagining instead his warm, shadowed jaw under her lips. She would have sworn the stone warmed and that she smelt the familiar smell of him, tobacco, leather, and whisky, for just a moment.

Finally she stood up on knees that trembled badly, "I have to go now. I do love you Jimmy Hickok, and always will. And I swear to love her, as you would have, if only you would have known. You live in her, and in me, and in Kid, in all of us that you touched over the years. We won't let you fade, Jimmy. Rest easy, my dearest friend, and ride safe, wherever you are. I can't imagine the point of a world where I won't see you again someday. It's about the only thing keeping me standing these last months. So until then…I love you."


	4. Chapter 3: Braves and Heroes

Chapter III: Braves and Heroes

"And this is Katy. She's pretty much the backbone of the operation. Thinks she owns the place," Jamie informed Rose as they paused by the largest box stall in the stables.

Rose stood on her tiptoes and gazed into the stall, letting out a sigh of appreciation. Even at twenty-odd years old, Kid's favorite horse was still a striking animal with her loud color and large, soft eyes.

In a soft voice of wonder, Rose murmured, "Bill told me about her…did Kid really get beaten up for the money to buy her?"

"By a man twelve times his size to hear him tell it," Jamie said with a grin.

He watched her out of the side of his eye as she reached a tentative hand out to stroke the velvety muzzle. She'd never been around horses until she'd met them, and though she'd been travelling in the wagon behind one for a week, she was still intimidated by the large animals. However, that was fading fast.

"Your arm still feeling alright?" Jamie asked with concern, nodding at her sling, "Mama will have my hide if you overdo it."

"I'm fine," Rose insisted, and then, when Katy lost interest in her visitors and returned to her hay, Rose turned away from her stall to wander to the next one.

Her gasp was loud, and Jamie rushed to the stall, sure that the horse inside must be dead.

Instead, the gelding just pricked his ears and munched his hay lazily.

"What?" Jamie asked, feeling his heart rate return to normal.

"Him! He's beautiful!"

"Never seen a palomino before?" Jamie wondered with a grin.

"A palo-what?" She giggled, clicking her tongue for the horse to come closer, "And yes I've seen them I guess, just not one so pretty."

"Palomino," Jamie said, hiding a smile, and taking his role as horse master very seriously, "We don't really raise them, but Dad buys one every once in awhile."

"That's right," a third voice broke in, and Jamie and Rose both turned to see Kid and Lou strolling down the stable aisle, hand in hand. Kid paused by Katy's door, and a long, low nicker of greeting sounded from within, just before Katy's nose shoved over the door to touch Kid's hair.

"They are hard to come by, but I always did like a good palomino," Kid smiled, then glanced at Rose, "Your father liked a palomino too. He rode one named Sundance during the express days. As years went by he'd usually ride a horse that didn't have loud color, so as not to draw attention to himself, but his heart was always for a palomino." Kid assured her, then smiled, "Looks like you're like him more than you knew, huh?"

Rose flushed with pleasure and turned back to the stall, fascinated by the golden horse with the wide white blaze, snowy white mane, and stockings.

"That's a new one. I just bought him. I tell you what…" Kid grinned as her gray eyes turned up to his, "You let me, Lou, and Jamie show you how to take care of him, and he's yours."

Lou's smile widened, and she felt tears touch her eyes as she watched Rose's eyes well with tears as well. "You mean it?" She nearly whispered, not quite trusting he did.

"I mean it," Kid promised, and Lou was amazed at the gentleness in his eyes. She'd seen that look a thousand times when he held her, and when he looked at Jamie, but she never tired of his goodness. He smiled, "After all, you can't very well learn to be a ranch hand without a horse, can you?"

Jamie grinned at Rose, and winked, "I don't think I'd take him up on it. It sounds like a nice deal now, but it won't when you're saddle sore, and covered in horse-" the look from his mother stopped him short of finishing that sentence, and he hastily added, " _hair..._ you're gonna realize you got the raw end of it. "

Lou made a mental note to talk to Cody about his word choices around her son, and smiled, "You two come on in. Lunch is ready."

* * *

Rose felt a bit overwhelmed by the sudden change in her life. In a week, she'd gone from the smoky oppression of saloons where she lay at night on a pallet in a back room trying to drown out the sounds of the brothel's clients by placing a pillow over her head, to the wide open country and her own room, complete with a white bedspread and lacy curtains.

Instead of screaming whores who took out their own unhappiness on her, or groping drunks who too often mistook her for the more experienced employees, she'd landed among kind, happy people who truly wished to know her, and more than that, to love her no matter who she was.

It was an easy adjustment, and within weeks she was part of the scenery, and everyone at the ranch adored her. She and Teaspoon had become fast friends, and he had endless stories about her father. She'd learned about Teaspoon from Bill too, and she saw so much of her father in the older man that had been such an influence in his life. Rachel dragged her along to school, unwillingly at first, but then not quite so forcefully as Rose met other girls her age.

Rose had been afraid she would be too far behind the others to catch up, but Bill had taken to teaching her to read and do sums in their down time...he had been insistent on it though Rose had not been enthusiastic, but she found his lessons prepared her well. Jamie, also attending school in town, assumed the role of guardian and any of the boys who would have pulled her braids reconsidered when they saw his tall form watching over her darkly.

She lived for the afternoons and weekends though, when she spent hours and hours with the horses. After Lou pronounced her arm healed, she and Jamie both gave Rose riding lessons, and if they couldn't for whatever reason, the ranch hands were usually happy to do it.

There were three of them, all in their mid-twenties, and some of the most unlikely friends in the world. Seth, from Texas, was at least six foot four, with white blonde hair and bright blue eyes that twinkled and laughed. Rose imagined it would be hard to find anyone quite so Texan as Seth outside of that state's borders. Patrick was an immigrant from Ireland, and his thick brogue made Rose giggle. She constantly demanded him to pronounce words again and again, so she might imitate it. He liked the attention, and took it upon himself to teach the girl Gaelic, sure that with her fiery hair she must have some Irish in her somewhere. His own hair was fiery red, though much lighter than Rose's, and his eyes a light green. He was small boned and wiry, and only an inch or two taller than Rose herself. Carlos was from Mexico, of medium height and build, with flashing dark eyes, jet black hair, and bright teeth that were startling in his dark face. If Rose was to learn Gaelic, then she was to learn Spanish too, and between Carlos and Patrick, she was sure that she'd forget English.

"Hey there Lassie!" She heart Patrick's voice before she saw him emerge from the shadowy barn. It was a particularly cold December day, but more importantly, the last day of school before the Christmas holiday.

"Merry Christmas, Patrick!"

He laughed out loud, "We'll, ye're a bit early, aye? But, same to ye, lass. I'm guessin' ye didn't come out here just to bid me Merry Christmas a week before the event, though, no? I'm expectin' it's that yeller herse ye're seekin'?"

His smile grew wider when her eyes sparkled. He put his arm out when she approached and patted her shoulder. With a devilish grin she nodded, "Aye, there Patrick, it's the yeller horse I'll be wantin'!"

"Keep practicing, lass. Ye're but a wee girl yet, no?"

"Is he in his stall?" she asked, squinting as they entered the dim barn.

"Well, no," Patrick said.

"Where is he then? The pasture?"

"Keep your britches on there, Rose, I got him right here for you," came the inevitable drawl, and a second later she heard the peaceful clopping of hooves on the hard packed dirt of the stable aisle, "Reckoned you'd be rarin' to go, so Pat and me went ahead and saddled the beast up for you."

"You're the best Seth!" exploded Rose, and she left Patrick's side as she ran down the hallway to greet her horse, who, upon seeing her, neighed loudly.

"I know she's purtier than me, but this favoritism is gonna hurt my feelings one of these days."

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he stepped aside and let the girl vault onto the horse easily.

"Getting good there, cowgirl," Seth told her, "Is that arm still doin' okay?"

"It's fine, I promise! The doctor looked at it last week and said it was completely healed!" Rose said breathlessly, obviously ready to be on her way.

"Careful then, lassie," Patrick said, coming to stand at her knee and pat her gently, "It'll be dark soon, so don't go too far aye?"

"Aye," Rose agreed, hiding a smile.

With that, Seth and Patrick both stepped back, smiling, and Rose was free.

She had been quick to pick up the skill of riding because she was a born rider, Lou had said, beaming one sunny November afternoon. Rose didn't know if she was right or not. All she knew was that she'd never been happier than when she was on her palomino riding in the open fields surrounding the ranch.

The air was cold today, and her horse felt good, so she let him gallop long and hard, further than usual, with no qualms about being back on time for dinner. Her horse felt strong and she knew he'd be just as content to run the other way.

She'd named him Mesa, because he was the golden color of the ridge near the Rockies when the first rays of sun struck the earth. Kid and Jamie often shook their heads in amazement at the bond between horse and girl. Their horses loved them, but nothing like Mesa and Rose. Rose could barely whisper in the barn and loud whinnying from the other end would demand her attention. In the pasture, she had but to call once before thundering hooves could be heard approaching the homestead. They sighed, and admitted it must be a woman thing, because Lou's young horse, Target, was just as attached to her.

Finally, and reluctantly, she pulled him up and then let the reins loose on Mesa's neck, allowing him to take a breather, and gasping for air herself. The wind had whipped tears from her eyes and she wiped at them before uttering a contented sigh and leaning down in the saddle to fasten her arms around Mesa's golden neck, enjoying the warm, sweet smell of him as he munched at the grass.

"Pretty lucky, aren't I?" Rose asked the horse, her voice muffled in his long silver mane.

At first she couldn't understand what was happening. She was only aware of a glancing pain on the side of her face where Mesa suddenly threw his head up, startled, crashing into her lowered cheek.

She almost lost her seat as he danced, so disoriented was she by the blow. Frantically, her hands grabbed at the loose reins, but one had dropped off his neck and dangled by his foot.

"What's wrong with you, silly?" She wondered in a shaky voice, remembering Lou's constant instruction to _talk to the horses…it doesn't matter what you say, your voice eases them._

She made a quick lunge and secured the reins, sighing with relief. Mesa snorted and started backing up in earnest, throwing his head down and digging into the dirt.

"What is wrong with…" She started, looking in the direction of his pricked ears. They soon flattened, and his tail swished with irritation.

She need look no further than a few hundred yards in front of her to discover the source of her horse's nervousness. Five Indian braves had pulled up on the rise, and sat watching her closely.

Rose tried to swallow, but found that the fear lodged in her throat made that impossible. Her hand touched the rein, jingling it ever so slightly to get her horse's attention. "You're gonna have to run boy…and this time it counts," she whispered, as the first loud whoop from the Indians filled the air, dispelling her fervent prayer that they might be peaceful Indians.

Rose had known fear before, but nothing quite like the raw terror that gripped her now as she leaned low over Mesa's neck and turned for home. He was a quarter horse, and true to his breed, he was in a flat run in no time at all, and pulling ahead of the Braves. She only prayed that he could keep his lead as far as the ranch.

She couldn't see anything for the tears whipped from her eyes, and so finally decided to close them, trusting the horse to carry them to safety. His ears were pinned against his head, clearly understanding that this wasn't a friendly romp.

Rose finally dared to glance behind her and gasped. The gap was closing rapidly, and she screamed when she saw one man drop the rawhide rein across his horse's neck and draw his bow.

"Run!" She screamed into the wind, then thinking the better of it, "Help!"

An arrow shot past her head and Mesa, catching sight of it out of the corner of his eye, lowered his head and doubled his speed, nearly dislodging her again.

Then she saw the ranch rise into view, and let out a piercing scream, and another and another.

She hadn't thought about bringing a war party down on them without warning, but that was exactly what she was doing.

She sighed in relief when she saw Jamie, Seth, Carlos, and Patrick emerge from the stables, guns in hand. She watched, as if just a spectator in the scene as Jamie and Seth both grabbed the two closest horses, and leapt on them bareback, starting towards her at a dead run with guns drawn. Patrick and Carlos were quickly behind them.

Mesa suddenly screamed and bucked violently, and Rose only felt mild surprise to find herself flying through the air, only to land with an impact that forced all the air out of her lungs.

"Rose!" Jamie's voice pierced through the sound of her own gasping, and she closed her eyes tight as she heard the guns fired. Once, twice, three times, then relative silence, with some hooves thundering closer and others retreating.

She was already sitting up when he slid off the horse and crouched beside her, shaking her shoulder.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Rose nodded her head, still not trusting her voice to speak. Seth slid down next to them and crouched as well, asking the same questions.

More hoof beats drew close, and Patrick and Carlos both jumped off their horses before they'd stopped.

"Rose?" Patrick asked breathlessly, and Rose realized grimly that it was the first time he'd called her anything but some derivative of lassie.

"I'm fine," she finally mumbled, her voice sounding incredibly composed given how wild with terror she felt. She sighed and started to climb to her feet as four pairs of hands reached out to pull her up. "I'm fine," she repeated, this time her voice not so strong.

"Where's Mesa?" she asked, looking around wildly.

"Probably already in his stall, quaking in his shoes," Jamie smiled, and Rose was alarmed at how pale his face seemed.

"Are _you_ alright?" She asked him.

He attempted a smile, but failed miserably, and didn't lie to her, "Been better. I didn't think we were gonna make it in time, and when you fell, I really thought it was over."

Seth nodded, "You're lucky, little Rose. Good ridin' Girl."

"Except the falling off part."

"Come on, you can ride back with me," Jamie offered, and lifted her easily onto the small sorrel he'd startled out of a peaceful nap moments ago.

Jamie felt his breath leave him in a shaky sigh and his muscles started trembling in earnest when he climbed on the horse. Behind him, he was aware that Rose was shaking like a leaf too, and he put a hand around the one clutching his middle to reassure her.

"It's alright now," he told her in the voice he might have used to calm a spooked horse.

"Will-will they be b-back?" her teeth were beginning to chatter, and he guessed it wasn't from the cold.

"No. We nicked two of them, and we have guns. They know we have the numbers."

Rose shivered violently despite herself. Jamie sighed, and glanced back to see her face had gone a startling ashen gray, except for a slight bruise on her cheek.

"What happened to your face?" he wondered.

"Mesa reared up and knocked me good…I was daydreaming but he saved my life."

"That he did. I'd say he deserves a hot bran mash tonight," Jamie replied softly, then added, "And so do you."

Rose smiled, despite herself, "I never cared much for hot bran mashes."

Jamie laughed, and rode straight into the stables and stopped before Mesa's stall before sliding off and lifting Rose down. She was still unsteady on her feet.

"Figured you might want to say thanks to your horse. Don't worry, I'll unsaddle him. Give him a hug and then you hurry and get to the tack room and warm up. Mom and Dad will be home soon...I don't want you in the house alone just yet, alright?"

Although he was only two years older than her thirteen years, his voice rang with authority, and Rose nodded without protest, glad to have him take over as the shock of what could have happened kept occurring to her in waves.

He turned to rub his mount down as she let herself into the stall, that sure enough, Mesa had made his own way to.

She wrapped her arms tightly around the golden neck, and whispered a thousand shaky thanks to Mesa. He snorted and wuffled in her ear softly, then tossed his head restlessly.

"What is it?" She whispered to him, her eyes drifting to his, and seeing that his expression was not a happy one. He flattened his ears slightly and suddenly bared his teeth, nipping at his flank.

Rose quickly ducked under his neck to see what was wrong.

"Jamie!" Her scream filled the air, full of panic, and nearly sent the horse James was leading on top of him.

"What?" He shouted back, letting go of the red horse altogether and starting toward Mesa's stall, where Rose was now sobbing hysterically. He burst in, and Mesa shifted restlessly at his quick movements.

"What?" he repeated, but saw she was beyond words, so he came around to stand beside her.

Soon it was apparent. Blood dripped from the horse's yellow flank, and deeply imbedded in his hindquarter was an arrow.

"He's going to die, isn't he?" Rose sobbed, attaching herself to his neck again, "No! Oh please don't die, Mesa!"

Carlos and Patrick both poked their heads into the stall.

Jamie sighed with dread and turned to Carlos, who was something of an animal doctor, "You'd better have a look at this Carlos."

Rose was vaguely aware of them conversing in low tones, meant to sooth both the animal and her.

Patrick soon came to pry her arms from around Mesa's neck and try to steer her out of the stall. His voice held none of his normal good humor as he told her, "Come on lass, let's get ye to the tack room, the stove's burning. Ye're chilled as a bloody block of ice."

Rose started to follow him numbly when Carlos' thick, low voice drifted to her, "I don't think there is much we can do. I think we'll have to put him down…"

"No!" The scream tore from her lips and she broke free of Patrick's grasp and put herself between the horse and the two young men, "No! Please don't!"

"Amiga, the horse is in pain. There's nothing we can do," Carlos reached out to touch her shoulder in sympathy, "The arrow is very deep, and the wound won't heal."

Jamie felt tears touch his own eyes as she wept bitterly in front of them, turning around and laying her head on her arms across the horse's back, giving into long, body-wracking sobs. It didn't help matters when Mesa turned his head and nudged her slightly with affection.

 _Damn it,_ Jamie thought. She had lost so much dear to her already. It wasn't fair.

"Maybe there is something we can do," Jamie didn't realize the voice was his until everyone was staring at him. Rose with new hope, and Carlos, Patrick, and Seth, who'd secured the horses and had just arrived to take in the scene, with doubt.

"Seth, will you ride into town and get Dad and Mama? They'll want to know what's happened, and I may need Dad. They are supposed to be at the town meeting. Probably a good idea to mention the Indian trouble anyway so folks are aware. Patrick, I need you to light all the lanterns, we're losing light. Carlos, I need your help."

"What do I do?" Rose asked softly, her fingers curling into her horse's mane with the strength of new hope.

"You stay with him and talk to him, alright?" Jamie said, and looked into her hopeful eyes, "Rose, I can't promise you nothin', he may not live…I've never done this, only heard about it, alright?"

Rose nodded, but he could see it was too late. The blind faith and trust was too clear in her expressive eyes, and the weight of it suddenly was heavy on his shoulders.

Despite the chill that settled over the barn, Jamie and Carlos were both soon wiping sweat from their brows. Mesa was hobbled on his side, and didn't like it one bit. Only Rose, who crouched by his neck, her back turned on his wound, kept him from panicking and fighting the ties.

James glanced at Rose's turned back, and shook his head. The arrow was imbedded deep in his hide, and the horse had lost a lot of blood. Surely, the muscle would be damaged and it would cripple him. Jamie sighed. As long as the horse lived, for Rose's sake, Jamie would consider it a battle won.

"I'm going to pull the arrow out, and then I'm going to need that burning stick to seal the wound up, or something…" Jamie couldn't recall the actual reason he had to touch the wound with a burning stick, he just knew that was what Sam Cain had done to save Katy when she'd been shot.

Mesa screamed and flattened his ears when James went to pull the arrow from the tender hide, "Watch him, Rose, he may try to bite," he warned her, "Stay on your toes."

With tears running down her cheeks, she nodded, not turning around, and placed a hand on his neck. Mesa screamed in pain, a horrifying sound that she never wanted to hear again, and thrashed out, barely missing her with a front hoof that came loose from his ties.

"The stick now!" Jamie shouted, and Patrick thrust a burning stick into his hands. James thrust the stick into the wound, and Mesa screamed again, kicking with all his might, and narrowly missing Jamie's face.

When the sizzling stopped, and the air smelt of burnt horsehair, Jamie stood back and with a tug undid the last of the hobbles. He, Carlos, and Rose stood expectantly, waiting for Mesa to climb to his feet.

For a tense moment, the horse lay perfectly still, and Jamie was sure that he'd killed the poor animal.

Then, as if suddenly realizing that he was free, Mesa snorted and clamored to his feet clumsily, tossing his head.

He looked at if he'd bolt from the rude people who'd been poking at his sore hind end, then nickered and came up to Rose, thrusting his nose into her hand.

"Bleeding stopped," Patrick mumbled, reaching out to stroke Mesa himself, "There's a good lad. Seems to be sound enough."

With a smile, Carlos reached up to stroke Jamie's hair in a similar fashion, "There's a good lad, too," he said, his Mexican accent sounding absurd with the Irish intonation, and they all laughed.

"Alright, lass, it's off to warm up with ye now," Patrick said firmly, and went to tug on Rose's shoulders, "Tell the beast goodnight. I expect ye'd sleep in here with him if we'd let ye, but put that notion out of yer bonny wee head."

Rose kissed her horse on the muzzle, and started to walk away willingly, but suddenly broke free again and ran back to Jamie throwing her small form into his arms.

She was suddenly sobbing again, her tears wetting the front of his sweaty shirt even more, and Jamie laughed and set her on her own feet, keeping a gentle grip on her arms and bending down to meet her eyes.

"What's all this?" He asked, smiling.

"You saved his life, and mine!" She finally choked out.

Jamie laughed and wiped her tears, bringing up his own sleeve to wipe at her nose as well, "And I have a feeling you're more grateful for my keeping the horse around, aren't you?"

Rose raised her eyes to his, and studied them intently. They were such a bright, vibrant blue, and so gentle, as were his hands at her shoulders. He'd saved her life twice now, and her horse's too, and he was right, the latter ranked somewhat higher than the former.

She shook her head yes, and turned away cheeks flaming.

But she realized, at that moment, with the typical sureness of a young girl's heart, that he was her hero, and she would love Jamie McCloud always.

* * *

Rose let Patrick sit her gently on the beat up bunk in the tack room, used by Kid when a young mare was close to giving birth for the first time, and leaned against him heavily, trembling.

"Why were the Indians chasing me?" She finally asked, shivering as the warmth of the tiny stove in the room started to embrace her, reminding her just how cold it was outside.

"Who knows? I'd imagine something provoked them."

"Me?" Rose asked, incredulously, "I was on the McCloud's land still!"

"Aye, I know, lass. It wasn't yer doing."

"They are savages aren't they?" Rose asked softly.

"Well, I'll tell ye God's honest truth. I come straight from a land where bloody English soldiers burn and rape and plunder every day. Burned my own home from over me, left me and me mother and father out in the dead of winter with not a cup to beg with. Died of the famine, both of them, so I came here. But before that, I saw both people, English and Irish, commit some bloody horrible acts. Me, I did some bad things too. And I'll tell you lass, I don't see as it's much different for the Indians than it was the Irish. God gave them the land, but it'll slowly be ripped from their hands. Gets harder to tell who's the savage then, no?"

Rose shrugged, "Maybe. But I am not taking their land!"

Patrick put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her tightly, realizing she was too young for this discussion. "Indeed ye're not. Lay down now, lassie. Ye've had a long day."

Rose would have protested, but the mattress was soft, and she was horribly sore from her fall, and her eyes felt like they'd been sand papered from all her crying. Obediently, she lay down, and smiled her thanks when Patrick lay a clean horse blanket over her.

A while later, Jamie walked into the tack room, shivering and looking blue around the lips, and went straight to the stove.

"Been a long day," He murmured to Patrick, who was cleaning a saddle. He smiled when he spotted Rose, sleeping soundly, "Longer for some than others, I guess."

"Ye did good today, lad," Patrick smiled, feeling much more than ten years older than the fresh faced boy.

Jamie grinned, "Thank God it all turned out alright. I didn't have the heart to put down the horse," he said, growing serious, then cleared his throat and turned pink around the ears, "For Rose's sake, I mean."

"Aye, for Rose's sake then," Patrick said knowingly. "Ye're mother and father not home yet?"

"Turns out Bill Tompkins wife is very sick. Mom is staying with her and trying to help the doctor, and Dad was staying with Tompkins. They won't be home till late. I already sent Seth back out there to tell them everything was fine here."

"Ye think the Indians will come back?"

Jamie sighed, "I don't think so. I hope not," he added, his voice uncertain.

"Why don't ye take her to the house and get yerself some supper and go to bed?"

Jamie nodded, "I think I will." He sighed, and walked to the bed, "Seems a shame to wake her, doesn't it?"

Patrick grinned, "Well then don't. She does not weigh more than a sack of grain, I'd wager."

Nodding, Jamie reached down and gently lifted the girl out of the bed, horse blanket and all. She stirred and murmured in irritation, but didn't wake up. Her head fell heavily against his neck.

"Goodnight then, Patrick."

"Night Jamie."

Jamie deposited the boneless weight of Rose on the couch in front of the fireplace, and built a roaring fire. The trip from the stables to the house had set her to shivering again, and he covered her with two or three new blankets.

Sighing, and content that Rose would be warmer here than in her own bed, he stifled a yawn and climbed up to his room.

He was in the middle of a disturbing dream about horses who walked on their hind legs like people, and talked as well, when a blood curdling scream from below shook the house.


	5. Chapter 4: A Lady In Waiting

**Chapter Four: A Lady In Waiting**

Dragging half of the bed clothes with him, Jamie bolted for the door out of his room, sure the Indians had come back and were in the process of scalping Rose. His skin was covered in chills from the piercing scream from below as he ran down the hall. He finally kicked the last sheet free at the top of the stairs and raced down them, two at a time. It occurred to him too late he had no weapon.

"Leave her alone!" He warned, trying to deepen his voice substantially.

He reached the landing and came to a sudden halt, chest heaving with fear and brows wrinkled in utter confusion.

Lou was leaning over Rose, looking into her eyes and talking to her like he'd heard her talk to his father when he used to wake screaming from war nightmares.

His gaze slid to his father, who walked over to him, absentmindedly. Jamie noticed, even in the dim room, that he looked ghostly pale and stricken.

"What happened?" he finally asked.

"Well, we just got in, and I saw that Rose had kicked off a blanket, so I went to pull it up around her again. She came awake screaming and kicking like I was killing her." His voice sounded desperately sad.

"She's had a long day, Dad, I'm sure she didn't mean it…You heard about the Indians?" An affirmative nod assured him he had, "well, I'm sure she thought you were one of them, about to scalp her."

"She opened her eyes, looked right at me, and kept screaming. Even when she knew who I was, she thought I was going to hurt her. As if I could do such a thing!"

Jamie grew silent, not knowing what to say.

"I-I was having a dream, about the man with the knife…" Rose was explaining to Lou slowly, her voice still trembling, "And it was so real, like he was really there. I used to dream about it all the time, but haven't in a long time, till now. And then, I woke up, and I thought that Kid was going to-hurt me."

Lou felt tears well in her eyes as she kneeled in front of the girl and placed a hand on each of her cheeks, "Rose, honey, Kid's the last person in the world who would hurt you. He's not the kind of man to do something like that! He was Jimmy's best friend. They are cut from the same cloth. Surely you know that?"

Kid left his son's side and came around to stand behind his wife, flinching noticeably when he saw Rose draw away from him. "Rose, I don't know where you come from or what happened when you were there, but I promise, those days are over…I'll never lay a hand on you. I swear it. On my life. On my family's life."

Rose nodded, a tear dropping off her nose, and Jamie sighed and felt real sorrow. She'd been through Hell today already, but it seemed that it had only triggered stronger emotions within her.

"Why don't you tell us about it? About the man with the knife. That helps sometimes," Lou suggested as Kid crouched next to her.

Rose studied him for a minute warily, then cautiously stretched her hand into his.

He seemed to find infinite relief in the offering of her trust and his teeth flashed in a grateful smile. "I think Lou's right."

"Well…there's not much more to it than you know. The man was blind drunk and burst into my little room. I guess I looked like his daughter, because he started screaming and calling me Sarah, and got his hands around my throat. He started choking the life out of me, but I hit him hard enough to break free. I thought he was going to leave me alone, but instead he drew a knife. I screamed but no one came…screams aren't uncommon in a place like that…"

Kid made a sound of horror in his throat at that while Lou nodded in affirmation.

"Then he held me down and started crying and saying he had to do it. I was fighting the whole time, but not strong enough…" Her voice trembled, and a tear glinted on her cheek in the firelight, "He….cut off...part of my ear first," she finally said, "I still don't know why. Then he said he was going to cut my face up so I wouldn't run off like that again…"

Kid and Lou looked at each other in surprise, and Jamie straightened against the railing of the stairs in horror. Slowly, with trembling hands, Rose pulled her heavy hair back and revealed the signature of the man who'd been intent on murdering her. The lobe was completely gone. Her hair had successfully hidden it from them.

"He cut me again, down my neck," She turned so that they could see the light, white scar running down the side of her neck, "He was trying for my face, but I twisted away. He was just about to cut me again when Bill came in. He knocked him out, or killed him-I don't know which and I don't care-and then picked me up and carried me out of there."

"Thank God for Jimmy," Lou murmured.

"I was covered in blood from my ear…it was everywhere, all over Bill and me. And while the doctor stitched up what was left of my ear and tended my neck, Bill sat right there and held my hand, and promised to keep me safe. That's when he first told me about you," her eyes shifted from their far away look, to Lou, "And he told me then that I was brave like you."

Lou smiled and nodded, tears in her eyes at the goodness of her best friend, a man who had never fully understood how good he was. Lou sat on the couch beside Rose, wrapping her arms around the girl, kissing her cheek soundly. Rose still trembled.

"Does it ever stop? The nightmares, I mean?" Rose asked.

Lou started and met Kid's eyes, which lifted to hers.

Both of them were still not strangers to waking up in cold sweats, Lou with memories of Wicks, Kid with memories of prison guards who held his head under water and shot randomly into the prison yard at their wards.

"They fade a bit," Kid told her truthfully, "Over time."

Lou nodded, "He's right. It'll maybe always be with you, of course, but with time, and love, you learn to move on. The fear and the hurt fades."

Lou looked at Kid and they exchanged a tender, secret smile.

"Time and love, huh?" Rose said softly, watching their affectionate exchange as she let Lou tuck her back in, seeing no point in moving her to her room now, close to dawn, "Well, I guess I got plenty of both those things here."

"Have plenty," Lou corrected gently at the same time Kid added, "Damn right you do, sweetheart. Go to sleep now."

And she did go to sleep, haunted by the man who'd sliced part of her ear off in a drunken rage. However, this time, when help came in her dreams, it wasn't Bill that pulled the man off of her, but Jamie.

* * *

Jamie gained a loyal follower after the incident with Mesa, who healed slowly, but surely and was soon ready for Rose to climb onto him again.

Lou marveled at Jamie's patience. Although she loved Rose fiercely, and more so with every passing day, she imagined that being a hero could often be trying. But, her son accepted the role with grace and seemed to genuinely enjoy Rose's bright company.

Jamie indulged Rose with the affection of a little sister. At thirteen, she was still very much a child, and though only two years older, Jamie at fifteen was rapidly becoming a man. Lou knew good and well that Rose fancied herself in love with Jamie, as any young girl would such an idol, but also knew that Jamie was blind to it, his head filled with visions of adventure, horses, older girls, and now going away to school.

Just as well, she thought grimly.

Jamie was making preparations to leave in the summer to travel with Cody and then to attend a prestigious Boy's school in New York in the fall. He had a sharp, eager mind, and Wincrest had been quick to accept him, especially with Buffalo Bill's endorsement of him. He would live at the school but be close to Cody and his wife in New York, and he was dancing with excitement to go.

Lou knew it was the opportunity of a lifetime, but her heart was so heavy with sorrow whenever she thought of him leaving. He loved the ranch with all his heart, and she had no doubt he'd come back to run it, but he also dreamed of doctoring the horses he raised, and so Kid and Lou had proudly agreed to let him chase his dream in New York.

When the day finally came to see him off, both Lou and Rose looked as if it was a funeral, rather than a train departure they were attending.

"I'll be back soon enough!" He laughed at them, kissing first Lou, then Rose.

Cody, who'd ridden out to meet them, hugged them both as well, "Don't worry, I'm not going to feed him to the wolves!"

"Might have to if he doesn't calm down on the train," Kid laughed, embracing his son tightly.

Jamie grinned, too elated at the prospect of seeing the world to feel terrified at leaving home for the first time. With the ever boisterous Cody there, it was even more exciting.

Then he looked again at Rose.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks, although she tried hard to hold them back.

He leaned down to meet her eyes like he always did when she was upset and squeezed her chin gently between his thumb and forefinger.

"You're gonna wait for me aren't you?" He asked her teasingly, "Not gonna run off and get married before I can come back and propose to you are you?"

Lou bit her lip slightly, seeing the girl's eyes light with hope. Jamie was teasing, but she didn't realize that.

"No…I'll wait for you," Rose said softly.

"All right then, dry your tears. I don't want my future bride looking like a lobster."

Obediently, she wiped at her eyes, but her efforts were in vain as the train whistle blew, and new tears replaced them. Jamie bid his parents goodbye once again, and patted Rose's head before following Cody onto the train.

Lou glanced at Rose, who watched the train leave with such a mournful expression that she didn't know whether to laugh or cry with her.

"Come on, Rose," she finally said gently, "the sooner we get home, the sooner he'll be back."

* * *

The time dragged for Rose, but there were other things to occupy her mind as the months rolled by. She still wrote Jamie every week, and he faithfully wrote her back. The letters arrived every two weeks, and neither hell nor high water could keep her from the mail office on delivery day.

Christmas finally rolled around, and Kid, Lou, and Rose all stood waiting on the platform when the train rolled up. Jamie tumbled out of the train with excitement, his arms wide. He hadn't seen them in three months, since a brief visit at the end of the summer.

Lou didn't think it possible, but he'd grown at least another three inches. His voice had deepened, and his features were sharpening, now giving a real hint of the handsome man he would be.

Lou raised her eyebrows. There was a dance in town the next night, and she had a feeling Jamie McCloud was about to be the envy of every mother and her daughter in Sweetwater.

* * *

"Aren't you pretty!" Buck exclaimed as Rose descended the staircase slowly.

She smiled shyly at him. She'd been walking through the pasture one day last week when he'd appeared from nowhere, scaring the daylights out of her. In all fairness, her shriek had scared him nearly as badly. Before she could fling the rock she dove for at his head, Buck had hastily reintroduced himself, not surprised that she didn't recognize him after a year, especially with his buckskins and vest on in place of the white man's clothes she was accustomed to seeing him in.

After her attack last December, she'd been a bit timid around Indians in general, but she was slowly warming to Buck, who was staying for Christmas.

She glanced down at herself. Donned in a dark blue frock with lace at the high collar and sleeves, she felt more like a china doll than a girl… _young woman_ … she corrected herself, of fourteen. Lou had flatly refused to let her wear any of her other choices at the seamstresses, saying that she couldn't wear such dresses until she was at least sixteen, or folks would talk. It had been a sheer battle of wills, one of their first, but Lou had turned out to be more stubborn, and had won out.

As a peace offering, Lou had pacified her by curling her hair into ringlets and dabbing a bit of rouge on her lips and cheeks. When Rose had looked at Lou's lower cut, hunter green velvet gown and beautifully upswept hair, Lou had caught her envious stare and laughed.

"Don't wish your childhood away just yet. One of these days, you'll be wanting it back."

Sound advice perhaps, Rose thought, but not very helpful to her now when Jamie was coming down the stairs looking dashing in a well-cut suit.

When he exclaimed at how pretty she looked, though, all notions of bitterness were lifted, and she returned to the gracious young girl Lou knew still lived inside her once again.

Lou saw she had been right about the girls in town within five minutes of their entrance into the town hall, merrily bedecked in holly and red bows.

Female heads swiveled from every direction to stare intently at the tall figure of her son coming through the door. He had the air of mystery of a stranger, although he'd been to school with all of them since they were five years old, and it was suddenly clear to Lou that in the life of a sixteen year old girl, six months was long enough to be reborn completely.

Jamie rushed forward to greet some of his friends, and Lou didn't miss the sighs of disappointment from the clump of girls by the punch table.

Teaspoon made his way up to her and kissed her cheek, exclaiming at her beauty, and Rachel wasn't far behind.

She nudged Lou with her shoulder and grinned, winking, "Looks like your son is the center of attention for at least half of the crowd."

Kid laughed, hearing this, "Like father like son."

Lou cast him a grin and rolled her eyes, "No, Rachel was referring to the female half. It's the men who prefer your company so you can talk horses with them."

Kid raised an eyebrow, and looked down at Rose, who was shyly hiding behind him, "Come on, Rose. Let's prove to her that I've still got a way with the ladies."

He whirled her out on the dance floor.

The evening rolled on, full of laughter and warm wishes for happy holidays. Rose danced with Kid, Teaspoon, Buck, Seth, Carlos, and Patrick at least twice. Her eyes constantly sought Jamie, but his attention was focused primarily on a pretty blonde named Elizabeth Walters.

Rose watched sadly as dance after dance he whirled the beautiful girl, who was all laughter and smiles, around the floor.

She would have to be beautiful, Lou thought, watching Rose watch Jamie from the refreshment table by Patrick. From over Kid's shoulder she studied Elizabeth. Beautiful and sweet, Lou knew, but not particularly brilliant either. Rose would be just as beautiful in a year or two, but Lou could understand as well as anyone Rose's frustration.

She'd caught Rose the other day, turned sideways in the mirror and peering down at her still flat chest. Lou glanced down at her own chest, which even after child birth was only moderately full, and sighed.

Jamie looked across the floor to see his mother staring intently at him. From around Elizabeth's blond curls he raised his eyebrow in question. In answer, Lou titled her head ever so slightly in the direction of the refreshment table.

Jamie wrinkled his brow in confusion, wondering if his mother was trying to tell him that it would be polite of him to get Elizabeth a cup of punch, which he'd done already.

Then he spotted Rose, sitting dejectedly, and staring at the toes of her simple slippers. He suddenly realized that all her earlier partners had found different…and older...companions for the last half of the dance. The boys her age were far more interested in chasing each other outside, and she was the picture of depression.

The music slowed, and the head violinist announced that the last dance would be a waltz.

With an apologetic smile, Jamie explained to Elizabeth, "I would love to dance with you again, but I promised the last dance to someone else."

Her pretty face fell for a moment, and Jamie laughed and nodded in Rose's direction.

"How sweet!" Elizabeth exclaimed, the stars back in her eyes when she gazed at Jamie.

"Can I walk you home afterwards?" Jamie wondered, and was delighted when she nodded in assent. Flashing her a grin that looked just like his father's, he bowed slightly and walked to the refreshment table.

Rose couldn't bear to watch any more. _Her_ Jamie had been taken from her by dumb old Elizabeth, who she couldn't even begin to compete with, and Jamie hadn't even danced with her once. She basically considered her life over.

And then, a pair of big black boots appeared under her nose and she looked up to see him standing there with a grin.

"Didn't think I'd forget my best girl, did you?"

Rose, still feeling a bit shy around him after the long absence, shook her head wordlessly as the music started. He was forgiven of all sin instantly.

"May I have this dance?" He asked with a gallant bow.

"You may," Rose replied and curtsied, just like Lou had taught her, putting her hand into his with all the trust in her heart.

And for six or seven minutes, Rose thought she must know what heaven was like.

However, the cloud of happiness that surrounded her dispelled when Jamie patted her head after the song ended, "Go find Mom and Dad," he told her, "And do me a favor…tell them I'm walking Elizabeth Walters home, okay?"

He walked away without waiting for an answer, having no idea the hurt his words would bring her. Rose stood dumb struck in the middle of the floor.

Rachel happened by her on her way to collect her shawl. She placed a hand on the young girl's shoulder, asking if she was all right. Choking back bitter tears, she nodded, and hurried outside.

Jamie looped Elizabeth's arm through his as they burst out of the crowded hall, their breath exploding into silver clouds of vapor as they laughed together.

A movement out of the corner of his eye drew his attention, and he turned suddenly, looking toward the side of the building.

Rose was there, staring right back at him in surprise, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Hey, Rosie!" He cried, using the nickname he adopted for her the winter before, "What's wrong, sweetheart?" he took a step toward her.

Not sure whether to be broken hearted or furious at his ignorance, Rose glared at him for a moment, then when he started for her shrieked, "Leave me alone!" and bolted.

"What is wrong with her?" Jamie wondered.

Elizabeth's sweet laughter filled the air, "You are blind, Jamie McCloud! That girl is sweet on you!"

"No, she's not, she's just…" Jamie stopped suddenly, his mind whirling. Of course, she was right. It was obvious when laid before him so simply.

"I'll have to talk to her," he finally said, and attempted to smile at Elizabeth as they began the short walk to her home in town. However, his spirits dampened when he thought of Rose's stricken face, and he realized he'd hurt her without ever having such intentions.

Kid walked casually through the night to get the horses from the livery, knowing he could take his time when he saw Lou being dragged into the circle of women talking about plans for the New Year's Ball. He shoved his hands in his pockets and whistled softly as he made his way through the big barn and out the back where the horse and buckboard were tied up.

Dancing with Lou closely, and showing her off always put him in a good mood. He remembered the first time he had danced with her, outside this very same town hall and not for the first time that day he offered his thanks to God for the blessings in his life.

He was a bit surprised to see one of those blessings sitting on the wagon, her face buried in her arms against the back of the seat.

"Hey, don't I know you?" Kid asked softly.

Rose jumped and his face grew solemn when he saw her tears. Lou had pointed out her stricken face after Jamie left her to walk with Elizabeth, but neither of them realized quite how upset she would be.

He climbed up beside her, but didn't pick up the reins. He sensed if he tried to hold her she'd jerk away, they were volatile tears she cried, after all, and so he lounged back against the seat.

"Pretty night, ain't it?"

Her eyes turned to his in irritation, as if she couldn't believe he'd make small talk at a time like this.

Ignoring her he sighed, "You know, going to dances like this always makes me think about courting Lou. See, she couldn't enjoy dances when we were first riding for the express, cause Teaspoon thought she was a boy and he was always there." He paused and a smile tugged on his lips at the memory he had just called to mind. He'd dragged Lou outside, in her men's clothing, and practically forced her to dance with him. They'd shared a kiss too, and Kid's mouth lifted as he wondered if anyone had seen them and thought the worst.

Rose's eyes were boring into his though, searching for a point to the story. He did have one, but was not to be rushed.

"Of course, it wasn't always like that. There were dances when I'd sit there and admire the pretty girls right under her nose, not even realizing that it hurt her. Dance with them too, and ask her to hold my hat at first. 'Course I didn't realize then she liked me much as I liked her, and by the time I did, I'd probably hurt her a few times. I wouldn't have for the world, mind you, but I did all the same."

Rose sniffed, "So?"

Kid smiled, and ventured a hand out to wipe at her cheeks and push her nose, "So, you see who I was dancing with tonight."

"She's your wife," Rose pointed out.

"Exactly!" Kid said and patted her knee as he reached to pick up the reins, "Sometimes it just takes us boys a little longer than the gals to come to our senses. But in the end, we usually make the right choice. When it counts."

Rose stared at him a minute, and he grinned at her and held out his arm. With a tiny smile she scooted close to him, burrowing her icy hands under his coat.

* * *

"Rosie, are you awake?" The hushed voice came only moments after Rose had put out her candle, but she didn't want him to know that.

She made no sound, and closed her eyes more tightly, as though she could rush herself to sleep that way.

"Oh, stop playing possum, I know you're awake. The light was coming out your window two minutes ago."

Jamie crept into the room, and grinned slightly when she didn't answer. A small foot peeked out from under the covers and with a wicked grin he reached a hand down and tickled it.

She exploded into motion, turning over and drawing her knees up to her chin.

"That's better," Jamie whispered again.

"What are you whispering for? I'm awake, you know."

Jamie sighed and said in his normal voice, "Good point."

They sat in silence for a minute before Jamie sighed again and said, "Rose, we have to talk."

Rose sighed, and said bravely, "I already know what you want to talk about. You want to break our engagement so you can marry Elizabeth."

"Our engagement? What are you talking about, girl? And I'm not quite ready to marry Elizabeth, by the way."

"You asked me to wait on you the day you left for school, and I have! I could have kissed Bobby Lee Garrison behind the livery stable last week and I didn't because I am engaged to you!"

Jamie suspected that the burst of laughter that escaped his lips wasn't appropriate, and if he had any doubts, Rose's glare obliterated them.

"Oh, Rose, sweetheart, I was just kidding!"

"I thought you loved me!" She cried, tears coming into her eyes.

Jamie realized just how serious the matter was then. He tried to choose his words carefully, "I do love you Rose! You're one of the very most important people in my whole life, honey…but not like that! I love you like a-a" he paused... _friend_ seemed too casual a word and he didn't think _sister_ was quite right either. "Like family."

Judging from the tears that spilled out of her eyes, he guessed that was the wrong answer.

"Do you think I'm ugly?" she asked, her huge eyes wounded.

Jamie couldn't stop a snort of disbelief, "Are you daft?" He asked, using the phrase he'd picked up from Patrick, "Rose, everyone knows you're a beautiful girl! I thought so the first time I saw you! And there isn't a girl in this town who will compare to you in a few years…even Elizabeth! And for God's sake don't let Bobby whatever-his-name-is kiss you! I don't know who he is but he ain't good enough for you if he is trying to sneak kisses behind the damned stable!"

"So why can't you marry me?" Rose asked.

Jamie sighed, and grabbed one of her hands, trying to make her understand what he had a feeling she could not, "Because, I'm too old for you, Rosie."

"But Teaspoon and Rachel? And your dad is a year older than your mom, and you're only two years older than me!" She sobbed brokenly.

"It's different. You see, we're on different sides of a fence…it isn't a very big fence, but still, we can't quite cross over to the other side," he explained awkwardly. How did he explain that she was still a child, even though only two years younger, and that he was not?

Her blank stare plainly told him that she didn't understand.

"Well, can't you wait for me to grow up?" Rose wondered, "I'll wait for you."

"Well that wouldn't be fair to you," Jamie said, "To make you chose something before you've seen more than one of the choices, right? Rose, please try to understand…I love you dearly, and I'm flattered that you feel that way, but it just isn't meant to be."

"But I love you!" She wailed, and fastened her arms around his neck.

Jamie pried her off his neck so he could look into her eyes, "You just think you love me, don't you see? But you don't know what that kind of love is yet, Rose. You will someday, when a lucky man comes along. You will know the difference then."

He wasn't quite prepared for the vehemence of her response.

"I see, alright, Jamie McCloud! I see that you are a big, fat liar! You told me to wait on you, and I did, and now you just want to pretend like you didn't say it, but you did!" She was sobbing, and her voice had risen to a fine screech that he was sure Kid, Lou, and Buck could hear. In fact, he wouldn't doubt that Rachel and Teaspoon, in their home a half mile away, could hear, "I do love you, and you should have just said first thing that you didn't love me back! It isn't me who won't want you! It's the other way around!"

He tried to catch her as she hurtled by him in her flannel nightdress, his hands falling on her shoulder, but she twisted and when he did not let go, she bit his thumb with incredible force and kept going.

A minute later, Lou filled the doorway with a candle, finding her son sitting on the bed with his head bowed and his thumb in his mouth.

"Surely it isn't so bad that you've got to revert to sucking your thumb is it, Jamie?"

Jamie glanced up and saw genuine worry that he'd lost his mind on her face and wordlessly removed his throbbing thumb from his mouth and showed it to her, "Little devil bit me," he explained wryly, "hard."

"Looks like a bad one. Does it hurt too bad?"

"Not compared to what it feels like knowing I hurt her." James looked up with his father's troubled eyes, "I didn't know she thought I was serious about waiting to marry me. I hardly remember saying it! I wouldn't have hurt her for all the money in the world."

Lou came to sit by her son, knowing Kid had gone after Rose. She put her arm around his shoulders and laid her head against him.

"I know that. She'll be fine, Jamie. All little girls go through this. She made a prince out of you. I saw it coming, but I didn't know how to stop it."

"That doesn't make it any easier to know that I did it," Jamie pointed out.

Lou nodded and squeezed his hand, proud she had raised a young man who could be bothered to worry about a little girl's feelings at all.

"You've got the makings of a fine man, Jamie."

But with Rose's tears soaking his shirt he didn't feel like it.


	6. Chapter 5: No Laughing Matter

_Chapter 5: No Laughing Matter_

 _Three years later: June 1880_

"Jamie!"

Jamie heard the excited cry and let his bag down on the platform, opening his arms to the small woman catapulting into his arms.

"I'd forgotten how pretty you are, Mama!" he exclaimed as she covered his cheek with kisses.

Her happy tears wet his face.

He smiled, feeling truly content. He was home to stay this time. He'd advanced his studies at Wincrest, and graduated with honors in September.

Kid, Lou, Teaspoon, Rachel and Buck as well as his Aunt Theresa had been there to see his graduation, along with Cody and his family. Then, he'd left for a grand tour of Europe, his graduation present from them. He'd loved every second of England, France, Italy, Scotland, and Ireland, but he hadn't seen his family in months and since Rose hadn't been able to miss her own school it had been even longer since he had seen her.

Lou smiled. A few months short of nineteen, there was no trace of a child in Jamie any longer. He'd fulfilled and surpassed her expectations of him becoming a handsome young man.

His hair, although it had been light brown when he was younger, and darkened more, and was now a rich dark mahogany color. It was thick and fell over his forehead, curling at the back of his collar. His eyes were the same crystal, clear blue they had always been, but now seemed to shine more brilliantly in a face tanned by long months outside.

The bones of his face had emerged completely now, revealing his father's prominent nose, sharp jawline, and her own high cheekbones. His form had finally started to fill out, instead of up, and his shoulders were very broad, his hips very narrow. He was lean, but very strong.

It wasn't an overnight change, but a change none the less, and Lou couldn't take her eyes off of her boy who was a man.

"Where's Dad and Rose?" He finally wondered, looking around, and disappointed that they hadn't come to welcome him.

"They are bringing some new horses in from Laramie. They planned to be back in time to be here, but hit bad weather and had to hold off for a day or two. They wired ahead and sent their love."

"God, I'm looking forward to seeing everyone!" Jamie exclaimed, picking up his bag and setting an arm around Lou's shoulders. "Do you know I haven't seen Rose in almost a year and a half?"

Lou tilted her head, and calculated, as if not believing it could have been that long. However, Rose had gone to school in Denver, inspired by Rachel and Lou's skill with healing, to learn about medicine as well, only it was people's medicine she studied, not animals. She was home for good as well now also, having limits on what she was allowed to learn, much to both her and Lou's outrage. She could be trained as a nurse, but not a doctor. Still, she valued what she was taught, and vowed to learn as much as any man about medicine.

There had been awkwardness and not a little malice on Rose's part to face Jamie again that night after the dance three years ago, but after Jamie left, and Rose's pride and heart healed, their relationship repaired itself through the letters they still wrote. By the time summer had rolled around they were the best of friends again.

But a year and a half certainly had made a difference, and Jamie was in for a surprise, Lou thought with a grin, curious as to what would happen.

Jamie looked down at her upturned face.

"Well, I'll be glad to have you for myself for a day or two anyway!" he declared.

* * *

"I'd forgotten how much fun it was to muck out stalls in this heat!" Jamie muttered, wiping his sweaty brow. Despite the fact his shirt was off, he was still unbearably hot.

"Ah, that's right…back here to row with the other slaves, aye, lad. Done playing the pretty city boy!" Patrick grinned from dirty ear to ear.

"Can you really call him a lad now that he's at least a foot taller than you and outweighs you by fifty pounds?" Seth wondered, stopping to lean on his shovel.

"Aye, I can," Patrick responded, "Once a lad, always a lad."

"Is that what the gals at the saloon tell you, Pat?" Seth asked, and he and Jamie exploded into bawdy laughter at the Irishman's expense.

Patrick lay the pitchfork down and took a menacing step toward Seth. Seth only laughed harder.

Jamie suspected it would have turned into an outright brawl if Lou's cry from the porch hadn't reached them.

"Riders coming!"

A grin lit Jamie's face as he dashed out of the stable and opened the corral gate, eagerly straining his eyes for the first sight of his father and Rose.

Nothing would have prepared him for the latter.

She was riding Mesa, right beside his Dad. He was talking to her, gesturing with his hands toward one of the horses they'd bought. She laughed suddenly, and turned to study the animal in question, and Jamie had a full view of her.

She sat tall on her horse, her shoulders upright, one graceful hand on the reins, the other laid casually across her thigh. Whatever fears she harvested about horses before she came to the McClouds had long since dissipated, and she was as comfortable on them as on her own two feet.

Her hair had grown longer, he noticed instantly, and the long days of riding in the spring sunshine had seemed to turn it more into a burnished red gold than auburn, the long strands reaching halfway down her back. She'd twisted it back into a low pony tail, but as when she was younger, the fine, silky strands soon slid out of any restraint, and fell across her cheeks, framing her heart shaped face.

Her eyes were larger than he remembered as well, and even from the distance he could see the almost clear color of them. Her full, beautiful mouth was open as she laughed, showing white teeth. Her skin was a sort of golden ivory, smooth and clear as porcelain.

"Aye, lad. Turned into a woman, did she not?" Patrick's voice beamed proudly from beside him suddenly.

"Aye," Jamie imitated him, not from mockery, but so lost in shock that he could not find words of his own.

His eyes stayed on her, a smile of remembrance on his face as he suddenly recalled the night when she'd professed her love of him. She'd asked if he thought she was ugly then.

"Not a chance, Rosie," He said aloud now, shaking his head. Pride filled his chest and he wasn't sure why.

He still couldn't quite believe that this was the same waif of a child that had bitten a hole in his thumb. His mouth quirked at that memory too, and he glanced at the tiny scar on the appendage.

He then felt his face grow warm, as he eyed her more closely, thinking things he shouldn't about her. A rounding of the hips and backside, a narrowing of the waist, and a lengthening of the legs, outlined well in the trousers she wore. When he was sixteen, and he had been getting good and interested in the female form, she'd been flat as a board…but now, his throat felt dry and he looked away with his ears burning hotly...now, she was definitely not, he decided.

Seth's chuckle from beside him let him know good and well that they could pretty much see every thought that entered and left his mind. His mother had an open book face and he blamed her for his.

"Shut up," Jamie muttered sourly, stepping on the gate and giving a loud whoop as the horses approached.

Rose looked up in surprise at the sound. Of course, she knew that Jamie had beaten them back from the ranch when an unexpected hail storm had driven them to seek shelter, but knowing he was finally home didn't quite prepare her for the sight of him on the corral gate, bare chested and grinning back at her wide eyes.

"Jamie!" Her voice shrieked at the same time as Kid's call of welcome.

They both left Carlos and Buck to herd the horses in the corral, and Jamie left Patrick and Seth to do the same as he walked out to greet them.

He hadn't realized quite how sweaty and dirty he was until Rose rushed forward and wrapped her arms around him. In all fairness she had smudges on her cheeks as well, and didn't appear to care, but suddenly he felt shy and exposed and he stepped back quickly.

"Er, Rose, I'm filthy!" He told her as Kid looked him over and settled for a handshake instead, obviously agreeing with this pronouncement.

"And so am I!" Rose returned laughing, and wiping at her own sweaty brow, "So I guess we're even! God, I've missed you!"

Lou reached them then, and like Rose, didn't seem to mind the grime covering her husband as she kissed him soundly, then hugged Rose. Her face beamed and she sighed, "Finally, my whole family back under one roof! About damn time!"

Lou was glad to have them all back. She gained infinite peace from rising in the morning and bumping into Jamie in the hallway as he staggered outside to begin feeding horses. Rose was the daughter of her heart, and needless to say, she could never rest easy when Kid wasn't by her side. Her blood also sang with excitement. With Jamie or Rose to look after the ranch, Lou could finally go with her husband again on his drives to and from the surrounding territories to look for and sale horses.

"We'll have a party," Lou declared suddenly at dinner a few nights later.

"Okay," Kid said agreeably, looking at his wife over a forkful of food, "Any particular reason, or are you just feeling festive?"

Lou shot him a quick look that made Jamie laugh.

"Well, Rose never had a coming out party, you know…and she really should."

"Oh God," Rose groaned, "Please, anything but that!"

"Come on, it will be fun! Every girl should have one," Lou pointed out, although Kid could have mentioned that she'd never had a coming out party and her life had turned out fine, "We'll have it here, and string lanterns and get the band from town to come play."

Rose groaned again, covering her eyes. Being under the prying eyes of the entire town wasn't her idea of a fun time.

"Lou, maybe if the idea distresses Rose so much, it isn't necessary," Kid said, not missing the warm smile of gratitude from the grieved party.

"Oh, don't be silly, Rose" Jamie said, hiding a smile, "It would be fun to have a party out here, and it's true, every girl should have a coming out party. Back East, all the girls do it."

"We're not back East, are we, Jamie? And how many years did you go to school? Did you happen to take Geography?" Rose muttered through clenched teeth, glaring at him, with her cheeks flushing slightly with the murderous temper he loved to provoke.

They sat at the table, glaring at each other. Lou at Kid for taking Rose's side, and Rose at Jamie for taking Lou's side. It seemed to be a stand off.

Then, with a deliberate look at Jamie, Rose began talking, "I know! We can have a party, but instead of it just being for me, it could also be a welcome home party for Jamie!"

"Mother and Father already gave me a grad…"

Jamie began in triumph, then Lou's gaze fell on him.

"That's a good idea Rose! A good compromise," Lou grinned, and Kid nodded, "Very Diplomatic."

Jamie groaned and narrowed his eyes at Rose, the look promising that she'd best watch her back.

Rose blinked innocently, and with a visible effort to control her mirth, she turned to listen intently to Lou, feeling the burn of Jamie's furious eyes on her the whole time.

 _Not so fun when it's you is it_ Rose asked with another stare in his direction.

 _Just you wait_ , said his answering glare.

And thus, with war declared, they ate the rest of their dinner.

* * *

A few weeks later, Rose stood in front of the long mirror in her room, and studied herself. Had there actually been a time when she _wanted_ to wear dresses like this, she wondered? While it was a beautiful gown, and Lou had spared no expense at buying it and Rachel had worked on hemming it for her for hours, it was quite possibly the most uncomfortable piece of clothing she'd ever worn. In all fairness, she couldn't really blame it on the gown itself. It was actually the corset that went with it that threatened to squeeze the life out of her.

She remembered the conversation regarding the item in the dress shop quite well.

"You know, these are really not good for you," she'd said with her nursing knowledge, "they restrict the air you can take in, and can lead to health problems."

Rachel and Lou had looked at her for a long moment then Lou said sweetly, "Maybe so, but if you don't stop complaining, it's not going to be good for you either."

With the warning taken, Rose had shut up.

Now, she was secretly glad she had the gown, but Lou's face in the mirror over her shoulder prevented her from showing it.

"You look beautiful," Lou said softly, and she meant it. Tears touched her eyes as she studied Rose.

They'd picked a silver gown, although white would have been traditional, it was impractical for an outdoor party in the dust. The silver taffeta was almost the color of her eyes, which had darkened against the material and were breathtakingly unusual looking.

Her skin was ivory enough to look wonderful in the color that would have washed out many girls, and her hair was shining like copper, and swept up off her neck and held in place by so many pins that Lou had quit counting after fifty. Wispy locks, deliberately left out by Rose's request to hide her mutilated ear, framed her face and curled against her long, graceful neck.

Rose saw Lou's tears when she met her gaze in the mirror; she turned around quickly.

"Lou?" She asked, confused.

"I just was thinking of Jimmy…of how amazed he would be to see how beautiful you are. How smart. He would be so proud."

Rose felt her eyes well up as well, and blinked them quickly down.

"Do you really think so?" She breathed, and reached for Lou's hand, "Sometimes I sit on the porch swing, and I can imagine him here. I used to pretend he came riding in, and he knew that I was his daughter, and he'd tell me how proud he was of me. Sometimes I feel him here so strongly, that I swear he's really watching me."

Lou smiled through her tears and brought Rose's hands to her lips, kissing them with motherly affection, "Next time you see him, tell him that he has every right to be proud. And give him my love."

Jamie's resigned voice suddenly drifted to them from below, "Would you two hurry? Let's get this over with."

"There's a good sport," Rose laughed, and wiped at her eyes.

* * *

Soon, there was no room for any thoughts, happy or otherwise, because the town of Sweetwater descended on the large flat yard of the ranch.

Rose had to give Lou and Rachel credit. They could plan a party. Paper lanterns swung in the cooling breeze, bathing the yard in a warm yellow glow. The food table was filled with wonderful treats, and the band played happy, lively music.

Rose was breathless and tired after having danced five songs in a row without stopping. She was a bit flustered at the attention of the males…from four or five years older to those a year or two younger, she hadn't been prepared for them. She realized that a coming out party was just about that, coming out to be examined by the males for courting, but she felt a bit like a cow at auction, and she wanted to get away from the prying eyes and sweaty hands of Sweetwater.

She stealthily edged her way around the crowd, a smile frozen on her face as she did so. She was polite but brief with well-wishers, and finally sighed with relief when she entered the sanctuary of the stables.

The horses shoved their noses over their stalls and nickered softly as she swished down the aisles, laying hands on their noses in greeting.

Mesa's piercing whinny probably was audible over the band and Rose ran the last few steps to his stall should he do it again and give away her presence.

"Hush!" she hissed at him, "Can't you see I'm hiding?"

"Well, I can see that, but what I can't understand is why?"

Rose straightened and looked at the horse in amazement, halfway believing he'd answered her.

The suddenly, a figure popped up in between her and Mesa, and without thinking, she screamed.

Instantly the stall door opened and she was jerked inside, a hand placed over her mouth.

She kicked and flailed, trying in earnest to bite the hand over her mouth.

Quickly it dropped, "Damn you, it's just me! That's twice you've almost bitten a finger off!"

"I _knew_ it was you. I was trying to bite it off!" Rose hissed, turning to face Jamie, "You scared the daylights out of me! What are you doing in here?"

"The same as you apparently," He grinned. "I noticed Mesa was out of hay."

Rose sighed, "Well, I won't tell if you won't."

"It's a deal. However, I have a feeling they'll miss you sooner than they'll miss me," Jamie said, and peeked over the stall to make sure no one was looking before opening the door and letting Rose out ahead of him.

"Shh," he warned Mesa, who snorted in displeasure at Jamie for taking his girl away.

Rose groaned and tugged at her dress slightly as they walked down the dark stable aisle, away from the party.

Jamie watched her with a raised eyebrow, and again, was taken aback by her beauty. They reached the end of the stable and wordlessly continued walking, stopping by the gate that let into the back pasture.

The moon was out, and bright enough to bathe their faces in soft silver. They stood in content silence, staring out at the mountains, the flat land in between only interrupted by the dark bulk of grazing cattle.

Jamie turned to look at Rose, seeing she was deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her.

She smiled slightly, "How much I love it here. The land, the horses, you all…it's home."

He smiled, "Of course it is. So why do you look so sad about it?"

She looked at him, not aware her emotions had shown so easily on her face. There seemed no point in denying it, "Well, I was just thinking that someday I'll get married, and this won't be home any longer. That's what this is about for me tonight…"

"This will always be your home no matter where you go, Rose," Jamie smiled, "You belong here."

Rose smiled up at him, this time the shadows in her eyes lifted.

Jamie found himself fascinated mostly with her eyes. They were constantly changing from almost a clear, light gray, to a deep dark silver. The irises were rimmed in black, the centers speckled with what could almost be white flecks that caught the light and the color of whatever she wore, from violet to emerald.

They reminded him of the lochs he'd seen in Scotland that winter. At first glance they appeared frozen and calm, but a deeper look revealed unseen treasures and mysteries churning just beneath the surface with yet unknown power, and unthinkable depths. These secrets in her eyes were always in motion, always sliding beneath a deceptively calm surface, catching the light as they glided by.

"You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen," Jamie suddenly voiced his thoughts, without really meaning to, and yet, he wasn't sorry or embarrassed to have said it.

Looking into his own brilliant blue orbs, which seemed to glow turquoise in the moonlight, the only color clearly distinguishable in his face, Rose felt any comment she had been going to make die on her lips. He'd turned to face her, staring intently, and making no apology for it.

The music from the party drifted to them, a slow waltz. They both smiled, and Rose knew Jamie was also thinking about the last time they'd danced together…and the eventful night afterwards when he had broken their "engagement."

"Would my thumb be safe if I asked you to dance?" Jamie grinned.

"No promises," Rose giggled, and stepped into his arms.

They had no audience but three cows and the horses in the paddocks as they silently whirled around the barnyard. It was completely quiet save the occasional shifting of a horse and the strains of music carried on the wind.

Rose felt her heart and mind go into turmoil. Although Jamie and she were again the best of friends, the memory of the bitter sobbing she'd done on Mesa's back after storming out of the room, and then later in Kid's arms as he came to pick her up off the horse and take her into the tack room were still surprisingly fresh on her mind.

Jamie had refused her once, although she knew very well she had been young and foolish, but she wasn't ready to have her heart broken by him again. She knew that their friendship could not repair itself a second time, if he should hurt her again.

Still, in many a childish fantasy, she'd seen herself with him like this, dressed in a splendid gown and dancing under a starry sky, with his undivided attention on her. And she did have that attention, he was looking down at her with a mixture of admiration, and terror, she thought.

The music went on, but Jamie suddenly stopped dancing and looked deeply into her eyes. Rose found herself trapped by his gaze, pulled into those blue eyes she'd loved once upon a time…did she still love them? She wondered briefly, but had no time to find the answer, because suddenly her mind and body were filled with the knowledge that he was leaning down to kiss her.

She was sure he must feel her heart thumping against her chest in a mixture of excitement and terror. She was caught between the urge to run away from him and to pull him closer. His eyes were on hers, asking permission, and pausing when he saw the fleeting emotions crossing her face. Then with a sigh, her eyes looked into his fully, so trusting that it could have broken his heart.

He instantly knew that she'd never been kissed before, and though mildly surprised, he was very pleased and he didn't know why. Threading his hands through the hair at the nape of her neck, and smiling when he encountered several pins undoubtedly forced in by Rachel, he bent his head and allowed his mouth to gently fall upon hers.

Rose felt a painful blush rise to her cheeks, having no real idea of what she was supposed to do.

Without words, Jamie's message was clear to her, _relax, I'll teach you_.

Although, she didn't exactly relax, she did fight off the panic that had frozen her, and opened her mouth to his, closing her eyes. He was infinitely careful and gentle, not knowing what experiences with physical intimacy she carried with her from her early years, but remembering too many nights when her screams had pierced the darkness to give into the urge to demand more from her too quickly.

Her mouth was soft, her lips trembled.

Timidly, she brought her hand to rest at the back of his head, her fingers softly twining in his thick hair, holding him to her.

Now, it was Jamie who was afraid she'd hear the wild pounding of his heart. Something about her gentle, light touch ignited him, and he deepened the kiss.

Rose was fascinated and elated by his kiss. It was everything she dreamed it might be, and she had dreamed a lot about her first kiss, giggled about it with her friends, and listened with awe at the other girls describe their own. She felt the change in him instantly, felt him go from teacher to partner, asking her to meet him, to give as he gave.

Still feeling her inexperience sorely, she did meet him, opening her mouth more to his, and pressing into him as well.

Jamie felt a wave of desire and protectiveness unlike any he'd ever known washing over him, and he opened his eyes to look at her. Her eyes were pressed tightly shut, her brow wrinkled in such concentration that he couldn't stop a rumble of laughter from escaping his throat.

Instantly she drew away from him, eyes wide, lips swollen, and a beautiful red blush staining her from neck to forehead. He saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes and hurt pass over her face, and he couldn't think of what it was for.

Then it occurred to him, he'd just laughed at her when she had been scared to death of not knowing what to do in the first place. "Rose, that was perfect, sweetheart, it was just you were concentrating so hard, and your face..."

Rose turned away from him, crossing her arms over her chest, "I'm sorry…I was just trying to please you…"

"You did!" His hands were suddenly on her bare shoulders and she drew a deep breath, painfully aware of both him and the crushing corset. He tried to turn her around but she resisted, not wanting him to see her tears of mortification.

He was persistent and finally she turned around to face him. He looked down at her with agony in his own eyes for hurting her.

"Do you trust me?" He asked softly, leaning down to look directly into her eyes as he had when she was little.

"What?"

"Do you trust me?" He repeated.

"Yes, I-I th-think so," she stammered.

"Then you'll know I'm telling the truth. That was the best kiss I've ever had, Rose."

"Well how many others have you had?" She finally asked tartly.

He laughed at her tone and admitted, "Enough. How about you?"

She blushed more deeply and Jamie confirmed what he thought he knew. "Really...no other boy ever tried to kiss you?"

"Well of course they tried...but I remembered you told me not to let them!"

"Thank God you picked that bit of advice from me to listen to," Jamie murmured.

Her cheeks flushed again, but whether with embarrassment or pleasure he couldn't tell. Her eyes were dark, thoughts inaccessible as a pond frozen over in winter. He recognized that particular talent as Jimmy's.

He straightened, kissed her forehead, and pulled her to his chest into a hug.

"Rose?" he asked, wrapping his arms more tightly around her but feeling her grow tense.

"I-I have to go," she finally said, and pushed herself away from him. He tried to tighten his arms on her, asking her what the matter was, but she pushed harder, and remembering what happened the last time he tried to stop her, he let her go.

"That's right, run away, Rose! Like you always do!"

He muttered, not meaning for her to hear it, but her back straightened and she quickened her stride.

Her skirts swished softly as she retreated into the stable. He heard Mesa whinny again, and the other horses nicker, but through the lights on the other end of the barn he could see she stopped for none of them.

Rose wiped her eyes furiously for the last time before breaking back into the light, furious and trembling. She'd finally put him from her mind, and now he occupied her every thought and sense.

He'd laughed at her again.

Just as he had that night she'd poured her heart out to him, tonight he'd done it again. Her cheeks burned with shame.

Damn him, she had trusted him.

And damn her, she still loved him too

...not in the idolized gilded way she used to...and had no idea what that would mean for her family.

* * *

"Rose?" It was Buck's voice, quiet and concerned.

She turned to look at him, hoping it was dark enough to hide her blotchy cheeks.

"Hello Buck," she smiled a bit too brightly, her lips still tingling, the blood still singing in her ears and her heart still mercilessly pounding the wall of her chest.

"Are you alright? You seem a little upset."

"Oh, I'm fine. I think I'll get myself some punch," she lied easily, and walked away from him quickly, before he could ask any more questions.

She stood alone, her eyes warning off anyone who looked like they might approach her to request a dance.

Her mind was whirling, her body perfectly motionless save her eyes.

"Miss you seem quite distracted," a voice, with a smooth English accent drifted to her from her right.

She turned in surprise, not recognizing the voice, and then looked up.

He was as tall as Jamie, though slimmer, with wheat blonde hair and bright green eyes that looked at her intently.

"Who might you be?" she wondered, in no mood for conversation, but curious.

"John Morgan," he said, bowing low, "At your service. And you might be?"

"Rose Hickok," she murmured, feeling like she should curtsey or drop to her knee altogether as if he were royalty, but defiantly doing neither.

"I'm the new deputy of Sweetwater. But seeing as you are well acquainted with the marshal, I'll expect you knew I was coming?"

"Ah, yes. I remember Teaspoon talking about hiring someone," Rose said absently. Jamie had just come back through the stables and was looking around intently. Presumably, for her.

She wasn't sure what reckless abandon made her turn and stare John Morgan so directly in the eye, smile brilliantly, and ask him to dance with her, but by the time Jamie spotted her, she was whirling around in the arms of the young new deputy, throwing her head back and laughing genuinely at his charm.

"Is that how it is?" Jamie growled to himself as he watched her purposefully press herself closer than was necessary to the Englishman.

And while Rose had started out looking for a distraction from Jamie, she hadn't prepared herself to be quite so distracted by the handsome, older man with the devilish grin and dry wit.

"It's not that easy, Rose," Jamie snarled, and purposefully avoiding Elizabeth Walker, who was eagerly approaching him, he stalked toward the house under the surprised stare of his mother, and slammed the door.


	7. Chapter 6: In Cold Blood

_Chapter Six: In Cold Blood_

Jamie paced the parlor like a caged animal, routinely stopping by the window to watch Rose, _still_ dancing with the new deputy from town.

At first, he'd been convinced her only motive was to anger him, but he began to worry as on his next round he saw her her laughing and talking animatedly with him and Teaspoon.

He knew her at least as well as he knew himself…or he used to…and he could tell when she was putting on an act. As she beamed at the tall man, he knew this was not an act.

"What in the world has gotten into you?"

Jamie flinched. It was Lou's voice. He was still staring out the window, and didn't want to turn and face her.

"Nothing."

"Mmm-hmm. It had better be something the way you stormed off like that. I had to tell poor Elizabeth that you'd taken ill. Have you?"

 _Yes_ , Jamie thought, noticing the churning of his stomach that had started when his lips touched Rose's and not stopped since. In fact, the sickness only grew as he saw Rose touch the deputy's arm and laugh, "I'm fine. I've got a headache."

"Your face is an open book, Jamie, just like mine and if you're going to lie to me at least be sure I can't see your reflection in the glass!"

Jamie finally dropped the curtain and turned around. His long strides carried him around the room first before he dropped, defeated, into a chair, clutching the arms with all his strength to keep himself still.

"What's this about? What is wrong with you?" Lou wondered, angrily, "It's hardly proper for you to be in here while your guests…"

"Worried about what's proper, are you? Well then maybe you'd better go see to Rose, who is at this moment throwing herself at the new deputy! It's indecent!"

Slow realization spread across Lou's face and she shook her head, "James Noah McCloud," Jamie, by habit, shrank in his chair feeling five years old as her sharp eyes pierced his, "You are jealous! Rose has shown the slightest interest…and that's all it is, interest, in another man and you've suddenly got to have her! All this time she gladly would have followed you to the end of the Earth, you didn't want her, and now that she's cast a glance at another man, you can't stand it!"

"That's not it!" Jamie bellowed, striking the chair with his fist.

"That's so small of you Jamie! Don't tell me this has nothing to do with Rose!"

"It has nothing to do with this new deputy!" Jamie growled back.

"What then? What is wrong with you if not the new deputy?"

Jamie groaned, and met her eyes. He wasn't one to kiss and tell, but damn it, he'd kissed Rose before she ever lay eyes on this man, had realized he felt more for her than any other girl he'd ever known-before she'd found the idiot she was dancing with now. He was on his way to tell her that when he saw her dancing with John Morgan. It wasn't simple jealousy, of that he was sure. But there was no way to prove that unless he told Lou about kissing her, which he would not. It was something between he and Rose.

"This isn't jealousy!"

"Then what else is it Jamie? Because it isn't fair to her to want her only when someone else does! You've had your chance, but I'm warning you, best to leave her alone for now! Because she'll only resent you if you approach her with this now, and you'll lose her trust."

"I already lost it, all right?" Jamie snapped back, "I'm tired and I'm going to bed."

He went to walk by her, but suddenly she pulled on his arm, and he stopped to look at her. She studied him, tears welling in her own eyes when she saw the pain in his own.

"You're a stubborn fool, and I know you won't listen to my advice, that you're going to tell her probably sooner than later, but I don't want either of you to get hurt. I love you both."

Jamie nodded, but said nothing. Planting a kiss on her cheek and hugging her briefly, he passed her and went to his room, to spend a tortured night reliving her kiss, and wondering how he could have been so stupid as to let her walk away from him again.

* * *

"Might I have the pleasure of your company again, Rose?"

Rose's heart thumped against the front of her chest, and she felt her cheeks grow warm. With pleasure or embarrassment, she wasn't sure, but didn't care. She liked his clear, steady green gaze. She hadn't planned on enjoying his company, had honestly set out just to make Jamie jealous, but she had liked him very much indeed.

"I don't…" a quick smile from him crushed her doubt, "Yes."

"Splendid," he said, and she enjoyed his accent immensely. He took her hand in his and bent low over it, his lips heating the flesh of her hand as he kissed it, "I'll call on you soon. Goodnight to you."

"Goodnight," Rose smiled, and dropped her eyes shyly as he bowed and walked toward the stables.

She stood alone in the dust, watching the last of the wagons rumble back towards Sweetwater, as Patrick, Seth, Carlos, Buck, Kid, and Teaspoon started blowing out the lanterns.

She closed her eyes, her emotions in turmoil. She could still feel Jamie's kiss as if he'd just lifted his head from hers-laughing, damn him-and her heart beat furiously at the thought. She'd never dreamed such sensation could exist, but he'd proved it.

But she couldn't do it again. That had been clear in the horrifying moment when she thought he was mocking her. She knew now he hadn't been, but the feeling of what it had been like the first time he'd laughed at her was too fresh, too easily recalled and relived. He'd asked her if she trusted him, and she'd told him she did. It was the truth, in some respects, she thought. If Jamie asked her to lie down in front of a herd of stampeding buffalo she would have done it without a thought. If he'd told her that a gun was empty and put it to her head, she would have pulled the trigger.

But, she realized slowly, if he told her he loved her, the doubts came falling down like rain.

She trusted him with her life.

But not her heart. Not again.

* * *

Lou and Kid cast several meaningful looks over the table at one another at breakfast the following morning. The tension was tangible and heavy over the table, like a fog. Jamie and Rose went out of their way to avoid meeting each other's eyes. They were also exceedingly polite to each other, tacking on "please" and "thank you" whenever it was necessary for them to actually speak to one another.

In fact, they were so pleasant, Kid thought he had landed in an alien world. Kid opened his mouth to say something after one such exchange, but a swift kick from Lou under the table deterred him, and with a glare at her, he reached for another biscuit instead.

Jamie excused himself before the meal was through, and walked outside. Lou didn't miss Rose's troubled eyes on his back, but the girl's mouth stayed pressed in a thin line of determination. She wasn't going to talk either, Lou realized.

They didn't have to. Something big had happened last night between them at some point, that was obvious enough.

She sighed. They were old enough to work through their own troubles, whatever they were. Her eyes landed on Kid, remembering their early struggles. He caught her gaze and grinned at her, cheeks puffed out with the biscuit he'd shoved in his mouth.

Despite herself, a little laugh escaped her and she thought that just maybe all the turmoil of young love was worth it to get to sit across a breakfast table with him every day.

* * *

It was noon and Rose had just finished brushing and drying out her hair after picking pins out all morning and washing it when John Morgan called. She saw his horse approaching the station, and quickly dressed in a split skirt and a soft yellow blouse that Lou had insisted looked flattering against her complexion.

She clattered down the stairs and tried to gain her breath as Kid opened the door, and let John Morgan in.

She didn't miss Kid's sharp eyes, sizing the young man up carefully, as if deciding if he was worthy of speaking to Rose. From the look on his face he has determined that he was not, but nevertheless, he politely invited him into the parlor.

Rose reintroduced him to Lou and Kid, who'd met him last night, and Lou tried to make up for Kid's coolness by being particularly friendly. After a moment of small talk and a bit of interrogation on Kid's part, John cleared his throat lightly.

He asked, "Mr. and Mrs. McCloud, I came by to ask your permission to let Rose accompany me on a ride? I've heard wonderful things about your ranch, and would be honored to see the land myself."

Kid warmed slightly at this, Lou noticed with a wry smile. He still looked hesitant at releasing Rose to his keeping, so Lou stepped up and smiled at John, "Of course, if Rose would like to go, she may."

All eyes turned to Rose, who blushed and nodded, "I'd love to show you the land."

John smiled, and offered her his arm as they walked from the parlor and out of the house. Lou put a restraining hand on Kid's arm when he went to follow them.

"Oh, leave them alone. Rose will be fine."

Kid grinned down at her, "Maybe it is him I am worried for…"

* * *

Jamie was bent over, shoeing a horse when he heard voices at the end of the stable. He glanced up, expecting his mother or father, and felt the color drain from his face when he saw Rose with _him_.

How dare she flaunt John Morgan in his face, and better yet, how dare John Morgan lay his hand so personally over hers!

The horse snorted when he straightened up and dropped the hoof abruptly.

Seth, from the horse's head, looked at him in surprise, then glanced in the direction he was staring. His mouth twitched with worry at what Jamie would do, and he opened his mouth in warning, but Jamie was already walking down the aisle.

Rose giggled at something John was saying and dropped his arm as they reached Mesa's stall. She was undoing the latch when she saw Jamie heading towards them with purposeful strides.

She took her breath in sharply, and allowed her eyes to bore into his fully for the first time since their kiss. A million currents passed between them in the stare.

 _Jamie, you leave him alone,_ her eyes warned him.

 _I'll do what I damn well please,_ the answering glare.

Rose sighed, and steadied herself for battle.

Jamie came to a stop abruptly, studying the Englishman closely. In turn, Rose looked back and forth between them. They were quite a contrast, one pale, the other dark, one in trousers and a shirt left unbuttoned in the heat, the other in formal breeches and a waist coat.

Was the disdain on Jamie's face clear to John, Rose wondered, or was it only that she knew him so well?

"I don't think we've met. I'm James McCloud."

Rose noticed instantly that while he offered John his hand he did not offer him his friendly name.

"But you can call him Jamie. Everyone calls him that," Rose said sweetly, avoiding the murderous blue eyes at all costs. Jamie could do nothing short of look like a child by refusing to answer to John addressed as such, "Don't they Jamie dear?"

"All my friends do," he replied evenly.

What had caused this sudden hostility between them? Was it all because of John, or something else altogether, she wondered.

She listened to the polite exchanges between the two for a moment, watching each of them size the other up and apparently each feel superior, before she could take no more.

"Jamie, if you don't mind, John and I are going riding this afternoon, and we should be on our way."

Jamie bowed with gallantry Rose knew was sheer mockery, and stood back, "Far be it from me to keep two people from an afternoon of merriment. Careful though," Jamie said, wanting to hurt her like it hurt him to see her with this man who couldn't understand the depths of her as he could. He addressed John, but looked right at her. "Our Rose here is very inexperienced with gentlemen callers."

The color drained from her cheeks, and Jamie instantly felt his own pain double. She blinked in shock and turned to her horse, hiding her face from both of them.

"Yes, I haven't met many _gentlemen_ ," Rose finally said in a low voice, and Jamie had to step back as she led Mesa from his stall. He would have sworn the horse tried to tread on his toes on purpose.

John hung back for a minute, offering his hand.

Jamie clasped it tightly, and for a moment it was a test of strength as both men gripped hard.

"Don't worry yourself, I'll watch her well," John said, the smugness in his voice not hidden in the least.

"Watch yourself as well," Jamie said pleasantly, the threat made clear enough by the stony set of his jaw and the fires in his eyes.

* * *

Jamie was still in the barn when she stormed in late that day, alone. He thought about ducking into the nearest stall and avoiding her, but her furious eyes sought him out before he could move.

"How dare you! How dare you accost him as if he was doing something wrong! As if I was!" She shrieked in fury, not stopping before she reached his toes and stood glaring up at him.

"I only introduced myself, Rose. The polite thing to do," Jamie said calmly, although his blood was heating to a fine boil.

"The hell you did," Rose shot back.

Jamie looked back at her and flinched inwardly. While her eyes had the look of frozen calm last night, today they were a stormy, dark gray, almost violet, and she didn't blink or look away.

"You've got a problem with him, and I want to know what it is!" Rose snapped, "He hasn't done anything to you!"

 _Oh, but he has!_ Jamie thought.

"It isn't him that is the problem, it's you! Did you like my kiss so much that you figure you'll go around and try it on everyone in town now?"

Rose's hand moved like lightning, but he was just as quick and caught her wrist before she could slap his face. However, there was no way to stop the booted foot that caught him squarely in the shins.

He swore loudly, and released his hold on her wrist for a minute. She didn't storm away like he expected her to, but calmly crossed her arms and glared at him.

They looked at each other for a moment, toe to toe and faces red with anger before Jamie sighed, and felt his fury leave him.

"You can't just pretend like last night didn't happen, you know," he finally said softly.

Rose stared at him, trying to decide if she could lower her voice as well. When she seemed in possession of her speaking skills again, she told him, "Last night was a mistake, Jamie. You know it as well as I. And it ain't gonna happen again."

Jamie reached out to touch her chin, "I didn't think it was a mistake at all."

Rose finally broke the stare that followed and shook her head, "I can't do this again. I-I'm leaving."

She turned to go, and got two steps before Jamie reached out to touch her shoulder. She stopped without turning around.

"Why do you always run away from me?" He wondered, quiet.

"Why do you always let me?" she responded without fire.

She started walking again, and Jamie thought about following her just to prove her wrong. But, though his heart knotted, and he realized she was right, and his feet stayed planted. Pride kept them both on their courses, him standing still, her escaping the dimness of the stables, the sun gleaming off her hair like copper as she walked out into the yard.

* * *

"Do you think you two can manage without killing each other?" Lou asked a week later as she stood by Kid, tying her bedroll.

Rose and Jamie glanced sideways at each other.

A temporary truce was called between them, but they still were not at ease around each other. Lou had been so excited about going with Kid to trade some horses in Kansas that neither of them would have stopped her for the world.

"I think we'll manage," Jamie answered, and put a hand on Rose's shoulder, not missing the uneasy tightening of the muscle beneath his hands. She smiled brightly and nodded though when his hand squeezed hard to encourage her to be positive.

"You two ride safe," Rose gasped out and deliberately stepped out from under Jamie's hand so she could hug and kiss them both.

They followed them out on the porch and watched as they took their reins from Seth and Buck who waited to ride with them. Kid, astride his black and white paint Belle, and Lou on her young black colt named Target, made a fine sight as they rode from the station, side by side, and both as straight and tall in their saddles as they'd been at eighteen.

Jamie's face curved into a grin of admiration. He glanced beside him to see a similar look on Rose's face.

Without speaking to her, he walked down the stairs and toward the stables to begin his chores.

* * *

It was getting dark and still no sign of Rose, Jamie thought, faint worry eating at him, but losing to the irritation. She'd gone to town to eat dinner with _him_ , thus leaving Jamie no choice but to either fix his own dinner or to go to Rachel's house.

Teaspoon was home for dinner and studied Jamie's sour look with a grin, "Don't worry, boy, John will take good care of her."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Jamie muttered without thinking.

Teaspoon burst into hearty laughter, "A little jealous, are you?"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" He demanded with a defiant look that reminded Teaspoon keenly of the look Lou had obtained when someone hinted she couldn't do her job because she was a woman.

"Because you're practically green in the face with it," Rachel answered for him, and helped another spoonful of stew onto his plate.

"Well, I'm not! I just don't want her thinking because Mama and Dad are away that she can stay out till all hours with this-" realizing he was speaking to John's employer and his grandfather, he closed his mouth abruptly.

Rachel and Teaspoon cast each other a look that only made him more adamant.

"I'm not jealous! But she's spending an awful lot of time with him, and no one seems to care how it looks!"

"How does it look son?" Teaspoon wondered, "Rose is old enough to make her own decisions and spend her time as she pleases. She's got a fine head on her shoulders. Besides, nine o'clock is hardly 'all hours' of the night."

"Never mind," Jamie muttered, seeing they wouldn't understand either. _Was_ he jealous? He shook his head slightly. Denying it to himself.

However, the scene later that night seemed to indicate otherwise.

The young mare had colic, and a bad case as well, but had turned a corner for the better. That was why Jamie was in the stable near eleven o'clock, with Patrick and Carlos when he heard hoof beats and laughter on the summer air.

Rose guided Mesa to the back entrance to the stable and stopped him, glancing shyly at John. He got off his horse and came around to lift her from the palomino.

Jamie didn't like to think he was eavesdropping, but he couldn't really deny it when he craned his head toward the doorway. Carlos and Patrick, looking mildly ashamed, did the same.

"Thank you for dinner," Rose's voice was soft, dreamy and John's hands stayed on her waist, warm through her clothes.

"A small price to pay for your company, I think," John responded, "You've got the most unusual bloody eyes," he then added.

Jamie raised an eyebrow. Somehow his _beautiful_ seemed better than _unusual bloody_ when describing her eyes, and he was satisfied.

However, Rose didn't seem to think so, "Really?"

Jamie cursed her for sounding so enchanted.

Her heart was beating fast. She'd known him for a week, and he was handsome, and kind and attentive, and even with all those qualities, even better-a distraction from Jamie.

Now, she glanced up at him with the same reckless abandon that made her first request a dance with him. And for the same reason, to drive away the ghost of another dance, another smile, another kiss, she smiled nervously.

"Would you kiss me, John?" Her voice was very soft, a shy invitation, but an invitation nonetheless.

Jamie felt his face go white in shock before a flush of embarrassment and anger rose to his face, and his hands trembled. He longed to strike something, but doing so would give them away. Patrick and Carlos shifted uncomfortably, watching Jamie nervously, and ready to tackle him should he take it upon himself to kill the Englishman.

"I've thought of little else since I met you, Rose."

His voice was gentle. His kiss not so much so.

Rose was a bit surprised at the aggressive demand of his mouth, but she yielded to him, and met him. There was nothing tender and gentle, no give and take. He took, and took, demanding more than she was ready to give. There was passion in the kiss, and her blood ran warm with excitement, and thrilled at the power of him. But, at the same time, she felt herself shrinking with fear when she tried to pull away and he didn't let her.

She made a sound of protest, and placed both hands against the wall of his chest, pushing slightly at first, then more firmly as he pressed her closer to him. His hand crept up her side, towards her breast, and, she pushed with all her might, stepping back out of his hold.

"Stop," she told him breathlessly. As if he didn't hear her, he reached for her again.

She raised her voice and said forcefully, "John, I said stop."

Hearing this, Jamie started to charge to her defense, his hands shaking even more uncontrollably that John might be hurting her.

Patrick and Carlos both grabbed him hard, and shook their heads. John was talking again, and obviously Rose had handled the situation by herself.

Rose drug her hand across the back of her mouth, lips feeling bruised slightly. Her eyes glared at John accusingly, but he made no excuses.

"You're beautiful, and alive Rose. I knew you would be, but not how much so! I didn't mean to scare you, and I'm sorry. You needn't worry about me hurting you, though. I'll never do anything that you don't ask me to."

Rose trembled slightly. She _had_ invited him to kiss her, and she was still dizzy from the effects of it.

Finally she nodded, "I know you wouldn't hurt me John. I-I just…" she paused, and realized she had no idea how to describe that he had scared her without looking like a child. "Goodnight, John."

"Goodnight, my darling. May I see you again?"

Jamie tensed, so close to his snapping point that veins stood in his forehead and the muscles in his neck bulged, the pulse in his throat visible as his blood made a slow, murderous journey through his tense limbs.

"Of course," Rose's voice sounded, and with a last goodnight to each other, they heard retreating hoof beats.

Rose sighed, and watched him go, then picked up Mesa's reins and walked him into the barn, touching her lips with the tips of her fingers.

Patrick and Carlos went quickly back to their work, not wishing Rose to know they'd listened to everything that had transpired outside. They took it for granted that Jamie would respectfully do the same, but were proved wrong.

At the sight of her, Jamie flung down the cloth he'd been holding and headed toward her.

Rose was so trapped in the mix of fascination and fear John's kiss had left with her that she didn't see Jamie until he was right in front of her.

She gasped in surprise when she saw his furious expression, but had no time to gain her wits before he planted himself in front of her.

"What the hell are you doing? Smearing my family's name and honor! After all we've done for you!"

He continued yelling but the roaring fury in her ears drowned out the next words.

Patrick and Carlos were soon on either side of Jamie, pulling him back from her, and leaving her trembling badly as her fury mounted.

" _Your_ name!" She snapped as Jamie shrugged off their restraining hands, but didn't advance on her again, "I have my own name! And if I do smear any honor it will be mine, not yours!"

"And you're not concerned in the least about that are you? About your honor! Hell, why should you be?" Jamie yelled back.

"My honor, or lack of it, is none of your goddamned business!" Rose shouted back, "Who do you think you are spying on me!"

"Somebody better spy on you!" Jamie roared, slamming his fist into the stable wall.

"I don't know who the hell you think you are to have appointed yourself my babysitter!"

"Fine!" Jamie's voice climbed in volume, and horses were snorting nervously and milling in their stalls, "Do what you want, Rose! If you want to be a lawman's whore like your mother, far be it from me to stop you!"

"Jamie!" Patrick's voice was sharp, and he shoved Jamie backwards, stepping between him and Rose. "Ye'll not speak to her like that!"

Jamie looked past Patrick's blood red face, to Rose's. Usually, when she was angry, she went red. Now, however, her face had drained of all color, white with fury. Her pupils dilated, and her hands trembled. She took one step forward, then another, past Patrick and stopped in front of him.

He didn't even try to stop her this time as her hand came crashing across his face, with a force that turned his head and left a stinging red handprint across his cheek.

He kept his head turned to the side, too ashamed to look at her, not because of anything she had done, but because of what he had said.

"You'll not speak of my mother again," she commanded him, her voice strained with the effort of control, "ever."

He could feel her furious eyes holding to his face, had seen the glint of the tears threatening them and held back by only sheer will as she looked at him steadily. He didn't look at her, kept his face averted. She backed up, turned, and walked from the stable, not caring for once if Mesa was tended to or not.

"That was poorly done, lad," Patrick's voice was still trembling in fury, "Ye've no right to say such things. Bloody vicious it was."

Jamie finally glanced at him, then at Carlos, who looked at him in outrage, but was too angry to say anything.

Without a word, Jamie walked away from them, seized Mesa's reins, leapt upon his back, and kicked the horse into a dead gallop, before he was out of the stable, heading in the direction of Sweetwater.

"Do you think he'll do himself or the deputy harm?" Carlos wondered.

"No," Patrick said with relative certainty, "Not the deputy. I imagine the lad's going to get good and drunk."

"Just as well," Carlos said, "Even so, I'm going to go and watch him."

"Ye alright, yerself?" Patrick suddenly asked, "Ye look a mite dangerous."

"Si."

* * *

Jamie hated the taste of whiskey with a passion.

Still, he had to admit, after the third shot, he couldn't taste it much anymore, and the pleasant burning feeling in his stomach eased the knots that had been there for a week now.

He groaned and dropped his head into his hands, thinking of what he said to her, "You fool," he said, talking to himself.

He felt sorry for himself a bit longer until he heard a blood curdling scream outside the saloon. As did everyone else, Jamie staggered to his feet and stumbled outside to see what the fuss was about.

The reality brought with it instant sobriety, and horror, piercing through the haziness of his brain like a bullet. Just a few steps from the porch of the building, a saloon girl lay dead in the dust, covered with what seemed like gallons of her own blood. Her throat had been opened with a knife.

"Murder!" The panic was rippling through the crowd like a wave, and he pushed himself forward to get a better look so that he might make a report to Teaspoon.

His hoarse cry sounded above the others though, when he crouched beside the girl and realized all of the blood did not come from her throat.

Some of it came from a severed ear, crammed into her mouth.


	8. Chapter 7: Lend Me Your Ears

Chapter 7: _Lend Me Your Ears_

Jamie leapt up, backing away from the poor saloon girl, feeling nauseated as the heavily metallic smell of blood filled his nostrils. Pushing back through the crowd as forcefully as he pushed his way in, he finally broke into the open street.

He bent over, bracing hands on shaking legs and took deep, shuddering gasps of air to keep from being sick. The ear…he could have stood it if it hadn't been for the ear, looking so brutally out of place, and so profanely crammed into the silently horrified mouth.

There had to be a message in the mutilation. Perhaps a man in a passionate rage could slit a woman's throat, but he didn't cut off her ear and stick it in her mouth on the saloon porch.

And then it hit him like a ton of bricks, the shock having clouded his mind until now. His head spun with the realization.

 _Rose's ear. Was this some sort of message for her? A warning of a job that was to be finished? A job started long ago, and stopped by Wild Bill Hickok? Was the man was here, still looking for his lost daughter? Would he know Rose was here as well?_

Whatever the case, she was alone in the house, and had surely not locked the door, expecting him to do that when he came in. If anyone was intending to do her harm, all he'd have to do would be open the door and climb the stairs. She'd think anyone coming up the stairs was him, and wouldn't know to be on guard.

Like he'd suddenly been hit by lightning, he leapt into the air and turned, dashing for the saloon, where Mesa was tied.

He ran head-on into someone and stumbled backwards with shock.

"Careful mate. You'll bloody kill us both!"

Jamie was sure the dislike showed on his face when he found himself face to face with John Morgan.

"What's all this fuss about?" John asked, waving a hand vaguely toward the crowd. His clothes were rumpled and his eyes heavy. He had either been asleep or drinking or both. Jamie narrowed his eyes.

"There's been a murder. A saloon girl. Her ear has been cut off," Jamie reported, watching John carefully.

"Her ear? Surely that wouldn't kill her?"

The dispassionate manner in which he absorbed the news troubled Jamie, but then Jamie knew he himself did not have the makings of a lawman.

Jamie realized that the news of the ear had no effect on John and that likely meant Rose hadn't told him about her own ear and he was pleased by that, knowing it was something only those people with Rose's full confidence knew. "Her throat was cut too. I gotta get home. Rose is alone."

John nodded, his green eyes now troubled, "Yes, I'm sorry to have kept you. You'll-" he paused looking embarrassed, "You'll watch after her?"

Jamie might have been angered at the implication that he needed to be _asked_ to look after Rose, and would have pointed out he'd been looking after her long before John had come into the picture, but the worried look on John's face stopped him.

"I'll watch her. And send Teaspoon back here to meet you," Jamie nodded.

"Thank you," John said, and started to rush by him to the growing crowd.

Not having time to wonder at the sudden change in both of their attitudes, Jamie continued on his journey.

With nimble fingers that worked quickly although trembling in fear, Jamie tightened the saddle. He went to grab the reins, and stopped suddenly, drawing in breath quickly as a pair of dark eyes met his own from the shadows.

Jamie instinctively grabbed for his gun, but realized in his fury, he'd stormed out without one.

Then the man stepped forward, and Jamie exhaled.

"Good God, Carlos!" Jamie gasped, "I could have killed you!"

Carlos raised his eyebrows and gave him a quick grin, "Not without this."

He held Jamie's gun belt to him.

"Thanks...What are you doing here anyway?" Jamie wondered.

"Making sure you didn't do anything stupid. The girl ...she is dead?"

The question brought Jamie back to the danger at hand, "Yeah. It may have something to do with Rose. I've got to get to her. You have a way home?"

"Si," came the answer, as Carlos melted back into the shadows.

* * *

"Rose!" Jamie bellowed as Mesa tucked his haunches under his body and hopped twice before stopping by the front stairs to the house. The horse, usually mulish with him, had run his heart out, as if he knew his mistress was in danger.

"Rose!" he screamed again, bursting through the front door, which was, as he predicted, unlocked, and ran up to her room.

"Rose!" He shrieked, feeling icy terror grip his heart when he saw her undisturbed sheets. She was nowhere to be found.

"Rose!" He screamed for the fourth time, crashing through the house with gun drawn.

He was just coming down the stairs when the door swung open. With a mighty cry, Jamie raised the gun.

"For the love of God, Jamie! It's only me!"

Jamie lowered his weapon when he saw Patrick standing with his hands raised in the dim light.

"Where is she?" He asked hoarsely.

"Do ye mean to hurt the lass? Because I willna tell ye!" Patrick said.

"What are you talking about, Patrick?" Jamie said in utter confusion.

"I'll not let ye lay a hand on her, Jamie! Be ye my boss or no'!"

"Have you lost your mind!" Jamie exclaimed.

"No, but I'm of the mind that ye have, after ye acted like Lucifer himself tonight in the stables, lad! And now you're drunk and stumbling about with yer gun and screaming like a madman. What has gotten into ye Jamie McCloud?"

Jamie had forgotten all about his last words with Rose, and felt a desperate pain clench his heart as he feared the last words he ever said to her would be the cruelest to ever leave his lips. "Patrick, she's in danger! There's been a murder in town, and the murderer cut off the victim's ear! Like the man who did it to Rose…" His voice hitched with fear. "She's not here!"

Patrick sighed with relief, understanding Jamie was scared, not angry, "She's safe, Lad, breathe easy!"

"Where?"

"I told her to go to Rachel tonight. I didn't want her to be here when ye came home drunk. Not in yer state of mind."

"Do you really think I'd hurt her, Patrick?" Jamie asked, breathing more normally now that he knew Rose was safe.

"From the look on her face when she left the stable, I'd say ye already hurt her," Patrick said softly, then seeing the look on Jamie's face, put a hand on his shoulder, looking up at him. "Don't take it to heart lad. Ye'll sort it all out in time. We all say things we don't mean, aye?"

"I seem to be doing that more often than not these days," Jamie nodded, "I have to go tell Teaspoon. They'll be needing him in town."

Patrick nodded, "I've another horse saddled outside. Best ye not ride up on her horse or the lass is likely to kill ye instead of the other way around, aye?"

* * *

Jamie ran up the stairs to Teaspoon's house, his boots making loud thumps in the quiet night. He banged on the door hard, the grip of fear wouldn't leave him until he heard from Teaspoon that Rose was there safe.

Rachel opened the door with bleary eyes, squinting in the light of the lantern Jamie held at his side.

"Rachel, is Rose here? And Teaspoon?"

Rachel nodded, "Yes to both questions," she murmured, confusion on her face. She was still half asleep.

"I'm sorry to wake you, Rachel. Something's happened in town…"

A gruff voice sounded from behind Rachel, "What is it, son?"

Rachel stepped back and motioned Jamie in. The air was quite chilly tonight, and a fire burned low in the fireplace, lighting the room.

"Teaspoon, there's been a murder in town."

"What!" Teaspoon exclaimed, "Damn it! Sweetwater's been peaceful for three years!"

"There's more…" Jamie began, and cast a worried glance at the stairway, lowering his voice, "It was a saloon girl that died, and she had her throat cut and her ear cut off."

"Rose?" Rachel said softly, her fingers curling around her own throat.

Jamie wondered sardonically if everyone else was incredibly smart to figure out the significance of the ear so much faster than he had, or if he was an incredible idiot for it to take him so long.

"Isn't the man who cut her ear dead?" Teaspoon asked in confusion, "I thought Jimmy…"

Jamie shrugged, "Rose was never sure. She said she didn't know if he killed him or not. Uncle Jimmy didn't ever tell her."

Teaspoon nodded and reached for his coat.

"Teaspoon?" Jamie said suddenly, "Do you think it would be best not to tell Rose all the details? I don't want to panic her if it's nothing."

Rachel's voice broken in, "Jamie, honey, what if it is? Doesn't she have the right to know?"

"Right to know what?" the sleepy voice asked from the top of the stairs.

Jamie looked up to see her standing on the first landing, a huge yellow cat in her arms. Her hair was free, a tangled mass of glowing red gold that tumbled around her face and shoulders. Her white night dress covered her from neck to toes, but Jamie still felt his face heat as he looked at her.

Her eyes met his, and he saw the anger and the hurt in them, and again, remembered his careless words in the stable. How in the world could he apologize for something like that, and more so, how could he make it right? After the scare he had, finding her gone, thinking her in danger, it was all he wanted.

Her eyes shifted to Rachel, then Teaspoon, "What is going on?"

Rachel and Jamie turned their eyes to Teaspoon, leaving the choice of how much to tell her up to him.

Teaspoon shifted, then looked at Rose, not meeting her direct gaze fully, "Rose, I don't want you to be scared, but a girl in town was stabbed to death."

"Which girl?" Rose asked quickly, the rosy flush leaving her cheeks.

"A saloon girl," Jamie supplied quietly, not looking at her. "No one you knew."

Teaspoon nodded, "I've got to go, but Jamie's going to stay here as an extra gun with you and Rachel." His eyes shifted to Jamie in question, and Jamie nodded his acceptance of the task, "I don't want you going anywhere alone for the next few days, understand? It may have just been a one time thing, but just in case this person plans on making a habit of this, God help us, I don't want to take chances."

Rose looked a bit paler still, but nodded bravely.

Teaspoon kissed Rachel briefly, and left the house.

Jamie, Rose, and Rachel stood in awkward silence for a moment before Rachel sighed and clapped Jamie on the shoulder, "Here, you look cold. You can have the couch. Rose, back to bed with you, too."

Wordlessly, Rose nodded, and still carrying the big cat in her arms, disappeared with a swirl of white material. A minute later, after covering Jamie with a blanket and kissing his forehead lovingly, making Jamie doubt she or Teaspoon knew _why_ Rose was there, Rachel padded softly up the stairs to her own room.

Jamie was exhausted, but sleep was elusive, yet again. Over and over his own words haunted him: _If you want to be a lawman's whore like your mother, far be it from me to stop you!_ The memory of the words was punctuated by the image of the dead saloon girl that wouldn't leave his thoughts.

The look on Rose's face after he had spat the words was one he wasn't likely to forget. A fury unlike he'd ever seen emanated from her, but something else…something heart shattering and painful. Then he knew what it was, the unexplained glimmer. It was the fear that he was right.

"I'm not right!" He said aloud.

Before he knew it, his bare feet were on the cold hardwood floor and he heaved himself up, walking lightly, missing the creaky step by habit of sneaking outside many a morning when he used to spend the night with Rachel and Teaspoon frequently.

He didn't knock. He knew she wouldn't answer him, even if she was awake. Her door swung open soundlessly.

She stiffened, but didn't turn around. She was sitting in a chair by the window, the quilt thrown over her lap, and the ancient yellow cat Marvin sleeping on her legs. She had been stroking him idly, but now her hand paused on his head. The only sound in the room was that of Marvin's blissful purring.

"Rose?" his voice was half question, half plea. She didn't look or answer, but she didn't tell him to go away either, which he took as a positive sign.

"Rose, I don't ask that you say anything at all to me, only that you listen. Will you hear me even though I ain't got the right to ask it?"

Rose thought hard about it, her heart sticking in her throat. Finally, she nodded her head but couldn't look at him.

"Good," Jamie breathed a sigh of relief, then confronted his next problem, what to say.

"Rose…I just I haven't been able to think right or draw a full breath of air since I said that to you in the stables…you know..." when he saw her hand clenched in restrained anger on the arm of the chair, he realized she did, in fact, know.

"I can't imagine what made me say something like that. I don't think that way about you, your mother...or Uncle Jimmy. I never could. I think I just wanted to hurt you as much as knowing you kissed John hurt me. And I went too far."

She stiffened indignantly at this but still remained silent though he heard her push the air out through her nose in a sigh of frustration.

"Rose, since the party, since I kissed you," her knuckles were turning white now, "You're all I can think about! I never felt like that before. And I've been pacing my room at night, wondering why you ran away like that!"

"When I saw you dancing with John Morgan, I hated him. Hated him because I knew I'd driven you to him, although not why. I was crazy with jealousy. I denied it to everyone, including me, but seeing you with him still just makes me feel sick. And then tonight, when I heard you ask him to kiss you, I can't tell you what I felt. I was so angry at you! Angry at you for not thinking that what we shared was something special…angry at you for not knowing that it's not always like that, of course you wouldn't know that yet…but you will!"

He saw her grip relax a bit, and knew that she already had discovered that earlier, when she kissed John. He felt dark satisfaction.

"Hurting you...It didn't make me feel better. I couldn't even look you in the eyes afterwards, I was so ashamed of myself. And it hurt me more because I knew I'd hurt you to the bone, whether you'd show it or not. And Rose, I know you probably can't believe this of me right now, but I wouldn't want hurt you that badly for anything in the world…because I do love you."

She startled at that confession, and bent her head.

Rose blinked hard at the tears that sprang to her eyes. Tears because he had hurt her deeply, but more so because he'd said the words that could turn her world upside down. Wanting to plug her ears and not hear him anymore, but also wanting to remember every word that came out of his mouth, Rose breathed deeply.

"But Rose, I felt the pull of that before John. I need you to know that. To believe me. It was the second I saw you riding into the ranch by my father the day you came back from the horse sale. My eyes had been aching for the sight you for a year and a half, and I didn't realize why until I saw you sitting tall on that horse. When I said that you belonged at the ranch the night of the party...what I meant was we belong here. Together."

Jamie walked to the bed and sat down, but she still didn't turn around.

"I've been all over the world. I've seen castles and monuments, battlefields, crowns, artifacts, and paintings made by the Masters. They don't compare to you, Rose."

"Jamie…" her voice was hoarse, tortured.

"Let me finish!" He commanded her in a voice that she usually would have defied instantly. However, tonight, she grew still again.

"I know, Rose, what you want to say! I know you are with John now, and that you like him. Hell, you may even love him a little, I don't know. But I couldn't let you go on without knowing your options. I don't expect you to return my feelings…not now, not after tonight. But once, you did love me, and you were honest with me, and I owe you the same. But if I'm being honest I have to tell you this too…"

He gathered his wits, praying he'd be strong, "I do love you, Rose, I think I always have in one way or another, and I don't know how I know this, but I just do...my feelings won't change. But I won't bother you with it again, unless you ask me to. I'm not like my father was. I can't do what he did when he proposed to my mother three times. I've too much of her in me to do that. I tell you this tonight, but I'll say no more of it. I can't. It's your decision now. And Rose, if you don't feel that way...now or ever...It's alright. I will be alright. You don't owe me nothing and all I know is that I want to be in your life however you want me there...friend, brother, more."

Rose blinked, letting the tears fall freely down her face. She sat, staring out the window for what seemed like forever, not knowing what to do.

"Jamie?" She suddenly whispered, and turned around.

He had already gone.

* * *

Rose woke slowly, feeling a dull ache between her eyes. She lay perfectly still for a minute, trying to remember if Jamie had really been there last night, had really told her that he loved her.

"Damn you, Jamie!" She growled, when she realized it was too vivid to have been a dream, "Why now?"

He'd just complicated everything! Her feelings for Jamie were still a tangle of emotions, one wrapping so tightly around the other that there was no way she felt capable of straightening them out.

He infuriated her as much as he delighted her. He pushed her, challenged her, knew how her mind worked to the point that he could bend her to his will…and she bend him to hers, and if both of them weren't careful they had the power to destroy each other.

But maybe the power to save one another as well.

Then there was John, who was worldly, and new, and exciting. Who had seemingly strong feelings for her, who didn't think of her as a child like she feared Jamie still did. John was an accomplished lawman. Wouldn't her father have wanted her to be with a lawman, like him? Someone who loved the law enough to put his life on the line to uphold it?

No matter how long she'd dreamed of Jamie coming to her and laying his heart to her keeping, he couldn't have picked a worse time to do so. She was exploring her feelings for John, and she liked him, and she did not think it was fair to forget that because Jamie McCloud had the worst timing in the world!

She dressed and climbed down the stairs groggily. She lay awake forever last night, replaying the words in her mind. What in the world had made him go from telling her she had the potential to be a whore to telling her he loved her? Had the murder shaken him up? Had he fallen on his head?

She was relieved to see Jamie was nowhere in sight for breakfast, and under Rachel's watchful eye she forced the food down, kissing Rachel before heading out to ride the short distance to home to do her chores.

Jamie was out in the stables, and straightened in surprise when she walked in the door. For the most awkward moment their eyes met.

Then Rose smiled slightly, a strained smile, but a smile none the less, and Jamie breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't angry over last night.

Seth and Patrick, seeing the exchange, sighed in relief also, and all was better, if not well.

The week proved trying. Jamie and Rose, alone in the big house, did their best to avoid each other. Conversation was polite at best when they did meet for meals, and no more was spoken about what had passed between them the night at Rachel's. Jamie kept to his word. He gave no sign of the feelings he revealed to her, and Rose knew that if she ever did change her mind, it would, in fact, have to be her to bring the subject up.

She was watched like a hawk. Seth, Carlos, Patrick, or Jamie accompanied her everywhere around the ranch, and Jamie stayed at home at nights rather than go off with friends or go play cards with Seth. Teaspoon or John escorted her to town the two days she went.

"Do you think the killer is that dangerous?" She asked Teaspoon as they drove back to the ranch after a trip to Tompkins' store for oats.

"Well, he hasn't hurt anyone else, but we ain't caught him neither and have no leads. He may be long gone but we're just being careful Rose. You'll have your freedom again soon enough, sweetheart," Teaspoon added, eyeing her.

Rose nodded, and sat back against the seat, disguising a sigh of frustration as a yawn.

* * *

"You'll keep a close eye on her John?" Teaspoon asked, almost flinching with worry as he held Mesa's reins.

"You know I will, Marshal," John promised, "But don't you think this chap is long gone by now? We'd have had more trouble if he wasn't."

"Probably is, but I'm not taking any chances with that girl!" Teaspoon said, and then shut up quickly as the door opened, and Rose emerged, looking beautiful in a bright summer green dress.

Teaspoon chuckled in amusement as she easily swung onto the horse, skirts and all, and arranged them gracefully around her.

"We could have taken the Buckboard," John pointed out with a smile, charmed by her stubbornness.

"I told you, I'd rather ride! After being kept around here like a prisoner," a poignant look at Teaspoon made it clear just who the blame was being placed on, "all week, I'm ready for some exercise!"

"Fair enough," John grinned, and they started for Sweetwater at a gallop.

Patrick looked at Jamie, standing against the shadowed wall of the stables, half expecting him to chase after the pair.

Much to his surprise, Jamie turned, heaved a deep sigh, and even smiled wryly at Patrick, "Damn me for a fool," he said, and walked off with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Give her time Lad," Patrick called softly after him, "She'll no' settle for an Englishman…I know it. Not if old Patrick here has had any influence on her!"

* * *

"That meal was wonderful. Especially after a week of my own cooking! Thank you, John." Rose added with a laugh as she followed John into the marshal's office.

He laughed as well, "So are you saying you aren't a good cook?"

Rose nodded in the affirmative, "I'm saying that I can burn water, John. Louise swears I must be somehow related to her. Apparently, my father was a better cook than us both!"

John laughed too, and then caught her hand, "Ah! It is too bad! I suppose I shall spend the rest of my days starving then!"

"The rest of your days?" Rose asked, the smile fading from her face slightly.

"Yes, the rest of my days." John smiled, and said, "Oh, don't play foolish Rose! You're a very smart girl, you know!"

"Yes, I am," Rose agreed, "But I've no idea what you are talking about, John."

He pulled her closer so that she stood in front of his perch on the desk between his knees. He reached up to tickle her under her chin, and she pulled back slightly.

"Surely you know how I feel about you?" he asked.

"How can you know how you feel about me?" Rose asked, a lump forming in her throat, "You've only known me two weeks to the day, John!"

"That's long enough to know I've never met anyone like you, Rose! I think I'm in love with you!"

" _Think_ you are in love with me?" Rose asked, "Isn't that something you should _know_ before you tell a person?" _And not always then,_ she thought.

"That's my smart girl! You don't let me get away with anything!" John smiled, and Rose grimaced. "I want you Rose. Heart, mind...and body if I am being quite honest." He smiled in a way that might have charmed her had he not just said what he had and his eyes swept along the length of her in a way that left her feeling a bit like she had when Jamie had called her mother a whore.

"John…I do like you-but you saying these things to me is not right, I'm not ready to hear this!"

"But I'm ready to say it!" John said brightly, and laughed, catching her wrist and pulling her closer, "I am ready to do a lot more than talk about it. Let's get married! I want to be with you always! I know it's right! You're so beautiful, Rose, the loveliest woman I've ever seen! I'd be proud to have you on my arm as my wi-,"

"As what? As your ornament!" Rose spat out, pulling her arm out of his grasp and looking at him incredulously. Jamie's words came back to her, John's pale by comparison.

"No, Darling…hear me out…I'd be proud to have you for your beauty, of course, but also your spirit, your passion! There's so much of you I want to know," John smiled suggestively and picked up her hand, gently nipping at the base of her palm. "I know you are curious to learn more aren't you? I am an excellent teacher…"

Rose pulled her hand back, horrified, "You'd marry me to get into my bed?"

John smiled, "Well, I would hope that was part of the arrangement at least. Unless...would you'd be willing to let me in your bed without the trouble and formality of a wedding?"

"I am so stupid," Rose growled, furious with herself. Her eyes flashed to John's. "But not as stupid as you!"

John jumped to his feet, and pressed her face between his hands. "I think you anything but stupid! Ask me to kiss you again, Rose! I just don't want to wait for you any longer I love you so much. No one needs to know…"

Without waiting for her to ask, he leaned forward and did kiss her, his mouth forceful and demanding. He reeked of wine fumes, and finally Rose understood his behavior.

He was drunk.

She said as much when she pushed him away, bringing her hand smartly across his cheek.

His eyes glowed in anger and he grabbed her wrist tightly.

"You let go of me!" Rose growled fiercely.

John did so. "I'm not that drunk Rose. I may have been careless, and I may have frightened you…but I meant everything I said. I do love you, and I do know that I want to marry you, bed you. I'll ask you again and again, until you say yes."

"Well, you'll be asking a long time. Because I'm not marrying anyone that I've known for two weeks, John!" she started for the door.

"Let me see you safely home!" John said, stumbling forward slightly. When the wine kicked in, apparently it did so quickly.

Rose slammed the door in his face, and half ran a few steps in case he tried to follow her.

Two confessions of love in one week. _When it rains, it pours_ , she thought, and strolled the streets of Sweetwater to clear her head.

* * *

Since it was still early when she left John to sleep off his intoxication at the marshal's office, Rose opted to stay in town, rather than go back to the empty house. Jamie, with the assumption she was in John's keeping, had decided to ride the fence with Patrick, and wouldn't be back till late, and Kid and Lou weren't due back for two more days.

She ambled along the streets quietly for an hour, enjoying the heavy fragrant air of summer. When she felt somewhat more composed, she decided she had time for a visit. She made her way to Elizabeth Walker's home. Although when younger, Rose had wanted to claw the girl's eyes out for turning Jamie's head, they'd become good friends in the past years.

The lights inside beamed brightly, and Rose smiled as she knocked on the door. Elizabeth was funny and always full of gossip, and visiting her was usually a fun diversion. She hoped John would be sober enough to escort her home when she was finished here.

Her knock wasn't answered, but knowing that Elizabeth's parents were in Boston for the month, Rose tried the knob and found it open.

"Elizabeth! It's Rose!" She called from the bottom of the stairs. She heard a muffled sound, and took it as an invitation.

She went up toward Elizabeth's bedroom. The sound came again, and Rose wrinkled her brow.

"Elizabeth?"

This time the sound was louder, a gasp and gurgle.

Rose covered the last few feet rapidly and burst into the room. A scream rose in her throat, but never quite made it out of her trembling lips.

Elizabeth was lying on the floor on her back, a steadily growing stain of blood running across the floor in every direction from her.

Rose flew to her side and kneeled beside her, trembling hands working to rip at her own petticoats to form a bandage. Her medical training turned out to be a curse at this moment though. Her throat was cut badly, and there was nothing in the world that could save her.

Goosebumps ran up and down Rose's body as she kneeled over her friend, murmuring reassurances through tear-blurred eyes. If Elizabeth was still alive, that meant whoever had done this hadn't been gone long. In fact, he must have still been in the house when she entered it. Might still be in the house now.

"Oh God," Rose breathed slowly as Elizabeth's hand finally relaxed for good, then in earnest prayer for her friend she murmured it again, "Oh God, please look after her."

 _Who? Who would do this to Elizabeth Walker? A lover, an enemy? Surely Elizabeth had neither!_

And then Rose spotted something lying in Elizabeth's other hand, now cold and limp at her side. She reached over her friend's body to lift it, and pried her hand open.

Blood rushed through Rose's ears and lights flashed in her eyes. She gagged but did not wretch, and felt a trembling begin deep in her bones.

Suddenly her scream pierced her own ears as she stood up and stumbled away in horror.

In Elizabeth's lifeless hand, were her own ears.

* * *

Author's Note: Thanks so much for your kind reviews. Rose and Jamie were my first story-carrying original characters, and I had forgotten how much I love them until I started reposting this story from 1998/99!


	9. Chapter 8: Panic

_Chapter 8: Panic_

Rose suddenly felt as if a hundred sinister eyes were boring into her back, and moved faster, grabbing at the wall for support as she staggered out of Elizabeth's room and toward the stairs. She cast a wary glance over her shoulder, and consequently ran head-on into a partly open closet door, falling down in the hall.

She scrambled up, ignoring the throbbing pain in her cheekbone.

"I need help!" She screamed over and over, nearly falling down the stairs as her trembling knees buckled, "Please, help!"

She was relieved when she made it onto the street, feeling relatively safe there, compared to the confines of the house, where she'd just watched her beautiful young friend die. She was aware of the tears coursing down her cheeks, but everything else seemed far away from her, except a chill that spread over her body despite the warm night air.

Shock, she realized. She was plainly in shock, and not without reason. There was no one out in the streets. She stumbled to the Marshal's office, where she spotted John slumped on his desk, with an impressive puddle of drool spreading on the document in front of him.

"John! John wake up! It's another murder! Please!" She sobbed. Her voice was shrill with panic as she lay her hands on him and shook hard. He roused slowly, picking his head up and bringing the square of paper stuck to his cheek with him. He didn't seem to notice. His eyes were still glazed and distant.

"What? Rose, have you come to accept my proposal? Or join me in bed?" He laughed, and blinked at her through unfocused eyes.

He'd had more to drink, she guessed from the flask sitting next to him.

Rose cursed under her breath. She'd have to get Jamie and Teaspoon then.

Mesa ran hard, and it was only a few minutes before she pulled him up at the ranch, in the stable aisle. Her fingers were starting to tremble uncontrollably as she dragged the saddle off the horse and peeled off his bridle, leaving the palomino in the middle of the hall as she carried her gear to the tack room.

She kicked the door open and tripped on the step into the room, ending up with her tack in a heap on the floor.

"Rose!" The voice was startled and Rose lifted her head, sighing in relief to see Carlos.

"Oh Carlos! The most horrible thing has hap-," she began to sob, but stopped short as she saw him.

He had his back to her, trying to shield what she could plainly see despite his efforts. He was bent over the wash basin, soap lathered to the elbows of both hands.

However, he'd still not been successful in rinsing off the bright red blood from his arms. Rose felt the shaking start anew in her from head to foot.

He turned around when she broke off so suddenly.

"Get away from me!" She shrieked at the top of her lungs, "Don't you touch me!"

"Rose, calm down amiga," he said quietly raising his hands, and Rose could see the bright red blood covering his entire shirt. His eyes widened, "Rose, what happened?"

She screeched at the top of her lungs, scrambling up and leaping from the tack room, and starting at a dead run away from him.

She was blinded by tears and carried by sheer adrenaline, in desperate flight from danger. The most primitive self preservation instincts of man took control of her body, and she ran for her life.

So frantic was she that she never saw the figure step in her path until strong hands clamped on her arms and stayed there as she flailed wildly.

"Let me go! Let go!" She screamed, pounding the chest in front of her with fury and fright, still in flight.

"Stop it! Rose! Rose!" A hard shake tilted her head back and through tear blurred eyes and a wayward lock of hair she met a pair of familiar blue eyes.

Kid.

She hurled herself into his arms with wrenching, screaming sobs, willing him to hold her tighter, to make her feel safe.

"Rose! What has happened? Is it Jamie? Are you hurt?"

"Elizabeth Walker is dead! Murdered! I saw her…I found her!" New sobs wracked her frame, "We have to get Teaspoon! I think Carlos did it!"

"Elizabeth? Murdered?" Kid could not comprehend the death of a child that had grown up beside his, much less by intention. "Rose that can't be….And Carlos? What in the world, sweetheart? What would make you think Carlos would..."

"This," a new voice joined the conversation, and Kid stiffened when he looked up to see Carlos approaching.

Understandable why Rose thought he might have killed someone, Kid thought. He was smeared in blood from head to toe. Kid pushed Rose behind him and flexed his fingers, mentally drawing his gun, preparing should he have to physically do so.

"I didn't mean to scare her," Carlos said, "One of the cows miscarried…it was a bad mess. She bled to death, and I was trying to help her. The carcasses are in the pasture if you'd like to have a look."

Kid sighed with relief, glad that one of his best hands had an explanation. Rose peered from around his shoulder at Carlos, her fingers digging smartly into Kid's arm.

"There now," Kid said soothingly, "See, it isn't Carlos. Now, let's get you calmed down and let you tell me what happened."

In the light Rose looked down at herself and gasped and so did Kid, checking her over to be sure that no blood was hers. She was nearly as blood covered as Carlos. She shuddered violently, resisting the temptation to allow herself to faint. No, she needed to talk to Teaspoon first, then maybe she'd allow herself the luxury of swooning.

"We have to get Teaspoon," She whispered, "John's drunk and he won't be any help."

Kid's eyebrows raised in disapproval at hearing the man who'd taken Rose to dinner had gotten drunk, and he wondered how Rose had stumbled upon Elizabeth's body if she was supposed to be with John, but repressed the questions. Time enough for that later, he knew.

"What happened to your face? Did he do that?" Kid suddenly growled, seizing her chin gently but firmly and turning it so her cheek was in the path of the porch lantern light.

"No…I ran into a door…trying to get out of Elizabeth's house," Rose whispered, a violent shudder seizing her. Suddenly the reality of what she had seen broke through her shock and tears finally came coursing down her cheeks. "She's dead. Elizabeth is dead, Kid." she cried brokenly into her hands until Kid pulled her hard against him, holding onto her for dear life and though he imagined it wrong to do so, giving thanks that it was someone else's daughter and not his own that was gone.

After sending Carlos to get Teaspoon, Kid set his arm around Rose's shoulders and led her into the house.

"Rose, honey, what's happened?" Lou asked, rushing forward and taking the girl by the hands. Tears washed silently down her cheeks, the left one was slowly turning yellowish green, and Lou knew it would be purple by morning.

"He's back," she finally told Kid and Lou as they sat on either side of her and both hugged her tightly, trying to stop her trembling. She told them the whole story, from the murder last week to her leaving John when his advances had become inappropriate and how she'd found Elizabeth.

"Who is back?" Lou asked, brushing a lock of copper hair from Rose's forehead.

"The man who cut my ear...who tried to kill me. He's back."

Kid jumped in surprise, "How do you know?"

Teaspoon, who'd just hurried into the house, answered before Rose could, "Because whoever murdered Elizabeth and the saloon girl last week, has a signature. He cuts off their ears."

* * *

Jamie had a feeling something was horribly wrong when he rode in with Patrick and saw all the lights in the house burning brightly. It was late, and Rose should have gone to bed a long time ago, he thought. He left his horse with Patrick and walked toward the main house. Mesa had been left in the hallway, Rose's saddle was in a pile in the tack room doorway, and Kid and Lou's horses shoved their noses at him over their stalls.

Jamie burst into the house, relieved to see both his parents and Rose in one glance. He then took a closer look. Their faces were all pale and worried, especially Rose who looked as if she might rattle her teeth from her skull with their chattering. A closer look revealed dried blood covering her hands, face, and clothes, and a nasty bruise on her face.

"What happened? Rose, are you alright?" Jamie bellowed, "Did John do that?"

"I-I'm fine," she assured him, quaking anew at the anger in his voice, "But Jamie...we have to tell you something…"

Lou's eyes filled with tears as she thought of how much the truth of this night would hurt him. Elizabeth was not the love of his life, as he once had thought, but she had been a friend and more to Jamie for most of his life. "It's hard news, Jamie."

"What?" Jamie demanded, wide-eyed and heart lurching at the looks on their faces.

"Elizabeth Walker was murdered tonight. By the same man who killed the saloon girl last week from the looks of it," Lou said gently, watching as his face showed disbelief, anger, then shock.

"No," Jamie said with certainty and Lou saw her own fierceness in his denial. "That can't be."

"I am so sorry, Son," Kid stood and went to his side attempting to put his arms around Jamie, who was rigid as a statue.

"It's a mistake." Jamie protested violently, pulling away from his father. He tried to keep his voice calm and reasonable, but it trembled when he added, "It's not true."

Rose stood on unsteady legs and walked to Jamie. Gently she wrapped her arms around him and lay her cheek against his chest as she said through her fresh tears for his hurt, "I saw her, Jamie. I saw her die. I wasn't in time to help her and I am so sorry."

Jamie's arms instinctively wrapped her in an embrace and the act of offering her solace made him accept why she needed it and hot tears burned his own eyes. In a moment his mother and father had their arms about him also and all four of them clung to one another and tried to find balance in their tilting world.

* * *

"Amen," Rose murmured softly, hearing Jamie's deeper echo just above her ear. The graveyard was packed, all of Sweetwater had turned out. Her eyes drifted over the deep hole where the coffin lay to Mr. and Mrs. Walker, leaning on one another for support. How would they ever forgive themselves for not being there at the end?

It was a week after the murder, and Sweetwater was in a state of panic and mourning. Nothing had been found of the killer, much to Teaspoon's disbelief, and the people were growing restless, needing a scapegoat. The townspeople were frustrated, Teaspoon and John were common targets for anger and she hurt for them almost as much as The Walkers.

Rose let her eyes move to Carlos, and jumped when she found he was staring back at her intently. She'd not been alone with him after that one terrifying encounter in the tack room. A deep rooted guilt fit closely with her mistrust, for Carlos had been her friend since she was thirteen, but she just couldn't shake the memory of him, blood covered and grim-faced.

Her eyes went to John Morgan next. She'd refused to see him when he called the day after Elizabeth's death, telling Lou to tell him she was too distraught to see anyone. It had been the truth, if not the sole reason.

Although she wouldn't admit it to anyone else, she was angry at John, not so much for being drunk and talking nonsense as for not being able to protect her, or Elizabeth, when they'd needed it. She expected more from him, and he had disappointed her on both the surface and much deeper levels. Whatever she had started feeling for him before that night had seemingly died with Elizabeth.

She glanced up at Jamie, who had tears rolling unchecked down his face. As if by reflex, Rose reached for his hand.

Jamie jumped when her small, cool hand stole into his own, and his eyes met Rose's. He squeezed her hand in acknowledgement. Although she had been the one to see their friend's death, had been grilled by Teaspoon over and over for details she blamed herself for not being able to recall, and had seen her old demons come to life in the last week, she seemed to be coping better than he was. She had offered him more comfort than the reverse and he was surprised at her strength, at just how leveled he had been by the loss of his childhood sweetheart, and at how terrified he was that Rose would be next.

* * *

"I don't think it's the same man who cut Rose's ear," Teaspoon said quietly, leaning against his desk.

"Why not?" Buck asked softly, "Most others would think it could be."

"Well, if he would have killed another saloon girl, I might think differently. But since Rose was attacked in a saloon, I don't know why he would have sought out one of the most well-to-do girls in town as a victim. I'd think he'd keep looking in the saloons," Teaspoon said.

Jamie nodded, then said thoughtfully, "But what if he's been watching Rose…and he knows who her friends are? What if he went after Elizabeth on purpose?"

"Well, then how do you explain the first victim? Rose had never laid eyes on that girl in her life, right?" Kid put in softly.

There was silence for a moment as the men in the office shifted restlessly. Kid, Buck, Teaspoon, Jamie, and John all stood within the confines of Teaspoon's jail shortly after the funeral, deciding on a course of action.

Kid suddenly spoke up, "We're overlooking an important option," he said, "what if the killer has no connection to Rose at all? What if it just happens to be a sick coincidence that he likes to cut off his victim's ears? After all, Rose's attacker mutilated the ear, but did not take the whole thing off like this killer is doing."

There was silence, and then a grudging nod.

"What about Carlos?" Teaspoon asked suddenly, looking at Kid.

"What about him?" Kid returned calmly, but with a steely edge to his voice.

"I heard about what happened, with the blood…was there a cow out in the pasture?"

"Of course there was!" Kid exploded, "It wasn't him!"

"Are you sure?" John asked suddenly, "He was in town the night of the first murder."

"And so was half of Sweetwater!" Jamie pointed out, "So were you. So was I!"

"Well then maybe you're a suspect too," John said quietly.

Jamie muttered something under his breath and took a quick step toward John, "You've been in town both times! So if anyone is a suspect…"

"I was with Rose," John said, and air of boastful innuendo in his tone.

"Yeah, Rose told me about your behavior that evening. Your job was to protect her and the citizens of this town and you failed on both accounts. Don't you realize it could have been Rose with her throat opened instead of Elizabeth!" Kid growled, pinning the deputy with his stare until the younger man flushed.

"Damn you Morgan for putting her in danger! What kind of man are you?" Jamie snarled.

John made a move toward Jamie and Jamie was thrilled to meet him, but then Teaspoon stepped in.

"If you're gonna kill each other, do it outside, but you ain't acting like heathens in my office!" Teaspoon growled, then looked at Kid, "You're sure it wasn't Carlos?"

Kid nodded, "I'm sure, Teaspoon. I've known the man for fifteen years. He's never been the least bit violent."

"Every man has a breaking point," Buck pointed out, "Especially the way they treat him in town for being Mexican. Worse than they ever treated me."

Jamie shook his head, much like Kid, "It doesn't matter. Carlos isn't capable of murder."

"Would you bet Rose's life on that?" John asked.

"It's not my life to bet," Jamie retorted, "Nor yours."

"Well, for what it's worth, Rose still has her doubts to Carlos' innocence," Teaspoon said slowly, "She hasn't said anything, I know, but I can see it on her face when he's near. She's afraid of him. I don't want to believe he did it any more than you do Kid, and I'm not saying anything until I have some proof, but you watch Lou and Rose around him, you hear?"

Kid shook his head, "I'm not listening to this anymore." With that, he stormed out of the room, Jamie on his heels.

Teaspoon looked after them.

"Do you think they're right?" John asked him, leaning against the wall.

"Yes," Teaspoon said with a sigh, "But that leaves us with nothing but two dead girls."

Jamie was walking beside his father when a thought occurred to him. He thought back to the night of the first murder, and saw Carlos again, sneaking from the shadows. _"Is the girl dead?"_ He'd asked, and suddenly, Jamie wondered how, if Carlos had come from the other direction, he'd known about the girl in the first place.

* * *

Another few weeks passed with no sign of the murderer, and Sweetwater was lulled into a sense of security, however tenuous. Rose was finally allowed to ride on the ranch lands alone, although Lou insisted she keep a gun.

No one believed that the murderer had moved on though, and the whole town held its collective breath and waited for the next stroke of bad fortune to fall.

Stopping to let Mesa draw breath on such a ride, she took the gun out of the holster and looked at it as if it were a foreign object she'd never laid eyes on. Might as well have been, she thought wryly, for all the good it did her.

While she'd inherited her father's quick wit, his swagger, his intelligence, his sense of justice, and his sometimes fierce temper, she had no trace of his marksmanship.

She chuckled to herself suddenly as she thought of the days when Kid had tried to teach her to fire the gun. She'd been hopeless, and had closed her eyes and flinched every time the gun fired, shrieking and dropping it more than once. When she'd gotten over the shrieking, she still couldn't bring herself to look as she fired.

She could still hear Kid's voice, his seemingly bottomless patience finally approaching a floor of irritation.

 _"No Rose, just hold it up a little, straighten your arm…and it would probably help if you opened your eyes, there you go, now fire! No! With your eyes open! Open Rose! You have to see what you're shooting at!"_

She'd given him a look that told him what she would like to be shooting at that particular moment in time and he'd given her a perplexed look.

Wiping the sweat from his brow he'd asked her, _"You're really bad at this. Are you sure Jimmy was your father?_ "

With a determined set of her jaw she'd turned back around, set her jaw, took careful aim, and fired at the bucket ten feet in front of her.

The bullet whined into the distance, and the bucket sat unscathed. Kid howled with laughter, doubling over, _"At least you opened your eyes! But on second thought, I think you were closer with them closed!"_

In a tantrum, she'd flung the gun on the ground and stormed off.

 _"I take it back!"_ He'd yelled after her, _"You_ are definitely _his daughter!"_

Rose laughed about it now, and Mesa picked up his head and gave a low nicker in acknowledgement of her amusement.

Suddenly, his ears pricked up and he turned his head quickly back toward the ranch. She stiffened, and gripped the gun in earnest. Although she felt a bit safer, she wasn't likely to soon forget Elizabeth's last breath.

Her shoulders relaxed somewhat, but not entirely when she spotted the golden head of John Morgan riding toward her. She would have run away, but he'd spotted her and raised his hand in a wave.

Reluctantly, she lifted hers in return.

"Mrs. McCloud told me you'd gone riding," John said. "Rose, I need to talk to you. Will you listen to me?"

Rose studied him for a moment, her expression unforgiving. Then, she blinked and nodded, "I suppose I will."

"Shall we ride then?" he asked gesturing toward the mountains. And starting at a walk, he left her to catch up to him.

When she did, he began, "Rose, I'm so sorry about that night. I'm afraid I've never been able to hold my liquor very well. Bloody sad thing too, because I like the taste of it for all that. I don't drink often, but the wine was such a good quality at dinner that I had more than I intended."

"And the flask afterwards?" Rose couldn't help adding.

"The flask afterwards to make me forget what a fool I was to have spoken to you so. And that's what I've come to beg about. Your forgiveness. While I do think so highly of you and enjoy your company, I'm not really ready to marry you Rose, and I only said so because, well, because the liquor always makes me feel…" he stopped and dropped his head, hiding a sheepish smile, "Amorous."

Rose laughed at this, and he chuckled nervously as well.

"Rose, if another man had said the things to you that I did, I believe I'd have to call him to a duel. I don't have any right to ask, but can you forgive me?"

Rose looked at him, and decided that he was in fact, sincere. A small smile played on her lips, "Don't be silly. Of course I can forgive you, John…for that…but you have to understand that was maybe the worst night of my life and you were supposed to be protecting me, and you were too drunk to stand up. Too drunk to help Elizabeth, rest her soul."

John bowed his head, "I know, my dear. I know it too well. It will never happen again, I swear it. Give me another chance, Rose, I won't let you down again."

Rose stopped Mesa and turned to stare at him, as if judging the probability of him letting her down again. With a deep sigh, she said, "John, I fear you will hate me for this, but I must ask…would you please just consider me your friend and let us forget everything else between us?"

John looked back in shock, clearly never having expected her to suggest he stop his romantic advances, "May I ask why?" he wondered finally, sounding a bit strained.

Rose shrugged, "John, things are complicated for me right now."

John studied her, and in a moment his face softened and he sighed, "Ah, cruel woman, of course," he gave her the smile that had so charmed her on their first meeting, and did so again, "Of course, you'll not stop me from trying to change your mind?"

Rose laughed, " _Could_ I stop you from trying to change my mind?"

"No I think not," John admitted, laughing back.

"Well then, I guess we've both got our work cut out for us then," Rose grinned, "Race you back to the ranch?"

"No, I never take part in such uncivilized…" John interrupted himself by spurring his mount quite suddenly, and very effectively gaining a head start.

* * *

"Looks like trouble coming in," Seth drawled slowly, straightening up with interest as two horses thundered toward the pasture gates.

"It's Rose and the Englishman," Patrick pointed out casually, smiling slightly when Jamie straightened up and took interest.

Laughter and shrieking reached them, and they relaxed, knowing it was only for sport that they came in at breakneck speed.

"Looks like everything is just fine and dandy with them," Jamie couldn't help muttering sourly.

Patrick sighed and turned around to watch as they pulled the horses, shining with sweat, to jolting halts and caught their breath. He couldn't catch the words between them, but saw quite plainly the determination with which Rose offered John her hand.

He took it and bent to kiss it, but Rose firmly grasped his hand and shook it rapidly before withdrawing her own. John laughed, and shook his head, saying something to the effect of, "you're a cold woman" before riding in the opposite direction.

Patrick turned and looked at Jamie as Rose began to slowly walk her horse in the rest of the way, "What did I say lad? I told you she'd not settle for a filthy Englishman!"

* * *

"Are you sure it's safe Teaspoon?" Kid asked uncertainly from atop Belle, "I don't have to take these horses."

"If you want to eat this winter, you do, Kid. It's the biggest sale of the year. You can't miss it," Lou pointed out practically, also astride her own horse, "You have to go…" her eyes went to Rose, "But I could stay..."

Rose smiled and shook her head, "No, you two have used this trip as a vacation for years. I wouldn't dream of taking that from you. There's no point anyway. I'll stay with Rachel and Teaspoon. I won't even go into town and it'll be fine."

Teaspoon nodded, "Besides, it's been three weeks since Elizabeth was killed. Could have just been a drifter who has long since moved on."

Kid nodded, and his eyes shifted to Carlos, "Are you sure you won't come with us? Seth could stay here and look after the mares. And Jamie's trained to treat them. It would get you away from Sweetwater for awhile."

Carlos, who'd never been popular in town because of his Mexican blood, was treated much worse now, after word of his bloody hands had leaked out somehow.

Carlos shook his head, "I won't run from these people, Senor McCloud. My job has always been here with the mares at foaling time. I'll stay."

Kid nodded and sighed, "Of course. And I'm glad of it, for selfish reasons, Carlos. I know the mares don't dare have complications with you around."

Jamie grinned and went up to pat his mother's knee, noticing how pretty she looked. Her long, dark hair was unbound and spilled around her shoulders, with an occasional silver strand catching the light and reflecting it. Her face was still as youthful as his father's, with only a few wrinkles at the corner of her eyes from squinting against the bright plain sun. The long rides and outdoors agreed with her, Jamie realized, she needed to be in the open, riding hard.

"You're beautiful, Mama," Jamie suddenly said, feeling three years old.

Lou glanced down at him in surprise, and lay a graceful hand on his head, leaning down to kiss him, "That's because I'm happy," she whispered to him with a white smile.

"Ride Safe," came the inevitable chorus from everyone on the ground as Kid, Lou, Seth, Buck, and a string of horses thundered out of the ranch, leaving an impressive cloud of dust behind.

* * *

"We can't go!" Rachel cried with conviction the next day with Rose and Jamie sitting at the table and watching the face off with Teaspoon with interest.

"I have to go! And so do you. Eleanor is sick, and George needs our help."

"We can't just leave Rose here! We promised Kid and Lou we'd look after her," Rachel pointed out, "Besides, don't you think you might be needed around here instead of minding some little homestead in Blue Creek?"

Teaspoon shrugged, "Maybe Rose should come with us. And John will look after things here."

Jamie couldn't stop the sarcastic snort that won him glares from both Rose and Teaspoon.

"No chance am I going! I met George Yardley once, and that was more than enough! That dirty old man…" Rose broke off when Teaspoon's steely eyes met hers, his brows raised. Nevertheless she set her jaw and thrust her chin out firmly, "I'm not going."

Teaspoon shook his head, "God, you look like him when you do that," Rose gathered he meant her father, "And far be it from me to try and talk any sense into a Hickok. But you'll stay in town, with Tompkins."

"But Teaspoon! If you're worried about my safety, why are you sending me to town where the murderer is? And Mrs. Thompkins is such a chore..." Rose reasoned.

"Because! Now if you don't stop your jawing, I'm gonna murder you myself! Jamie can come get you during the day if you want to work out here! But I want you in town and inside at nightfall!"

"I'm almost eighteen years old! You can't tell me what to do!" Rose thundered, standing up. Actually, she still had a good six months till she was eighteen, but she didn't bring that up then.

Jamie raised his eyebrows, and suddenly took great interest in his plate so he could hide his smile. These two could potentially put on quite a show.

Finally Jamie cleared his throat, "Teaspoon, what if I promised not to let Rose out of my sight? I will stay with her all day, every day, and Patrick, Carlos, and I will keep watch at night. It would make me uneasy for her to be in town, and I know you trust John to handle things, but I just don't and neither did my father. We'll be extra careful, I promise."

Teaspoon sighed. Jamie was his father's son and he knew that he was good at his word to watch Rose, probably more so than Tompkins. It was hard for him to realize Jamie was a man now...older than his own boys when they had been trusted with far more dangerous tasks. And Rose...well, she was her father's daughter and had more courage than men twice her age and always had.

"Damn it...how did you two grow up?"

Rose and Jamie both flushed with pleasure at this and Teaspoon was relieved to see them look like they did as kids again.

After Teaspoon and Rachel had left, agonizing worry on their faces, she and Jamie had come back to the ranch house, and Rose hated to feel indebted to Jamie for saving her from the Tompkins, but she did.

When she'd hesitantly thanked him he'd snorted. "You think I want to feed horses at dawn by myself? Besides, if any of the mares foal, we'll need all the hands we can get." He'd winked at her and she'd grinned and felt more easy with him than she had since the night of their party.

On the third night home alone with Jamie, Rose almost wished one of the mares would foal so she'd have an excuse to be up and about. She'd had more trouble sleeping than she let on since discovering Elizabeth. Nightmares had returned, punctuated with more graphic images of death, and in the last weeks she had woken many times a night, gasping, with her hand going to her throat, relieved to find it uncut. One particularly nasty one had startled her awake an hour ago and she'd not been able to return to sleep, though she felt exhausted by the hard work they were doing while short of hands with Kid, Lou, Buck and Seth at the horse sale.

Giving it up, Rose decided it would be more productive to go make herself some tea and read something than to lay and fight to find sleep that would not come. She pulled on a light cotton robe over her nightgown then quietly opened the door.

She stepped directly onto something soft, tried to correct herself too late, and pitched headfirst into the hallway floor.

A breathless " _oooof"_ reached her ears over her own cry and she screamed when she realized that someone had been outside her door.

"It's me! Damn it, can you stop that shrieking, oh, God, my head!" Jamie growled, still sounding breathless.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rose snapped, pulling herself to a sitting position, untangling her limbs from his.

"Well I _was_ sleeping, damn it, before you trampled me," he snapped.

"You nearly killed me! I hit my knee really hard on something!" Rose muttered, rubbing her knee cap tenderly.

"Yeah. That was _my_ skull."

Rose, despite herself, giggled. "I knew you had a hard head, but didn't think it was made of solid rock. I think I'm lame, Jamie."

"Yeah, well, maybe we'll shoot you and put you out of our misery. Good lord, how much do you weigh? You stepped right on my stomach. I think you've done permanent damage to my organs."

Rose huffed indignantly and Jamie struggled to a sitting position.

Just then a light flared up at the bottom of the stairs, and Rose gasped and turned to look down them, relaxing when she saw Patrick on the landing, holding a candle and squinting up at them, hair sticking out at all angles over his head. She glanced down, saw his pile of blankets at the bottom of the stairs.

"What in God's name are you two doing?" Rose finally asked, seeing Jamie's bedroll and pillow stretched across her bedroom door threshold.

Patrick shifted restlessly, looking embarrassed and Jamie cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, I did promise Teaspoon to protect you…"

"Jamie...have you and Patrick been sleeping on the floor _the last three nights_?"

Jamie blushed furiously. His voice was sheepish. "It's just that we thought that this way, if anyone tried to get to you, they'd have to go through us first."

Rose felt everything in her soften as she looked at both of them, thinking of their silent and protective presence every night, keeping her safe, costing themselves peaceful rest and never saying a word about it to her.

Rose suddenly lurched forward to kiss Jamie briefly right on the lips and wrap her arms around his neck in a giant hug. Bewildered, he put his arms back around her, holding tightly, feeling her relax against him and wondering if it felt to her like she belonged there as much as it did to him.

"Hey, Lassie. I'm the first line of defense down here! Old Jamie boy would have time to run and hide by the time they got through me," Patrick pointed out.

Laughing, Rose stood and climbed down the stairs, grabbing hold of Patrick's shirt and kissing him soundly on the lips also.

"You are both too sweet for words, do you know that?" Rose finally said shaking her head.

And suddenly, she thought she might be able to sleep after all.

* * *

"Rose, it's none of my business, I know...but are you and John, sort of…well, are you still courting him?" Jamie asked Rose a few days later as he rode quietly beside her in town. It was twilight, and the air had cooled pleasantly, and they had both been infected with cabin fever and opted to eat supper in town, with the Tompkins of all people.

Rose shot him a sidelong glance, "No. He wasn't...I don't know...he's not what I thought he was…"

Jamie looked away and nodded. "He didn't...he didn't do anything untoward did he?"

"Well, yes, I guess he sort of did," Rose said and when Jamie stiffened, and looked over at her in outrage, she reached over and put a hand on his arm. "But I took care of it, so don't you go getting noble on me. A girl's heart can only handle so much rescuing, you know."

Jamie snorted. "Seems unlikely that you'll ever give me a chance to do the rescuing."

Rose started to comment when a loud scream from the other end of town cut her off, and she and Jamie exchanged a look of dread. Wordlessly, they rode side by side to the largest house in Sweetwater, the Mayor's home.

Rose blinked in shock when she saw what all the chaos was about. John Morgan was standing on the porch, blood freely flowing from a wound in his chest. A few inches higher, Rose thought, and the wound would have been a fatal one to the throat.

He wove unsteadily.

"John!" Rose screamed, jumping off her horse and elbowing through the crowd, Jamie close behind her, taking advantage of the path she cleared.

"Mrs. Baines," John gasped, clinging to the porch rail for support, "is dead. I-I heard her scream, but it was too late to save her, and he cut me and got away."

"Who?" Jamie asked as Rose ripped John's shirt sleeve and applied pressure to the bleeding wound, "Did you get a look at him?"

"I did," John gasped, wincing in pain and looked into Jamie's eyes with what was almost an apology.

Unable to say more, John Morgan passed out cold on the porch of the Mayor's house, where the Mayor's own wife was now the third victim of a ruthless predator that would soon have a name.

And from the growl rising from the citizens gathering in front of them, Jamie realized, they would have not only the killer's name, but his head.


	10. Chapter 9: The One the Wolves Pulled Out

_Chapter Nine: The One the Wolves Pulled Out_

"John, John, you have to wake up," Rose pleaded as soon as Jamie lowered him on the floor of the Marshal's office slapping both sides of his cheeks sharply, "Please wake up!"

"They're getting rowdy," Jamie murmured softly, coming back from his watch by the window to crouch at Rose's side, "They want a name." _And blood,_ he thought grimly.

Rose had, with Jamie's help peeled the blood soaked shirt off John and used it to staunch the blood flow. She was presently leaning on it with her knee, trying still to rouse him by slapping at his cheeks.

"Jamie…what if it's Carlos?" Rose suddenly asked, taking great interest in taking John's pulse and checking his coloring so she might avoid Jamie's eyes.

Jamie opened his mouth to deny Carlos could be responsible. The look in John's eyes seemed to indicate the news wouldn't please him though. "I don't know, Rose," he said quietly, patting her knee absently.

"But…what will happen to him?" Rose said, her voice wavering a bit, "With the town so mad, and Teaspoon gone?"

"I've already sent Billy Hayes to ride for Teaspoon. Maybe John will hold off waking up until then."

Rose shook her head, "He won't. He's already starting to come to. He's lost blood, but not enough to keep him down long. Maybe we could get him to hold off releasing the name?"

Jamie shook his head, getting up and going to glance out the window once more. If it wasn't all of Sweetwater surging forward and falling back with angry cries when they saw him at the window, it was damn close.

"No, John won't do that. It's his job to get the killer and if it is Carlos, then he'll have to be brought in."

Rose persisted with her earlier train of thought, "But Jamie…what will _they_ " she cocked her head toward the windows, "do to him?"

Jamie sighed, "I don't know Rose. Hopefully they'll lock him up and wait for Teaspoon and a judge."

"And if they don't?" Rose's voice was muffled as she again looked away from him.

"They'll hang him. Or worse." Jamie said bluntly.

"Oh God," Rose murmured, then shook her head firmly, "No. It isn't him. We know it isn't him don't we Jamie? He couldn't do something like that. Not Carlos?"

Suddenly she reminded him of the thirteen-year-old he'd first met, who'd taken his word as law. Once upon a time he would have lied to her and told her everything was as she wanted it to be. Today however he shrugged and repeated, "I don't know Rosie."

"He's coming to," Rose said, and Jamie was instantly at her side, coaxing John to wake up with her. The crowd had rushed forward and was peering in the window.

He opened his eyes slowly and Jamie leaned over him, shielding him from view and spoke in an authoritative tone, "Don't raise your head whatever you do. I need you to tell me who you saw right now."

John, disoriented and still shaken after his experience looked at him oddly, "Who I saw? Oh! Oh…the Mexican ranch hand…Carlos."

Rose's gasp was audible, and her eyes flew to Jamie's. Having been best friends and living together for so many years had made their ability to communicate impressive.

 _I'm going to warn him_ , Jamie's gaze said with a slight inclination of his head toward the back door.

 _No! What if he goes after you?_ Rose's troubled stare met his.

 _He won't. Buy me some time, though, and stay here, no matter what_ , he mouthed the last words to her over John, wanting there to be no confusion on her part. With that Jamie stood up slowly and stretched as John lay perfectly still, assuming he was asked to do so to prevent further injury.

Jamie's eyes met Rose's again and the message in them was crystal clear, _I mean it, Stay here_.

And he ambled into the back room so that the crowd outside might think he was only going to seek something for Rose. She heard him break into a mad run as soon as he was out of sight.

Rose moved nonchalantly so her back was to the windows, then she said quietly, "You need to lie still, John. You've lost a lot of blood and it's just stopped. Give the wound time to clot."

"But I have to go get Carlos!" John said weakly.

Obviously she was a better actress than she thought. Clearly John thought he would bleed to death if he took a deep breath by the look of him.

"No! I am sure he thinks you're dead, he isn't going anywhere," Rose said slowly, through clenched teeth.

Her face must have finally betrayed her. John suddenly struggled against her hands, "Jamie's gone to warn him hasn't he? You're both interfering with the law and aiding a fugitive!"

The door suddenly burst open and men pressed in, pushing Rose forward, almost on top of John.

"Who was it?" they roared as one, and Rose got up and flattened herself against the back wall. They all had the same maddened, wild look in their eyes, and she was frightened, for herself, and for Jamie, but mostly for Carlos.

"Don't tell them John! They're going to hang him!" Rose blurted out suddenly, and they turned on her with fury, not so much with words but with glares that turned her blood cold. Still, she persisted, hoping she was buying Jamie time. She had no doubt she would fail in diverting them. Nothing would stand in the way of this group. Not for long.

John glanced at her.

"Please," she whispered to him, "He won't get a trial, you know it!"

"He doesn't deserve a trial! That man killed my Elizabeth! And he'd kill you too!" She cringed under the gaze of the grief-crazed Mr. Walker. And the mob, reminded of its losses, roared louder.

Shouldn't she be thrilled that Elizabeth, her dear friend, would be gaining revenge and justice? A cold sweat broke on her brow and she felt tears well in her eyes, so torn by emotion. Carlos had never tried to harm her, but she'd seen the blood, and heard what Jamie had told her about how he had been in town the night of the first murder, and most damning of all the deputy had seen him do it and had been injured by his knife!

John glanced at the wound, saw it had stopped bleeding long ago, and cast Rose a reproachful look for stalling. But he said nothing in the fear of bringing the crowd on her.

"Where's Jamie?" one of the men suddenly asked.

"He's just stepped outside," Rose lied, but her voice trembled.

"He's gone to warn him!" a voice outside thundered, "There goes his horse!"

"Oh God," Rose said with a shaky sigh as the men filed out of the office to saddle up.

John paused by the door, weaving a bit and looking at her, "Rose, I'm sorry. But it's justice, and that's my job. But…I won't say anything about you or admit Jamie knew who it was when he rode for home…"

Rose scowled and turned her head, not looking at him.

"Rose, go to Tompkins. Stay there until this is all over. Promise me you will?" John asked softly, but his voice was demanding. "This may get ugly."

"I'll go," she murmured softly. _But I won't stay there_ she thought.

With a nod and a regretful look, he was gone.

Feeling numb, and more helpless than she'd ever been, Rose slowly walked back to the Tompkins' house as if in a daze. She paused on the porch, as Bill and his wife Marie came out to greet her with concern, after having just bid her and Jamie good evening and seen them off toward home. She could just see a posse, riding out on their horses toward the Bar M, a group of thirty men, most of them carrying torches. It was a horrible sight and she shivered.

 _Get him out of the way, Jamie._ Rose prayed, closing her eyes and hoping fervently that things would be alright. _And then get yourself out of their way!_

* * *

"Carlos! Carlos get out here!" Jamie's voice thundered from the bunkhouse.

Patrick burst out, followed by a more sedate Carlos.

"Did you kill those women Carlos? Because there's a mob of men who've just been told you did!"

"What are ye talking about, lad?" Patrick asked in confusion.

"There's been another murder tonight, and John said he saw Carlos do it!"

"Do you think I did it?" Carlos asked slowly, looking Jamie in the eye with unnerving calmness.

Jamie drew his breath and let it out, studying the dark eyes of a man he'd known for years. A man that though mysterious and quiet, would sit up all night with a newborn calf and sing to it in Spanish, a man that wept when an animal under his care didn't survive.

"God, no I don't think you did it Carlos! But it doesn't matter what I think! I'm not the one coming after you!"

Jamie glanced over his shoulder and could make out the spots of torches coming over the land, and he shuddered violently. It looked as if they were being carried forward by ghosts, the horses and riders not close enough yet to be seen or heard. He stood transfixed by the dots of floating fire for a moment.

He leapt off his horse, Lady, and held the reins to him. "Go, Go now Carlos! She's fast and she's not tired."

Carlos very calmly sat down on the porch step.

"What's wrong with ye man? Have ye gone daft! They're coming for ye, and not to give ye a hearing! They mean to have ye dead!" Patrick's voice grew panicked and he tugged on his friend's arm.

"Carlos, he's right. It's a lynch mob. You have to go, now!"

"Go where? And why? This is my home. Where would I go? To a life on the run? Back to Mexico to starve? No, Senor, I don't think so."

Jamie felt tears of desperation rise in his eyes, "Carlos, they're going to kill you tonight."

"Si, Jamie," Carlos nodded.

The earth was trembling with approaching hoof beats. It would only be minutes before the mob arrived.

"Please go," Jamie begged, "When Teaspoon gets back, when my father does, we can straighten it out! I can't stop them."

"It will never be fixed. These people will always believe I have done this. But you, you do not. And Kid did not think so. And Patrick does not think so. And whether I did it or not does not matter, they think I did. But I don't care. The right people believe that I did not. That is all that matters. Tell your father that I'm sorry I wasn't with the mares while he was away."

"God's nightgown! Ye bloody fool! Ride! Ride away from here! Save yerself! Ye don't have to sacrifice yerself like this! Go!"

"And leave my family and my home? No. You'll come to see me at the last? When they hang me? I'd like a friendly face in the crowd."

Jamie and Patrick both felt the tears streaming down their faces as they nodded.

Soon, pandemonium presided as the mob rode into the station. Thirty enraged men dismounted and swarmed, all wanting to lay rough hands on the quiet prisoner, who took the beatings soundlessly. Jamie and Patrick both screamed and struggled to get into the thrashing crowd and do something.

"You damned savages!" Jamie shrieked, sounding the part himself, and hurled himself onto the back of a large man, using fists and booted feet to slow him down.

Then, there was a searing pain to the back of his head, and he remembered the dirt under his face, and a boot pressed into his back before his eyes closed.

* * *

Rose paced the porch like an animal, her watchful eyes riveted in the direction of the Bar M. Her fingers trembled. Mrs. Tompkins watched her from inside the house, but left her alone.

Rose stopped suddenly as she spotted the torches coming back. She held her breath as the mob grew closer. The horses passed right by the porch of the house and Rose felt tears spring to her eyes. The men looked neither to the left nor the right, but straight ahead, intent on their mission.

Carlos was there in the middle of the pack, his hands bound in front of him, and his face almost unrecognizable from the bruises.

"Carlos!" She screamed, and he jerked his head in her direction, looking at her out of the eye that wasn't swollen totally shut. She ran along the porch, throwing her voice out at him, "Carlos! I'll see that this is cleared up! I know you didn't do it!"

He shocked her by smiling gently at her and she saw the blood flowing from his mouth where most of his teeth had been knocked out.

"You stay there, Amiga!"

Ignoring his order and wondering where the Hell Jamie was, she leapt over the porch rail and ran after the horses until she was sure her heart would burst from the confines of her chest, gasping for air.

The men stopped on the far edge of town where gallows still stood from the execution of an outlaw Teaspoon apprehended three years past. It served as a warning to any who entered Sweetwater with trouble on their minds.

More men and women were gathering in front of the gallows now, and torches and lanterns lit the scene like it was day. It was an unusually humid night, and a sheen of sweat glistened on their skin.

Rose shivered as she paused on the outskirts of the crowd. Their faces, lit by the torches, looked demonic. The irregularly flickering fire heightened the shadows of their eye sockets, and brightened the mad fury shining within them. The hollows and plains of their jaws were blurred, outlining their bones boldly and making them look like skeletons. They screamed, baring their teeth.

Were these the same men that ran the town, that nodded and smiled politely to her as she walked past them on sunny afternoons? What was it about the night and each other that turned them into such barbarians?

She could see them, clubbing Carlos viciously as they drug him up the stairs to the gallows. He did not protest, merely bounced from one fist to the next, quietly accepting his punishment.

"Stop!" Rose screamed from the back of the crowd, jumping to keep sight of Carlos as men and women shoved in front of her to better see the spectacle.

She saw Carlos fall on his knees going up the stairs. With a determined set of her jaw, she put her hand on the shoulders of either man blocking her way and pulled them back with all her might, screeching like a madwoman. It was effective, and they dropped back surprised, and not a little afraid of the look on her face.

With the first leg of the journey begun, Rose glanced at the progress on the gallows. They'd left Carlos in a heap on the wood flooring while several men threw a rope over a helpful tree limb. She narrowed her eyes. Mr. Baines, the mayor, Mr. Walker, and Mr. Tyler, the owner of the bank and some of the town's most respectable citizens were on the gallows shrieking about justice.

With a deep breath, Rose raised her elbows and plunged into the sea of people once again.

It was a very real battle that resembled swimming forward against the tide of violent waves crashing inward. No one was willing to give up his or her spot to allow her closer. She clawed and hit and took no heed of who she injured, so focused was she on her goal.

Carlos, who was having a noose fitted around his neck, suddenly spotted her.

She broke out of the front of the crowd with a force that sent her sprawling into the dirt on her knees. Mr. Tyler was asking Carlos if he had any last words.

"Stop it!" Rose screamed at the exact time the crowd fell utterly silent to hear what the condemned might say, and scrambled to her feet.

Everyone turned surprised eyes on Rose, who was clawing her way, as several hands dared try to stop her, onto the platform.

"He hasn't had a trial!" Rose gasped in a loud voice, hoping to bring at least enough of the crowd to its senses so she'd have some support in her actions.

 _What actions? How am I going to stop this?_ She asked herself belatedly.

"He's a murderer!" Mr. Walker roared, and again, the crowd rallied behind him.

"It doesn't matter! He has the right to a trial!" Rose screeched back, starting forward and bending down by Carlos, tears rising quickly in her eyes as soon as she saw his jaw had been broken, in addition to the missing teeth.

"My God! You savages!" She roared, turning around with her eyes flashing dangerously. Mr. Walker actually took a step away from her, "This is wrong and you know it!"

"And him slicing my daughter to pieces is not?" Mr. Walker thundered.

"You've no proof that he did it!" Rose screeched back.

The crowd gave a discontented murmur, anxious to get on with the show.

"We do have proof Rose," a familiar voice suddenly said loudly, "I saw him do it."

"You!" Rose growled, turning on John with vicious eyes, "You have to stop this! You are a man of the badge! You can't let this happen!"

"I can't stop it, and neither can you, Rose," John said softly so that only those on the gallows could hear him, "Rose, this is no place for a lady!"

"I won't let you do it! You've all lost your minds! What has gotten into you?" Rose screamed again, tears starting to form in her eyes as she realized he was right. She couldn't stop it. Where in the hell was Jamie? What had happened to keep him from defending Carlos against the hanging? Another small knot of fear worked into her churning stomach.

Without any idea what else to do, she collapsed on the boards next to Carlos and took him into her arms as firmly as she could considering the beating he'd had.

"Carlos," she whispered, tears falling down her nose as she leaned her head against his forehead,

"Carlos, I'm so sorry. I know you couldn't do it…"

Carlos, despite the pain it must have caused him with his mangled mouth nodded, tears in his own eyes as well, "I know you know, Rose, mi amiga. But you must step down now, and leave me to them, si? They do not want to hurt you, but they will."

Rose shook her head against his and her voice broke on a sob, because she knew he was right, but also knew she couldn't do it, "Carlos, I can't let them do this to you!"

"They will do it whether you let them or not. And all will be well. I'm am prepared to die."

"No," Rose sniffled, "Don't say that."

Carlos painfully reached up to cradle her cheek, as the men approached, having allowed Rose as long as their mad blood would let them to say goodbye, "mi amiga. Via Con Dios, I will. Stay away from that deputy. He is lying."

Rose screeched and clung to him when gentle but firm hands lifted her up away from him, standing her on her own two feet. Once there, she jerked her arm violently away and retreated to the corner of the gallows, breathing heavily, her mind working furiously.

Carlos stood with dignity as they replaced the noose that Rose had thrown off him. He didn't protest as they moved him over the trap door. Rose could see his hands, tied now behind his back, were trembling.

She started forward to do something, but a hand caught her firmly under the arm, and when she fought, she was jerked backwards and held tightly against her captor, arms pinned and too close to kick him.

She twisted her neck to see John holding her.

"I'll hate you till the day I die for this!" she swore to him, then thinking the better of it, spit in his face, trying once more to break away before pausing, exhausted. The tightening of the fingers around her arms was the only response to her actions.

"Stop it! Please somebody! Stop this! It's not right! He deserves a trial! In the name of God, stop this!"

The crowd looked sheepish under her hot stare, but made no move, no sound of protest. Frustrated and desperate, she instead met Mr. Walker's eyes,

"Please, sir, you can't do this!"

"We can. We will. For Elizabeth." He went on with the preparations, and she went back to thrashing and screaming in vain.

* * *

"Oh God, they're really going to do it," Jamie gasped from atop Lady as they thundered into Sweetwater and looked down the street to where the crowd was gathered. His eyes took in everything, Rose screaming and thrashing against John, Carlos standing with stoic resolve, staring into Rose's eyes, the men chanting and waving the torches.

"Aye," Patrick said in a choked voice from the horse beside him. Both had been left unconscious by the mob. "At least we're in time. And at least Rose is there with him."

Jamie nodded and felt his throat go tight with pride and grief as he heard her gallant efforts to single handedly stop the crazed mob. _It's no good, Rosie_ , he thought. He wished she wouldn't have to see it.

* * *

"Please," Rose whispered at last, but finally stopped fighting, exhausted, looking unflinchingly into Carlos' eyes, knowing she had failed and he would die. Her tears were gone, her shoulders hunched in defeat.

He looked much the same. His eyes held hers, dark and pained, mysterious, but gentle.

"Amiga" she watched his lips soundlessly form the words.

The spring on the latch of the trap door sprung and the crowd fell silent as Carlos suddenly dropped quickly. Rose heard the snap of his neck, and turned away, fighting the urge to vomit or faint or scream until she didn't feel like she was losing her mind.

She stood frozen, her heart pounding and bile rising in her throat, her limbs trembling violently before she realized she still stood in John's grasp, that he was trying to put his arms around her, to comfort her.

She jerked away with a force that left him staggering and screeched again, "You'll all go to Hell for this! He was innocent, damn you! Damn you all! You bloodthirsty fools!"

She blindly stumbled forward as her knees wobbled, pitching head first off the gallows and landing hard on the dust below.

Sobbing she curled her fingers into the dirt as the crowd rushed forward, pushing herself up slowly and crawling to her feet. The tide of the crowd forced her back, pinning her painfully against the platform. Suddenly she felt there wasn't enough air and began elbowing and clawing her way out of the crowd as violently as she worked her way in, desperate to be free of these people.

They were going to mutilate his body she knew, as they climbed onto the platform. Probably tear it to pieces, but it was too late. They couldn't hurt him anymore.

The crowd was again frenzied and ripped right back at her, tearing at her hair, her skin, her clothes. Rose made a fierce spectacle, red hair blazing about her wild eyes. Seeing she was being badly mauled, Jamie leapt off his horse and began elbowing into the crowd as well. He could see Rose now, flinching with pain and growing tired, carried backwards by the crowd five steps for every one she fought forward.

"Rose!" He screamed her name, but might as well have been whispering over the roar of the mob. He yelled in horror when he saw her suddenly disappear, dragged down under the feet of the milling people.

He redoubled his efforts, using brute force and found her, lying doubled up on the ground, arms curled over her head for protection as her feet kicked out in defense and effort to regain her footing. Jamie flinched as her thrashing foot caught him soundly in the knee.

Rose screamed when hands clamped on her arms and hauled her quickly to her feet. She tasted blood on one lip and winced as the hands squeezed the scratches on her arm.

"Shh, honey, I'm here," Jamie told her, and for a moment they were carried back toward the gallows.

As if she were no more than a sack of grain, Jamie suddenly hoisted Rose up against his chest, and began plunging through the mass. Finally, covered in sweat and panting, he broke out of the mob and sat down hard on the dust, Rose still in his arms.

She was trembling with exhaustion and shock, her skin clammy to the touch, but her eyes were dry.

"I'm so sorry Jamie," she said hoarsely, her voice gone from screaming, "I couldn't stop them."

"I know you couldn't, Rosie. Neither could I. Nothing would have stopped them."

Suddenly Patrick was there, still atop his horse, with tears streaming unchecked down his ruddy cheeks. He wordlessly held the reins out to Jamie.

"Let's go home," Jamie said softly, and hoisted her into the saddle. He climbed up behind her and gathered her in his arms. Her trembling still did not cease.

They turned and rode away without looking back to the gallows, where Carlos' body had been cut down.

Rose felt as if she was in a trance for most of the ride back, but ever so slowly she became aware of Jamie. He shaking nearly as violently as she was. Not knowing what else to do, she reached out and placed both hands over his on the reins. It was all the invitation he needed, and suddenly his head was on her shoulder and he gave into sobs, and his arm tightened around her. Beside her, she heard a sob catch in Patrick's throat as well.

They climbed numbly off the horses in the stables.

After caring for them without a word they wearily turned toward the house. When Patrick turned toward the bunkhouse, where he would be alone, Rose quickly reached out, grabbed his hand, and didn't let go. Together, all three of them staggered up to the main house and went inside.

Both men sat numbly at the kitchen table at Rose's bidding, and she fumbled around, hastily going about making them some tea. It was something to do, a mindless task to keep the visions of the night from running through her mind in terrifying slow motion.

Men made into monsters, intent on nothing so much as the blood of another. They'd been like a pack of wolves, harmless enough alone, but vicious and savage when banded, ready the rip the flesh from a weakling.

She shuddered despite herself and Patrick's voice sounded behind her, "Come, lass, rest yerself. Water will do for us."

"No," she said hoarsely, "I-I don't mind…and something hot will..."

Suddenly, she felt her stomach give another violent lurch, and placed both hands flat on the counter to steady herself. Her elbows even trembled beneath her weight as she closed her eyes and waited for the sickness to pass.

"Rose, you okay?"

"Are ye unwell, lassie?"

Both questions went unanswered as Rose turned and burst out of the house, making it to the edge of the porch and vomiting on the unsuspecting shrubbery below. Gentle hands patted her on the back, sweeping her damp hair back, out of the way.

Too miserable to feel humiliated, she finally sank to the boards, her back pressed to the porch railing. Leaning forward she covered her face with both hands and finally gave way to the tears she thought she had moved past.

Soon, gentle hands were prying at her hands, and she was forced to look up as Patrick removed her shield. He pressed a cup into her hands, "Here, lassie, rinse yer mouth out, and let's get ye to bed."

Rose did so as obediently as a child, chasing the foul taste from her mouth with the sweet, cool well water. Jamie arrived with a damp rag, and crouched next to Patrick, wiping her brow.

Her protests were weak as he bathed her brow and her hands, but she flatly refused to be carried inside, and stood on her own, a hand on Patrick's arm to steady her.

She paused at the foot of the stairs and shook her head, "We won't sleep. You both know it."

Jamie nodded, and sighed, "I know it. Why don't we just all sit down here for a while then?"

Rose and Patrick, not eager to be alone with their thoughts, nodded, and they all sat wordlessly, looking into the dark fire place as if it were a pleasant winter evening and the blaze snapped cheerfully.

A soft snore a while later snapped Rose out of her daze and she looked beside her on the couch to see Jamie, head tilted over the back, fast asleep.

She glanced at Patrick and saw he too was out like a light. Smiling tremulously, she got up slowly and went to the empty chair, dragging two blankets off of it, and covered them both up.

She was standing in the middle of the floor, gazing at them when a thought struck her: If Carlos had not done it, then the real killer was still out there.

Shivering, she went to bolt the door, and came back to the couch, moving close to Jamie. He woke up, blinked drowsily, and saw her stricken face. Wordlessly, he reached out for her and pulled her close to his side.

Rose lay her head in his lap, feeling easier with his hand idly playing with the ends of her hair, but wondering what the town would do the next time fingers were pointed. She could only hope to God they'd be pointing somewhere else next time.

Her mind worked furiously, trying to think of someone John could have mistaken for Carlos, but there were dozens of men of medium height and build with dark hair in Sweetwater. She started methodically listing them in her head.

Suddenly Jamie squeezed her shoulder, "I can hear you thinking. Stop it. Tomorrow is soon enough to try to make sense of everything. For now, sleep."

Knowing he was right, Rose sighed, and closed her eyes, clinging tightly to Jamie when nightmares of a frenzied mob and the friend they'd lost to its fury haunted her.


	11. Chapter 10: To Dust All Return

_Chapter 10: To Dust All Return_

Patrick squinted against the bright sun that streamed through a crack in the curtains and consequently fell right across his face. He shook his head, trying to get his bearings and groaned softly when he tried to straighten up. His neck was stiff from the awkward position in the chair.

Sighing he sat up, rolling his head to try and loosen the tight muscles, and smiled when his eyes fell on Jamie and Rose. She was laying down with her head pillowed in his lap, and her fiery red hair spilling across her face and Jamie's legs.

Jamie had his head tilted straight back, Patrick noticed with another wince, just as he had, and his hand rested protectively on her shoulder.

Not wanting to wake them, Patrick got up and crept across the room, hoping they'd escape the reality of the day for a bit longer at least. He went outside to feed the horses.

Jamie jumped when he heard the quiet "click" of the door closing and looked around wildly, orienting himself, somewhat surprised to find Rose sprawled in his lap. He couldn't help but smile slightly as she growled in irritation in her sleep when he moved.

Ever so slowly he edged out from under her head, biting his lip to keep from laughing at her constant intelligible muttering.

Stretching, and rubbing the back of his neck, he slowly staggered outside to help Patrick with feeding the horses, doing everything he could to keep his mind from the night before.

He found his friend leaning on the door of Katy's stall, looking intently inside. Knowing that Katy was due to foal in a few weeks, and that Kid planned on this being her last foal, Jamie broke into a run, sure something was wrong.

"What is it, Pat? What's wrong?"

"Quiet, lad," Patrick muttered as he flew to the door.

Jamie took in the situation. Katy was calmly standing in the corner of her stall, and blinked back innocently at him. Jamie sighed, relieved to see she was alright.

"She'll foal today," Patrick said with conviction.

Jamie eyed the mare for signs of restlessness, but she looked peaceful, "Why do you say that?"

"She's not interested in her feed. The lass is usually kicking the doors down if I wait till this late to feed her. Besides, it's the way of God. 'There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die'," he quoted, then added for Jamie's benefit, "Ecclesiastes."

Jamie glanced and saw tears running down Patrick's face again. He nodded. Another passage entered his mind, and he allowed the words Teaspoon had read to him over and over when he was young to comfort his soul now.

He glanced at Katy's bulging stomach and continued, "'But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.'"

Patrick looked at him, surprised, and Jamie shrugged.

* * *

"I'm going to go get Rose, she'll want to see this," Jamie murmured a bit later as Katy lay down in her stall. True to Patrick's prediction, Katy would definitely have her foal today. And soon, from the looks of it.

He found her still sprawled on the couch, sleeping soundly, with dark circles of exhaustion under her eyes. He hated to wake her, but when she cried out softly with a bad dream, he made up his mind.

Putting gentle hands on her shoulder he shook her, "Rose, wake up."

When her cloudy gray eyes opened, light in the mornings as they always were, and free of the millions of emotions that would live in them during the day, he smiled.

"I've something to show you, come on."

She looked at him in irritation, never much for mornings, but followed wordlessly, putting her hand into his outstretched one.

"It won't be long," Jamie promised her when he stopped her outside of Katy's stall, "And after all, this is Katy's last foal. A very historic event in its own right, at least at the Bar M. She's a few weeks early, and Dad will hate it that he's missed it, but we'll tell him about it, won't we?"

Jamie was inside the stall now, his voice low and soothing for Katy's sake, though he talked to Rose.

Rose watched his hands move over her neck gently and deftly. He was an animal doctor, she realized suddenly, he was trained to do this. Gone were the boyish hands that had always loved the horses under them. Replacing them were large hands that moved with skill, with knowledge, but still, that same love.

Although she was an older horse, Katy was still in prime condition, and a veteran at the task of giving birth by now. Rose cringed slightly, having never actually seen one of the foals born before, given that the mares were fond of picking odd hours to do so, but her eyes stayed riveted on the scene before her.

Patrick was just as transfixed, although he'd surely seen such a sight a thousand times.

Jamie, who'd helped his father with the mares since he was five years old was at ease, but felt tears fill his eyes at the first site of a tiny hoof, and gave Katy firm encouragement, "That's my girl! Oh, what a beauty!"

Rose wasn't sure if "beauty" was the correct term in light of the slithering, slimy little creature that emerged with startling quickness onto the straw, but nevertheless, she felt tears spring to her eyes and slide down her cheeks as she looked on. A smile lit her face and she looked at Patrick, who was also grinning stupidly.

"It's a filly!" Jamie cried with delight, wiping the mucous from the tiny nostrils. He quickly ran the cloth over the squirming object, discovering a bright sorrel color interrupted by large patches of white. "My God! She's going to be the spitting image of Katy!"

Jamie couldn't hide the emotion in his voice as he stroked Katy. She'd carried her master-his father-faithfully for thousands of miles, saving his life more than once, and then she'd founded the bloodline that supported his family, and now, she still served him when she was too old to do either any more, buy producing a foal that would carry on the legacy. Tears spilled out of his eyes.

"Best twenty-five dollars he ever spent, Katy," Jamie whispered to the mare, "You've served him well!"

Katy snorted, as if resenting the idea she was finished serving him, and nudged Jamie back so that she might climb to her feet.

Jamie, grinning from ear to ear, stepped outside the stall and stood beside Rose and Patrick.

"Here she goes," Patrick said softly as the filly suddenly untangled her long legs.

Rose smiled, those legs seemed impossibly long for the small body with the tiny head, and she wondered if the filly would ever actually gain control of them.

She needn't have worried, for suddenly the filly lurched upwards, then immediately crashed onto her nose in the soft straw. Jamie and Patrick laughed at Rose's gasp.

"Give her two more tries, Lass," Patrick assured Rose, and they turned back to the stall.

Sure enough, after two more tumbles in the straw, the filly stood, and Katy bent her nose to nuzzle her gently, almost knocking her off balance again.

The filly lifted her legs, one at a time, and attempted to take a step, falling instantly, but jumping up and trying again stubbornly.

Soon her legs worked, and Katy urged her toward what she sought.

Rose sighed happily as the filly began nursing, and felt tears running down her cheeks at the beauty of the scene. Jamie, seeing this, smiled with great pleasure, and set his arm around her shoulder, drawing her close to his side.

"Pretty sight, ain't it?" he asked her with a squeeze.

Rose simply nodded.

"Well, she'll need a name, ye know," Patrick said softly when the filly was done nursing and lowered herself awkwardly to the straw, to recoup after the hard work of being born.

Jamie nodded and looked hard at the filly. It was a tradition at the ranch to name any filly that Katy foaled in the same manner…with a woman's name. And they all bore Katy's first name, but were called by their second name.

"But," Jamie said, thinking out loud, "This is the last one…it has to be special."

"After Carlos?" Rose suggested quietly, "Carla, maybe?"

Jamie shook his head "Doesn't seem right."

"But…" Rose began in protest.

"He's right, lass…" Patrick agreed. "Besides, then we would always remember him at the end...he wouldn't like that…"

Jamie suddenly remembered his and Patrick's earlier conversation and recalled the comforting scripture, and felt a moment's peace, despite the pain in his heart.

"Grace," he said softly.

"That's pretty. Katy Grace," Rose tried out the name softly.

Jamie shook his head, "No. Not Katy Grace. Just Grace. She'll have her own name. She's not the end of this legacy, she's the start of a new one." He smiled at Patrick, and said, "'Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both. All have the same breath…All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?'"

"Ecclesiastes," Rose murmured softly, "One of my favorite passages."

"Grace then," Patrick said, nodding, "Aye. It is a good name."

And a name that would serve more to remind them of Carlos in life than any other.

They watched the filly in question for a few minutes before Rose's voice interrupted, low, but firm. "We have to go get him."

Jamie sighed, "I know we do. I guess there's no use putting it off."

Patrick turned, "I'll go hitch the buckboard."

* * *

Rose felt her heart thump more rapidly against the wall of her chest, although moments ago she would have thought that impossible. Coming back to Sweetwater was like reliving a nightmare, and she wasn't sure she could face the people who'd turned to demons last night so soon. She felt relatively safe sandwiched between Jamie and Patrick on the wagon seat, but still her stomach lurched violently when Jamie stopped the horse outside of the Marshal's office.

"You alright?" He wondered softly, looking with concern at her white face, "Do you want to stay out here?"

"No. I'm going," Rose said firmly and let Patrick swing her down from the buckboard.

Still, she hung back, behind Jamie's broad shoulders as he marched into the marshal's office.

John was sitting at a desk, staring idly into space. He was unshaven, unwashed, and obviously worse for the wear.

"Where is his body?" Jamie growled quietly, his voice firm.

John turned dull eyes on him, "His body?"

"That's what I said," came the deadly calm reply from Jamie. Then with disgust, "Jesus. You've been drinking again."

"So would you if you had seen what they did to , are you alright? You look awful," John said. He got up as if to have a better look at her.

Rose imagined she did. There were scratches on her face, as well as bruises on her arms where the crowd, and John, had tried to hold her back.

"The body, John," she said flatly, gaining courage from the sturdy presence of Patrick at her side.

"God, Rose, you've been scratched everywhere, haven't you?" John persisted, stepping closer to her.

Rose stepped back, "You stay away from me. I meant what I said last night. I'll never forgive you for letting a town under your care take a man like that. You didn't lift a finger to stop them."

"Rose, how could I have stopped it?" John asked, taking a tentative step forward, his voice was pleading.

"Leave me alone, John," Rose ordered him, and we he took another step forward, Jamie's broader form blocked his path.

"You leave her be. You stay away from her and our land. You understand me? I want the body, and we'll be on our way. Teaspoon can deal with you when he gets back.

John paled and went back to his desk, sitting down and running his fingers through his hair until it stood on end.

"The body?" he snorted bitterly, and turned a shade paler, "Do you honestly think there was a body left after they got their hands on him? They ripped him to pieces, and burned what was left."

Rose felt her knees go weak, and Patrick was quick to put a steady hand under her arm or she might have sank upon them.

"And you didn't stop them?" Jamie growled.

John looked up and turned his face so that they might see a large bruise at his hairline, "They weren't exactly in need of my services, or orders," John retorted, sighing heavily, "Don't you think I tried?"

"There is no body," Jamie repeated softly.

"No. I'm sorry," John whispered, "I tried to stop them."

"You didn't try hard enough," Rose growled, and tears filled her eyes, "And maybe I didn't either!"

She turned and walked out of the office, looking down the street to the gallows, and the charred spot in the middle of the street before them. She held the side of the wagon for support.

Jamie watched to be sure Rose was alright before turning his stare back on John, "Why did you do it? Why did you say it was Carlos?"

John shrugged, "It was getting dark when I heard the scream, and the house was very dark. I was too late, and I met the killer on the stairs, and he took me by surprise. I only got a glimpse of someone…I thought it him…"

"He was with me yesterday afternoon and evening," Patrick spat angrily. "Not that anyone was interested in hearing me say it."

"My God! You disgust me! You weren't even sure it was him and you threw him to a mob!" Jamie shook his head, clenching his teeth and his fists, "You could have kept your mouth shut but you killed him!"

He opened his mouth to say more, but thought nothing good would come of what he wanted to say, except maybe personal satisfaction, so he stormed from the office. John jumped as the door slammed so hard that the bars on the cell rattled.

* * *

Rose took a deep breath as Jamie leaned down to hammer the wooden cross into the ground. _Carlos Sanchez_ , it said. It stood beside four older crosses.

Three of them had been there for nearly twenty years, the ones that read _Jed McCloud, Barney Weathers,_ and _Marty Weathers_. Jamie had told her long ago who they were, a stillborn child, and a father and a son who both died in Point Lookout Prison during the war. All of their bones lay in the South.

The fourth cross also marked a man who rested somewhere else, _James Hickok_. _Beloved friend and father._ She'd stood on the hill with all of them the week after she'd come to live at the Bar M while this one was erected.

She closed her eyes and saw him, and her hand went to her pocket, finding the cool, solid reassurance of his badge there. She knew he would have found a way to stop the mob. She cursed John, and then herself.

Finally Jamie stood up, surveying his work, and bent to straighten the cross once before finally stepping back. It was a pathetic funeral by all means, but Teaspoon wouldn't be back for two days, and maybe longer if Billy Hayes got delayed in going after him, and Kid, Lou, Seth, and Buck wouldn't be back for a week or so still.

They could have another service then. Jamie recognized the need for all three of them to do something to bring closure to the horrible experience sooner than that.

"Should we say something?" Rose asked softly as she stood beside Patrick. Her eyes met Jamie's over the patch of ground that would have been a grave, if only they'd had a body.

"Aye, Lassie, I've brought my Bible…I think I found something appropriate."

Jamie nodded, and bowed his head. Rose did the same.

Patrick's rich brogue was almost hypnotizing as he began reading the word of God.

Rose found her mind wandering from his words. Why hadn't Carlos run for his life? Would they ever make sense of it?

"And the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it."

Patrick reached down to grasp a fistful of dust and then let it glide between his fingers over the cross.

Jamie did the same, and Rose took her turn, finding the ritual comforting. She was beyond tears now she discovered, and so were Patrick and Jamie.

"In the name of the father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen," Patrick finished, thumping the Bible closed.

They stood in respectful silence, lost in their own thoughts for a few minutes before straightening, and feeling they'd done the best they could for their friend, though their best hadn't been nearly enough, they turned to make the long walk back to the station.

Rose smiled slightly as they reached the bottom of the bluff. There, with an equally spectacular view of the mountains and the plains, was the horse graveyard. Her father's first beloved palomino Sundance was buried there she knew, as well as Lou's cherished mount Lightning, and Buck's fiery sorrel. Gentle Ben, the horse Jamie said had carried his mother through the wilderness alone when she'd gone to get help for Kid, taken prisoner after Yankees burned their home to the ground was there too. Clearly, the animals were treasured as family also.

The sky had filled with ominous looking clouds by the time they let themselves out of the pasture and into the stable yard. They went quietly about bringing the horses into their stalls, and getting the livestock in the barn. The storm coming looked to be a bad one.

When all the animals were settled, they went inside, Jamie and Rose both insisting that Patrick stay in the main house with them. Rose set to making them something that resembled a meal though none of them were hungry.

They were quiet, but the desperate grief from the night before had finally started to lift. They were also exhausted, and even when the thunder and lightning began doing their best to rouse them, they gradually all drifted off to sleep around the sitting room, this time Patrick and Jamie stretched out on the floor while Rose took the couch.

A particularly loud clap of thunder awakened Rose with a start. She looked to see if Patrick or Jamie had roused, but they both snored in sync with each other. Shaking her head at them, she got up and went to the window, peering out.

In a flash of lightning she saw that the barn door had come open and was beating viciously against the side of the barn. The horses were surely spooking badly enough without the added noise, and with the wind blowing so, the whole door was likely to come off. It would be hell to try to hold up the huge door while it was fixed.

She glanced at the men, and seriously considered waking one of them to do it. Her eyes caught a portrait of Lou, sitting atop Lightning shortly after the war and she sighed, feeling ashamed. Glaring at Lou's beaming face, she growled, "All right, all right, if you could ride for the express I can go out in the dark."

Taking the blanket with her and wrapping it over her head, she set out across the barnyard, the frequent lightning helping her generously, although sending her heavenward when it was followed by a loud clap of thunder.

She struggled violently with the door, her curses lost in the rain. The wind ripped the blanket from her shoulders and she made a desperate grab at it, but was too slow and it twisted end over end across the yard.

"Wonderful," she mumbled, wiping the soaking hair from her eyes. With a final heave she pulled the door shut, and then fumbled for the tack room door so she might find a lantern and check on the horses.

She bumped into saddle racks and went face first over a hay bale, before she finally a lantern, but thanked the smart person who had left a flint beside it. After a brief struggle, a warm gold glow filled the room.

Rose hummed as she strolled up one side of the barn and down the other. The horses blinked sleepily in the light, barely able to hold their large, gentle eyes open. She paused by Katy and Grace's stall, and felt a huge smile cross her face.

They were both laying in the straw, Katy's nose just touching Grace's.

"You're such a good mother Katy," She whispered softly.

"You will be too," a voice said behind her.

Screaming, she struck out as she whirled, and her fist found a jaw.

"God Rose! It's me!" John bellowed, picking himself slowly off the floor.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" Rose demanded fiercely, keeping her fist clenched.

"I came out to check and see if everything was alright," John said, "It's a bad storm."

Rose felt a cold finger run up her spine as she looked at him, "All the more reason you shouldn't be here. What are you doing in the barn?"

"I saw the lantern," John said smoothly.

The uneasiness crept higher up Rose's back, and the hairs on the back of her neck prickled. "How? The door was closed when I lit it."

John took a step toward her.

Rose took off at a run.

She screamed as loudly as she could, and the lantern went out as she swung it with her running.

Sure that the flame had died, she turned and flung it behind her, hoping to slow John down. When she heard a heavy _thump_ she knew that it had worked.

It didn't detain him for long though, and she could hear him coming after her again, slower now, more deliberate.

There was nothing deliberate in her actions. Not even fully knowing why the panic seized her, she doubled her speed. She screamed again, knowing her cries were lost to the hammering rain, howling wind, and roaring thunder. It didn't matter, the door was just ahead, and if she could make it out of the barn, she could make it to the house.

She hit the door with all her might, and instantly sprang backwards, ending up on the dirt with a blow that jarred her teeth in her skull. She glanced behind her. In a flash of lightning she saw John, walking quite calmly up the aisle after her. He looked neither left nor right, but straight at her, as if he could see her in the dark.

Screaming in terror she got up and hit the door again. And again.

It didn't budge, and she knew it wasn't the force of the wind holding her in. _John had bolted it from the outside and come around, trapping her._

She rammed against the huge door a few more times, in sheer desperation. Still, he came in his unhurried, easy stride.

"What's wrong with you Rose?" He asked her when he was ten feet from the door, where she had her back pressed to it, ready to fight, "Why are you trying to run from me?"

"What's wrong with me?" Rose shot back incredulously, knowing as long as he talked to her, she could keep her nerve. It was the silent, eerie pursuit that had horrified her so. "What has gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me?" John repeated, and another series of lightning flashes lit his face for several seconds and she saw the emotions cross them, changing with every flicker. _Amusement, anger, power, hunger, and mostly desperation_.

Rose waited until he almost reached her, and suddenly charged forward, the other way, determined to make it out of the back entrance of the barn and lose him in the pasture. He anticipated her move though, and jumped into her path.

She hit him, and together they rolled, with him ending up on top.

Kicking, screaming, and biting, Rose put up the fight of her life, and her blows glanced off of him strongly. She knew she was hurting him.

Then, he drew back and slapped her hard with the back of his hand, and for a moment she was still, shaking her head and blinking her eyes, stunned from the fact he had hit her more so than the pain.

"You killed Carlos!" She suddenly informed him quietly, tears rolling from her eyes, "You killed him and I hate you!"

John, having pinned her with his greater weight, sighed, and reached into his back pocket. Rose watched in intrigued horror as he brought out a small bottle and a cloth, and poured the contents onto the cloth. He was steady, methodical, businesslike.

"Don't you see, my beautiful Rose? I did it for you!"

With that he set the bottle aside and brought the rag toward her face. Rose lunged and shifted, rolling onto her stomach and trying to claw her way out from under him.

He chuckled slightly and got a savage hold on her hair, thus stilling her head.

He pressed the cloth to her nose. Rose held her breath as long as she could, but finally gasped unwillingly, recognizing the sharp smell of chloroform from her days at school.

The results were almost instantaneous.

Though her closing eyes and slowed breathing, through the haze that clouded all her thoughts and made her head feel too heavy, she remembered what he said.

 _I did it for you_. she looked into his eyes, wild in the lightning.

 _I did it for you_. He wasn't talking about turning Carlos in.

 _I did it for you_. He was talking about murdering those women.


	12. Chapter 11: A Changed World

Chapter 11: _A Changed World_

Jamie jerked awake with the panic that comes with realizing one has overslept. He glanced at the clock on the mantle and groaned. Almost ten o'clock. The horses were probably on their way to California by now, in hopes that they'd find a master that wouldn't starve them to death.

Patrick too, was still snoring in contentment on the floor.

He relaxed a bit when he saw the empty couch, thinking that Rose had probably fed them. Sighing, he stretched and went outside into the steadily falling rain to help her.

His brow wrinkled in confusion when he saw the barn door bolted tightly, not remembering having closed it up the night before. He also glanced back at the house. Maybe Rose hadn't fed the horses after all. Maybe she'd just crawled up to her room in the middle of the night to sleep in her own bed.

Shrugging his shoulders, he opened the door to the hostile glare of many irritated horses, who instantly thrashed at the stall doors with their front hooves when they caught sight of their worthless caretaker.

"I know, I know," Jamie muttered as he pushed the wheelbarrow full of feed down the hall, measuring out grain to the horses, "Haven't you ever overslept?"

He was on his way back up the aisle when he noticed a broken lantern in the hallway and wrinkled his brow, trying to understand how the wind had blown it so far in.

The hair on the back of his neck lifted and in a hurried stride he moved back toward the house.

Something by the porch caught his eye and he wrinkled his brow in confusion as he bent to pull a blanket out of the shrubs. It had been on the couch, covering Rose the last time he'd seen it. The uneasy feeling suddenly grew in the pit of his stomach, diminishing the thoughts of breakfast he'd been experiencing only moments before. He slammed the door open with a crash that startled Patrick out of slumber, and took the stairs two at a time.

As he feared, her bed was untouched.

* * *

There was no light or dark, nor was there a sense of time or place. There was only a thick kind of nothingness, with no color, no smell, no temperature, and no limit. It was floating in midair with a million kaleidoscope images swirling rapidly in front of her face, amounting to everything and nothing at the same time.

Still, she struggled, fighting against things that weren't tangible enough to fight against. Her mind struggled fiercely, trying to comprehend what was holding her down. Several times she nearly grasped the urgent memories in front of her, but then felt something slide down her throat, and all was nothing again.

Finally, she grasped the edge of a thought, and clung to it for dear life. It worked hard to break the surface of her confusion, and finally it was there, a tiny but firm anchor in her drifting brain… _Where Am I?_

Clinging to that thought for all that she was worth, Rose finally opened her eyes. The room was dim, thick with dust, but even the bit of light streaming through the cracks over her head was painful.

Laying very still, until she was reasonably sure the room wasn't really spinning, Rose let her eyes wander over her surroundings. She was in a primitive looking room with a dirt floor and three rickety wood walls. The other wall was dirt. Above her the ceiling was actually only boards laid carelessly near each other, allowing light from above to shine in. A streak of sunlight lit the wall on the other side of the room, and Rose watched it, transfixed by the pattern. She shook herself out of her daze and continued her survey. The room only had a bed, a cot, a table and a chair within it. She could find no door, except for a square on the ceiling.

It was a cellar of some sort then, a cellar of what building she couldn't guess.

She vaguely began remembering bits and pieces of things as she lay conscious for the first time since the night she'd been taken from the ranch…her last clear memory of anything. She had no idea how long she'd been gone. Scenes flashed before her eyes, disconnected and confusing.

They played in her mind, fragments that didn't fit together into a coherent picture. Waking up thrown over a horse like a sack of potatoes, and watching mud pass beneath the hooves. A campfire, and a hulking shape trying to make her eat, and shaking her roughly when she would not. A creaky door that didn't sit well on the hinges, protesting the booted foot that kicked it open while she was hoisted through it. A figure over her, gently removing her clothes and pulling a nightgown on her instead, despite her weak protests. These were interspersed with fantastical images of sailing ships and dancing bears and rivers of fire.

Rose looked down, touching the light cotton nightdress. Her skin crawled. He'd had his hands on her, she could remember that much, her mind had been alert enough to feel him but her limbs too weak to fight. He hadn't hurt her, not really, not then...and maybe not since though she thought she recalled him above her, frustrated and breathless, but unable to perform the act of rape. She wasn't sure what was memory and what was nightmare.

"You're awake!"

Rose turned her blurred vision toward the voice and saw John jump from the trap door in the ceiling and come to sit beside her.

"How long have I been here?" she whispered, her voice hoarse from disuse.

"Doesn't matter, does it Rose? The important thing is we're together."

"Are you going to kill me like you killed those other women?"

"Of course not, my darling. I love you. I killed them so we could be together."

Rose flung her head to the side, ignoring the dizziness doing so caused in favor of escaping the hand that tried to brush her damp hair back.

"What are you talking about?" She murmured, surprised at the slurring sound of her voice, at how hard it was to think of the words and then say them, "What did they have to do with me!"

"They tried to turn my head Rose, to make me like them. To make me want them the way I wanted you. So I let them know I was yours!" John gently traced her damaged earlobe.

Rose shuddered violently, "What are you talking about?"

"I cut their ears off Rose…because they thought they were more perfect than you. And they thought themselves better than me. So I showed them…I showed them they weren't."

"That saloon girl never knew me! And Elizabeth was my friend...oh God, you killed my friend...because of me…" Tears filled her eyes as Rose fought through the fog that still hung between coherent thoughts and her utter confusion.

"I saw them looking at me Rose. I knew they wanted me to leave you...to make love to them."

"Did you rape them and tell yourself they wanted you to?" Rose asked incredulously, but she didn't want to know the answer, feeling closer and closer to hysteria. "And Carlos. You let them kill him...you encouraged it!"

"I needed them to feel safe again...so I could come for you. The last one...the mayor's wife...she almost got the best of me...I knew it was time to come get you when I realized I could have died without us ever being together. Shhh, love, you're getting agitated. Let me just give you some more of this...it will settle you."

He got up and went to the small table, lifting several small bottles and studying them. That was the explanation for her weakness and inability to think. She'd been drugged. Laudanum? More chloroform maybe? Something else too...something stronger...

"I want to go home John," she said softly, then a plan worked its way into her restless brain, "Please, take me home, and we'll announce our engagement…and we'll have a big wedding and all of Sweetwater will come and no one will ever have to know what you did."

Rose hoped her voice didn't sound as desperate to his ears as it did to hers.

"Really, love, you mean it? You wish to marry me now?" John asked, grasping her hands.

"Really, my….l-love," Rose nearly choked on the words. She prayed him mad enough to believe her. If she could just get within sight of Jamie, she had no doubt he'd save her. Her childish faith in his ability had not wavered much with age. If he could save her from a group of drunkards, a pack of Indians, and a bloodthirsty mob, he'd save her from a mad man.

John was gazing in her eyes, "Ask me to kiss you again, Rose. I said I'd never do anything you didn't ask me to do."

She knew it was a test and wondered briefly what she'd do if he asked for more. Reluctantly she raised her eyes to his. She licked her dry lips, trying to prepare herself to speak. What would he do if she wouldn't…couldn't, ask him to kiss her? Her stomach lurched and her heart pounded at the thought of him touching her at all, much less kissing her.

"Well?"

"Would you like to…k-kiss me, John?" She finally whispered, looking away from the strange light that came into his eyes. She choked and bit back a gag as he leaned toward her, and all she could see was Elizabeth's terrified eyes as she'd died, holding her own ears in her hand.

Before John reached her, with a sudden surge of panic-induced strength, Rose struck out with all her might, catching his nose with her forehead. She heard his cartlidge crack, and he fell on his knees at the side of the bed, blood running down his face.

With a shriek of fear for what she'd just done, Rose bolted out of bed, and unsteadily ran to the trap door. Her limbs were sluggish, uncooperative and at odds with the urgency of her terror. She leapt for the rope that would help her up, but she was too short, her legs too weak and unresponsive.

It was one of the most frustrating experiences of her life, this disconnect between instinct and limb.

She glanced at John, who was getting up and coming toward her.

She screamed for help and grabbed a bottle of laudanum from the table, flinging it directly at his head.

Her weak arm was inaccurate and the throw was wide. The glass shattered on the back wall, and the thick black liquid ran across it, almost as slowly as John walked toward her.

With another shriek, again finding his unhurried calm in the face of her horror more unsettling than anything, Rose jumped for the rope, and then fell hard to the floor.

John's feet appeared in front of her.

"I'm sorry," Rose whispered, hiding her face in her hands, "I'm sorry…please, don't kill me!"

Soon, his hands were on her shoulders, and he pulled her up. He looked at her for a moment, and Rose tried not to flinch under those vacant looking green eyes. She couldn't understand what he was thinking, but she was reasonably sure he wasn't pleased with her for breaking his nose. The blood stained the front of his shirt and his face, and hands.

Rose gasped in surprise a moment later when the back of one of those hands cracked across her cheek. She stumbled backwards and would have fallen but he reached out and grabbed her arm, taking her back to the bed and throwing her onto it.

Rose, her control already weakened by the left over effects of the sedative, began sobbing, not having the presence of mind to concern herself with dignity. She curled up in a ball.

"Rose, darling, you aren't going to go home. You're going to stay here with me forever. Maybe one day you can come out of here, but not until I'm sure you love me and won't go back to _him_. You will never see him again. Any of them."

Rose sobbed harder at the reference to Jamie, longing for him and Patrick, Teaspoon, Kid and Lou. The thought made her weep more bitterly.

 _Jamie will find me_ , she thought desperately, but the small voice at the back of her mind nagged at her, _How will he find you? You vanished right under his nose, in a rain that would wash out all tracks, and you're underground in some kind of building, and don't know where or how long you've been here…how should Jamie?_

"Don't cry darling. I know it doesn't seem fair now, but I know you'll love me for it one day."

"No I won't!" Rose snapped at him, "I hate you! I'll hate you forever! They'll find me! Kid and Lou and Jamie will turn over every rock in this country until they do! "

"I hope not. I'd hate to kill them all. It was their good fortune it was you and not them that came out to the barn. I thought they would come...the goddamned Irishman and that ignorant cowhand that looks at you like a rutting stag...and I was waiting to put a bullet in their brains before collecting you from the house...I still plan on killing him...but brave Rose, you came out all alone to latch the doors down. Like fate intended it."

"They'll kill you," Rose said, but her voice shook badly, "I'll never love you...if-if you hurt my family.""

"Shh, you're upset now, you're saying things you don't mean. Here, let me give you something to help you sleep," John crooned soothingly.

Rose sat up, trying to get away from him, but he secured her arm in a vise-like grip. "I don't want anything to help me sleep, no, please," she whimpered weakly as he drew out a needle and syringe, "please."

He ignored her, intent on selecting a vial from his collection. His touch was sure, and she realized he'd done this many times. She wondered who he used the drugs on, himself or other victims. Or both.

With the syringe filled, he got up, and went to light something on the floor on the other side of the bed. A small cloud of smoke drifted up and reached Rose's nostrils. It was a sickly sweet odor, and instantly her head began to reel. She realized that the room wasn't dusty, it was smoky.

"Opium?" She questioned him when he came to take her heavy, unresisting wrist. She found she cared less about what happened to her than she had a second ago.

"Yes, you like it?" He smiled at her as he jabbed the needle into her arm and let more sedatives into her bloodstream, "I like opium."

"No," Rose mumbled, feeling the edges of her vision clouding, "I don't like it…"

"You will love it soon enough. Shh, my love, all will be well," John told her and lifted her, moving her over on the bed, and climbing in beside her. Rose struggled in vain, thinking he meant to harm her, but instead, he put his arms around her, cupping her breast in his hand and lay his head on the pillow beside hers, holding her like a lover. Blood still dripped from his nose, but he seemed to feel nothing.

To Rose, and her quickly diminishing capacity to think clearly, John's arms might have been steel bands for all the good pushing against them did. Finally, she could fight no more as she closed her eyes, and felt John pull her more closely to him.

* * *

The dreams were constant. They were drug-induced dreams of endless searching and running, but never finding or reaching the object that bounced along in front of her. They were vivid dreams, sometimes terrifying, sometimes beautiful, with the startling colors, nonsensical timeline, and alternate logic only possible in dreams.

She was whimpering from the effects of a dream of a wooded area and a chase through screaming trees when a hand gently took hers.

She gasped and opened her eyes, looking with only a little shock into a pair of keen eyes she'd traveled Westward to find.

"Bill-uh…Jimmy?"

"Yes, sweetheart."

"But you're dead," Rose murmured, "Am I?"

He smiled, shaking his head, "No, you're not dead, thank God."

"What are you doing here then?"

"Visiting. Do you want me to go?"

"No…of course not. There's something I meant to tell you a few years ago, but I never got to," Rose began, struggling to sit up. She couldn't say why she wasn't shocked or scared to find her deceased father sitting on the edge of her bed, his hand warm on hers, but she felt no alarm, only urgency to get the words out before he left her again.

Jimmy smiled, his handsome face transformed by his even white teeth. She had loved his smile and realized she was one of the few people in Deadwood he gifted with it. "I know Rose. I know you are my own. I always thought so, but I didn't want to tell you, in case you didn't…in case you had a father you loved and thought was yours. Hell, he would have been a better father than me anyway."

"You didn't know about me," a horrible thought occurred to Rose and she looked him directly in the eyes, "did you? Mama always said you didn't ever know…"

He smiled again and put her at ease, "I didn't know until I saw you for the first time Rose, in the doctor's office while the doctor took care of your ear. I could see your mother right there in front of me. But I could see myself too."

Rose wrinkled her brow, "I'm like my mother?" She recalled the unhappy, unsatisfied woman aged far beyond her years that she remembered. She could still see her mother on her deathbed, telling her who her father was and how he'd refused to come away with her, to remove his guns. Her mother had blamed her unhappiness, life and death on a man known only to Rose through dime store novels.

As if he knew who her mother had become, he shook his head, "I remember her differently Rose. She was a saloon girl when I knew her, and she was beautiful. Flaming red hair, even more so than yours…it was darker, and the brightest green eyes I've ever seen in my life. Spirited as a wild horse, too, and loved to laugh and play." He smiled at the memory and his eyes obtained a far away look, "We had several good months together. The happiest I've been since I left the express, you know, at least until I met you. But she wanted an easy life, Rose, just to settle down. I tried that in my early years, and trouble always found me. And when trouble finds me Rose, people I care about get hurt. Believe it or not, she counted among those I cared for very much."

"That's why you left Sweetwater in the first place," Rose said quietly, understanding.

"Yes, and why your mother left me. She didn't understand that I couldn't take off my gun. You never can once you go down the road I traveled, you know. She ran away in the middle of the night, and for months I looked for her, but she didn't want to be found. I heard a few years later that she was working in a brothel in Texas, but not that she'd had a child. Seemed like she went to great pains to keep me from knowing where she was so I never went after her...figured I hurt her enough."

Rose sighed, "She still loved you I think, although she always told me I was just like you and talked about how much she hated you, and me too. She tried to convince herself she made the right choice running from you, but she never did. Your name was the last thing she ever said before she died."

Jimmy nodded, "And so you came to find me. Why didn't you tell me? You already know why I didn't tell you."

Rose shrugged, "I never could find the nerve. I didn't know if you'd believe me, if you would want to know even if you did see it was true, and I didn't want you to send me away. I wanted to know you."

Jimmy smiled, "Not want you? I never wanted anything more than you! I wanted to make up to you all the years I missed, but was afraid you'd be so angry at me for trying, for thinking I could. I wanted to give you the world. I'd stopped caring if I lived or died long ago, but when I saw you I wanted nothing more than to live, protect you and teach you everything and watch you grow. I wanted to change every bad choice I ever made so I could have the chance to know you from the second you were born. I-You changed everything for me Rose. But for the world, it was too late...it wouldn't let me change."

"Why did you sit with your back to the door? They say it was suicide." Rose said quietly. It was something she had heard said plenty in Deadwood but she had never heard any of their family at the Bar M utter a whisper of speculation about it, at least not in her hearing. But they had to wonder, didn't they?

He shook his head, "It wasn't suicide. I don't even know why I did. Maybe I was distracted or tired or careless. Maybe it was meant to be, I can't say. But I did, and it's too late to change it. But, it could have been for the best. The McClouds might not have found you if it wasn't for that, and they've given you more than I ever could have."

"The only thing they gave me that you couldn't have is your name," Rose said softly.

"I would have given you my name!" Jimmy protested, "If I had known you wanted it!"

Rose shook her head with certainty, "You would have been a father to me. Were one on a lot of levels. But, no, you would have been too worried that your trouble would find me easier with your name. I've thought about it for years. But, it never has found me…well, not your trouble anyway. I seem to do a good job of finding my own."

Jimmy grinned, "Like your father, eh? Well, learn what I never could, Rose. You have to let someone love you, or there's no hope for you. I had plenty of people in my life that would have, but I was too scared to let them. I was hoping to…to earn your love, but I was out of time.

"You did that easily." Rose assured him, "I know you were scared. They all loved you anyway, though. Did you know that? They still grieve for you. Especially Lou I think. So do I."

His eyes showed doubt. He reached down and took the star she'd pulled from beneath her pillow from her, "You kept this?"

"It's the only thing I had to remind me of you. I stole it when I came to see your body," Rose said, "The doctor chased me through town when I did it, but I outran him. I don't go anywhere without it."

Jimmy nodded, "I'm glad you've got it. It served me well for many years. Still, given your current situation, I'll keep it safe for you until you're safe again." He put it in his pocket, and Rose didn't protest.

Rose asked, "Haven't you come to take me from here?"

Jimmy shook his head, "Rose, I think you know there's not much I can do right now. But help will come. You fight till then, my girl, all right?."

He was slowly fading before her eyes and she tightened her hold on his hand, "No! Please don't leave me, stay with me if there's nothing you can do!"

"I can't darlin'. You have to wake up. It's time to be brave."

"No! Please stay!" Rose cried out again.

He smiled, and reached to cradle her cheek, "Rose, I do love you, I only wish I'd been allowed to stay long enough to show you how much."

"I love you...Daddy," Rose whispered back and then watched in fascination as his face faded from beneath his black hat and as John's face replaced it.

John was grasping her hand and looking into her eyes, whispering words of love. Had the words been his then, and not her fathers after all? The weight of disappointment almost crushed her. It had been a dream then.

So great was her depression and hopelessness that she turned her head in disgust and willed herself back into a dazed sleep, hoping to encounter her father again.

* * *

Jamie's face was a stone mask as he rode back into the station. Lady was dark with sweat and blowing hard. Inside he was shattered, broken into a million shards of agony that compounded every hour that went by and they didn't find her.

Patrick rode beside him, equally tormented.

Exhausted from the constant watch they had set to keep Rose safe, Jamie and Patrick had been too weary to help her when the time came that she needed them. She had been taken from under their noses and all the promises Jamie had made to Teaspoon, his parents, and Rose herself, had been broken. He could not forgive himself.

It had been a week, and they'd covered the surrounding territory without the slightest clue.

After discovering John was missing they'd figured out who had Rose, but where was another matter.

No one had seen hide nor hair of John or Rose in a hundred mile radius. Jamie had recalled every angry word he had said to John, tortured by thoughts of how the deputy might take them out on Rose. He was sick to his very soul at the thought.

Kid, Lou, and Buck ran out to greet Patrick and Jamie with grim expressions.

Jamie was going to ask if they'd heard anything, but the hopeful look on their faces told him they were wondering the same thing of them.

Lou held Lady's reins as he climbed down. There were no words of greeting.

"Nothing?" she asked, voice breathless from the unrelenting and absolute state of panic they were living in.

"No," Jamie said quietly, the picture of defeat, "It was my fault. I should have been more careful knowing the killer was loose. I don't even know when he took her, except it was sometime during that night."

"Jamie, we're going to find her," Buck said reassuringly, "Teaspoon's riding South of here, and has printed out wanted posters and sent them from Boston to San Francisco. Seth is out riding North, asking around. Cody is on his way here too."

Kid nodded, "They couldn't have disappeared into thin air. They'll turn up or we will find them."

"I'm afraid the beast has taken her back to England," Patrick said softly.

"No, someone would have seen them, and Rose would have been fighting. He's holed up somewhere."

"But what if he did take her to England?" Lou asked softly.

"Then I'll find her there," Jamie said softly.

Kid nodded, "And I'll go with him."

Lou watched as Jamie and Kid met eyes and nodded to one another, sealing the pact. She knew that look too well, they were good at their word.

What none of them were talking about, Lou also knew, and what all of them could do nothing but think about in grim detail, was what John would do to Rose in the interim.


	13. Chapter 12: One Man's Madness

Chapter 12: _One Man's Madness_

It was a slow process but finally Rose was sitting upright on the bed. John was nowhere in sight.

Sweat broke out on her brow as she struggled to stand, the days of drugs and inactivity having weakened her considerably, and with the poor nutrition and little water she'd been given it was really no wonder that her legs trembled.

The walls seemed to sway inwards as she staggered, arms outstretched, to the trap door in the ceiling. Expecting to hear John's heavy footsteps at any moment, she dragged the rickety chair under the door and precariously climbed upon it. She still fell short. Half-sobbing at the effort and time it cost her, she went to get the small table, dragging it under the door, and placing the chair atop it. It took several tries, but she made it atop the chair finally and her arms trembled with the exertion of pushing the door open. It was a battle of strength she didn't have in reserve to pull herself up through the opening. She lay on the floor weakly when she made it through, panting. Her mind ferociously urged her to get moving but her body was in revolt.

She sighed and pushed her upper body up, not able to contain a gasp of surprise when she saw where she was. It was an old abandoned ranch house that she'd explored with Jamie when she was younger. It was only a few miles from the Bar M.

The knowledge buoyed her, and she climbed to her feet, and hurried out the door, shocked and suspicious when John didn't come to stop her. She guessed the fact that she felt somewhat more alert might mean he had run out of opium and had to travel to get more. She did not know how long he had been gone or how far away he might be. Daring to hope she could get home, she staggered down the porch stairs and in the direction of home.

It seemed she was in one of her dreams where she ran for miles without going anywhere, but she actually was stumbling along over rocks and clumps of grass at a steady pace. The abandoned farmhouse John had held her in for so long still loomed ominously over her shoulder.

"Can I help you, Miss?"

The gruff voice startled her, and she would have screamed but found her voice hoarse and thin. She relaxed when she recognized the man sitting on the horse in front of her. He was a traveling Catholic priest from Blue Creek who made a trip once a month to Sweetwater.

"What has happened, child?"

Rose could imagine she must look a sight, even in her cloudy haze. She still had on the white nightgown John had put her in soon after taking her from the ranch, but it was stained with blood, dirt, grime, and sweat. Her hair was dirty and oily, and her skin was covered in streaks of filth.

"Please, help me...I need Jamie...the marshal...I have to…" Rose whispered, tears falling down her cheeks, stammering as she tried to tell him what she needed quickly in her foggy state of mind, but was soon interrupted.

"Ah, you've found her, praise the Lord!"

Rose cringed and shrank from the voice. She didn't turn around, but felt John's hand circle her elbow with a grip that was sure to bruise her.

"I apologize, Father, my wife is rather ill," John was telling the priest, "She's lost a child recently, you see, and it's affected her mind a little."

"That so?" The priest wondered, looking at Rose as if to judge if he was telling the truth.

Rose would have cried out that he was lying, but realized that John would kill him, and then he'd be no help. She remained silent, but did her best _not_ to look mad, letting her eyes bore into his. She imagined, drugged as she had been for so long, that she could not possibly look sane.

The priest looked at John, "You should keep a better eye on her, son. She'll hurt herself out here. Someone might take advantage of her."

"Yes Father...I will keep a much better eye on her...she won't get away again," John said quietly but his fingers bit hard enough into her arm to bring new tears to her eyes, even in her drug-numbed state.

"I'll pray for you both," the priest said to John and briefly met Rose's gaze. "God's plan is hard to know sometimes." There was pity in his eyes.

Rose felt hopelessness weight her chest as he seemed to accept John's explanation. A sob escaped her despite herself as he turned his horse to ride away. Everything in her wanted to scream at him to save her from John, knowing that there would be some severe form of punishment for her escape attempt. She curbed the hysteria she felt knowing if she was to have any chance of survival she had to let the priest ride away and pray to God that he mentioned the encounter to anyone who might realize it was her.

She held her breath as John stood beside her silently, watching until the priest was out of sight. At one point he pulled his gun from the holster, and Rose knew he considered killing the priest, but then for whatever reason decided against it.

Even with that small victory, she wanted to give into utter despair but as clear as day, she heard her father's voice urging her to fight just a little longer.

"I can't stand much more, Daddy," she whispered brokenly as John dragged her to his horse and threw her over the saddle.

* * *

Teaspoon was sitting solemnly at his desk, watching Jamie and Kid pour over maps of the territory. They'd been looking for Rose for almost two weeks, and hadn't found the slightest hint to where she might be. Cody had arrived, and he and Buck were out looking for Rose, for some long gone track they might have overlooked.

Teaspoon was too knowledgeable about the minds of criminals to have much hope of finding her alive. He couldn't bring himself to tell the men he loved as son and grandson that. Jamie had just ridden in from Willow Springs, and the boy looked like hell. He was pale and drawn, and his cheekbones were beginning to hollow out because he wouldn't eat properly.

Teaspoon cursed inwardly. A man he'd given authority to, put his trust in, had taken Jimmy's child from them...a young woman he loved as much as he had loved her father. He was not sure he could recover from losing her nor his role in it.

A visitor broke his train of thoughts.

"Father McKee," he said by way of greeting the Catholic priest.

"Marshal, I have something I feel I should report to you. It may be nothing, but I will feel better if I tell you."

"Certainly," Teaspoon nodded, and waved to a chair in front of his desk, "What is it?"

"Well, I was riding into town and saw a girl wandering in the field near that old farmhouse north of town. I thought it was abandoned, but I guess I was wrong. She was unkempt and looked half-wild. I asked the girl if she needed help, and she told me she needed the marshal, but before I could do anything else, a young man appeared. Said the girl had gone daft with a miscarriage, and I daresay the girl did not look well...nor seem to be in her right mind...but it left me feeling queer. Felt like there was something strange about the fellow…"

Jamie stood up so quickly his chair clattered to the ground, "What did she look like?"

"Pretty girl underneath the grime. Tall and thin. Probably about eighteen or so. Red hair."

Jamie, Kid, and Teaspoon exchanged shocked glances. They'd turned over every rock in the surrounding territory but it had not occurred to them that she might have been kept close.

"Thought you checked out the old homestead," Teaspoon murmured.

"We did the day after he took her. No sign of her then." Jamie said. "He'll move her now, or kill her. We have to go."

"Let's ride," Kid agreed and watched as Teaspoon grabbed his gun.

Lady was tied up outside since Jamie had just returned from Willow Springs, and he leapt on her.

"You wait for us, Jamie!" Kid warned him, but Jamie was already wheeling Lady and urging her into a gallop.

"There's no time!" Jamie called back over his shoulder.

"Idiot!" Kid muttered and glanced at Teaspoon, "Let's get the horses before he gets himself killed."

"Reminds me of you running after Lou," Teaspoon pointed out as they broke into a run toward the Livery stable.

Kid sighed. It was so easy to forget that Jamie was a man, and more than that a man who looked at Rose the way he looked at Lou.

* * *

"No!" Rose thundered as John pulled out the familiar syringe, "No more!"

"Shh, you've gone and gotten upset. We're going to be moving today Rose. I'm taking you home."

"You're taking me back?" Rose asked suspiciously.

"No. Home, Rose. To England. We will have a nice long boat ride for you to learn my rules. You ever run away from me again, I will cut off your toes Rose. In fact, as soon as we get away from here I think I will take one as a lesson."

"You're mad, John, you really are! I want you to think for one minute, please!" Rose struggled to stay alert and focused, having the feeling her future depended on it. She watched his hand as he finished drawing the drug into the syringe, and began talking quickly, "John, listen to me. You can't keep me drugged the rest of my life. I'm never going to love you, and sooner or later I'll have the chance to escape again, and I'll take it. And one day I'll get away from you. Let me go now and go back to England and I won't tell anyone what you've done!"

John ignored her, murmuring endearments as he pulled her arm out. Rose glanced down at the ugly needle marks and bruising on the inside of her elbow and taking a deep breath, tensed her muscle. She hesitated a moment too long, and John jabbed the needle into her arm before she struck out with both arms and legs, knocking him off the bed and rolling out of the other side, not paying attention to the prick of the needle still in her arm. She groped wildly along the wall, heading for the door.

A blunt blow made contact with her lower back and she went sprawling across the floor with a grunt. John leapt on her from behind, his hands tearing at her hair and skin in a fury she hadn't seen from him before.

"That's it Rose, I've waited and waited, and been so good to you! And this is how you repay me? I'll wait no more! Ask me to make love to you, now."

"You're a crazy bastard!" Rose spat at him, "No!"

"I told you once I'd never do anything you didn't ask me to, but I have ways of making you ask Rose, and you're not going to like them any more than the other girls."

He was still behind her, so she heard rather than saw him pull a knife from his boot. With deft hands that she was no match for with her rapid loss of orientation, he turned her to her back and kneeled over her, quickly injecting the rest of the sedative into her vein and then tossing it away.

"Ask me Rose," John demanded in a voice that was calm.

"Is this what you did to the other girls? And when they refused you, you just killed them?"

John shook his head, "No, not at all. I cut off their ears when they wouldn't ask. Then, I got bored with them and killed them. I had to rush with Elizabeth before I was ready...because you showed up and messed up my routine. Thought you had run on home...left me wanting you like a tease Rose, like the whore you have proven yourself to be. So I went to that pretty blonde's house. But you didn't want me to have her and there you were, interfering with my plans. I knew you cared for me then."

"I thought of taking you that night...but I just wasn't quite ready yet...I wanted to savor our time together...draw it out to make this moment when you suggested that we should be nothing more than friends. As if our attraction could ever be ignored...I knew I would need time to teach you. Imagine my thoughts a few weeks later, when I saw you ride into town with James McCloud. I distracted myself with the Mayor's wife that night...now she was a fighter, that one. Got a hold of my knife."

He methodically wiped the knife blade on his pants leg as if it still had Lucy Baines' blood on it and looked at her, "One more chance to ask me Rose."

Rose watched with wide eyes as he brought the knife past her face, and held it behind her good ear lobe. His finger caressed the front of the lobe gently.

"Should I make them match, or will you ask me Rose?"

For a cowardly moment, she considered giving in, thinking that it would be better to be raped than mutilated, and remembering clearly the hot pain of losing her other ear years ago. However, looking into John's eyes, she realized she'd never recover if he touched her that way with what he considered to be her permission in his sickened brain.

She wasn't sure it mattered anyway. He was ready to kill her now though he had not been before. She wondered just how long it would take the priest to ride to town...how much longer still until he asked about a young couple who had lost a child recently..

"Go to Hell," she growled, then shrieked in pain as the knife sliced hotly into the tender skin of her earlobe.

" _Rose!_ " Jamie screamed moments after her own cry had pierced the air. He struggled with the locked front door, and figured out that John had barred it from the inside.

He moved to the window of the old farmhouse and drew back his gun plunging it through a window as Rose yelled again. Not feeling the cuts that spilled blood between his fingers, he knocked the rest of the glass out, and crawled into the house.

"John!" He thundered in a rage, "You'd better get the hell away from her! Where are you Rose?"

"Jamie!" The call was filled with fear and relief, but followed by another cry of pain that raised the hair on Jamie's arms. He dashed through the house calling her, but she was suddenly silent.

Rose kicked and bit at the hand covering her mouth, trying desperately to help Jamie find her. John looked completely out of his mind, all traces of the Englishman gone to be replaced by a monster tearing at his and her clothes, intent on the task he'd set his mind to.

Finally, his hand slipped and Rose took the opportunity to bite his finger with all her might. John's own cry of pain led Jamie to them.

He shouldn't have been surprised that John was waiting for him when he dropped onto the floor of the cellar, but felt his breath leave him when his eyes fell on them. John was kneeling over the top of Rose, both of them half undressed, and looking steadily back at him. A knife was pressed close to Rose's throat, and blood covered one side of it. He realized the blood came from Rose's ear and felt sickened.

"Jamie," she whispered his name, a combination of a warning and a plea, then was quiet. Tears rolled down her face and Jamie wanted John's head separated from his body, was fairly certain he could remove it with his bare hands. Every cell in his body wanted to rush to her side...but the knife would be quicker than he was.

"Get off her John, right now," Jamie ordered softly, a quiet warning, but a deadly one.

"You drop the gun or I'll slit her throat like I did the others," John gave a warning of his own. He suddenly smiled at Jamie, "Surprised, weren't you, to find it was me? Thought I was a lazy drunk, did you?"

"You outsmarted us all. John, let her go, you can walk away," Jamie lied, not daring to provoke the crazed man in front of him.

"Don't patronize me! I told you to drop the gun, McCloud," John responded.

They were both perfectly still. Rose, knowing her life hung in the balance, was silent.

"John…" Jamie tried to make his shaking voice reasonable.

"Jamie," John said in the same tone, mocking, and applied more pressure to the blade. Rose breathed in sharply and bit her lip as the point pricked her skin.

Her heart felt as if it rested right at the base of her throat, just beneath the knife.

Jamie, seeing the trail of blood that oozed from the tip of the blade as well as the quickening pulse in the column of Rose's long throat quickly held up his hands, "Okay! Okay, John, I'll drop it! Just don't hurt her!"

"Don't do it Jamie, he'll kill me anyway, and you too!"

"Shut up!" John snapped at her, taking his other hand and cracking it across her mouth hard.

Jamie took a long step forward, nearly blinded by berserk rage, but John growled and repositioned the knife, "No you don't! Kick it over here."

Jamie stopped short and obeyed despite the looks from Rose that begged him not to.

"Good," John said when he held the gun, "Now, I'll deal with you in a few minutes. Rose, where were we? Oh yes, you were going to ask me to make love to you, right?"

"No!" Jamie and Rose cried out at the same time, but when John pointed the revolver at Jamie's head, they both fell silent.

"Well, you wouldn't ask to save your own neck, but what about his? Ask me Rose, or I'll put a bullet in him!"

"I'd rather die than him touch you!" Jamie protested, feeling a cold sweat cover him from head to toe. He'd never felt more helpless. Here she was three yards away and he couldn't do a damn thing to help her.

It wasn't so simple for Rose. Or rather, it was that simple, but for the other option. Her honor for Jamie's life. A small price, she thought.

Rose swallowed hard around the lump in her throat, and avoiding Jamie's eyes at all costs she nodded, "Okay John, you win."

"Rose!" Jamie's cry was desperate, but when John raised the knife on Rose, he again quieted.

"No Rose, I want you to ask," John insisted.

Jamie couldn't stop himself as he begged her, "Please, Rose, don't do this!"

Rose hesitated, fury, pride, and fear mixing in her blood, which seemed to slow to a crawl. She took a deep breath, praying for courage.

John cocked the hammer of the gun trained on Jamie as an incentive for her to hurry with her question.

"John-okay. You can do whatever you want. I won't fight."

"No, Rose. You don't understand. I want you to ask me to make love to you."

Jamie shook his head, feeling more and more sick, and terror was edging out fury as his mind worked at a way to save her. He knew John was a lunatic, but he'd never dreamed such madness existed. John would really believe when Rose asked him, although forced to do so, that she loved and wanted him.

"John," Rose's voice was not her own, and sweat beaded on her forehead, "Would you m-make l-love to m-me?"

Jamie felt he would vomit. John, in a flurry of movement, began pushing the night dress further up Rose's legs. Seeing the pistol still pointed at Jamie's head, Rose offered no resistance. John laid the knife by her and began fumbling with his belt.

As soon as the knife was clear of Rose's throat, Jamie let out a snarl that was not entirely human and bolted.

Everything else happened very fast, and yet Rose could recall every detail with agonizing clarity for the rest of her life.

John lurched off her, his elbow grinding into her ribs as he took aim. She screamed and knocked his arm as he squeezed the trigger. The gun roared right above her face, and she saw the flash from the barrel, smelled the pungent odor of gunpowder.

The carved ivory handle of the knife was smooth between her fingers. The strength with which her arm moved was many times greater than it should have been, but desperation and the need to survive flooded into her blood and battled the morphine and opium. The blade glided smoothly, almost gracefully, between John's shoulder blades. His eyes went wide with shock.

John collapsed on top of her, making a distant keening sound that brought to mind slaughterhouses, but then Jamie was lifting him off her and throwing him halfway across the room that had been her prison. Her ears were ringing so much from the close range gunshot that she was hearing things as if from deep under the surface of water; Jamie warning John to stay down and the sound of a second gunshot.

Then Jamie was dragging her into a rough embrace that might have broken her bones if she hadn't been clinging to him just as frantically.

Jamie wasn't sure which of them was trembling worse. Their mutual shaking rocked them closer. "It's over now," he said simply in a voice that he used on frightened or hurt animals.

He still sounded a thousand leagues away. Her head burrowed further into his chest, and he pulled her closer. She smelled of blood, sweat, grime, opium, and now John, the result of days in the heat of the summer held captive in an underground hole.

The fear, the opium, and the illness mingled with the other smells, and yet, even under that he could smell the faintest twinge of the lilac water she always used. The scent was as much a part of her as her red hair, and he allowed relief to course through his veins.

"Is he dead?" Rose asked suddenly, trying to look to see for herself.

Jamie pushed her head back into his chest, not wanting her to see the body, "He's dead, honey. He won't hurt you again."

Her trembling didn't ease though, "I didn't want to stop till he was dead," she said through teeth that chattered.

"I know you didn't. I finished him for you," he assured her.

"Did he hurt you?" She asked quietly, "Are you hit?"

Jamie shook his head, "He clipped my arm and it knocked me down, I'm fine. You saved my life you know. Why can't you ever let me do the rescuing, huh?" His voice still trembled wildly.

"Jamie! Jamie, where are you! Rose?" Kid's voice was frantic, and not without good reason, Jamie thought suddenly. He _had_ ridden off without them like a bat out of hell and Kid would have heard the two shots with no idea of their outcome but would fear the worst.

"Down here! The cellar in the kitchen," He called to them, voice still shaking, "We're both alright."

Kid and Teaspoon were quick in making it to the trap door and looked down in the dim room from above.

"You're alright?" Kid asked doubtfully, seeing the blood on Jamie's sleeve and Rose's neck.

"Yes," Jamie and Rose gave the shaky answer, and Jamie added, "John's dead."

"Not soon enough," Kid said, and looked to Rose, tears touching his eyes. "Sweetheart, you don't know how happy I am to see you."

Jamie climbed to his feet, taking Rose with him, blocking her view of John's body at all costs with his own, not missing the shudder as she looked around the small room, "Let's get you out of here, Rosie."

"Yes, let's get me out of here," Rose agreed, trying to smile but not quite succeeding.

She stretched her arms out to Kid as Jamie lifted her, and Kid grasped her tightly after he pulled her up, sitting down on the floor suddenly and cradling her in his arms.

"Thank God, thank you God," he murmured as he brushed her hair back and looked in her eyes, kissing her forehead gently. "My Rose," he said and his voice and calm broke and sobs wracked his shoulders as he pulled her to him as if she were still a child. As if she were _his_ child.

Something about his fatherly embrace and loving eyes, mixed with the sudden loss of adrenaline and the relief of what she'd escaped made Rose feel four years old. The sedative was winning the fight in her blood. Giving in to the realization that she was safe and didn't have to keep her wits about her any longer, she finally sniffled once, then lay her head against Kid's chest and fell asleep.

* * *

"Riders up ahead," Jamie called, and glanced at Kid and Rose. She was sleeping heavily in a drug-induced state against Kid's chest.

"Looks like Lou," Teaspoon noted. "And Cody and Buck with her too."

"Is she alright?" Lou asked breathlessly as she urged Target to Belle's side and bent over Rose's sleeping form. Lou then looked at Jamie, and cried out when she saw the blood on his sleeve and hand, "Jamie? What happened, is it bad?"

"Just scratches, Mama," Jamie assured her, then smiled gently, "I told you we'd get her."

Lou looked into his eyes and realized with a jolt he really would have given his life to keep his vow to bring her home. The relief in his eyes couldn't be any less than hers had been when they had finally brought Kid out of Point Lookout.

It was the first time she took the time to notice the depths of his love for Rose, and it thrilled and frightened her at the same time as she looked at Rose. There was no telling yet the horror of what she'd suffered, and no telling whether she'd ever move on completely.

"Is John dead?" She asked suddenly.

"Yes," Kid answered looking at her knowingly. She had been unable to find peace while Wicks walked in the world.

They nodded together. At least it was a start.

* * *

Rose drifted around her room restlessly, feeling as if her skin was too confining. She wanted to go outside and ride, but the doctor had told Lou to keep her in bed for a few days, until the last of the drugs were gone from her system, and even if he hadn't, none of her family were anxious to let her out of their sight.

She was irritable, had a hellish headache, and wanted nothing more than to be alone, but she'd had a constant stream of caregivers and well wishers. Her stomach and digestive system were in absolute revolt at the sudden lack of opium and she had seldom been more miserable.

She had hated the way the drugs made her feel and she hated even more that her body was desperate for more of them. It was just one of the many many things John had forced on her that she hadn't wanted and she was furious at a corpse.

Everyone at the ranch was on her last nerve; she was annoyed by Patrick's accent, by Kid's concern, by Teaspoon's questions, by Rachel constantly trying to make her eat something, by Lou's insistence on drawing open the curtains and window she wanted closed against the bright summer sky, finding the cheerful light agonizing and starkly in opposition to her mood. Even Cody's most entertaining tales could not hold her attention or lift her spirits.

Jamie alone seemed to want to give her space.

And damn it, that annoyed her too.

Only now, three days after her return was she finally and blissfully alone for a moment. She quickly realized the folly of that.

She couldn't, wouldn't, think about John. Even the determined thought not to was enough to send a chill down her spine. How she loathed him, loathed what he'd done to her, and yet, she pitied him as well. The doctor had talked at length with her about opium addiction...not for herself but so that she might understand more about John Morgan when she was ready to face his memory.

Her hands trembled unsteadily, something the doctor warned her would happen for a few days as her body readjusted to the lack of drugs that had been such a part of her bloodstream for nearly two and a half weeks. She didn't think it was so much that as the memory of how her hands had closed around the knife and plunged into John's back, of how his hands had ripped at her skin.

It was all she could do to face Jamie. He'd been there, he'd seen her give in, swallow her pride and ask John to make love to her. Of course, she knew he didn't fault her for it, knew he realized she'd done it to save his life, but she felt cowardly and dirty for saying the words, and didn't like knowing he shared the memory.

It seemed unfitting to be back in her own room, with nothing there changed; _well, almost nothing_ , she reflected. She was changed. She was angry at the futility of all the death that she'd witnessed in the past months, three women, an innocent man, and a lunatic, all dead. Countless more had been worried within an inch of their lives for her safety. She feared herself forever changed by her experience. And for what? One man's madness?

She opened a drawer and rifled through it idly, wanting to take her mind off John. She pulled back and muttered an oath when something sharp cut her finger. She sucked at the wound, and carefully removed the stockings in the drawer.

Her eyes widened as she pulled out the object that she encountered. Her father's badge. She still remembered her dream about him in great detail, one of the few things that she could think clearly about from her captivity. She had been heartbroken when Teaspoon had not been able to find it in the cellar, but figured John had done away with it when he had changed her clothes. Was it possible, she wondered, that she'd put it in the drawer that night before John found her?

She shook her head. She hadn't gone to her room that night, she'd stayed downstairs. And she knew she had the star in her pocket during Carlos' funeral. It was possible that she'd dropped it around the station yard and someone had picked it up and brought it to her room, but there was no explanation why they would have put it in the drawer she used as a hiding place for things dear to her.

Chills swept up and down her arm. Jimmy's voice came to her, promising to keep the treasured badge safe for her. She shook her head in confusion, a battle waged between what her mind knew to be impossible and what her heart longed to be true. Had he really been there, watching over her?

She shivered, felt warmth against her cheek.

The gentle silence that seemed to embrace her did much to restore her peace of mind and heart.

* * *

It became an unspoken rule around the station that no one spoke of John to Rose. She healed quickly, and was soon back to her old chores. She even slowly smiled and laughed and regained some of the old spirit that they missed for her first few weeks back. The heat of summer gave way to the refreshing air of autumn, and as Rose turned eighteen, she finally felt like herself again.

Jamie watched her with concern and hope. He was well aware of Rose's shame around him, and although he dared not speak of it to her, he alleviated it by spending time with her, good-naturedly refusing to let her draw away from him. He kept things light, neutral, was endlessly careful. But he was there always.

Today, she was riding fence with him and smiling brightly.

Jamie was so happy to see her grinning that he didn't even realize his own mistake until he saw the smile fade slowly from her face.

"Oh," she murmured softly, eyes fixed ahead.

Jamie knew his stupidity at once. He'd made a mental note to avoid the fence line bordering the abandoned farmhouse, but had completely forgotten it as he absentmindedly made the rounds of checking the fence he always did.

"Rose, I'm sorry," Jamie began, "I meant to stay away from here."

Rose shook her head, not looking away from the rickety house, appearing so harmless against the bright blue sky, "I can't avoid it forever, you know." In admitting it to him, she had to believe it herself. She suddenly turned to look in his eyes, "Jamie, I want to go back."

"Rose, I don't know if that's a good…" her look stopped him short and he simply nodded, "Well, let's go, then."

They hobbled the horses near the fence, loosening their saddles and leaving them to graze and climbed through the barbed wire. Rose stuck close to Jamie's shoulder as they walked across the grass.

Jamie cast frequent glances at Rose, but said nothing and was careful not to touch her though he wanted to seize her hand, give her comfort. She was the picture of determination, her jaw squared and her teeth gritted. They crawled through the broken window.

Jamie hung back and let Rose take her own pace through the parlor, into the kitchen. She sighed and stared at the trap door.

"Rose, you know you don't have to do this," Jamie reminded her.

"I think I do, Jamie," was her quiet response.

Sighing, Jamie helped her pull up the door, and pushed her aside, jumping down first so that he could reach up and lift her down.

In the room again, he felt the bad memories assault him violently. He saw John on top of her, the knife to her throat, intent on raping her. He'd only spent a few minutes in the underground hole and his skin crawled now. He couldn't imagine Rose's feelings after spending so many hopeless days there while no one could find her. He wondered what had happened to her here in those days, but she had not spoken of it to anyone.

Not only could he not imagine what she was feeling, but he couldn't tell from her face either. It was set in stony lines, completely unreadable. He stayed where he was as she slowly journeyed around the room, hands clenched at her sides.

She bent down suddenly and when she straightened Jamie saw the syringe in her hands. His blood heated.

She studied it with the same expressionless eyes.

"I knew you'd find me," she said quietly.

Jamie nodded, "I'd never have stopped looking...I am so sorry it took us as long as it did."

"I know," Rose said softly. Her eyes went to the wall, and she traced the stain of the laudanum she'd thrown at John with her fingertips.

She continued on her slow journey, lightly touching things, and Jamie was aware of the rare gift she was making to him of her confidence. She wouldn't talk at length about her experiences he knew, but she was opening up to him nonetheless. "I think he meant to kill me after he, um, had his way. He tried to...a few times over the weeks...at least I think he did...the memories are hard to separate from the dreams…"

Jamie had determined never to ask her unless she volunteered but the words escaped him anyway, "Rose...did he ever...did he rape you?"

"I don't think so...I am not sure if it was the opium or something else...he touched me...tried to do more, but he never could...I think…the doctor said it was unlikely given the amount of opium he took on a regular basis...that he could...well, perform…So, no...I don't think he ever was able to really follow through…"

And what a hell it would be for her not to be sure one way or the other, Jamie thought.

"I, I am so sorry this happened to you." Jamie hesitated,1 "Rose, you may not want to hear, but Teaspoon had some news from back East about John."

She considered it, then wondered, "What?"

"He's done this before. He escaped England, but was wanted for murder, and in New York, he disappeared after several girls came up dead. He has been doing this for years. You are the only girl to survive him..." Jamie's voice trembled at that though he had tried to deliver the news matter-of-factly.

"Did he cut off their ears too?"

"No. But there was always something...a finger, a tooth…"

"So that's why he chose me. My ear."

Jamie shrugged, "Maybe, maybe not. But I just wanted you to know, it wasn't anything you'd done. It wasn't your fault. It was him, Rose. He'd done it before and would have done it again. He was very sick. You were very smart and very strong to have stayed alive."

"Jamie...I need to know...would John have died by my hand...if you hadn't had to shoot him?"

Jamie watched her carefully, wondering what her motivation was in asking. Did she hope she had dealt him the fatal blow or was she worried she had? Knowing Rose, he thought that it would likely add to her burden to know she would have been responsible for John's death.

Finally he said, "You wounded him, Rosie, but his death? That is on my head, not yours, you understand? And going in that room...when I saw him holding a knife to your throat, I knew then and there one of us was not coming out alive. It was always going to be him or me."

She knew him well enough to suspect he was lying about the damage she had inflicted on John, but she loved him for trying to put her mind at ease.

However, his words were getting too close to breaching the wall she'd built around those memories, and she cleared her throat and changed the subject, "I saw my father. Sure as sunrise. Talked to him."

Jamie's eyes opened wide in shock, "What?"

"He came to talk to me. He told me things about my mother…about himself. He knew about me, even though I didn't tell him. He said he'd help me get out of here somehow."

Jamie felt his hair stand on end. Rose smiled slightly at his expression of disbelief. "You think I've lost my mind."

"No!" Jamie said, coughing slightly, "It's just that…well, Rose, I don't know how to tell you this, but in Willow Springs I had a dream about him too. And he told me to come back home, that I'd find you if I did. He called you his daughter which I thought was strange in the dream, because I thought he didn't know. And so, I rode like Hell for home Rose, and within the hour of me getting there, Father Mckee came in."

He could see the goosebumps on Rose's arm as they stared at one another.

"Do you think it was him…somehow?" Rose whispered, hugging herself.

"Yes," Jamie said with certainty, although he'd never been superstitious or one to believe in ghosts, "I do."

Rose sighed, took a last look around the room, shivered, and then put John Morgan behind her.


	14. Chapter 13: The Eyes of Their Fathers

Chapter 13: The Eyes of Their Fathers

"I want to take Jamie to Virginia, Lou. I want him to know where he came from. Where I came from."

The words had come in the dark of a winter's night, and to Lou the bed suddenly seemed as cold as the howling wind outside. Virginia. It was the love of his homeland that had stolen him from her for years, and nearly forever. Virginia was the only thing she felt he'd ever come close to loving more than his family-than her.

Her thundering heart proved her suspicions. She was jealous. Jealous of Virginia as if she'd been an old lover of Kid's. In fact, she halfway wished it was that simple. Kid's love for Virginia was stronger and more inextricably embedded in his heart and manhood than any woman could ever have been.

And though when forced to choose between Virginia and Lou herself, he'd come back to her, she'd never been entirely secure where his home was involved. The memory of how close Kid had come to choosing Virginia was too easily recalled, too fresh even after twenty years of him by her side.

"You want to go back there?"

Kid heard the catch in Lou's voice, felt the space between them on the bed grow by miles. He reached across the chasm and found her hand, icy in the dark, bridging the gap between them. Her fingers curled around his reflexively, and she clung tightly to them, an anchor in the sea of emotion washing over her.

"Come here," Kid whispered huskily, and dragged her across the space, gathering her against his side, "What is it Lou?"

"Nothing."

Kid chuckled slightly at this and pointed out, "Lou, if after all these years I didn't know that particular 'nothing' meant something I'd have been out on my own or murdered in my sleep long ago."

"If I was gonna murder you, you'd be awake to know it." Lou sighed and repeated her earlier question, "You really want to go back there?"

Kid sighed too. Of course she didn't understand his love for the land he was born on. She hadn't had the fortune to know the glory of Virginia before war had ravaged it. She'd never spent a lazy summer twilight watching a heavy silver mist roll in from the James River. She never walked under trees blazing with a kaleidoscope of colors in the autumn chill that was so welcome after the sweltering days of summer. She never watched the snow blanket the ground in white satin on a Christmas morning, nor the hills become a tapestry of wildflowers in the spring.

No, Kid realized, her memories of Virginia were quite different. Ripped from the only real home and family she'd ever had, she'd been left alone in the strange land to wait and worry for his life. The women had treated her as an outsider, and her only comfort had been from elderly next door neighbors. She'd lost her first child there in a miscarriage, and borne the heartache alone for over a year, unable to bring herself to burden him with the news. And all the while she'd been there, she'd never believed in his cause.

Kid sighed. "Lou, I know you hated Virginia. I don't blame you. And it's different for me now too, you know. It isn't my home any longer. But it is my heritage Lou, and Jamie's too. I want him to see it, and I want to go back there too, for me."

"Why Kid? What's in Virginia now?"

Kid's voice was quiet, but quivered with passion, "Me. Part of me is still there Lou. The part that wakes you up screaming at night sometimes. Ghosts. That's what's there. I need to do this. To try and put it to rest once and for all. It's been twenty years since I joined up Lou. I think I can finally face it."

Lou reached up to kiss his cheek. "Okay Kid, we'll go."

Kid nodded, "It might be good for you. You left part of yourself in Virginia too, you know, sweetheart."

Lou's throat got tight. Indeed a very real part of her was still in Virginia. Not a day passed when she didn't think of the child she'd lost, who would have been two years Jamie's senior. Ellen, the elderly neighbor who'd befriended her, had found her lying in the snow in a pool of blood and had seen her through the miscarriage and the raging fever that followed. Ellen made her look at the stillborn; not wishing her to suffer the mental pangs of mothers who never have the misfortune to look on a child that didn't survive birth, and therefore never could accept its death. She'd been too weak to attend the burial, but had named him during a particularly lucid period of her fever, Jed McCloud.

"I need to go back, Lou," Kid's voice broke into her thoughts, and it was as if he'd been reading them, "I've never even seen my son's grave."

Jed McCloud, the grave marker in Virginia would read, matching the cross on the hill of their land. Lou had never visited the grave, had not been strong enough to bear it, and had never confessed that to another soul but Jimmy Hickock.

She could still remember Jimmy's words absolving her of her guilt for that shameful admission after he had saved her from suffering another miscarriage, of Jamie, by cushioning her fall during a train wreck. His voice had trembled with his grief for her when he'd said, "Lou, you should never have had to go through that alone. And I don't know exactly what I believe about what happens after we die, but I do know I believe that baby isn't in the ground no more. He's in your heart or in heaven, Lou, but he ain't alone there in the ground."

Lou nodded, finding strength and reassurance from the strong arm that surrounded her and the certainty that not only her lost baby but also her lost friend were still in her heart. "I know you have to go back. I think I always knew someday you would. I wish you didn't have to, but I knew I was marrying Virginia long ago."

Kid nodded, feeling nervousness work into his gut. Twenty years was a long time, but the visions that still played in his nightmares seemed as if they'd occurred yesterday. Going back terrified him, but he knew it was the only way to put the war behind him once and for all. It had taken all the years of trying to move on, surrounded by the love of his family to give him the courage to face his demons.

His son was a man, a man who would understand his roots and do with them what he felt he must.

* * *

Jamie glanced out the window of the train, feeling nervous. The hills were a beautiful fresh green, so different than the golden plains he was used to, and yet, it all seemed strangely familiar.

I was born here.

Rose watched Jamie rather than the land rolling by and tried to read his face. Usually he was poor at concealing his thoughts, especially from her, but today his expression was one she didn't recognize.

She reached a foot out to nudge his, hoping to break the train of deep thought.

He looked at her, distracted, then smiled lightly and pressed her foot with his in return.

Rose smiled back, "You alright?" she wondered softly. Kid and Lou were in the dining car, and it was the first time she'd been alone with Jamie in many days of travel.

"Yeah," Jamie nodded then shrugged, "It's just strange-Virginia I mean. I feel…" he held out his hands in a gesture of incompetence at expressing his thoughts to her, "I feel like I've been here before, it's like I know this place."

"You have been here before. You were born here," Rose reminded him.

He shook his head, "No, not that I remember. I was too young then. I can't explain it exactly, but it feels like I'm coming home in a way."

Rose suddenly smiled, "I don't think you have to explain it. I felt the same way when I first came to the Bar M. I'd never known a home in my life, but I knew home the minute we rode through the gates."

Jamie sighed, relieved that there had never been the need for explanations between them, nor was there judgement passed between them. He reached to press her hand with his before turning back to the countryside.

* * *

"Jonathan! Catherine!" was all Jamie heard before he saw the streak he thought was his mother fly by him and hurry down the platform.

He and Rose stood back as Kid and Lou embraced a man and a woman several yards away. Jamie knew who they were, in fact he had a vague recollection of meeting Jonathan Monroe when he'd visited the ranch twelve years before, and he knew their stories quite well.

"That's Jonathan Monroe," Jamie told Rose as the four further down the platform began catching up. "He marched with the company that burned Mama and Dad's house and took Dad prisoner."

"And they are friends?" Rose asked, her eyebrows arching skeptically.

"Well, there's more to it than that. Jonathan was stationed at Point Lookout after he was injured in battle, and saved my father's life when he was hurt in a riot. They would have amputated his arm, but Jonathan remembered him and told the surgeons to care for it. Then he helped Mama get Uncle Jimmy out of the prison after he took Kid's place."

Rose looked with new interest at the tall man with the silver hair. She was well versed in the story of how her father had knocked Kid out and took his place in the hellish prison so Kid could go home to a pregnant Lou, however unwillingly. She'd never met the man who had helped them from inside the prison.

"They all took refuge at Monroe Hall, where we're headed to next. Your father and Catherine," he gestured toward the beautiful blonde woman, "had a bit of a thing...but he left to fight for the Union without saying goodbye. She was a staunch southerner, and Uncle Jimmy knew she'd never forgive him for his decision. Jonathan saved Mama's life. She almost died when I was born."

Rose felt a bit daunted by the complex history and its relations to her family, both blood and adopted, as the party made its way to them. Jonathan seemed imposing, tall and slim with silver hair and dark green eyes. The woman with golden hair at his side had the same sharp green eyes. She was much less intimidating.

There was a lot of staring going on; Jonathan studied Jamie and Catherine watched Rose, and vice versa.

Catherine spoke first, tears bright in her eyes, "Dear God! I never thought I'd see him again, but I swear he's right there in your eyes plain as day!"

Rose was a bit surprised when Catherine stepped forward and embraced her, whispering words of welcome, making her feel as if she too had come home.

Maybe they were both coming home, Rose thought, her and Jamie. It was a journey started long before they existed, but she began to wonder if they'd been a part of it back then, looking out through their parents' eyes, the same way their parents looked from theirs, and would long after they were gone.

* * *

"Oh, how beautiful," Rose sighed in appreciation as she leaned out of the carriage that rumbled over a cobblestone path.

Jamie looked out and raised his eyebrows in surprise too. He knew Monroe Hall was a plantation, but he'd never pictured anything quite so grand. The house was massive and sat on a rise, watching over the manicured grounds with dignity. Huge white marble pillars lined the front of the white house. Gardens sported the colorful flowers of a warm spring, and white-washed fences encased many beautiful horses that Jamie appraised with a professional's eye.

Lou had the oddest sense of moving backwards in time, of seeing the plantation as she had for the first time. They'd been refugees then, with members in their party loyal to both the North and the South, which made them traitors to both sides as well.

They'd arrived at dawn, under the protection of the darkness, ragged and desperate. The rising sun had bathed the house in soft pink. Catherine Monroe had greeted them with a shotgun, but thankfully had loved and trusted her Yankee brother enough to throw her lot with them and offer them shelter at the risk of her home and her neck.

The house was better kept now, but still very similar to the Monroe Hall in her memory.

In the parlor of the huge mansion, they were greeted by a rush of people. Catherine had married years ago to a childhood sweetheart. His name was Marcus Rutherford and he'd lost his arm at Gettysburg, but there was no doubt in Lou's mind that they were very much in love. They had two beautiful children, a boy and a girl, who both had golden brown hair and blue-gray eyes.

Jonathan, a widow before the war, never remarried, but continued as the master of Monroe Hall, with the Rutherfords as his partners. Lou's eyes sought the portrait of Grace Monroe, Jonathan's young wife, who died in childbirth before the war. A beautiful woman with chestnut hair and lively eyes, her death had stolen Jonathan's confidence as a doctor. Only when Catherine had forced him to save Lou and Jamie during her dangerous delivery had he found his calling again. He still practiced medicine in the area.

Bram, who'd been with the Monroes as a slave until Jonathan took over as master and freed all the slaves, was still there, his hair gone snowy white and a great contrast to his dark skin. Quinn, another ex-slave, greeted them warmly too.

Kid and Lou only lived at Monroe Hall for a few years, but there was little doubt in Jamie's mind as he had his cheeks pinched by the female house staff who had last seen him when he was two years old, that this was certainly a homecoming.

* * *

"You alright Kid?" Lou asked softly, urging her borrowed Arabian mare to his side.

His face looked drawn, but he attempted a weak smile that fell far short of his eyes and shrugged the shoulder with his scars from this place as he always did when nervous or uncomfortable. "I don't know."

Jamie and Rose glanced at each other from their borrowed Monroe horses. As the days went by, their destinations grew increasingly harder on Kid. First had been the field at Fredericksburg, where he'd lost a close friend in battle and been wounded himself. Next they'd seen Richmond, which had only recently been freed from martial law. Kid had shaken his head in amazement at the difference in what was now a somber city as compared to the gay, parade atmosphere he'd marched into before and after Manassas.

Manassas was on the trail too, his first taste of war. He'd grown up in Manassas, and they'd visited the tiny shack where he was born, the marker where his mother lay. Lou had sighed hopelessly when she saw the last name had worn from the stone. She was never to know Kid's real name then, but after all their years together, she realized it was better that way.

Then, a few days ago, he and Lou had traveled back to the land they bought in Virginia. The charred remains of the farmhouse Jamie had been conceived in days before it burned still littered the land, as well as the ruins of their now deceased next door neighbors' home. Jamie and Rose hung back and watched as Lou took Kid's hand and led him to the tiny marker in the town's church graveyard. They turned away as Kid went down on his knees beside it and Lou with him, holding one another, both dealing with twenty years worth of grief and guilt.

Later, Jamie had walked to the marker himself, studying it intently and feeling a million foreign emotions. This was his brother. He'd seen the cross with his name all his life at the Bar M, but standing at this spot, the spot where the tiny bones had long turned to dust struck him hard, and he didn't know how to react.

There was guilt on his part. Guilt because he'd survived while his brother had not, guilt because he was glad that if one of them couldn't have been it was the other. But there was also a sense of loss he'd never known before for not having known the brother that should have spent lazy days teaching him to fish, and womanize, and fight. In the end, he laid a wildflower across the grave, and walked away quietly, without ever saying a word.

The last stop on their journey was also the most difficult, Jamie realized. Lou and Kid had fought adamantly about his decision to return to Point Lookout. Kid had proved more stubborn this time, and so they'd been riding north for two days, toward Maryland. The sun had been behind the clouds for those two days, and the air had a slight chill in it compared to the warmer weather of the past week. It wasn't entirely different from the day Kid had been marched into the camp.

Kid's face showed many emotions, apprehension and sorrow being at the forefront. Lou too, looked as if she was taking Kid to leave him in the prison again. In fact, part of her was afraid she would.

She had only a slight knowledge of what Kid had suffered in the prison. He'd never told her the worst of it, she knew. She had no idea how he would react to going back, but she knew it wouldn't be pleasant for any of them.

There was a rise of the trail that Lou remembered from the first journey to Point Lookout, and she knew at the top of it the Chesapeake Bay and the prison would stretch below them. She shivered as she breathed in, imagining the stench of thousands of unwashed bodies that had sickened her the first time she pulled up the rise with Jimmy and Cody, who had betrayed their country to help her save their friend.

Suddenly, Kid's horse was no longer beside hers, and Lou quickly turned around in the saddle. Kid was climbing unsteadily off his bay and had his hands on his hips, pacing back and forth. He breathed heavily and sweat beaded on his face despite the cool day.

Jamie and Rose stayed atop their animals as Lou dismounted and went to him, placing a cool hand on his flushed cheek.

"What is it? Do you want to turn back?"

"Yes, I want to go back! I don't think I can do it Lou…I'm such a coward, but damn my soul, I don't think I can go up that God damned hill."

Rose glanced at Jamie and saw Kid's pain reflected in his youthful face. She felt slightly out of place, although the McClouds had treated her as their own from day one. This was such a personal part of their history that she'd been asked to share in.

When Rose had suggested she stay behind, Kid, Lou, and Jamie had refused, insisting Point Lookout was as much her history as theirs. Still, she felt none of the horror pulling at her soul that dimmed Jamie's usually bright eyes and set Kid and Lou to trembling.

Kid cursed softly and pulled away when Lou tried to take him into her arms. Instead he walked to a tree and laid his forehead against the trunk, his fingers curling into the bark.

"Kid, you don't have to do this. No one would fault you for it, we all know what you went through there," Lou murmured, "You don't have anything to prove, you know."

"You don't know what I went through in there Lou! You don't know what I became!" His voice was hard, as were his eyes, and Lou knew anger was his only way to hold the agony that ripped him apart at bay. How could he explain the animal he'd become to survive within those stockyards, to remain one of the strong instead of the weak?

Lou sighed, her heart aching for him, knowing the misery he felt, although he tried not to let her see it. She turned to Jamie and Rose, "Go ahead. We'll catch up, or wait for you here."

Jamie looked doubtfully at Kid, who met his eyes and nodded for him to go on. Rose caught her lower lip between her teeth, a gesture that indicated her nervousness, and reined her horse after Jamie's.

They both watched wordlessly as their children moved away, then Lou looked back at Kid, "Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Kid put his head back against the tree, and squeezed his eyes tightly closed, all the while knowing the images he tried to escape played behind the lids. He couldn't explain the fear that clutched him, nor the fury. He couldn't explain why he felt angry at Lou for being so understanding, for not condemning his cowardice. He half wished she would berate him, and fire up his pride so that he'd march up that hill with defiance, and to Hell with the consequences.

But she didn't, and she wouldn't, force him to finish this last leg of his journey. She knew him too well, recognized it was an inner battle he'd fought since the day Cody had carried him away from the prison, unwilling to leave his comrades even to return to her side.

"I have to go up that hill, Lou. I know I do."

"I know you do too," she responded.

"So many men died there Lou. Men that were the same as me. Men who had no less right to live. Maybe I should have died there too."

"Is that what you really think? You think you were meant to die before you ever saw your son? Before you raised your horses? Before all the years we've had? Don't you see how blessed you've been, you fool? Do you think you would have known such happiness had you stolen those years? You were meant to return to me, Kid."

Kid shook his head, "But why? That's what I've never understood. Why did I live…and not just at the prison. Why did a bullet never find me in battle, or why didn't I die of sickness in the dead of winter? Hundreds did. Thousands. God, hundreds of thousands, I guess..."

Lou sighed. It was the curse and consequence of every veteran of every war, she supposed, to never feel worthy of the gift of their lives when they'd watched so many men cut down.

"You've led a good life, Kid. You've raised a family, built a town, built a life. You are a good man. A great man in my eyes. In Jamie's. In Rose's. You've earned your life, you know that don't you?"

The tears that he'd been holding back stung his eyes, but again he squeezed them shut, refusing to shed them here.

"Do you want me to leave you now?" Lou wondered.

Kid couldn't speak, he only nodded.

Slowly, Lou turned and began walking her horse up the rise, knowing he would follow when he could.

* * *

Rose and Jamie were both silent when their horses topped the hill, as if caught in the solemn atmosphere of the scene below. Rose glanced over and noticed the hairs on Jamie's arms stood on end. She shuddered suddenly also. At one time fifty thousand men had been kept here, and in two short years three thousand had died.

It was eerie to look at the relative calmness of the abandoned prison now. The fences rotted in the constant standing water, and swayed and fell along the parameters of the yard where prisoners once milled restlessly. Parapets that served as guard towers stood throughout the yards. Jamie remembered overhearing Kid tell Patrick once that the guards opened fire into the crowds randomly, for sport.

In the dead of winter the only shelter offered to the poorly clothed prisoners had been a few tents and shacks built with precious scraps of wood that were often later ripped from a roof and used as fuel for burning.

"Can you imagine what it was like for them?" Rose finally said softly. She knew her father had loved Kid and Lou, but for him to willingly step into the confines of the hellish prison that she now gazed upon gave her a whole new appreciation for the depth of his love. For him.

Similarly, Jamie was given new respect for Kid. His father had survived within these yards, and when given the choice of leaving his comrades to go to his mother, he'd felt the call of duty so strongly he'd chosen to stay. And although, once out of the prison, looking into Lou's eyes had changed his mind, it took a hell of a man to have that kind of will.

"They did it for us," Rose murmured softly, "All of the men who fought, on both sides. They did it so we might know a better life."

It was Jamie's turn to look at her. Her eyes were peaceful, but sorrowful as she stared over the prison. "Was it worth it, you think?"

Rose looked at him in surprise, not really expecting he was listening to her. A good question. Had all the suffering been worth the peace? All the death worth their lives? She sighed, "I hope so."

Jamie nodded quietly, and they resumed silent observation and turned inward on their own thoughts.

* * *

In a moment, Lou topped the rise alone. She didn't look at or speak to Jamie and Rose, but pulled her horse to a stop a distance from them and raised her chin, staring out over the prison.

Jamie would have expected tears to fall down her cheeks, but her eyes remained dry. He couldn't imagine the emotion churning in her, but she wasn't willing to share it. Then an expression crossed her face, one that Jamie recognized.

Triumph. The war and the prison that had existed below tried to steal the men she loved from her, but in the end, she had won.

Not long after she appeared, Jamie turned his head at a sound and saw Kid coming slowly up the hill on foot, much as he'd come into the prison the first time. His father marched slowly, his back straight and head high. Jamie could see his jaw muscles clenched against the tide of sorrow pulling on him. He knew Kid was marching with his comrades again, one last time.

Jamie blinked down tears as he almost saw what it must have been like that day, hundreds of weary soldiers finally at the end of their long march.

Jamie could imagine the first time they lay eyes on the prison from this hill. Surely they thought they'd been marched straight to Hell.

Kid met Jamie's eyes briefly, saw his own pain mirrored in them, and he knew his son understood, not only his misery, but the reason he'd done it all. The reason he'd fought, the reason he wanted to stay, the reason he had to come back.

He turned away from his son and looked at Lou, who was watching him with a guarded face. Her eyes also reflected his pain, they always had. But today was the first time he'd ever seen the gleam of acknowledgement, she finally understood his choices as well.

He looked at Rose. Was it really her eyes that bore into his own now, or were they Jimmy's? Jimmy, who once sworn them enemies if he carried arms against the Union, but later betrayed that Union for him. Was the love that burned in those silver eyes completely Rose's adoration of the man who'd been a father to her for years, or was there also a hint of the undying devotion and loyalty of a man who'd taken his place in Hell, despite the hatred he harbored for Kid's cause? He felt as if Jimmy stood before him and offered him forgiveness.

Finally he turned his eyes to the scene below them, feeling the ghosts of thousands of men. These were the real souls he answered to in his nightmares, his prayers, his heart. Could they have ever forgiven him, he wondered as he found the spot where he had sheltered in an old tent, trading war stories and stories of home? Would they begrudge him the years of comfort, love, and laughter he'd known? He stood and let his eyes drift over the camp, waiting for some sort of absolution, some sort of indication that it was alright, that he was forgiven.

However, the prison was quiet, and nothing stirred within it or within him. The hollow area of Kid's heart that filled slightly with the forgiveness of Lou, his son, and Jimmy, never would know complete vindication from the men who died while he lived.

He'd never have the assurance that he was dismissed of all charges until he stood before his maker on Judgement Day. He prayed fervently that on that Day all his questions would be answered.

Jamie watched his father's desperate face look over the prison, and knew he longed for the sight of the faces of men who'd never walked out of there. He felt tears run down his own face. Rose gently took his hand and held it. At the same time, Lou approached Kid, and he let her take his hand too.

Was it Worth it? Jamie had asked Rose. Tears fell down his cheeks as he watched his father's tortured eyes living in the memory of those who'd fallen, those who had given their life because they believed in something greater and more worthwhile than themselves.

For the pain that still lived in his father, for the souls of those he remembered, maybe it wasn't worth it. Jamie knew he could never be the judge of that. He longed to ask Kid the question, but knew he never would. It was too personal, too private.

He only hoped to God Kid thought the price he paid was worth the cost.

* * *

A/N: I forgot how much I cried when I originally wrote this chapter until I was editing it. Lord I love Jimmy, Lou, and Kid.


	15. Chapter 14: Slaying Dragons

Chapter 14: Slaying Dragons

"This is beautiful," Rose declared as the host left them at their table for two.

It was. Through the window they watched a sunset that cast a lavender and deep pink across the sky, and the Bay glistened gold.

Jamie smiled, opting to watch her as she looked intently out over the water. "Yes, beautiful," he murmured quietly.

 _Tonight more so than usual_ , he added to himself. She was dressed in a sky blue gown that he'd never seen before. Her coppery hair was pinned back neatly, and an appealing sunburn from days spent riding crossed her nose and cheekbones.

The window was open, and the warm salty air drifted over them. Her long, dark eyelashes appeared to sweep her cheek when she sighed and closed her eyes, smiling softly as the breeze bathed her face.

Jamie was glad they'd decided to come out after all, although he'd been reluctant to do so after the stressful day at Point Lookout. They'd spent forever up on that rise, just gazing down at it. Kid had finally straightened, and turned away, looking over his shoulder only once before walking slowly back down the rise.

Lou had finally allowed a tear to fall after he was gone, and wiped it furiously before starting after him. Rose had gone next, having to call Jamie's name softly to snap him out of his daze and let him know they were leaving.

They rode silently for a few miles before coming to a small town on the Chesapeake Bay where Kid announced they would spend the night. It was a pretty little town, clean and busy, and Rose spent all afternoon watching the boats sail in and out of the Bay. When Lou suggested they go out and have a good time, Rose had been eager. Jamie, seeing that his parents probably needed time for themselves, agreed grudgingly at first. Now, he was delighted to be there.

"It's a shame Lou and Kid didn't want to come. They would have enjoyed this," Rose suddenly said softly, as if she read his thoughts.

"Are you sorry they didn't?" Jamie asked, smiling to mask the intensity in his eyes.

She met his stare and smiled back, "For them. But not for us."

Jamie realized the grin that split his face had to mark him a fool.

His smile only grew wider a while later when the waiter set their plates down in front of them.

Rose's face wasn't one he'd be likely to forget. She stared at her plate with a combination of disgust and morbid fascination.

"What?" Jamie asked, his fork already in hand.

"Well…it's just...what is it?" She finally managed to croak, keeping her hands folded demurely in her lap.

Jamie hid his broadening smile by taking a sip of his wine, hoping he'd be able to get it down before he choked with laughter.

"It's lobster, Rose. A delicacy."

"Mmm…I knew that. I guess what I meant to ask was why isn't it dead?"

"It is, honey. I promise," Jamie said, a wave of guilt washing over him. He'd reacted much the same way on his first trip East when Cody had ordered him lobster. Only now could he understand Cody's amusement.

"Ah, yes…I'm not getting my point across. What I really mean is, why doesn't it _look_ dead?"

"It's just how it's served. Really, Rose, it is very good."

"Good for what?" She implored.

"Eating."

"It looks as if was good _at_ eating. Looks like it could eat me…and as if it would like to," she added as the sightless little beady eyes gazed at her accusingly. She looked as if she really expected it might attack her.

At her dubious look, he finally sighed, "Here, you do it like this."

She watched with detached interest as he picked up a utensil that looked to Rose to be a torture device and savagely cracked the creature in half with a sickening snap.

"Oh," Rose said weakly, and hoped her hand didn't tremble when she reached for her own murderous utensil.

Her hand paused just above the lobster and she took a sip of wine for courage before gently touching the smooth shell. She jerked back and sighed deeply.

"What now?" He asked, his amusement still growing.

"Well, it's just that it's looking at me Jamie," she waved a hand toward the eyes, "I don't think I can eat something that is staring at me."

Jamie's howl of laughter drew several stares from nearby tables and Rose turned a brilliant red, looking out the window to hide her scarlet face from the crowd.

His smile softened when he saw her embarrassment and he extended a fork with lobster meat on it to her, "Here, Rose, try it."

She eyed it suspiciously, but reached out and took it, glancing at Jamie warily before popping into her mouth and making a face that clearly said she expected the worst. But soon her eyebrows raised in surprise. The meat was very sweet and very good.

"Alright, so it's not so bad," Rose admitted grudgingly, "But if you think I'm shelling my own, you're out of your mind, Jamie McCloud."

However, Rose grew brave with her desire to have more of the lobster, and soon she took it upon herself to get her own meat instead of waiting on Jamie. Ignoring Jamie's warnings for her to be careful, she fiercely clamped down on a claw.

To her horror and Jamie's immense satisfaction, the claw was propelled off the plate with great momentum and went sailing through the air. It clattered into the centerpiece of a table of rather surprised businessmen.

Although she blushed from her neck to the roots of her hair, Rose was not about to let Jamie have the last laugh, and with great dignity she stood up, took an empty plate, and marched to the table of men.

Her face was straight when she inquired, "Excuse me Gentlemen, but I've put an extraordinary amount of labor into that particular claw in those flowers, and I was wondering if I might have it back?"

They burst into good-natured laughter and joked with her about keeping her food on her plate, but graciously gave her dinner back.

Rose curtseyed deeply and glided back to her table, sitting her claw triumphantly on the table. For the rest of the meal Jamie and Rose steadfastly avoided the other's eyes to keep from bursting into laughter.

They couldn't contain themselves any longer when they made it to the street, and both leaned on each other, howling with laughter and drawing curious gazes.

When Jamie finally could draw air, he grabbed Rose's hand, looped it through his arm, and started ambling down the street. They settled into companionable silence and went down to the pier, standing arm in arm as they watched the twilight play on the water lapping under the boards at their feet.

Jamie opened his mouth to comment on what a pretty town it was at the same time Rose, without warning, burst into another loud, long-running laugh.

She doubled over, and tears of mirth ran down her face.

Jamie simply shook his head until she'd gotten the hysteria out of her system.

"Are you quite alright?" Jamie wondered when her laugh had subsided into a low running giggle.

She looked at him, her eyes sparkling in the gaslights along the pier and grinned.

Jamie, caught in a moment of complete contentedness, joy, and admiration for her, shook his head and said, "God, I do love you Rose."

Her smile of humor disappeared and a look of surprise took its place. Jamie hadn't spoken of his feelings for her since the night of the first murder in Sweetwater. She hadn't been sure he still even felt that way after all that happened with John.

He blinked suddenly and looked away from her, realizing his words had been aloud. He broke his promise to her and himself…

For months he had concealed those feelings, and even if he hadn't made the promise not to bring it up, he wouldn't have. After her weeks with John, he wasn't sure when she'd be ready to think of any man that way.

Rose saw the hurt look cross his face and reached to take his hand. She loved him too, she always had, she knew. There seemed no point in not telling him.

Before she could find the courage to say the words, he abruptly pulled his hand from her grasp and turned his back, speaking to the water rather than her, "I'm sorry."

"But…" Rose began, only to have him start walking away from her.

"Will you just hold on a minute?" Rose growled and started after him, trying not to stumble in her low-heeled shoes on the uneven boards.

He lengthened his stride.

"Jamie, damn you, wait for me!" She hissed, ignoring the looks of the fishermen who studied her with interest as she hurried by them.

She finally caught him, attaching both hands to his elbow and dragging him to a stop, "Will you listen to me for a damn minute, Jamie?"

"Don't make it worse for me than it already is Rose. I said I'm sorry, just let it be."

He radiated anger, and although Rose knew it wasn't directed at her, she felt irritation rising in her own blood. He was so pig headed. He wouldn't listen to her if she tackled him and screamed in his ears.

"Jamie!" She snarled, "I have to tell…"

"Do you think there's anything you can say Rose? Can't you just leave me alone?" Jamie snapped at her, eyes an icy blue.

"Never mind!" Rose snapped at him. Damn if she was going to beg him to let her tell him she loved him!

"Fine," Jamie nodded, and turned to start up the pier again.

"Who's running now Jamie?" She called.

He didn't answer her, but kept on with his determined stride. Not sure when he'd stop, but knowing he wouldn't leave her alone in the city, she followed him at a slower pace. Best let the fool walk it off, she decided. Then maybe he would listen.

She threw up her hands in anger as she saw him suddenly dodge sideways into an alley, and quickened her stride. Perhaps she'd been wrong about him leaving her…perhaps he was angrier than she thought and meant her to find her own way back to the Inn.

"What the Hell?" Jamie gasped in surprise when rough hands shoved him against a wall after dragging him into the alley. There was no time for him to further respond, because a fist plunged into his stomach, doubling him over. Another fist caught him under the jaw, and then in the face, throwing his head back as he slid to the ground, dazed.

He struggled to get his feet under him again, knowing Rose would be there any minute, and that there was no chance she would not get herself involved. Booted feet instantly began kicking his ribs. He gasped as the wind was knocked out of him and did his best to cover his head.

Rose was furious and red-faced by the time she turned the corner, but when she saw Jamie on the ground being mercilessly kicked by four ruffians, her fury turned to wrath. Just because she would like to kick him did not mean anyone else could. Without really thinking of what she was doing, she turned and stepped toward a man walking by her, seized his gun and ran into the alley, leaving him staring dumbly.

She fired once into the air, and her voice was shrill when she screamed, "Stop it!"

The boys all jumped as if they'd been hit, and stopped kicking Jamie instantly, staring at her instead.

"You back away from him!" Rose growled in her fiercest voice. When they continued to stare, she cocked the hammer, "Right now! And don't think of trying anything!"

They raised their hands to indicate submissiveness and Rose hurried to Jamie's crumpled form. A groan came from the direction of his head, and he stirred. Rose, keeping her eyes and gun on the boys, put herself between Jamie and them and asked, "Jamie, you all right?

"Just wonderful," he gasped out, but she could tell from his voice he was not mortally wounded.

Her eyes blazed at the boys, and she took a threatening step forward. Unconsciously, they took a step back.

"Who are you? What do you want?" She demanded. When they leered at her, she raised her voice, "Answer me, damn it!"

"There's four of us, and one of you!" the largest of the boys remarked.

"Well you can count higher than I would have expected," Rose shot back, wondering fleetingly where the man she'd stolen the gun from was. He would help even her odds a little bit. She continued with her false bravado, "Now I asked you a question, what do you want?"

They didn't answer, and one of them started toward her. With a cry she pointed the gun at his leg, hoping to injure him and squeezed the trigger. The bullet plowed the dust just before his boot, making him jump backwards. Rose could only hope they thought that was where she was aiming.

"Allow me to introduce myself," Rose said as calmly as possible, praying they wouldn't see through her bluff, "I'm Rose Hickok. Perhaps you've heard of my father, James Butler Hickok? His skill with a gun was something of legend."

"Wild Bill?" the youngest boy croaked out, stepping backwards again.

"The very same. He taught me well, boys. I'd advise you to keep that in mind," she nodded at the gun-the same gun that might have been a carrot for all the protection it would bring her if she had to use it.

"You ain't as good as him. No one was. And you still couldn't take on all four of us," the leader pointed out.

"You willing to chance it?" Rose returned flatly, "Now, I think I asked you a question. Did your Mama not teach you any manners at all? What did you want from him?"

The leader looked into her eyes for a long minute, and Rose felt certain he'd refuse to answer her and rush her instead. She squared her jaw and let her eyes bore into his fully, hoping the fury she felt outweighed the fear in her stare. Apparently, it did.

"We just wanted his money, lady, that's it."

"Well, you aren't getting it," Rose said practically.

"What you're getting is some time in jail." A new voice growled.

She sighed in relief and glanced toward the street. The man she took the gun from was coming towards them with the marshal and the deputy in tow. While scorning his cowardice at not rushing in after her himself, at least he'd taken it upon himself to get help.

When the three men took over with the boys and she gave the gun back, she quickly crouched next to Jamie, who had pulled himself to a sitting position and was leaning weakly on the wall. Blood poured from his nose and a split lip and he held his arm close to his ribs.

Rose bent and quickly pried his arm away, after making sure it was unhurt and gently began exploring his ribs with her fingertips. He groaned loudly as she poked and prodded. She sighed and looked up at him.

"Well, you've got maybe got a few cracked ribs, but none are broken, I think. And neither is your nose, although God knows you deserve it after the stunt back on the pier. Are you alright?"

Jamie sighed and looked at her, the anger gone. "Well, I guess I owe you one," he said quietly.

"Let's see…you've saved my life at least four times and I've saved your wallet once. Yes, I guess you do owe me one," Rose said dryly.

"What are you doing?" Jamie mumbled, his words slurring through his swelling lip as she unbuttoned his shirt.

"Just making sure a rib didn't puncture anything important."

Jamie offered no protest studied the purpling skin of his abdomen. Skillfully she pressed fingers here and there, careful not to hurt him any more than she had to.

"It's a shame they wouldn't let you be a doctor, Rose. You'd have been a fine one," Jamie said, and she looked up in surprise, not having expected the compliment, especially since not even the gentlest of touches would feel that way to cracked ribs.

She smiled at him, "When has someone not letting me do something ever stopped me before, huh?" She sat back on her heels.

"I'm gonna make it?"

"Let's get you in a carriage," Rose said and when Jamie would have protested added, "You don't think it's too far to walk right now, but after about three steps you'll know better."

Although it hurt Jamie's pride to lean heavily on Rose's shoulder as he limped out of the alley, he discovered it hurt his ribs much more to stand alone. Rose quickly hailed a coach and told the driver where to go before climbing up behind him.

She looked at Jamie's tightly closed eyes, knowing he was in greater pain than he let on. With the rage leaving her, her hands grew a bit shaky.

"And what was your grand plan if they challenged your skill with a gun, Miss Hickok?" Jamie suddenly asked, opening his eyes and looking at her over his swollen nose, as he tilted his head back against the seat.

Rose shrugged, "Run, and leave you to them."

Jamie laughed, but it quickly turned to a groan when he realized what that did to his ribs. He closed his eyes and a lock of dark brown hair fell across his forehead. She knew if he hadn't been so distracted by the jolting coach he would have brushed it away with his fingertips in irritation, an unconscious motion she'd seen him perform thousands of times over the years. Her fingers itched to do it for him.

 _I love you_ , there-the words were right there, ready to spill from her mouth, but she bit them down with effort. Now, as always, didn't seem to be the right time. How could she ever find the right time to make him understand that she'd never stopped loving him? How did she tell him what she'd imagined telling him day in, day out since she was thirteen...what she'd tried to tell him once before?

She knew him as well as she knew herself, he knew her better than any living soul, and yet, she couldn't bring herself to say the words that she knew he longed to hear nearly as much as she longed to say them.

* * *

Kid and Lou were out on the terrace when Rose staggered in, with a heavy burden on her shoulders; not so much the guilt of what had happened to Jamie so much as Jamie himself.

They both stood up and went to help her.

"What happened?" Lou demanded, rushing forward to reach for Jamie's split lip. He jerked back, a reflex, although he knew she wouldn't actually touch the wound, she never did.

"A few boys tried to rob Jamie."

"Did they hurt you?" Lou asked Rose, scanning her quickly.

"Mom!" Jamie protested indignantly. "What about me?"

"No…I arrived a bit late," Rose said sheepishly.

"And why weren't you together?" Kid asked, looking at Jamie disapprovingly.

"It's a long story," Jamie mumbled, daring Rose to say anything about their fight with a glare, "Rose held them up and got them turned into the law. Saved my money...and my rear end."

"How?" Lou wondered.

"Her amazing skill with a gun," Jamie said, not able to stop a smile that only served to further crack his lip.

Kid raised his eyebrows and snorted, remembering the shooting lessons and the long arguments during them. He looked at her, "Rose, you don't _have_ amazing skill with a gun," he reminded her.

She grinned, "Well, no, but I didn't see any reason to tell them that."

Lou shook her head, "Let's get your face cleaned up, Jamie. And Rose, holding up robbers at gunpoint," she admonished mockingly, "hardly lady like."

"If you think _that's_ unladylike, you should have heard what she said to those boys!" Jamie joked, doing his best not to laugh.

"Well, I admit you were much more _ladylike_ than me tonight, James Noah. Cowered like a little girl when I found him." She smiled and blinked her eyes innocently, knowing that if he wasn't in pain she would pay for that remark.

"I'll heal someday, Rose," he said sweetly, and let Lou help him toward his room.

Later that night Lou lay in Kid's arms. A smile spread slowly across her face as she thought of the banter between Rose and Jamie as she and Rose went about caring for his face.

"What are you so happy about?" Kid asked quietly, but she heard the smile in his voice as well. After the day at Point Lookout, she was grateful for it.

"Just thinking of Jamie and Rose. Do you think they realize they are in love yet?"

Kid laughed slightly, "Well, I'm sure she'll tell him if so…or if not, come to think of it. You certainly had ways of letting me know."

Lou smiled, but felt a bit of bittersweet longing for the children she had known pull at her heart, "When did they grow up…when did they become old enough to fall in love?"

Kid pulled Lou closer, "I think maybe they were always a little bit in love…like it was meant to be, beyond their control. You know, the McClouds and the Hickocks have a history of loving one another. The tie between the two is strong. It may have taken a generation, but it's back…maybe not stronger than the first time…but every bit as real."

Lou smiled. She knew he was talking about her and Jimmy, every bit as much as he was talking about Rose and Jamie. It didn't come as any great surprise that Kid knew how much she'd always loved Jimmy, and how much Jimmy had loved her. In his way, he was letting her know that he understood she and Jimmy shared a love that he wasn't included in, although he knew he came first in her heart. And in the love of their children, the ties between Jimmy and Lou only strengthened.

* * *

Jamie sat quietly on the couch in the sitting room of Monroe Hall a few days later, staring up at the portrait of Grace Monroe. She'd been a beautiful woman. Little wonder Jonathan had never married again, he decided. A fleeting thought crossed his mind, one he was horrified to have, but it took root all the same. If anything ever happened to Rose, he'd never love anyone else either he had a feeling.

The rain streaking down the windows seemed to contribute to this ominous thought, depressing him.

Suddenly he felt pressure on his knee and looked down to see a pair of solemn blue-gray eyes staring back at him and a hand resting on his leg.

Feeling that greeted with such seriousness a smile would be inappropriate, he blinked and nodded in formal greeting, "Hello Miss Kirsten," he said to Catherine's daughter.

"How do you do?" She asked in the tones of someone thirty rather than five.

Jamie raised his eyebrows and couldn't help a slight smile as she climbed up on his leg, reaching up to grab the front of his shirt to give her leverage. When she comfortably settled herself on his knee, her legs dangling between his own, she turned her gaze back to his eyes.

"What can I do for you, sweetheart?" Jamie wondered, "Slay a dragon, take you for a pony ride, you name it," He was smitten with the child with the golden brown hair, and he had a feeling she was well aware of this, and would use it to her advantage.

"Well," She said in her southern drawl, more pronounced in childhood than it would be when she grew up, "You can come to my tea party."

Again, Jamie felt his eyebrows shoot up. Not exactly what he'd been expecting, but probably less complicated than slaying a dragon at any rate, "Well, alright. Lead the way."

She leapt from his knee and trampled on his toes with the carelessness of a child who knows she is too small to do any real damage, and took his hand. Jamie looked down with a soft smile. Her tiny hand was completely hidden by his huge paw, but it was very clear who was in charge as she dragged him along behind her, him stooping so her hand could reach his.

He followed her up the stairs and into the nursery that had been his when he was an infant. Lou and Catherine had lovingly decorated it one long, bleak winter. The room was bright and cheery, and now pale pink to accommodate the young mistress. He eyed the tiny, custom made table and chairs in the middle of the room, made for a child of five to play on, but hardly compatible with his six foot two frame.

She was very proper with the whole ordeal and pulled out his chair ceremoniously before crossing the table to her own seat. Jamie eyed the chair uneasily, not confident at all that it would support his weight. But, Kirsten's eyes were boring into his expectantly, so he cleared his throat and nodded for her to be seated first, as a gentleman would.

When she sat down, he gingerly eased his weight down too, folding his legs at impossible angles in order to be close to the table. The chair creaked, and Jamie did his best to keep most of his weight on his bunched up legs.

"You're very big," the child said at last, and looked altogether disapproving of him for the fact.

"Well, the table is very small," Jamie pointed out, somewhat stung by her displeasure with him.

"Yes, it is," Kirsten agreed, and giggled when she looked at her companion.

It so happened that Rose was on her way to the library to return a book when she walked by Kirsten's room. She might have gone on, but when she saw a knee jutting up two feet above the tiny table she looked back in interest.

She pressed her hand to her lips to keep from laughing, and quietly leaned against the doorway, a shameless intruder. Both parties were too involved in the serving of imaginary pastries to notice her, and she was glad for it.

A tender smile crossed her face as she watched Jamie talking animatedly with his hostess. He was good with children, knew just the right combination of humor, solemnity, respect, and firmness to treat them with. Both Kirsten and Catherine's son Bobby loved him.

She watched as the little girl poured the tea, and Jamie thanked her kindly. Rose shook her head.

Although her childhood had been spent in a brothel, she was no stranger to hosting tea parties. The ladies of the house had often humored her by attending as well. She supposed every little girl set out to be a good hostess. Funny how things like that got less important to some women and more to others as the years went by.

Jamie looked in surprise at his empty cup. For some reason he'd never taken the time to wonder if real tea would be served at a child's pretend tea party…but he supposed it was fitting that the tea was imaginary as well.

Kirsten leaned forward, interrupting the pouring of the tea to the stuffed bear at his right. She'd served the bunny first, he noted with slight jealousy. She whispered so that their other companions might not hear her, "It's not _real_ tea," she said, "It's pretend!"

"Oh!" Jamie said, nodding and using the same tone she'd taken, "I thought it might be invisible tea!"

"No, silly! There's no such thing as invisible tea!"

"Really? You mean it?" Jamie asked, finding he was enjoying himself more than he probably should ever admit.

"Of course there isn't," Kirsten said, and straightened back up, going about serving the bear.

Jamie grinned and turned to the bunny on his right, "Lovely weather we're having isn't it?"

He sensed rather than heard the presence at the door, and his eyes met Rose's. She had the back of her hand pressed against her mouth to contain her laughter. Jamie grinned rather sheepishly and raised his cup to her. With a gentle smile and approval glowing in her eyes, she pushed off the door frame and continued down the hall. Her heard her low giggle when she disappeared from sight.

"One lump or two?" Kirsten asked him with tiny raised brows.

"Oh two please. I like my tea sweet, just like you!"

* * *

Later that night as Rose sat across from him at the dinner table, high color in her cheeks and her eyes sparkling with mischief. Jamie eyed her as warily as a sheep does a wolf and waited.

He didn't wait long. She poured her own glass of wine and then met his eyes, blinking sweetly.

"Would you like some wine, Jamie, or would you prefer the invisible kind?"

The others, who Rose had immediately relayed the details of the tea party to, laughed.

"There's no such thing as invisible wine, Rose. Everyone knows that."

"Touché," Rose murmured under her breath, and covered the smile with her glass.

* * *

After dinner, everyone sat around the parlor, talking and laughing. Rose felt saddened by the knowledge that the day after tomorrow they must leave Virginia. She was ready to be home again, but she'd grown to love Jonathan, Catherine, Robert, Bobby, and Kirsten in the month they'd been in Virginia.

Especially Jonathan. He took her on rounds with him and taught her what the schools would not about medicine. He was impressed with her ability, and in the short time they had to work together divulged an endless stream of knowledge.

"It's a shame to leave isn't it?" Kid asked his family after Catherine had put the twins to bed.

"Yes, it is," Rose murmured, and even Lou looked regretful to leave their friends behind, although there was no love lost between her and Virginia.

"Well, actually," Jamie said awkwardly, flinching a bit under the suddenly sharp gaze of his mother, "I think I might not leave. I want to stay in Virginia."

* * *

Author's Note: The tea party in this chapter ended up being the inspiration for one of my Lord of the Rings fanfictions (Dragons or Ribbons) years later which I did not remember until I began editing this one.


	16. Chapter 15: The Last Virginia Sunrise

Chapter 15: _The Last Virginia Sunrise_

"You _what_?" Lou asked quietly, breaking the silence that followed Jamie's sudden revelation that he was thinking of staying in Virginia.

"Well…it's just that there are opportunities here for a Veterinarian. In town there's only one animal doctor and he's old and looking to sell his practice. I could set up here."

Kid looked a bit pale suddenly, "What about the Bar M, son?"

Jamie sighed, "I still love the Bar M, Dad. And when the time comes, I'll settle down there, and even if not, there's always Rose. But this is a chance for me to make my own way for awhile."

"Jamie, this is awful sudden," Lou said quietly, her resentment for Virginia flaring hotly. She glared at Kid. _This was your idea_ , her eyes told him.

"I've thought about it for a few weeks now. It's what I want to do…it'll be good for me to get away for awhile, I think, to be on my own."

Rose stood up and left the room wordlessly, her face very white.

When she was gone, Lou turned to Jamie, "And what about her?"

"What about her?" Jamie repeated evenly, "I've made no promises."

Lou shook her head, "You think you'll do well without her?"

Jamie shrugged, "Looks like I'll find out, doesn't it?"

Lou sighed, "Kid?"

Kid cringed, knowing Lou was leaving it up to him, and God help him if he said the wrong thing. He saw the set of his son's jaw, so much like Lou's and knew it was done. Jamie had made up his mind and there was nothing that would change that. He was twenty years old, and he'd made his decision.

Lou saw the thoughts cross Kid's face and she sighed and asked, "Is there anything we can say to change your mind?"

Jamie smiled, recognizing the beginnings of a blessing, if a resigned one, "I don't think so, Mama. I am a McCloud, after all."

"Yes, you certainly are," Kid agreed and smiled at Lou, "Sleep on it Jamie, and we will too. If you still want to do this tomorrow and you're sure, then we'll make the arrangements."

Jamie nodded and watched as Lou looked fearfully at Kid. He also saw her relax when he took her hand and led her from the room.

* * *

Rose walked along the dirt path to the river slowly, the long ends of her nightgown bunched in her hand to keep the dust off the pale green cotton. The silt was cool and powdery between her toes in the warm air.

She inhaled deeply as she ambled, not really having a specific destination or purpose to be outside, but seeking to end her cabin fever from a day spent indoors. The air here was different, she decided. The many flower blooms and ferns permeated the air with a heavy, sweet scent, and the shaper, thick odor of pine mingled with it to create a very _green_ smell.

The gentle babbling of the James river was audible now, and a breeze against her face added the clean smell of water to the others. Virginia. It was a lovely place, she decided. But not hers, and certainly not Jamie's. She couldn't think about him now, couldn't let herself contemplate him staying in Virginia.

She shook her head and pulled her skirts up higher when she reached the water's edge, sticking a toe in the water first and finding it warmer than the night air. She didn't hesitate again as she walked into the wide, shallow part of the river. The current was stronger than usual after all the rain and it rushed by her legs pleasantly.

She sighed and smiled, tilting her head back to let her loose hair tickle the back of her arms in the sleeveless nightgown. She looked up. Large gnarled pines and oaks were black against a navy sky, providing an arena all around her for a million stars. In the half moon, the ground was dappled in silver and black.

No, she certainly couldn't deny that it was a lovely world. But she liked her sky wide open.

Jamie followed her footprints in the damp dirt slowly, not in any hurry and knowing where she was going. He'd seen her ghostly form drifting down the path to the river many nights during their stay. He knew when the formalities of society and visiting with Catherine's guests got to be too much for her she went to the water to breathe. He stopped behind a tree in sight of the river.

He watched her, mesmerized. Her back was to him, and she was completely oblivious to his presence. Her face was raised toward the sky, her hair struck with moonbeams, a silky sheet of copper. In the breeze, the nightgown pressed along her curves,revealed a form that was strong and womanly.

Her hair blew to the side and Jamie stared at the groove of her spine, of the ivory skin of her shoulders and upper back in the scooped back of the gown. Her legs were slim and graceful, a white thigh flashing in the moonlight as she gathered the gown higher and walked in a bit deeper.

He desired her yes, he acknowledged as a punch of lust went straight through him, but not only for her beauty, for those flashing silver eyes and fiery hair. They were nothing compared to the fire within her.

"To Hell with it," Jamie muttered and stepped from behind the tree, making a direct path for the water and Rose.

Rose, hearing someone coming up quickly behind her, gasped and spun around, dropping the end of the nightgown in her surprise, surrendering it to the current that wrapped the fabric about her knees.

Jamie didn't say anything, but Rose relaxed when she realized it was him. Without pausing to remove his boots and roll up his pants, he plunged into the water toward her, making great splashes with his determined stride. So urgent was his advance that she took an unconscious step backwards.

He didn't stop until he stood directly in front of her, his eyes and his face bathed with the silver shadows of moonlight through leaves.

"Jamie?"

He didn't answer her, but stood studying her intently. She couldn't see his eyes, they were shadowed in the dark. He finally raised them out of the blackness. His hand came up and cradled the base of her skull and her neck, threading through her hair. With gentle pressure, he urged her head to fall back into his palm, willing her to look into his eyes more directly. His gaze didn't ask this time, but rather told her that he was going to kiss her.

And then he bent his head to do so.

The pounding in Rose's heart that began when he'd startled her, only grew stronger now, but for different reasons. She raised her lips to his.

Jamie left her to give and take as she saw fit. He was gentle with her as always, but this time she sensed something else, something held tightly in check but there, ready to break free, all the same.

And she knew what it was. He wanted her. He desired her, needed her. The realization was a little frightening at first to her. But she realized, she was demanding as much of him as he did of her.

She reminded herself quickly it was completely different than John, the only other man to ever show desire for her. It was true John had burned for her. But he'd sought her body and her submission and nothing else.

Jamie, she realized, wanted all of her, body and soul, and would settle for no less. The realization brought the blood pounding in her temples, and she thrilled in the knowledge until she thought her heart would burst.

It was he who broke away first, leaving Rose breathless and dizzy, and confident that every woman should know a kiss like his once in her life.

Rose finally raised her eyes from his full mouth to his eyes. They crackled with blue electricity, intense and demanding, but also, she realized with her heart thumping especially hard, fearful.

"Jamie," she whispered to him, taking a step closer and reaching up to weave her fingers in his own soft brown hair, pulling his forehead down to rest against her own. She looked into the blue eyes she had loved for so long, now only inches from her own.

"I don't know how I can love you so much."

The words scared Rose as much as they excited her. Her eyes burned with tears. Keeping her fingers in his hair, she raised her head and kissed him again, softly this time, tenderly. His eyes were gentle when she pulled away.

"Stay with me Rose, stay here."

Rose swallowed hard, "No, Jamie. You come with us. Come back home."

"Rose, there's too much opportunity here for us both. You could study with Jonathan and I could have my practice!"

Rose shook her head, fearful that they'd reach an impasse. "No, Jamie. I don't belong here. You know it. I wouldn't be happy here...just like your Mama."

Jamie sighed. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and raised her chin slightly, a gesture he knew was her way of preparing for battle. He felt a deep joy at the knowledge he was the only person in the world who would recognize that tiny little gesture that was completely hers.

Her eyes were alive, bright and luminous, not entirely different than the silver moon that hung over her shoulder. They searched his desperately.

No, he realized, she didn't belong here. She belonged in a golden field on a golden horse, with her hair streaming behind her, refusing to be confined by a braid. She belonged in open spaces. She was a free spirit, and she'd not be caged.

His father had once almost lost the woman he loved to Virginia. He wasn't going to make the same mistake.

"You belong out there too, Jamie. You know you do! We both belong out West at the Bar M, you said so! Everything here is rebuilding! We're starting fresh, Jamie…let's go to where we can build something new! One day, it'll be gone…the newness, the frontier. But Jamie, right now it's ours! And the possibilities are endless for us both!"

Her voice was trembling in passion. He'd never realized how deeply she loved the land out West.

He'd only heard one man speak with such love for a homeland as Rose did now. And that was his father. In the end, Kid had left his homeland for the woman he loved. He knew if he asked her to, Rose would do the same.

But he could never make her, not when she looked at him with those silver eyes.

"Jamie? What are you thinking?" She asked fearfully, winding her hands around his.

Jamie smiled, leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on her brow.

"I'm thinking that if you look at me like that I'll follow you until I drop off the edge of the world."

Rose's face lit up and she threw her arms around him, burrowing her face deeply into his neck and breathing deeply with relief. He held her just as tightly as the warm water laced around their legs.

It was maybe one of the happiest moments of his life. Her soft voice drifted up to him. "You can't drop of the edge of the earth. It's round you know. Really didn't they teach you anything? Maybe I will buy you a globe…"

Despite himself, Jamie laughed. "How am I going to survive you?"

Rose stopped smiling and looked directly into his eyes, "Better than you'd survive without me, I suppose."

Jamie sighed deeply and smiled, "I do love you, you know. I should have married you that night you first told me."

"Yeah, you should have. Almost missed your chance...Jamie?" She said softly in response.

"What is it?" He returned as gently.

"Kiss me again," their mouths met in smiles, and stayed that way.

* * *

Lou yawned, and smiling mischievously, stretched her icy toes toward her sleeping husband. It was, after all, the most effective method of rousing him quickly from dead sleep. She knew he would like to kill her when she pressed her cold feet directly behind his kneecaps, but she couldn't resist. It was too much fun to watch him leap heavenwards and curse her name for the rest of the morning.

She stretched and stretched and stretched her legs, until she was laying almost perpendicular to the pillows and her toes were hanging off the other side of the bed. Her brow wrinkled in confusion.

"Too late. I'm already up you mealy mouth coyote," a voice said from the window, not doing a very good job of sounding stern at all.

She smiled sheepishly and sat up, untangling the covers from around her legs, and settling for digging her toes into the warm mattress he had left instead of Kid himself.

She found him standing by the window. He was shirtless and his arms stretched to brace himself on either side of the frame. Her eyes were drawn to the pink scar tissue that covered a large portion of one broad shoulder, an old battle scar.

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly, standing up and taking the coverlet with her. Despite his playful greeting, she sensed the uneasiness that had every muscle in his body taunt.

She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle, kissing the ridge of his shoulder blade gently. He shivered and dropped one arm, reaching for her and bringing her to his side.

"Waiting on the sunrise. I was thinking it would be the last time I saw the Virginia sunrise."

At the sorrow in his voice, Lou held him more tightly, "Don't be silly, Kid. You'll be back here."

"I don't really think I will Lou. This feels like the last time, you know?"

"Not planning on leaving me any time soon, are you?" Lou asked, panic in her voice. Was he sick? Was that why he made the trip in the first place?

"Not on your life, Louise McCloud! I'm not through with you yet. I just don't see myself ever coming back here. There's no reason."

"If Jamie stays here you'll surely be back!" Lou said, feeling horrified without knowing why that Kid was talking of giving up Virginia forever.

"Jamie won't stay here," Kid said with such conviction that Lou felt she didn't have to question him. Still, Kid explained, "The Bar M is his as much as it is ours, and he loves it as much as we ever did."

Lou nodded, "But he said he'd be coming back someday. He may still stay here for awhile. He loves it here just like you did, Kid. Like you still do."

"Yes, he loves it here. And yes, I did too. But he doesn't belong here anymore than I do now. He belongs with Rose. He loves her like I love you, you know. And he'll go where she goes."

"You think so?" Lou asked, daring to hope he was right, that Jamie would come home with them.

"I know so. That boy may have your name, but he's got plenty of my blood in his veins Lou. And the love of a woman is more important to him than any piece of land."

"There was one time when you didn't feel that way," Lou reminded him, not bitter, only rational.

"Well, thank God, he's got some of your good sense running through his blood too. He's realized without a war what it took me almost losing you to know. Love beats pride every time, at least in the end...or, at least it should."

"Yes at least in the end. But that's only the beginning isn't it?"

As if in answer, a shaft of golden light suddenly fell on both their faces and they grew quiet and turned toward it to greet a new day. Kid's eyes were quiet and restful, but also a little sorrowful as he watched the sun peek over a bright green ridge that was safeguarded in a white mist. Everything the sun touched glistened with dewdrops. It was beautiful.

However, Lou, instead of enjoying her last Virginia sunrise, chose instead to enjoy the light of her last Virginia sunrise bathing Kid's face in a million childhood memories.

* * *

A bird's cheerful chirping roused Jamie, and he jumped in surprise. He hadn't meant to fall asleep here. He looked a bit surprised to find Rose beside him, curled into a ball under his jacket, and still sleeping soundly. He was instantly relieved to know last night wasn't a dream.

"Oh no," Jamie muttered suddenly, realizing the implications of what he'd done. Although nothing more serious than a kiss had transpired between them last night, it surely wouldn't look that way if they staggered into Monroe Hall damp with the dew, leaves in their hair, and Rose in her nightdress. It had been torture to adhere to his sense of morality, and if her reputation was to be ruined anyway, he wondered why they'd bothered with restraint.

It had been tempting to both of them to go so much further. And being surrounded by the concealing fog of a warm spring night hadn't helped at all when he'd swept her out of the water and into his arms, feeling like Adam in the Garden of Eden.

She'd watched his eyes lovingly the whole time, and he hers.

"Jamie, I haven't done this before," She'd whispered softly to him as he lay her on a bed of pine needles. Her cheeks had flushed scarlet, and her eyes had avoided his.

Jamie sighed, and closed his eyes tightly, finding control he didn't know he had. He knew she was as willing as he to consummate their love, but he could not. Not here in the dirt, both of them shivering with the cooling air and damp with dew. She deserved more.

With trembling hands, he'd pushed the hair back from her forehead, and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss there. Then, he'd crawled to her side and gathered her against him tightly.

"Did I say something wrong?" she whispered a while later.

Jamie groaned, "God, Rosie. Hardly. But it wouldn't be right for me to do what I almost did here…it wouldn't be proper. You deserve better."

He thought she might have sighed with relief, and pulled her more tightly to him.

A few minutes later he sensed the question resting on her lips and squeezed her shoulder, "What?"

"Well, I was just wondering…" he could see the tip of her nose was turning red, and she turned it into his side, hiding her face completely.

"Ask me anything," he said with a smile.

"Well…I was wondering if you'd done th-that before?"

Jamie tensed. The question was inevitable, but he hadn't expected it just then. He tried to choose his words carefully, "Well, yes, Rose…I have."

He couldn't discern the emotion behind the quiet, "Oh."

He hastily tried to explain, "Well, Rose, you see…it's just more common for men to…and you know I was at school all those years, and my friends, well they talked me into it the first time…going to the whore-uh, brothel…"

"The first time? There was more than once?" She asked suspiciously.

"Well, yes…of course. I mean, it wasn't that it meant anything…I mean, it meant something, I didn't just use the woman, but I didn't love her, and…she didn't mind, it was her job…and, well it wasn't many times I went there!" he broke off, ashamed beyond comprehension. Sighing deeply he added, "If I'd thought then I'd be explaining this to you one day, I might have changed my mind."

She was quiet for a long time. "Well, did you enjoy it?"

Jamie couldn't stop a snort of amusement, "Well, yes, I surely did. Very much."

"Oh," that same guarded word that could mean anything.

"Rose, it's just something men do, honey. Until they get married I mean."

"Well, it's just that…well, what if you don't like it with me?"

Jamie laughed again and reached down to turn her face up to look at his, a matching shade of red. He wondered if his burning ears might not drop off at any moment.

"Rose, I promise I'll like it with you, and you'll like it with me too. It'll be better than any of the others with you, Rose. It'll mean so much more. It'll be special because I love you."

"But what if it's not?" Her voice was fearful and she tried to look away, but he held her chin firmly and willed her not to drop her gaze from his own.

"Trust me?" He asked her as he had many times before.

"With all my heart," she responded, smiling slightly.

Jamie nodded, leaning forward to kiss her gently, "Good, then just take my word for it until you find out for yourself."

Rose nodded.

The rising sun brought Jamie out of his recollection of the events of the night before and he leaned down to kiss Rose's forehead.

She opened her eyes and stared into his with confusion. Then, they grew wide as she realized they'd fallen asleep, and she sat up quickly, knocking her head hard against his.

"Ow!" They cried at the same time.

Holding onto his pounding forehead Jamie sighed, "Well, I guess we'd better get back fast, or we're gonna have a hell of a time explaining this one."

"What do we tell them?" Rose asked fearfully as she climbed to her feet and impatiently waited for him to pull his boots on.

"Well, the truth I guess, and hope they believe it."

"And if they don't?" Rose wondered.

Jamie gave her a lopsided grin and took her hand, "Then I may just have to marry you to save your honor. Let's hope mama and daddy are feeling unreasonable today, okay?"

And with that he led her at a quick pace back up the path.

* * *

"Will you look at that," Kid muttered softly as he spotted two covert figures dart out from the woods, hand in hand.

Lou gasped when she saw Jamie and Rose, who was in her night dress, sneaking up from the woods, "I don't believe it! Those sneaky little hellions!"

Kid laughed, "Remind you of anyone?"

"Well, but it was different for us!"

"How so?" Kid wondered.

"Well…it just was!" Lou spat when she couldn't think of any reason, "I'll have to talk to Rose. You talk to Jamie."

"What for, Lou? They're older than we were."

"Well, I don't care. We were raised like heathens, we should have been expected to act like them. But I won't have my son in the woods committing pagan rituals in the night!"

Kid burst out laughing at this.

"Kid! You're not taking this very seriously!" Lou charged him.

"Because it's none of my business, or yours either. We couldn't have stopped this if we tried. And short of chaining them up at night, we're not going to be able to stop it now either."

Lou sighed, the fight leaving her. "I guess you're right."

Kid's grin grew broader and his eyes flashed with mischief, making him look seventeen, "But that don't mean we can't have a little fun with him, does it?"

Lou's smile broadened as she realized she was about to evoke the parental privilege of mental torture.

* * *

Jamie left Rose at the front door with a quick kiss and darted for his room two stairs at a time. It would be easier for Rose to explain why she still had on her night dress than him to explain why he still had on his clothes from the day before.

When, thirty minutes later, he sat across the table from Rose, who wore a demure, high necked gingham dress, and kept her eyes averted from his, he dared to hope they'd been successful in not drawing attention. He wished Rose would stop blushing like a tomato, but besides pressing his foot down firmly over hers under the table there was nothing he could do.

Jamie noticed that Lou kept her face hidden by either her fork or her cup of coffee and Kid kept his eyes on his plate. An uneasy feeling began eating at him. He wondered if Jonathan noticed anything going on.

"Did you see the sunrise this morning Jonathan?" Kid asked, and Jamie watched as Lou nearly choked on her biscuit.

"No, can't say I did," Jonathan murmured sleepily. He was definitely not a morning person. Catherine and Marcus also looked bleary eyed, and Jamie was relieved that surely they'd not seen him and Rose sneaking back to the house.

Kid persisted, and although they really weren't guilty of anything, it certainly looked that way with the red spreading from Rose's high collar to her forehead. Jamie pressed his foot down harder and she defiantly yanked her foot from under his boot with a tiny huff of irritation.

"Well, I declare I stood there before dawn and stared right out at it! Looked so pretty shining on the gardens and the trees. Reckon I stood there for a good hour, and Lou too. Jamie did you see it?"

"Er…um, I slept through it," Jamie replied, caught off guard.

"Have a long night Jamie?" Lou asked innocently, unable to resist joining in.

Rose and Jamie exchanged a long glance…so they knew.

Still, they were ruthless, "Is that a leaf in your hair Rose?" Kid asked, wrinkling his brow in mock confusion.

Rose blushed deeper. She was almost purple at this point. She knew very well it was not a leaf in her hair, because she'd removed a dozen of them and checked carefully for others already.

"All right, enough!" Jamie finally shouted, standing up. "We get the point! You saw us! But I swear to both of you, nothing happened! Rose just convinced me to come home, that's all! Nothing else!" Kid and Lou stared at him calmly, and Jamie felt the pressure get to him, "Okay, okay! I kissed her! But that is all! Nothing else!"

"Jamie, whatever are you talking about?" Lou asked, blinking innocently, and looking engagingly wide-eyed.

"Oh, you're good, Mama," Jamie sighed, "Real good."

Kid and Lou grinned broadly in triumph. Whether they believed Jamie about nothing happening they didn't know yet. But at least they'd gotten some of the truth from him.

Lou glanced at Kid. Whatever their failures in life, they were pretty good at parenting, she decided.


	17. Chapter 16: Wildfire

_Chapter 16: Wildfire_

"There it is!" Rose squealed with excitement and urged Mesa forward. It had been two days since Patrick and Seth met them at the train station with their horses to make the last leg of the journey home.

Jamie smiled at her from beside Patrick and felt the same excitement tug his heart. It was wonderful to see the top of the windmill come into view, welcoming them home.

Teaspoon came into view not long after the windmill, galloping to meet them. Rose and Kid both picked up speed to meet him.

"Welcome home you two," He beamed, then turned more serious and looked at Kid, "Find everything you were looking for in Virginia, son?"

Kid sighed and recalled the emptiness he'd felt after leaving Point Lookout. "Almost everything," he said quietly and Teaspoon, who'd escaped the Alamo a day or two before the attack and lived with the guilt his whole life, understood completely.

"Well, you've got a regular welcome back committee from the looks of it. Cody is here. Buck's still here too…if you ask me Buck may be settling down for good at the Bar M. Jennifer Tompkins showed up back on town...might have something to do with it…"

"Well," Lou observed riding up, "I suppose we can either sit here or go home, huh?"

"I vote home," Rose said impatiently.

* * *

The weeks of spring gave to an early summer, and a hot one. On one such cloudy day Rose sat bareback on her horse in the pond, her feet dangling in the water as Mesa snorted and splashed water playfully with his nose. She squealed in delight when cool droplets showered her face and arms. From the bank, Jamie watched her from under the brim of his hat, fishing rod in hand.

"I'm never going to catch anything with you two splashing around in there you know," he pointed out, hiding a smile.

"Well, then come in and join us. Looks like you might be getting wet soon anyway," she pointed at the low clouds rolling over them, "Besides you never catch anything big enough to eat anyway."

Jamie sighed and turned his face up, squinting at the gray sky and choosing to ignore her comment about his lack of fishing ability. "Well, we need the rain, that's for sure. At this rate the pond won't be here much longer."

"So come enjoy it while you can," Rose urged him and rode Mesa around the bank and where he was sitting, turning the horse back and forth several times, and doing a good job of soaking him thoroughly.

"Dang it, Rose!" Jamie scolded her, standing up and wringing the water from his shirt, "I was trying to stay dry."

Thunder rumbled overhead and Rose laughed, "Well, I don't think it's to be."

"You want me to come in there, huh?" Jamie asked, leveling blue eyes at her, and raising his eyebrow so high it almost was lost under the lock of hair that lay low on his forehead.

"Yes," Rose agreed, smiling sweetly, "For your own good."

He grinned with mischief and plunged into the water, right up to Mesa's side, grabbing Rose's arm and dragging her off the animal. She shrieked in surprise when the rush of cold water covered her to the chest.

"Jamie!"

He laughed at her suddenly blue looking lips and leaned down to steal a kiss from them. Rose smiled gently into his eyes as he neared her. Then, with a swift strike of her leg, she knocked his legs out from under him, and he slipped under the water, coming up with a lung full for his troubles.

She was laughing and desperately trying to pull herself up on Mesa's back to escape, but slipping off the horse. Jamie approached her calmly, knowing he had plenty of time. He grabbed one slim ankle and yanked. She too, plunged face first into the water.

She came up looking fit to be tied and splashed him heartily.

Soon, they were engaged in all out war. Mesa chose to wander up the bank and eat grass rather than be an innocent victim of the conflict.

"Uncle!" Jamie finally cried breathlessly, laying back in the water and looking up at the sky that was growing darker by the minute.

"I win!" Rose announced pointlessly, and looked around for her horse, "Well, looks like Mesa's heading for the homestead."

"I don't know how you plan on getting back," Jamie gasped, raising his head from the water and looking around.

"I could always drown you and take Lady," She said reasonably.

"True enough. Come here and kiss me and I'll die a happy man."

Rose laughed and did so, leaning over him while he floated, then before she picked her head up, she placed her hand on his chest and dunked him under the water once more for good measure.

He surfaced sputtering and wiped the water from his eyes, "You're a mean, mean woman."

Rose laughed, choosing to construe it as a compliment. She was deliriously happy with him, and loved the courtship that had developed.

Certainly not a typical courtship…she doubted any of the girls in Boston, or even in Sweetwater for that matter had water fights with and tried to drown their beaux. She loved the stolen kisses in the aisle of the stable, the night rides to check the pasture for any cow that might be having trouble, the lazy sunsets sitting on the porch. It was the happiest time of her life thus far, and she wished it to last forever.

"Hey you two!" A third voice boomed and Jamie and Rose both jumped in the water, turning to find Seth sitting on the bank, long legs crossed casually and his horse standing right behind him.

"Good thing I ain't a party of wild indians, or I'd have a pretty red scalp and a not so pretty brown one on my belt by now."

Jamie took a deep breath to steady his rapidly pounding heart, "You sneak up like that on me many more times, all the fun in scalping me will be gone cause I'll be dead."

Seth shrugged, then got down to business, "Kid sent me out to find you all. Said the weather was looking to be nasty out to the west and he's a little worried about prairie fires. Wants y'all back at the station where he can keep an eye on you."

Rose shivered suddenly, despite the heat of the day. She'd seen a prairie fire once, long ago while moving with her mother from town to town. They'd been traveling with a small party of ranch hands, and all of them would have been killed if they hadn't run across a river. Rose had never seen anything move so fast. It had been terrifying, and the thought of seeing another one didn't appeal to her.

Jamie nodded, "Well, he's been worried about it for a month now, but he's got good reason. Further north of here there's been two already. One a few weeks ago almost took Willow Springs off the map."

Seth nodded, "Driest summer I ever seen. And with this storm coming up, we're gonna get some lightning or my name ain't Seth Stewart. I'd bet my eyeballs on it."

"Well, at least we have the ditches started, in case," Jamie said.

"Didn't see Mesa on the ride out here did you?" Rose wondered.

Seth shook his head, "No, but I came from Sweetwater. Kid was buying supplies when the storm rolled in and sent me."

"Well, Rose, looks like you're walking," Jamie grinned and clamored out of the water. Rose dunked under the surface once more to smooth her hair away from her face with the water, and then slowly walked out of the water.

Jamie didn't miss the way Seth's eyes fell on her in admiration as she pulled her boots on. Maybe dragging her into the water hadn't been such a good idea given the way her clothes clung to her curves. Before Seth could offer, Jamie rode Lady over to her and extended his hand for her to climb up behind him.

"I hope Mesa got home okay. I don't want him out in this storm," Rose mumbled, looking around a last time for her horse.

"I'm sure he'll be there when we get there, Rosie," Seth said quietly.

Rose nodded, but felt uneasy as they loped toward home.

* * *

"He's not here, Jamie," Rose called down the stable to Jamie from in front of Mesa's empty stall.

The uneasy pit in her stomach grew deeper.

"He'll turn up, lass. Probably found a good stand of grass somewhere in the pasture…not much left anywhere. Couldn't resist it I'm sure," Patrick said, patting her shoulder gently.

A few minutes later, Kid and Cody rumbled up in the wagon. From the looks of the mule pulling it, he'd come fast. Kid's eyes were wild, his hat had fallen off and dangled behind him, "Jamie, Seth, Patrick, Buck!" he barked, and leapt from it.

"Bad news," Kid said, and Rose realized how pale he looked when Lou and Rachel rushed up to hear what was wrong.

"Fire?" Seth asked quietly.

"Well, a drifter just thundered into town from the West and said smoke was growing on the horizon last he saw. Looks like the lightning struck, best he could tell."

Rose looked over her shoulder. There was no sign of smoke yet, but she shivered anyway. Jamie saw her, and stroked her hair once before turning to his father.

"What can we do? We've dug ditches…but that won't be enough if the whole prairie goes up in flames."

Kid sighed. He'd always known the dangers of building a ranch on the grasslands. And the single most threatening danger was the one upon them now.

"I don't know…I want you all to get to work on widening the ditches. Start with the west side first…that's where the fire will come from. Lou, you take Rose and Cody and start moving everything with legs into the east corral. Throw down some grain but no hay to keep everything quiet. Thank God we brought in the cattle last week…" Kid said absently with the ability to remember small details in times of crisis. "Rachel, I'm going to bring a wagon around to the houses. Load up everything you want to save from both of them in case we have to try and make it to Sweetwater. Teaspoon's getting help from town, he'll be along shortly. If we don't stop the fire here it will take Sweetwater too. I'm going to hitch the mule and start plowing up anything that resembles grass around the buildings…maybe that'll save them."

"What if there ain't really a fire?" Cody wondered quietly.

"What if there is?" Buck returned, and that possibility was all the incentive they needed to get to work.

* * *

"Lou, Mesa's missing," Rose murmured with worry as they walked out of the stables with three horses each in tow. "He wandered off while I was down at the watering hole."

Lou sighed as she skillfully opened the gate and released each horse into the corral. "Are you sure?" She wondered as Rose led her horses in, "Have you looked in here?"

"I've looked everywhere, he's nowhere to be found," Rose said quietly, but her eyes showed her concern.

Lou patted her arm as they went to get the next group of horses, "He's got plenty of time before the fire gets here…the smoke hasn't even shown…"

Lou broke off suddenly as her eyes went to the western horizon. Rose followed her gaze, the lead weight of fear spreading through her stomach.

"Look at it!" Lou murmured softly.

The instruction was pointless, because Rose couldn't help but look at the billowing wall of smoke that was growing where the earth should have met the sky. Instead, the thick black cloud was rising like a dust storm, obscuring the mountains from view.

"Dear God," Lou whispered, feeling her hands tremble. _This_ was what they were trying to battle?

She glanced at Rose, "Go get the next string of horses…I'm going to talk to Kid."

Lou jogged along the dirt, sweat pouring from her brow, eyes riveted to the smoke the entire time. It was unreal…as if a screen of black had been suddenly erected to reach from the dirt to the low hanging clouds.

She found her husband cursing the mule who was starting to spook with the impending danger. She could hear the cows lowing nervously and the horses' restless hooves in the paddock behind her.

They had the sense to be uneasy, even if the people around them kept doggedly at their tasks. Lou was with the animals.

"Kid!" She yelled over all the activity and the growing wind. Thunder split her ears. She ran beside the plow and pointed at the smoke, "Kid, we can't stop that! We have to pull out of here! We have to get across the Sweetwater River!"

Kid looked at her, shaking his head, "Lou, I'll be damned if I'm losing everything we've ever built!"

She saw the look of determination growing in his eyes, "Take Rose, Jamie, and Rachel…go to the river. I'm staying."

"I'm not leaving you! But Kid, look at it! There's nothing you can do!"

Just then Cody appeared beside them, shaking his head, "Looks like a bad one, Kid."

Kid contemplated leaving. He turned his back from his lifelong friend and wife and their smoky backdrop and studied the huge, freshly painted main house, the bunkhouse, the stables they were so proud of. He bit his lip and turned back around, sureness in his voice, "We can save it!" he shouted, "I know we can! We've just got to hold it off till the rain comes!"

"What if the rain never comes, Kid?" Lou shouted, "Then we'll all burn to death!"

"No! Listen…the fire can't burn dirt, and that's all that's around the buildings! We can hold it off! It will rain soon, Lou! I know this place. I know that sky! We can save it!"

Lou sighed and shook her head, "Kid, we'd still die from the smoke!"

"No we won't Lou! Trust me! Have I ever lied to you?"

"You'd bet your son and Jimmy's daughter's life on it Kid?" Lou asked him steadily.

Kid was taken aback, and his eyes sought Jamie, who was shirtless, his muscles rippling with strain as he heaved his shovel into the dirt time and time again. Jamie, Rose, Lou, Cody, Buck, Rachel, Patrick, Seth, and soon Teaspoon and half the town's souls rested on his next words. They could stay and fight the fire and risk losing, or run away and surrender everything they'd been building for over twenty years.

He wouldn't stake their lives on anything though."The Bar M doesn't have to burn!"

With a sigh, Lou reached up to kiss her husband,

"Okay Kid…I trust you."

Cody watched as Lou ran off then leaned close to Kid.

Kid jumped back and mustered a slight grin, "Don't you kiss me, Billy."

Cody snorted. "You should be so lucky."

* * *

Kid sighed with relief a minute later when forty men from town arrived with Teaspoon and eagerly jumped into the ditches with his boys. They'd save it, he decided.

They'd better.

Jamie looked up when someone slid down into the ditch next to him. Rose glanced at him fearfully, but said nothing, thrusting her shovel into the dirt and heaving with the best of them. Jamie sighed and went back to work, biting back the words to tell her to ride to safety. This was her fight as much as it was his, however nervous that made him. Mostly, he recognized the set of her chin. She wasn't going anywhere.

The sweat trickled down Rose's back and pooled in the hollows of her collar bone. Her hair was plastered to her skull, yet still she worked, keeping pace with the men with a determination that wearied her almost as much as the labor.

"There it is!" A terrified voice cried out from down the ditch and she and Jamie looked up quickly.

Rose took in breath sharply and shuddered. It looked as if Hell had come to swallow Earth. On the horizon, glowing through the haze of smoke that now hung over the entire space between, was a bright flash of golden fire. It covered a line that Jamie muttered had to be miles wide.

"No!" Rose suddenly screamed, and Jamie looked beside him to see her scrambling up the side of the deep ditch.

"Rose, what are you doing?" Jamie cried after her as she took off at a run toward the open prairie and the fire. He jumped and grabbed at her ankles, but was too late.

Jamie started to clamor up after her but Seth stopped him by physically dragging him back into the ditch, having not seen Rose run.

"Rose!" Jamie screamed, swinging at Seth, "She's gone out there!"

Seth looked alarmed. They both stood up to search for the girl. Jamie had heard of panicked horses running into fire, but he knew Rose had better sense.

"There!" Patrick cried as he scrambled up the bank, pointing "Look out there!"

Jamie looked beyond Rose, and gasped. He could just make out the shape of a horse, rearing and fighting wildly, his bridle tangled in the brush. "Oh no…Mesa. She'll be killed!" he cried and started running toward her.

"Kid! Kid! Rose has gone after Mesa!" Lou screamed against the busy hum of the station yard, having seen Rose charge out of the ditch, and then spotted the horse.

Kid looked up in shock, seeing the fire and knowing there was little time to spare. "Get me Katy!"

Buck ran up, leading the old paint mare by bridle only, "A step ahead of you Kid."

Cody appeared also.

"Let me borrow your gun, Cody," Kid said grimly.

Meeting his eyes, Cody wordlessly did so. He hoped Lou thought it was to prevent Mesa from burning if he was too injured to make it back, but Cody knew better. Kid would prevent himself, and Rose too, from meeting that kind of an end if the time came.

Cody's throat was tight as Kid swung up onto the only horse in the world he would trust to carry him to the edge of hell and back, met Lou's eyes with a thousand shades of meaning in them, and cried to Katy to run.

Katy took the ditch in one massive leap, incredible for any horse, many times more so for one nearing thirty. He pulled up briefly when he saw Seth, Patrick, and Jamie racing on foot, "Get back to that trench! I'll get her!"

"Dad!" Jamie began in protest.

"Jamie!" Kid roared, "If you want me to save her life, you go back! If not, I'll haul you back there myself!"

Jamie, seeing his father meant what he said, wordlessly nodded and started back to the station, casting fearful glances over his shoulder as he went.

Rose was gasping in the heavy smoke by the time Kid pulled Katy up beside her.

"Get on back!" Kid screamed, eyeing the wall of fire that was eating everything in its path at an alarming rate. It was ten feet high if it was an inch, he realized. Maybe taller.

"Kid, please! We have to save Mesa! He'll burn to death! We at least have to get a clear shot at him!" She coughed and choked on a sob.

Something in her tone spoke to him as he hauled her onto Katy's broad back behind him. Suddenly a memory flashed before his eyes…the memory of those words leaving his own lips and Katy trapped in a flaming barn. The same agony had invaded his heart at the thought of the beloved horse under him now burning to death.

He made his decision in a split second. Instead of turning back for the ranch, he urged Katy toward the fire and the horse nearly out of his mind with terror that was caught in its path.

"Where the hell is he going?" Jamie screeched, straining against Cody's arms, which roughly held him back.

"To get the horse. To save the damned horse," Cody growled, shaking his head.

"Pull your shirt over your mouth!" Kid screamed over his shoulder at Rose as the smoke became so thick they could barely see in front of them. The wind had kicked up and was full of debris that stung Rose's eyes.

"There!" Rose cried when she spotted her yellow horse. She leapt off Katy's back and ran to him.

He was transformed from the quiet animal she'd sat upon in the pond only a few hours ago. His eyes rolled back his head and he bared and gnashed his teeth at her when she approached.

She dodged a hoof and dove in to secure his bridle. He was lathered with a panicked sweat.

"Mesa!" She cried firmly, tugging down on the headstall sharply and looking the horse in the eye, placing a steady hand on his neck, "Easy boy!"

Mesa snorted and danced, but didn't try to bite her again. Katy was prancing not far away, and Kid appeared at Rose's side, clenching the reins of his horse hard. If the horses got away, they were done for.

Rose and Kid screeched and grunted and hauled on the reins, but the frightened horse had them so wrapped around the deep rooted little tree that there was no way to get them out.

"Give me a boost onto him, then get on Katy. When you're on, I'll take the bridle off and we'll run for home," Rose said, coughing and gagging at the smoke. She could hear the fire's crackle now, feel the extreme heat it emitted singe her damp neck.

"Rose, no…he's likely to turn and run into the fire. Ride with me on Katy…we'll hope Mesa will follow!"

"We won't make it with both of us on one horse! It's the only way and you know it!" Rose screamed, "There's no time Kid!"

"Let me on Mesa! Katy will carry you back!" Kid cried back in one last effort.

"No! Mesa will run for me! I know it! Damn it Kid!" She finally half sobbed in desperation, and taking a handful of mane, leapt onto the horse herself. He reared and pawed through the smoke, but Rose hung with him, "Mount up Kid!"

Kid sighed, wondering if he was making the biggest mistake of his life, and leapt onto Katy. Lou had always wanted him to trust her abilities...Rose was like her in every way. The stakes were higher than they had ever been as he jumped on Katy's back.

Rose leaned forward and released the bridle.

Mesa reached for the sky, then bucked hard, spinning several times, and leaving Rose disoriented, but still clinging to his mane, legs clenched around him for her life.

"Easy Mesa!" Rose cried, and yelled at Kid, "Go! He'll follow!"

Kid took a long look at Rose, her red hair flying wildly, her face streaked with soot and tears, her eyes flashing with terror. Sighing, he urged Katy into a run, praying that Mesa would follow. Losing her meant losing not only a daughter but his son who would not do without her.

The fire was only twenty yards away and closing at an amazing speed. The smoke obscured Rose's view of Katy, only eight feet away, as the paint mare began galloping back to the station.

"Please, boy! Run!" Rose shouted when the horse spooked and skittered. She pressed her knees firmly into her horse's sides and reached back to smack his rump soundly.

It was all the encouragement he needed. With the fire thirty yards behind them, Mesa dug his heels into the dirt and plunged for home. Rose snapped backwards, unprepared for the speed of his start, and clamored for her balance. She was used to riding bareback, but not at such breakneck speed, and the churning of the horse under her as well as the sweat-slick hide made it a very real challenge to stay on him.

She couldn't see anything. Dust and soot flew into her eyes with the smoke and opening them was agony, so she didn't try. Mesa could be on fire under her, and she wouldn't know it...surely they were hot enough to be engulfed in flame. She listened for Katy or Kid, but she could hear nothing over the roar of the fire, the thunder of Mesa's feet, and the pounding of her own heart.

She cried out in pain when a tiny ember lighted on her arm and burned through her shirt, but didn't dare remove her hand from Mesa's mane to swat at it. She sighed in relief when the wind lifted it from her without catching her shirt on fire.

Finally she glanced behind her and through eyes half blinded with smoke and dust saw the fire leaning forward, coming to claim her in a glowing red wave of horror. The fire screamed and breathed with a life and a fury all its own, and Rose had never been more terrified in all her life…not with the drunk who cut her ear, not with a band of Indians on her tail, not with John.

She looked ahead for the station, but could see nothing. She only prayed that Mesa would see the ditch and jump before it was too late, or they would both go down. It would almost certainly be a fatal fall at their current speed. To break her neck or to burn to death…neither seemed a particularly pleasant death.

"Run boy! Ha!" She yelled at her horse, but might have been whispering for the roaring of the fire behind her. She closed her eyes and prayed fervently. Mesa's ears, already flattened, pressed closer to his head and she saw him bare his teeth, lower his neck and dig in harder.

Lou and Jamie stood side by side, their faces expressionless with shock as they watched the fire barreling toward the station, and no sign of their loved ones in front of it. Lou wanted to reach out to her son, offer him comfort, but she had none to give. She found she couldn't move, couldn't even blink.

A gunshot suddenly pierced the air, barely audible over the roar of the fire and Lou jumped as if the bullet found her heart. Had the fire finally caught Kid then, and he'd opted to end his life more quickly than the flames would? Tears rolled down Jamie's face at the sound of the shot. He bowed his head and let the grief take him completely.

Then a cry went up, followed by another as cheers rose up in the smoke.

Then, scarcely daring to hope, Lou saw it…a faint outline emerging from the solid smoke wall. The large paint mare was nearly black with soot, as was her husband, but slowly their forms took shape. "Get back! Get away from the ditch!" Lou cried, running forward, understanding the shot had been a warning to clear the way for Katy.

The men stumbled backwards, and the smoke blew forward, obscuring Katy from view again.

Jamie looked up in surprise toward the smoke that seemed to hang in a wall just before the ditch.

And then, he was there. It was as if the smoke wall opened a door and Katy leapt out of it, flying through the air for what seemed like hours, before landing heavily and stumbling as she reached the freshly turned dirt of the station. A cry of relief went up as Katy came to a trembling, blowing halt. It had been the run of her life.

Kid turned and searched wildly as Lou's hands dug into his leg, needing reassurance he was alive.

"Where's Rose?" Lou shouted at him, panic starting anew in her.

"Rose?" Kid choked, his voice hoarse from the smoke he'd inhaled, "She's not here? I thought she passed me!"

"Rose! Where is she?" Jamie screamed, tearing up to his side and desperately clutching Kid's other leg.

"She was…oh no…no," Kid repeated, turning on Katy's back and searching the smoky landscape helplessly. The brightness of the fire stung his eyes, but still he watched.

He saw nothing but destruction. Had Mesa stumbled and fallen? Had the fire claimed Rose long ago, while he ignorantly rode to safety? Had her screams of pain and terror fallen on ears deafened by the roar of the fire and fear?

Wordlessly, they all turned back to the prairie and waited. The fire was towering larger by the minute, looking to be a tidal wave about to sweep the station. Kid didn't know if the ditch would hold it back, and he didn't care at the moment. Not if Rose had been pulled into it.

His heart stopped beating, he ceased to breathe. Beside him, Jamie's eyes searched the plain desperately. The fire would reach the trenches in less than a minute. If it did, Kid knew all hope Rose was alive would be diminished.

His fingers twined in Katy's mane as tears started running down his cheeks. He'd made the wrong decision. In saving the horse, he'd lost them both.

For seconds, no one in the station yard stirred. A strange sort of horrified silence filled the air, as if a bubble wrapped them from the roaring fire, and the only sound was of their own stuttering heartbeats. Agony prevailed as everyone waited, the seconds moving like hours.

Rose screamed as the heat from the fire at her back became unbearable. Surely it had to end soon. She wished it would. She could cling to the horse no longer.

And then, she was sure she'd died. It seemed that Mesa sprouted wings and soared into the sky. The smoke cleared a bit and she had a view of three faces…Kid, Lou, and Jamie, all stricken with grief as she was lifted to heaven. All fear left her mind as she looked down in amazement. The ditch was impossibly wide, but still Mesa flew.

She grew so relaxed that the impact of the landing jarred her arms up to her neck and she bit her tongue viciously. She fell for what seemed like forever, and the coolness of the dirt was welcome on her back, still stinging with the heat of fire.

Soon five faces bent over her. She smiled slightly at them all: Kid, Lou, Jamie, Buck, and Cody. They were all covered in soot, and the tracks their tears had made ran in zigzagging patterns across their faces that resembled war paint. She seemed unable to grasp onto the edge of a thought, and so she let her eyes drift past them, looking up through swirling smoke as Lou pressed a damp rag over her mouth, and instructed her to breathe deeply.

She clawed it away in irritation, and pointed at the sky, "Look at the moon. It's so bright tonight!"

All five faces looked up. The moon was nowhere in sight. It wasn't even nightfall yet. When Jamie glanced back at Rose, she was unconscious. He looked at Lou with worry.

"She'll be fine Jamie," Lou promised him, "help me carry her away from the smoke."

Jamie nodded numbly and stood up on legs that felt shaky suddenly, picking Rose up and following his mother.

He glanced back to see the fire had scorched its way up to the ditches, but for the moment was held at bay by the sudden loss of grass. It posed on the edge of the ditch, growing taller and more fearsome. It threatened to take the space in one leap and eat the men battling it from the other side with dirt, water, and whatever else they could find.

They certainly weren't out of danger yet. All they could do now was wait, and pray for the rain.

For himself, Jamie felt the girl lying alive in his arms was the only thing he had a right to ask for. The rest of the world could burn.


	18. Chapter 17: From the Ashes

Chapter 17: _From the Ashes_

"God, it's hot, ain't it?" Seth mumbled, pausing and leaning on his shovel, wiping the sweat and soot from his face.

"Hotter than Hell's fireplace, lad," Patrick responded and heaved another shovel of dirt toward the fire.

It had not dwindled, but it hadn't grown either, so on they fought, daring to believe they might eventually win.

"Look at that," Patrick muttered, nodding his head over the flames.

Seth followed his stare and whistled through his teeth. The windmill, outside the protective circle of ditches, had caught fire and was now a blazing skeleton. It was eerie to see the fire reaching for the sky, "Damn near seems like it's winning don't it?"

"Well, it hasn't got me yet, lad. Till then, I'd say we're doing our job."

"Hey boys," Jamie murmured, appearing at their sides with his shovel. He glanced up at the sky, "Wish the rain would help us out."

"How's the lass?" Patrick wondered, "Will she be alright?"

"She seems fine. A little disoriented, but I would be too. Mesa's another story. Pulled something in his leg, it looks bad. I did all I could for him, but he may have to be put down. I left him in the round pen with Katy. We'll see."

Seth shook his head, "I swear. All that for nothing."

Jamie sighed, "Well, let's hope for the best. That horse saved her life. Out ran a prairie fire. Can you imagine?"

"Aye. He's a brave one for sure," Patrick said, "He'll be alright."

"He'll never run again," Jamie commented, as he began trying to smother the fire, "Of that, I'm sure."

"Well, then he can be put out to pasture," Seth reasoned, then added, "if there's any left of it."

* * *

Jamie fell into the rhythm with Patrick and Seth, and they kept a steady flow of dust pouring onto their section of the fire.

Night fell, but the station blazed with the light of day. Lou, having left Rachel with Rose, walked up and down the ditches, with a two buckets of water. One was soaking damp rags that she had the men tie across their faces. They were weary and coughing badly. The other was for drinking. She was "an angel of mercy" as Jamie heard one of the men say, and Jamie imagined she'd been very good at the hospital during the war.

She stopped in front of him, and though her eyes were fearful that the fire still blazed as meanly as ever, she placed a cool hand against his burning cheek, "Rose is fine. She's been asking for you. Why don't you go see her?"

Jamie smiled and his eyes shifted to where Rose was lying, propped up against the side of the house. He lifted a hand to her and she waved back.

"I can't Mama. There's too much to be done. Tell her I'll see her later, would you?"

Lou nodded, and continued down the line.

Jamie wasn't overly surprised when on her next round, she had help carrying the second bucket. Both Rose and Rachel followed along with her.

Jamie opened his mouth to tell Rose she shouldn't be up, but Lou shook her head.

"Don't bother. I tried. Stubborn as her father, that one."

"I decided to come see you, since you couldn't come visit me," Rose murmured in a smoke-roughened voice.

Jamie smiled, leaning down to kiss her cheek. Her face was blood red from the heat, and she had a bandage on one arm, but appeared otherwise unharmed from her close call. She threw her arms around him, squeezed him tightly, and continued with Lou. Jamie didn't have the heart to tell her about Mesa. He thought it was better not to worry her until he had a better idea the extent of the damage.

Rose ambled along quietly, feeling detached from the danger. In beating the fire to the station, she'd won. She no longer feared it. In fact, she felt she might not fear anything again. What could be more worthy of fear than a wall of fire chasing her across dry grass, after all?

Kid smiled when he saw her, and straightened up.

Leaving his shovel for the first time in hours, he walked over to her.

"Feeling better?" he wondered, placing a blistered hand against her cheek.

Rose felt awkward suddenly as she stepped forward to wrap her arms around him, "I'm sorry, Kid…I'm sorry for what almost happened. It was foolish of me. I had no right to risk your life…or mine. Not even for Mesa. I could have destroyed Jamie and Lou if something happened to you."

"Or you," Kid smiled and kissed the top of her head, "Rose, honey, remind me some time to tell you about a man named Doc Wheeler and another man named Ulysses. I'm glad we saved Mesa, honey. It was worth it. And I'm glad you're alright."

"I love you, Kid," Rose whispered to him, suddenly aware that she might not have told him that enough in her life, "I really do."

"Well, I reckon I knew that. And I reckon you know I feel the same, now back to work with both of us!" He said gruffly, although his voice was thick with more than smoke.

It was long in coming, but finally, as Kid had kept assuring them it would, the sky opened and the rain came. Rose jumped in surprise when the first slow, fat drops fell on top of her head, weaving through her hair to begin a tickling descent down her scalp.

The heavy clouds suddenly seemed to release their burden at once and the water was driven down in a solid sheet that bathed the scalded and weary men and women below. The fire struggled on, but it weakened without anything to consume, and though it hissed and popped furiously, the flames were losing for the first time.

Finally, when the fire was nothing but embers, the men dropped their shovels and buckets with trembling arms, and collapsed where they stood, turning faces up to the blessed rain.

It continued to fall, turning the ditches into what was almost a protective moat around the ranch. They'd saved every building but an old tack room no longer in use and the windmill, as well as the entire town of Sweetwater. It was a victory they were too exhausted to celebrate, after eight hours of solid struggle.

Jamie, feeling close to tears of exhausted relief, jumped feet first into the ditch that was already four feet high with muddy rain water, and cooled his skin. Several men, deciding the rain itself wasn't enough, did the same. Jamie thought he'd never known such heaven as the cold water that swirled around him, lifting away the heavy soot and sweat.

"Jamie! Jamie come quick!" he heard Rose's voice from somewhere behind eyes closed in relaxation.

"No," Jamie mumbled, wanting only to rest.

"Jamie! It's Mesa! There's something wrong with his leg! It's bad!"

Jamie's eyes opened at this. He wished now he'd warned her earlier about her horse's leg.

He clamored out of the water, followed by Seth and Patrick.

"I'm here Rose!" Jamie shouted, brushing his hair away from his forehead and waving his hand to the figure streaking across the station yard.

She was soaked and her teeth chattered, but he guessed it more from worry for her horse than the contrast of cold rain on blistering skin.

Jamie put a hand on each of her shoulders, "Rose, I know. He's hurt pretty bad. I'm going to do everything I can for him, but I'm telling you. You won't be able to ride him again."

Large tears filled her eyes but she blinked them down, glancing at Patrick and Seth before looking back at Jamie, "As long as you save him."

Jamie sighed and began to tell her that he might not be able to, but a hand touched his arm and Jamie looked to see Kid standing there, and his father promised, "We'll do our best."

Rose turned and Patrick took her hand as they led the way to the round pen.

Jamie hung back and looked at Kid, "It's bad. I may not be able to save him. In fact, if I had to make a decision right now, I'd put him down."

Kid nodded, "Well, it's good you don't have to make a decision now, isn't it? She's been through Hell today, Jamie. And I mean that literally. Try to keep a positive attitude, son, okay?"

"I want the horse to live as bad as you do, but if he's in pain, we don't have the right to keep him suffering, and you know it."

"I do know it. But like I said, let's not scare her till we know, alright? She risked her life to save him."

Jamie sighed, and put his hands on his hips. He was sodden and hot again, and more miserable than before he'd jumped in the ditch. He nodded his acquiescence.

* * *

Getting Mesa back to the barn where they could keep a lantern going long enough to see the damage was a slow, hard process. Mesa declined to put any weight at all on his leg, taking awkward hopping steps that reminded Kid of the time Katy had been shot.

Rose stayed at his head the whole time, coaxing, begging, and forcing the horse to take each step so they could help him. She knew fully well the injury could be a fatal one. Horses had four legs for a reason. When they refused to use one of them, it was a very bad sign.

Once inside the smokey barn she stood quietly at her horse's head. Mesa sighed deeply in relief when he realized he wouldn't have to walk anymore, and lowered his head against Rose's middle.

"You saved my life boy. You did it! You ran faster than lightning. I always said you could," Rose whispered as Jamie crouched down and held the swollen foreleg in his hands. Mesa snorted and flattened his ears as Jamie ran hands over him, but quieted at Rose's voice.

"I don't think anything is broken," Jamie finally sighed, standing up beside Rose, and putting his hands on his hips as he studied the leg, "But I think there may be a fracture. If not, then it's torn ligaments which aren't really any better."

Rose nodded, and looked away from him and down at Mesa's leg instead, placing her hand on the white star on his forehead that widened into a blaze, "Can he be saved?"

Jamie sighed again, glad she wasn't looking at him because she would have seen his doubt. "For saving my best girl, we are going to give it a hell of a try. I'm going to give him a tranquilizer that will knock him down, get the weight off the leg for a bit, and take care of his pain. Then...well, we'll see."

Rose nodded and bit her lip, then finally found her voice. Tears ran down her dirty face but she still could not look at him. "Jamie, if you think he needs to be put down, I don't want him to suffer. I'd rather do it now than make him hurt for no reason. I'll trust you if you say so."

Kid watched Jamie closely, trying to discern if he was more worried for the horse or for Rose, or more likely, equally concerned for both.

"Let's give him the night Rose. I am not making any promises, but the horse saved your life...twice actually, and outran a prairie fire. I wouldn't put it past him to pull out of this. He'll be lame," Jamie warned her again, not wanting her hopes to get too high, "but if he recovers he won't be in pain, and can live out his days like a king."

"Okay," Rose nodded, "We'll give him the night. I think I'll stay here with him."

Kid nodded, "I expected as much. Come on boys, let's go check to see all the fires are really out and thank everyone for their help. Tomorrow will be soon enough to see what kind of damage we're talking about."

Rose knew he was talking about both Mesa and his land. She also knew Kid well enough to know given the choice he would wish the horse well over his thousands of acres.

A few minutes later, Jamie injected the horse with a strong drug and in only seconds he stumbled and wove unsteadily. Jamie dodged the flailing hooves and held Mesa's bad leg in his own hands until the horse collapsed on his side, preventing further injury.

"I'll be back to check on you both after while," Jamie promised, nodding at her and jogged from the stable.

As it turned out, it was a good hour and a half before the rain let up and everyone could ride back to Sweetwater. Lou and Rachel pulled together a meal and fed the workers, who graciously helped carry the things Rachel had loaded into the wagons back into the houses, and lounged on the porch until the rain lightened to a steady drizzle.

After everyone was gone, Jamie sighed, then looked at his mother, "I'm gonna stay with Rose in the barn tonight and keep an eye on Mesa."

Lou nodded, "At least come get a few blankets and some dinner for Rose, that is, if Cody's left any."

Jamie opened the barn door with his foot, his arms full of blankets, a canteen of water, and a plate for Rose. He set them down in the stable aisle outside of Mesa's stall and peered over the door.

A smile crossed his face. Rose was sitting cross legged, with her horse's head in her lap, a hand on his neck and her head bent forward. She was fast asleep.

He chuckled and let himself into the stall, gently grabbing her under her arms and pulling her from underneath the unconscious horse. She stirred and mumbled in irritation, the way she always did when bothered while asleep, but didn't wake up as he picked her up and carried her outside the stall. He lay her down gently on a blanket in the aisle, knowing it would be cooler there than in the tack room.

When he had her settled, and had placed the napkin over her plate to keep the bugs out, he went back to the tack room and gathered the materials he needed, then entered the palomino's stall.

"Well, friend, you did a lot for me. Now let me see what I can do for you," He spoke to the horse that couldn't hear him and kneeled in the straw, carefully probing the leg, talking all the while to make himself feel better. An hour later he sat back and studied his work. The poultice and plaster he'd applied should keep the leg as immobile and supported as possible, unless Mesa panicked and smashed it and his leg to pieces when he woke up. It was hard to tell how horses would react to such injuries.

With that done, Jamie nearly crawled from the stall and collapsed on his own blanket, sore, sleepy, and heartsick when he thought of all the land the fire had surely destroyed, as well as the injury to the beloved horse. At least the fire would give the soil nutrients. In a year or two the prairie would be healthier than ever before. But tomorrow, they'd face a wasteland. He closed his eyes as his brain refused to contemplate anything else.

* * *

He could see her right in front of him. She was riding hard on a black horse, bent low, fleeing. His eyes shifted. Behind her was something more terrifying than anything he'd ever seen. In front of a blazing mountain of fire, the general outline of a horse and a man prevailed, but both were made of flames. Only the eye sockets of man and beast were empty holes of black. They were gaining on Rose. Jamie tried to help her, but couldn't climb out of the murky quicksand that held him fast. Her face disappeared in a mass of melted flesh.

Jamie screamed in rage and horror as the flaming horseman reached out and claimed her, dragging her onto his demon mount. Rose's screams split his eardrums. His own hoarse cries joined hers as the horseman turned, and took her back into the fire with him. The smell of smoke burned his nostrils.

"Jamie!" She called his name over and over, reaching back for him.

And then suddenly her hand made it across the distance, burning against his cheek. He screamed again and clung to it, pulling her back through the fire and crushing her against his chest.

Jamie cried out and began swatting at her arms and his chest, trying to extinguish the flames.

"Wake up, Jamie!" She shouted again, shaking him hard.

With a start, he did so. He wasn't sure which one of them was more surprised. He believed he had her beat as he looked into her eyes, gasping for air. He was holding her to his chest with all his might in the aisle of the stable.

He let out a shaky sigh.

"It was only a nightmare, Jamie. I'm okay, see? You're okay too...I think...unless the smoke addled your brain."

"I dreamed the fire got you," he said quietly, not releasing her. He couldn't bring himself to do so yet.

"It didn't. I'm right here, see? Feel better?" Rose asked softly, struggling against his tight hold enough to free one hand and wipe his damp hair from his clammy brow, "It's alright."

"No." Jamie shook his head, looking into her eyes, "I need you to promise me two things Rose."

She sighed, "What's that?"

"First," Jamie said, voice shaking, chest rising and falling rapidly, "Swear to God you'll never go charging into a prairie fire again. I don't care if it's a horse out there, or me. Just promise."

"Jamie…you know I can't say that. I'd probably do the same thing tomorrow."

"No!" Jamie thundered and shook her once for good measure, "You wouldn't! Because you are gonna swear it to me, Rose, right now dammit!"

Rose sighed, crossed her fingers, and desperately prayed she'd never see another fire to have to make the decision, "Okay, Jamie, I promise."

"Now uncross your fingers and say it," Jamie muttered, his hand closing on the one she was hiding behind her back.

Rose sighed, "Next time I'll use better judgement. How's that?"

Jamie sighed, resigned, "As good as I'm going to get from you I suppose."

Rose grinned and kissed his nose, "And the second promise?"

Jamie sighed and finally released her. He climbed to his feet, groaning a bit at the protest of his sore muscles, and extended a hand down to her.

Sleepily, she clamored to her feet as well, following wordlessly as he led her down the stable and toward the back pastures.

The moon peeked out from behind the heavy clouds, and revealed a fog that was thick and eerie. It rolled by them lazily, mixing with the thicker smoke.

"What is it?" Rose asked a bit breathlessly as Jamie turned to look down at her.

He studied her quietly, cradling her cheek.

Finally, he spoke. "I kissed you here for the first time. That was when I knew I really was in love with you. I wanted to tell you that night, but I didn't."

"I remember well enough…I wouldn't let you tell me anyway," She smiled at him, then her face fell as she recalled it was later that night that she met John. She rarely thought of him but the dread curled through her belly now. She turned back to the land and sighed, "I guess I got what I deserved for not letting you say your piece…"

"Rose, you could never _deserve_ everything that happened…I hope you really know that."

She sighed, then nodded, "I know…but I do wish things had been different."

"Well, that would be a perfect world. But then again, I may not have ever realized how lucky I was to have your love if I hadn't lost it once."

"I never stopped loving you," Rose protested, but Jamie put his fingers over her mouth.

"Maybe not, but I thought you had. And today, I thought I'd lost you altogether, and I never knew what it was like to be completely lost till I looked into that fire and thought you weren't coming back…" his eyes welled with tears. "I never want to feel that way again, Rose. Do you know what that's like?"

"Oh Jamie, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you so," Rose whispered, squeezing his hand. "But I do know what it is to be lost. When I lost my father, the only person in the world that had ever been truly good to me…I felt lost. Until your family found me. I know what it means…I-"

"Shh…I'm not done yet." Jamie scolded her teasingly and his fingers tightened on her own.

Slowly, he lowered himself on one knee and gazed up at her.

"Jamie…" she began uncertainly, her heart pounding.

"I want you to promise me that you'll stay with me forever. That as long as I live you'll be right here by my side, that you won't ever let me be lost again. I won't let you be lost either. I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?"

The tears that suddenly and unexpectedly rolled down her cheeks matched the ones on Jamie's face. She choked on a sob and fell to her knees beside him, at the spot where he'd first kissed her.

She was quiet, looking into his eyes for a long time.

"I promise to stay with you forever, and we'll never be lost again," she said at last in answer, then took his hands, "No fingers crossed this time."

He smiled and leaned to kiss her gently, his heart thudding with relief.

"What took you so long to ask anyway?" Rose smiled, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

* * *

The next morning he was gone from his bedroll when she awakened. Mesa was still down and so she wandered toward the back of the stables in search of the man she had said she would marry.

She sensed Jamie's grief before she even let her eyes fall on the land, and she didn't say anything to him as she stopped at his side and surveyed the damage herself.

Yesterday this time, it had been rich, sweeping fields of knee high grass, browning slightly with drought. Today, as far as she could see, the plain was destroyed, blackened and still smoking. The few trees that grew there were stripped and dead, waiting for a good wind to blow them down. The fences that had taken years to build were gone from the land, leaving rusty barbed wire littering the acres of the ranch, and stumps of fence posts leaning in gaping holes.

Rose sighed, sickened by the sight.

"It could have been worse. We could have lost everything," he said gently. "We could have lost you."

She nodded. "I know it. But it's still plenty bad, isn't it?"

"It's plenty bad," he agreed. "Well Rose, you may have been wrong. Looks like there's some rebuilding to do out here now...it's not all building new."

Rose smiled and looked at him, but he was looking back to the fields, "No, what we're building is new. And I'm not talking about the fences."

* * *

The summer wore on, and the slow process of cleaning up and starting over commenced. Rose helped with the fence repairs, rolling the ruined wire and helping set fence posts. The work of restringing would wait until after winter.

In weeks, the blackened fields were beautifully green, and Rose marveled at the resiliency of nature and the people who lived by its fickle whim.

Neighboring farmers and ranchers volunteered their fallow fields or pastures for the Bar M herd and Rose also marveled at the goodness of people. After John, it was a welcome reminder.

Kid and Lou left for their yearly trip to the horse sale, encouraged with promises that when they returned this time no one would be missing. News of Rose and Jamie's engagement brought a sense of excitement to the ranch. They were to be married in October, when most of the repairs were done, and the oppressive heat would have given way to cooler days.

Although she was tired enough to drop at the end of the day, after the unforgiving heat finally rolled away with the sun, Rose spent long hours with Mesa. She walked him around the station yard, and eventually started taking him to the swimming hole and letting him exercise without straining his leg. Jamie assured her it was healing nicely, and often went along with her, enjoying the coolness of the water with Rose and the horse.

It was hard work, but also satisfying, and Rose dropped into her pillow eagerly every night, knowing it was the work that allowed her to sleep in spite of her growing excitement about her wedding. Rachel and the dressmaker from town were collaborating on her dress, and Louise promised to bring back some fine lace and beads to adorn the garment. Rose had already been to the dress shop twice for preliminary fittings, and just feeling the white satin against her skin made her tremble with joy.

"Rose honey, wake up," the voice was soothing and soft in her ear, making her desire to sleep more soundly if anything.

"Rose, come on sleepy head," Lou said louder, shaking her shoulder. Rose muttered and scowled at her, slapping at the hand that dared rouse her.

"Rose!" Lou finally half shouted, knowing it was the only way.

"What! I'm up!" Rose mumbled quickly before she opened her eyes, jumping to a sitting position with her head still rolling around.

Lou laughed at her. Rose opened her eyes, light silver in the morning, and looked at Lou in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

"We just got back from the sale. Come outside, there's something I want to show you."

Rose looked out her window. The sky was barely gray with dawn, "Now?"

"Now. Hurry, everybody's waiting…" Lou said, and grabbed her robe, helping her into it after sensing it would be a long wait if she let the confused girl struggle with the garment on her own. She took Rose by the hand before she could tie the sash and Rose stumbled along after her. Lou nearly giggled in delight when she saw Kid and Jamie, barefoot in his long johns and hair sticking up at every angle, waiting for them.

"What is going on?" Jamie mumbled through half open eyes, his voice hoarse.

"I need your opinion on something," Kid beamed, "both of you."

"Now?" Rose asked pointedly for the second time, as if to make them realize the hour.

"Yes, right now. It's very important. Lou?" Kid smiled, motioning to the front door and offering his wife her arm. When they opened it and walked out to the porch, Jamie and Rose looked at each other in total bewilderment, sure both of them had gone insane.

With a lift of his shoulders, Jamie reached for Rose's hand and she staggered behind him out into the cool morning.

Kid and Lou were walking briskly toward the stables, and beat Jamie and Rose inside by a long shot. Jamie noticed that the bunkhouse lights were on as well, and Teaspoon and Rachel's lights were burning from the windows in the low light. It apparently was going to be a group opinion.

Jamie walked into the stable half a step before Rose and halted abruptly. She was looking at the dust as she shuffled along, and therefore crashed into him. She looked up over his shoulders to see why he'd gasped.

Suddenly she wasn't sleepy at all.

In front of them stood their family beaming proudly. To one side of the crowd consisting of Rachel, Teaspoon, Buck, Seth, and Patrick, Kid stood at the head of a huge black and white paint stallion. The horse tossed his head and snorted, prancing as if to show off. On the other side stood Lou, a stallion also in hand, but this one a dark, glossy, golden palomino with a wide white blaze and a silvery mane. He was quieter, raising his head and staring down his long nose at the new arrivals proudly.

Jamie walked with arms outstretched toward the paint stallion, as if he might disappear if he didn't have his hands on him at once. The animal was the closest to perfect he'd ever seen. More midnight black than white, he was sixteen and a half hands if he was a foot.

Rose didn't find moving so easy. She stared in amazement at the palomino stallion who gazed back with intelligent, sparkling, whiskey-colored eyes. He was even taller than the paint stallion, seventeen hands. When Lou saw she was frozen she walked the stallion to Rose. She automatically held her hand out to the horse, letting him smell her, and then stepped closer, reaching up and stroking his crested neck.

"What in the world?" Rose finally asked quietly.

Kid heard her and giving the paint stallion a pat said, "Your wedding presents."

Rose felt her eyes well with tears as she looked at her husband-to-be. Jamie was moved beyond speech and opened and closed his mouth several times, never finding the right words.

Kid nodded to the paint horse, "This one is a direct descendant of an infamous mustang around these parts when we were younger…they called him Satan. And for good reason." His eyes met Lou's as he recalled an eventful week involving the horse in question.

Lou smiled, "And this one is from the most successful Palomino breeder in California. Imported all the way from Spain. He's guaranteed to throw palomino babies. We thought you might like to expand the Bar M's line when you became half owner," Lou smiled at Rose.

Unable to think of anything to say that would express her gratitude, Rose swallowed around the lump in her throat and ignored the tears on her cheeks as she threw her arms around Lou. Jamie did the same to Kid.

Teaspoon smiled in complete contentment, and looked around the barn at the beaming faces. He turned, went to the tack room and returned with several shot glasses of whiskey, passing them around, then raised his own.

"Here's to the future. To the next generation!"

With their new stallions in hand, and the toast and whiskey warming their hearts, Rose and Jamie met one another's eyes and shared a smile. It was looking to be a promising future indeed.


	19. Chapter 18: A Thousand Blessings

Chapter 18: _A Thousand Blessings_

Rose's eyes were open long before the first streaks of dawn touched the frosty windowpane. In fact, they had yet to close. She lay on her side, curled in her blankets, watching the window without seeing anything. In the palm of her hand was Jimmy's silver star. The smooth tin still gave her the same comfort it always had as she stroked it absentmindedly.

It was her wedding day.

She couldn't quite put a finger on the emotions that ran wild through her heart ever since Jamie kissed her goodnight at the foot of the stairs. He'd spent the night at Rachel and Teaspoon's house to make sure he wouldn't see her before the wedding.

Great love for Jamie sang in her soul, making her tremble with joy, but there was an unexplainable melancholy below the excitement rushing through her veins. Only in these small hours of the morning did she let the sadness pull fully on her heart.

Her finger felt for the ridges in the badge. _U.S. Marshal._ She wished until she ached that Jimmy Hickok had lived to see this day. How she'd love to have him at her side, walking her down the aisle to Jamie!

She smiled as her finger encountered the small setting on top of the star. Jamie had taken it last week to have the star laid in a silver casing. He also had bought her a long silver necklace, and had given it to her last night. When she put the star on it, it rested above her heart. It wouldn't be visible under her dress, but Jamie realized without her saying a word how important it would be to have it with her.

A horse neighed outside, and an answering challenge soon followed. That would be her stallion, Dorado and Jamie's paint stallion Diablo calling to each other from their separate pastures. It had taken her weeks to decide on a name for her horse.

When Jamie declared his horse would have the Spanish name for his grand-sire, Satan, it seemed only right that her own stallion have a Spanish name as well. Golden he was, so "golden" he was called.

Thoughts of her wedding present led her to contemplate Kid and Lou. They'd been unfailing in their love for her since the first day they laid eyes on her, laying in the dust with a busted arm and an angry heart. She smiled slightly as the memory of the conversation where she asked Kid to give her away rolled in her mind.

"Kid, I was wondering…well I know it's Jamie's wedding, but I was hoping you might give me away…"

His eyes welled with tears that he tried to hide from her and he'd been struck speechless. In fact, he was quiet so long that Rose took it to mean he didn't like the idea.

"If you'd rather not…" she began.

"No! Of course I'll do it," he smiled slightly and took her hand, "I love you as my daughter. Always have. But I have to tell you, Rose...it is just sometimes I feel like I've robbed the man who was my best friend, who gave me my life, my son, and Lou, of so much already. I've had you all these years that he didn't. I don't know how he'd feel about this…about me giving you to my son now. Seems selfish repayment to a selfless man, doesn't it?"

Rose squeezed his hand, tears in her own eyes, "Well, I think it's only fitting. You've done right by him, Kid. There was no reason you had to take me in. He didn't owe me anything, and you certainly didn't. And you've given me my life. And I have loved my life with the McClouds. I have had such happiness and love here...he would have been honored by that, don't you think?"

Kid closed his eyes, freeing his tears and nodded. "God, I hope so, Rose."

Rose smiled, "Besides, Jimmy walked Lou down the aisle to give her to you. I think it's only right that you walk his daughter down the aisle to Lou's son. I think he'd have it that way."

* * *

Kid stirred slightly, careful not to wake Lou. He propped up on his elbow and watched her sleep.

She was so beautiful and he still loved to look at her, even after all their years together. She always would be beautiful, he thought, even when she was eighty.

Had they really been together all these years? How could it be his son's wedding day when he remembered his own wedding day so clear?

The bunkhouse had been too small that whole night before, as he tossed and turned, keeping everyone awake and earning himself jests in the process. He never doubted his love for Lou, but that hadn't stopped the terror of what he was about to do; take a wife as the express died and as the country exploded into an unprecedented war.

Looking into her eyes as she stepped from Jimmy's arm and put her hand into his had dispelled those concerns. And now, years, a bloody war, a profitable ranch, an adopted daughter that had completed their family and filled the emptiness Jimmy's death left, and a fine grown son later, he'd never been more sure of his decision. She'd been his life, his partner, and his soul through it all. He couldn't imagine his life without her, thought of all the ways their ships might have passed in the night and felt overwhelming gratitude for the course plotted for him by fate.

She smiled in her sleep. He wondered if she dreamed of her own wedding day too. Tears filled his eyes as he reached to stroke her cheek.

"Please God, let me die first. I can't last a day without her," he murmured the words aloud, his heart constricting with sudden, unexplainable fear that she'd leave him behind.

That was it, he decided, the true nature of love. It was both numbing fear and safe harbor, life's greatest risk as well as life's greatest blessing.

* * *

Jamie paced. It wasn't that he was nervous, but he was restless all the same, and more than ready to get on with the show. He smiled from ear to ear when he thought of seeing Rose walk to him down the aisle. Knowing her, she was probably still in bed, thinking too hard. He shook his head, thinking of the flurry of activity and preparations for the last few weeks. It was surprising how many people had come to see the wedding.

Cody and his wife Louisa, and two daughters were staying in the old bunkhouse. Both of Lou's younger siblings had come with their families to the wedding. Aunt Theresa and Uncle Jeremiah were staying in the main house. Sam and Emma were residing in Rachel's house. Jonathan Monroe and his sister Catherine had traveled all the way from Richmond to be there as well, and were in the bunkhouse with Cody and Louisa.

Two of his good friends from the university came, mainly they said, to see if he was actually going to go through with "strapping on the ball and chain."

They stayed in the newer bunkhouse with Seth, Patrick, and Buck. Jimmy's sister Celinda and her husband Nathan had come to see their niece get married too, and although he'd only met them a few times, he knew Rose spent a lot of time with her aunt while at school in Denver. They were staying in the hotel, sensing the ranch's resources were already brimming with the guests.

Seth and Patrick would stand beside him as best men, and the entire town planned to turn out.

There was no hesitation on his part, no doubts, no cold feet. He and Rose belonged together. It was as simple as that. He loved her so much that it scared him, and he knew she felt the same way.

She was his match in every way, and he couldn't afford to ever lose her. He'd rarely been so sure about anything in his life as he was that he wanted to marry her.

But that didn't make the waiting any easier.

* * *

Rose sat in a hip tub full of scented bubbles and sighed deeply, fighting back tears as she had all day. They were tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of terror all mixing and dropping into the steaming water.

Lou sat nearby on a stool, wiping off Rose's white satin slippers and smiling.

"You gonna be alright?" Lou finally asked.

Rose nodded, shuddered, and dunked under the water to hide her face for a minute. When she surfaced Lou was still looking intently at her.

"Oh, Lou. I just feel so strange. It's like I've left my body and I'm just floating. I know I want to marry Jamie, but I'm so nervous about everything. I just wish it was all over and done with!"

Lou smiled, "I suppose I felt the same way. I tortured myself wondering if I was doing the right thing. Kept wondering if it was fair to have to give up riding with the boys to marry Kid. Of course now, it's so hard to remember ever doubting it was what was meant for me. You're the same Rose. Jamie looks at you the way Kid looks at me, and you do the same for him. I've watched it for years and years. Even before either of you realized it. There's no one in the world I could want for my Jamie but you."

Rose smiled slightly and blushed at the compliment. Finally she gathered her courage and mentioned another source of anxiety for her, "Lou, I'm also worried about tonight…what will happen after the wedding."

Lou couldn't hide her surprise. She'd never fully believed that nothing had happened between Jamie and Rose that night in Virginia by the river. Or with John for that matter, or if not then, maybe during her time working in the saloons.

"You've never…?" Lou broke off, feeling her face color as well. She, who never blushed at anything.

Rose shook her head and averted her eyes, "I, well, I want him to be pleased."

Lou laughed at this, and when she saw Rose's baffled look explained, "I promise Rose, he'll be pleased. I'll bet my life on it. And I'd be willing to bet that you'll be pleased too, by morning."

Rose looked away, groping for the towel at her side and feeling her cheeks heat. She stood and dried off while Lou handed her the robe. Lou admired the girl's ivory skin and womanly figure. Jamie was in for a surprise indeed, she thought, and smiled happily.

A few minutes later Rose sat in a trance as Lou stood behind her and brushed her hair, a slow, methodic motion that relaxed her to the point her eyelids drooped. Rachel was in the room too, laying out her dress and looking for any wrinkles in the yards and yards of pure white satin.

Suddenly Lou smiled at Rachel and the older woman nodded.

The wonderful brush strokes stopped. Rose opened her eyes to find Lou and Rachel side by side in front of her.

"There's something I'd like to give you, that Rachel gave to me before my wedding," Lou smiled, feeling her throat grow thick as she remembered a blazing sunset from long ago and the small velvet pouch the woman who was both friend and mother to her pushed into her hands.

 _I don't know if I'll ever have a daughter_ , Rachel had said, _But if I do, I hope she turns out to be just like you._

For years, Lou thought she'd never have a daughter either, but had planned to pass the heirloom to Jamie's wife when the time came. However, she supposed, it turned out she had a daughter after all, and her hands trembled as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the velvet pouch.

Rose felt tears rising in her eyes yet again as both Rachel and Lou's eyes starting welling, without having any idea what they were crying for.

Lou smiled when she looked at the tiny red pouch. During the war she'd had to sell it for passage back to Rock Creek to get help for Kid. She'd been infinitely relieved to find the buyer had held to his word and tried to hold it for her. She suspected it was more the hardship of war than anything else that really prevented the jewelry from being sold.

Rachel stepped forward and stroked Rose's damp hair as she explained. "My mama wore these at her wedding, and I wore them at mine, and Lou wore them at hers. Now it's your turn honey. Just as it'll be your daughter's someday, and her daughter's after that, and so on, long after we're gone."

Rose's hands trembled so badly that it took her several tries to open the tiny pouch and empty the contents into her cupped palm. Two tiny cameo ear bobs twinkled in her hand, beautiful and antique.

Her hand warmed with them, as if she could feel the hopes and the love the women who were her family had felt on their wedding days.

Suddenly and without warning, she wailed outright and threw her arms around Rachel and Lou, and all of them collapsed into sobs.

"Good God! Is this a wedding or a funeral?" Kid laughed at all three women as he opened the door to tell them that he, Jamie, and the males of the party would go ahead into town.

Lou sniffed and wiped her eyes, only to have new tears replace them. She glared at her husband. "Shut up. You wouldn't understand, anyway, Kid. You go on with the boys."

Kid shook his head and rolled his eyes before reaching into his coat pocket, "Rose, Jamie asked me to give you this. Lord knows I probably shouldn't, but when your eyes are swelled shut for your own wedding it'll be him and these two to blame. Not me. I ain't made you cry yet!" He winked at Rose and handed her an envelope before raising his eyebrows at his wife and Rachel and closing the door firmly, "See y'all in a little while if you ever stop crying!" he called with a grin through the safe barrier of the door.

In a moment Emma, Theresa, and Catherine arrived to help with the dress, and Catherine announced her intention to take charge of Rose's hair, a lifetime of experience with Richmond parties, balls, and weddings to work with.

Rose excused herself while the women all rushed about, getting scented powder ready for her skin, clipping the tiny roses that would go in her hair and heating the curling irons. She stole down the hall softly on bare feet.

She sat in a window seat that looked out over the entire ranch and with a small smile opened the envelope. Inside was a tiny dried flower and a note written in Jamie's tiny, meticulous hand.

 _My Rose,_

 _I don't know if the image of the skinny, red haired thirteen year old that I first saw fighting three men twice her size will ever leave me, although the years have certainly only added to your beauty…and your fierceness, God help me. You've been my truest friend since the day I met you, and I know there have been times I took for granted your love and understanding of me, but I promise to try hard never to let that happen again._

 _You'll notice the flower in the envelope is quite old. So old, I'm afraid that you can no longer tell that at one time it was a rose. Your father, and my namesake gave this flower to me when I was only a boy, and not old enough to understand the impact of the words he gave me with it. Only now do I recognize his wisdom. I only wish he was here so I could tell him that. I give you this flower, the same one that not another soul on this earth knows I have, and I pass it's remarkable story onto you in the moments before you come to my side as my wife._

 _On a quiet day riding through the mountains with your father on one of his visits, he pulled this very same pressed flower from his coat pocket and told me its history. I was thirteen. You've been to Point Lookout, Rose, you know the ground was covered in mud and filth and little else. And yet somehow, within those stockyards of milling men, a flower pushed its way through. Uncle Jimmy told me it was hiding behind a tent, the purest white he'd ever seen._

 _When it started to wilt, he picked it as a reminder to him. His words are still clear in my memory:_

 _"Jamie, hope exists in all things, in all places. Even in the darkest and coldest hours of our lives there is a rose. Sometimes it hasn't pushed through the soil yet, and sometimes it's hidden around the corner. Sometimes no one else sees it. But always, my boy, always it is there. Once you find a rose in your life, you never let go. I've let go of too many roses. Don't you do the same."_

 _In my head, Uncle Jimmy's voice echos. I imagine I feel his hand on my shoulder as I write this to you. I've never felt his presence so strong Rose, not since he passed away._

 _I can't help but thinking long before he met you, he knew of us. I take this flower as a symbol of his blessing of our love, and I give it to you in the hopes you will do the same._

 _You are my Rose for life, starting today and not ever ending, even after I draw my last breath and my bones turn to dust. You were his Rose too, I believe, and he'll never let you go either._

 _I do love you more than my life, Rosie. I'll be waiting for you at the head of the aisle to tell the world that today. Hurry up, would you, and be my wife?_

 _All my love for all my life,_

 _James Noah McCloud._

Rose carefully folded the paper, her heart thumping rapidly. Surprisingly, there were no tears this time, and instead a radiant smile split her face.

She looked beyond the ranch, and the fields that had taken over the ashes, to the purple mountains where the shadows of the clouds rolled slowly by.

Her father had given her away after all.


	20. Chapter 19: Beloved

Chapter 19: _Beloved_

"It _will_ curl," Catherine Rutherford, formerly Catherine Monroe, growled as she studied the shiny sheet of red-gold in front of her, "I promise you that."

Rose sighed and bit her lip, choosing to let the woman find out for herself that her hair simply would not be forced into curls.

It was a battle of wills between a woman that was every bit as stubborn as Rose's hair, and in the end, the woman won. Rose couldn't hide her surprise when Catherine finally sighed in triumph and held the hand mirror in front of her. Her hair was fashioned in perfect ringlets and pulled back from her face, gathered into an elegant upsweep at the crown of her head. Catherine wound a string of pearls around the base of the curls. Several wispy ringlets spilled around her face and down her back.

Rachel and Lou instantly approached with the baby roses, sticking them here and there within the curls. It was quite beautiful, Rose thought.

Catherine really was a professional, Rose thought as the woman neared her with a large powder puff and a reckless gleam in her eye. Rose was slightly shocked with Catherine powdered not only her shoulders and throat but also the top of her bosom.

The result was again, impressive. Rose's already smooth skin seemed to glow. A touch of rouge to the bride-to-be's still pale cheeks and lips, and it was time for the dress.

Rose stood still in her corset and crinoline with her arms raised as all five women in the room gathered the rustling satin and lifted it over her. It settled over her head in waves without touching her upswept hair, and fell to the floor. The bodice of the dress fit like a glove, and the hoop skirts stood out beautifully.

Lou and Rachel had promised her the loveliest gown to ever walk down a church aisle, and Rose reflected that if they hadn't achieved that, they'd come so close she couldn't tell. The beadwork on the bodice was intricate. Tiny pearls and other pure white adornments glittered when she moved, and yet there were not so many as to detract from the simple elegance of the gown. The bodice was cut in a sweetheart neckline and modestly high to only hint at the smooth iridescence of the skin underneath.

With her hair pulled back, Rose's long slender throat rose like a graceful column of gold tinged ivory from her shoulders. Lou stood on a chair and gently fit the simple veil over Rose's knot of curls.

The women decided against covering her lovely face, and instead the garment would drift behind her.

When at last Lou moved to Rose's side to put the finishing touch of the ear bobs on, a horrible realization hit her. Rose's severed earlobe. The girl was so self-conscious about it that Lou had rarely seen it, and therefore had forgotten. Apparently, so had Rose. Even with the wispy curls left hanging for the purpose of hiding it, she hadn't contemplated how she would wear the earrings.

None of them had.

Rose sensed Lou's hesitation at turned to ask her what was wrong when it occurred to her too. "Oh," she said weakly, trying to hide her disappointment and embarrassment.

The women stood staring at each other uncomfortably, at an impasse, with no notion of what to do. Rachel felt tears in her eyes when she looked at Rose's fallen face. After her whole speech of the great tradition of the ear bobs it would be cruel for her not to get to wear them. She squared her jaw in determination and marched to Rose's side.

Rarely had Rose allowed anyone so close to her ear. In fact, besides the doctor that repaired it and John, the only person she'd willingly let see it closely was Jamie. She sighed as she remembered his gentle hand touching it, telling her how sorry he was that anyone had treated her with such violence, promising her it would never happen again. Then he'd surprised her by gently kissing the misshapen lobe.

Suddenly she glanced out of the side of her eye at Lou and Rachel, both worried nearly to tears over it. The irony of the situation hit her. They'd given _her_ ear bobs.

The laughter started out in her throat and she tried to swallow it. However, the giggle traveled up through her mouth to her lips and once there, there was no stifling her hysteria. She doubled over, laughing until tears ran down her cheeks. Relief and similar appreciation for the irony as well as the idiocy that none of them had realized the problem with the jewelry sooner, struck all the women and they howled together until tears ran down their faces and their sides hurt.

"I suppose I could clip them onto my nose," Rose laughed, wiping at her tears in hopes of stopping them before they smeared the rouge on her cheeks.

Lou giggled too, "What in the world are we going to do? We can't clip one higher than the other. Everyone would think you had some sort of problem with holding your head up straight."

Catherine drummed her lips with her fingers in thought, "Could you tie a thread around Rose's ear and clip the earring to that?"

"It could work," Rachel murmured and went about doing that. The result was ridiculous looking.

"I look like a pirate," Rose pointed out, shaking her head in rejection. Maybe I could just clip them inside the bodice?" It was sad to think of not wearing them, but at the same time, she wasn't going out in public with a string tied around her ear either.

"No…" Rachel said, her forehead wrinkling as she thought hard about the options. Suddenly her face lit up and she gently pulled the ear bobs off the string and her ear. She seized Rose's hand and clipped one ivory cameo to the button hole at the bottom of her sleeve.

It twinkled and dangled merrily. Rachel sighed in satisfaction, "There we are!"

Finally all the older women stood back to study their creation. Rachel and Lou cried again. Rose did not. She looked at herself in the mirror, hearing her father's words as she slipped his badge on its silver chain around her neck and under the bodice. She saw Lou's dark eyes looking at the badge with some strong emotion as she put it to rest over her heart.

She looked at herself in the mirror as the other women moved to touch up their own hair one last time and straighten their own finery.

"Mrs. James Noah McCloud," she murmured aloud for the first time. She'd said it in her head countless times since Jamie proposed to her. She smiled. It sounded more wonderful out loud. "Autumn Rose McCloud." She said to the mirror, then with a small smile corrected herself. "Autumn Rose _Hickok_ McCloud."

It had a nice ring, she thought.

* * *

"How come he keeps walking back and forth like that?" Catherine daughter's Kirsten asked her Uncle Jonathan, tugging on the tall man's pants leg.

Jonathan grinned down and swept the girl into his arms, "Well, I imagine because he's nervous about walking in front of all those people."

"I'm not nervous! I'm the flower girl!" She proclaimed.

"Yes, you certainly are," Jonathan agreed, "But you're not getting married are you?"

"Well, no. Not today. But I'd marry Jamie. He likes tea parties too."

Hearing this, Jamie glanced in their direction, suddenly smiling. He came to sweep the little girl into his arms and kiss her cheek. She squealed as he swung her around. "If you were a couple of years older, I'd run down that aisle and get Teaspoon to marry us right now."

"Careful Jamie, that kind of talk got you into trouble with Rose when she was younger," Kid reminded him, smiling at the memory of finding Rose crying in the buckboard because Jamie was going to walk Elizabeth Walters home. His smile faded when he thought of Elizabeth's death. It could have just as easily been Rose.

He studied his son. He'd never seen him look so fine as he did today in a dark suit and ascot tie. His wavy brown hair was combed more neatly than usual and his eyes had never been such a vibrant blue. Pride swelled Kid's heart and he had to look away before he was reduced to behaving like the women. If Lou found him in tears, he'd never live it down.

* * *

Rose looked out the window of the covered coach. Her face was expressionless, and she was ignorant of the chatter of the women in the carriage with her. Lou too, was silent.

Both were lost in thoughts that were similar; thoughts of Jimmy and Jamie, of years gone by and years to come. These were her last few moments as Rose Hickok, a name she hadn't been given until she was thirteen, and perhaps she was not quite ready to let go of it yet. But she'd been McCloud too, at least in her heart for the years of her life that she had been truly loved.

* * *

"There's the carriage son. Let's get you inside before it gets here. Time to get this show on the road," Teaspoon grinned, placing a hand on each of Jamie's shoulders and steering him inside.

Seth, Patrick, Buck, and Cody all strained their eyes toward the carriage try and get a glimpse of the bride, but the window flaps were drawn closed. Sighing in disappointment, they followed Jamie into the church.

Jamie knew how many people were supposed to turn out, but he still hadn't expected to see the church quite so packed. He imagined the pastor was envious of the crowd they'd drawn. People sat shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip and the ones that couldn't find a seat milled in the back of the sanctuary.

He nodded and smiled to friends as he filed past, taking his place in front of Teaspoon at the head of the aisle. Jamie stared at the stained glass window behind the altar and tried to stop his rapidly thumping heart.

Rose's hand trembled when she put it into Kid's and let him lift her from the carriage to the church stairs to avoid the dust. The women hurried inside to take their seats. Soon, only Lou, Kid, and Rose stood outside on the bright, blustery fall day.

Lou kissed Kid, then placed a hand on each of Rose's cheeks, bringing her head down so she could look her in the eye.

"He's here. I know he is," was all she said before kissing Rose on the forehead and disappearing into the church to signal the bride was ready.

Rose clutched tightly to Kid's arm, closing her eyes and breathing slowly. Her knees felt weak and her stomach churned so violently she wondered if she might throw up right there. Not exactly her notion of a romantic scene.

Kid placed his hand over hers and leaned to kiss her cheek as the wedding march started. Rose glanced into his eyes, eyes that were the same as the man he would give her to, and she suddenly felt the happiness steal through her entire body.

"Want to get married?" Kid asked, his eyes sparkling with tears as he saw the joy in her own silver eyes.

"I do," Rose nodded and Kid motioned for the doors to be opened.

* * *

Jamie quickly turned when the doors parted, letting in a blast of chilly air. He felt his heart stop beating as she filled the doorway, the light pouring in from all around her. A collective gasp went up from the crowd, followed by a sigh of appreciation.

She stepped forward, her skirts swishing over the first of the flower petals Kirsten had delightfully littered the ground with, and she sought his eyes from the distance. She wanted to be present; to remember this day always.

The breath left Jamie's body, and he wondered briefly if he'd ever get it back. Those eyes got him every time. Today they were dark, rich silver, shining brightly from her beautiful, dear face. She had never looked more beautiful, he decided as Kid led her slowly-too slowly-past the stunned crowd. He was sure nowhere in the history of the world had a groom stood and waited for a more beautiful bride or amazing woman to put her hand into his.

Lou sat and waited for Kid to join her, watching Jamie's face the entire time. Of all the things she'd done in her life, of all the joys, of all the sorrows, he was her greatest achievement, she knew. This, the tiny child she'd carried through hell and back.

Now he stood straight and tall, with all the love he'd ever been given shining there in eyes like his father's, love he would now give to his own family as freely as it had been passed to him. Pride for him, for this living proof of the life and love she shared for one man that would not ever fade or die, made her heart ache dully. To love until one ached… _that_ was the true nature of love, she decided.

Rose finally let her eyes wander from Jamie's halfway down the aisle as she sought the faces of those she had loved and those who had loved her so well. Patrick stood beside Jamie, his fair face flushed with tears as he sobbed openly with happiness and pride. Seth too met her eyes and winked, smiling warmly. Buck and Cody stood side by side, alternately beaming at her and Jamie. She and Jamie were carrying on their family too…not just Kid, Lou and Jimmy's, Rose realized. Jonathan Monroe and Catherine stood arm in arm, and Rose wondered for a moment how different her life might have been if Catherine had been her mother, if Jimmy had come back for her after the war…she imagined Catherine was thinking the same thing.

Celinda smiled at her, and Rose wondered how much of her brother her aunt saw in her, and hoped she did Jimmy proud.

Rachel and Lou were beaming from the other side of the aisle, and Teaspoon grinned from in front of the altar. Her eyes met Jamie's again, and she wondered if she'd ever have the will to look away from them again.

Kid stopped Rose just short of Jamie, and nodded to Teaspoon.

Teaspoon hadn't felt so honored or pleased about performing a wedding since the parents of this groom had gathered in a similar church in Rock Creek to begin a life together. He smiled, opened his Bible, and began the words he'd uttered, as well as heard, many times before.

"Dearly Beloved, We are gathered here…"

Rose was too lost in Jamie's eyes to hear much more, and he hers.

"Who gives this woman away to be wed?"

Teaspoon asked, and Kid's squeeze of her arm caused her to jump. Rose looked at Kid with a gentle smile.

Kid smiled back, tears touching his eyes and his voice thick with emotion, "Her father, Jimmy...James Butler Hickok, and I."

Teaspoon smiled, looked down for a moment to hide his own tears as Kid extended Rose's hand to Jamie's. When they tightly clasped each other, Kid placed his own hand over theirs, looking from one to the other. He meant to murmur some meaningful words of love or pride, but his eyes filled up and his lips trembled, and no words would come. With a nod, he went to Lou's side.

Jamie's fingers were strong, tight, and sure around her cold hands and Rose felt the last of the nervousness leave her.

Jamie felt his heart slow as well. She was with him now. Without her, he just wasn't himself. To be an incomplete entity without another, that was the true nature of love to Jamie.

Rose watched the facets in Jamie's eyes, warm and fiercely loving, shifting and burning with emotion. A love so great it might have frightened her, had the love in her own eyes been any less savage. To love to the pinnacle of wildness, and yet, to know safe harbor in another's eyes…that was the true nature of love.

Teaspoon continued with the ceremony, knowing good and well that Rose and Jamie were too enamored in each other to pay much attention.

Worlds of communication passed between Rose and Jamie as they stood there, oblivious to the surrounding crowd and world. From today on, they would be one.

Lou watched as they exchanged the rings with trembling fingers, her own hand gently tracing Kid's wedding ring. Like their rings, which both had "ride safe always" inscribed in them, Lou knew Jamie had Rose's engraved with, "My Rose Forever."

A tear trickled down the crease of her nose, and Lou bent her head to wipe it, looking down at her hand clasped in Kid's larger one.

And then she felt it, something she had not felt in many, many years, but couldn't mistake for anything in the world. It centered in two tiny spots on the back of her neck and spread to her cheeks, seeming to pull new tears to her eyes. A warm heat enveloped her and raised chills on her arms.

The burn of a stare, Jimmy Hickok's stare. She was as sure of it as she was of the man sitting beside her now. There was no need to turn around, she knew she wouldn't see him there. She didn't have to, she felt him there among what remained of his family as strongly as she ever had felt him in his life.

Her view was blurred with fresh tears but she would have sworn she saw Rose start suddenly and glance toward the back of the church, as if she felt it too.

Rose finally let the tears fall from her eyes as Teaspoon pronounced them man and wife, and invited Jamie to kiss his bride.

Applause and good natured laughter erupted at the length of the kiss and Rose turned a fiery scarlet, but smiled broadly when Jamie turned to present her to the crowd.

"Mr. and Mrs. James Noah McCloud!" Teaspoon announced and cheers and applause nearly rocked the small church on its foundation.

Rose squealed with delight when he burst out of the church and swooped her in his arms, walking to the dust and spinning them. They both laughed and Rose threw her arms around his neck and shut her eyes tight as the mountains, church door, and main street of town all blurred into one line of colors. Jamie finally stopped and staggered unsteadily, still laughing as others burst out of the church to congratulate them.

He kissed her passionately one more time before returning her to the steps to stand on her own.

* * *

The reception at the town hall went by in a blur of music and cake. Rose lost count of the men she danced with. She laughed hard and enjoyed herself. At one point when dancing with Kid he stopped in the middle of the floor, grabbed her arm and brought it in front of his face.

He looked at her "cuff links" then at Rose with a questioning stare. She giggled, told him it was a long story, and he answered he imagined it would be, and on they danced.

Her legs were growing a little numb and it was pitch black outside when she found herself in Jamie's arms, waltzing slowly. She idly realized it was the same waltz he'd led her through at the Christmas dance, shortly before she poured her thirteen-year-old heart out to him. She wondered if Lou had anything to do with that, and when she spotted her, in Kid's arms across the dance floor smiling back at her, she had her answer.

"Come on, Mrs. McCloud," Jamie whispered in her ear, kissing it gently and causing her to shiver. He took her hand and slowly led her for the door, the perfect picture of boyish innocence. Once clear of the crowd, he bolted into a run again and dragged her behind him, out to the dust.

He kissed her gently under the October moon, and slowly they walked to the hotel in town. The hotel manager refused to take their money when they announced their plans to stay in Sweetwater for one night before heading to San Francisco for their honeymoon, and had given them the finest room in the whole hotel.

Outside the building, Rose suddenly faltered in her stride, her cheeks turning bright red. Seeing this, Jamie stopped her and turned her to face him.

"What?" He smiled, "Rose, are you still worried about this? About what we talked about at the river?"

"No," Rose began in mortification then sighed "Okay, yes."

Jamie groaned and shook her gently, laughing, "You drive me to madness with wanting you every time you look my way, and you're still worried if I'm going to be pleased?"

"Something like that," Rose shrugged, then looked up at him through coyly lowered lashes, "Are you really mad with wanting me?"

Jamie sighed and looked at the sky. He laughed and then bent to kiss her forehead. "Absolutely, Mrs. McCloud. You don't know the half of it." He really liked the sound of that. However, soon his smile faded a bit and he grew serious, "Are you scared, Rose? Is that what it is?"

Rose looked at him for a long moment, searching his eyes. If she wasn't ready to take this step of consummating their love, he'd never ask her to, despite his own madness, as he put it. She kissed him passionately.

"I'm not scared, Jamie. Not of anything in the world. I have you now."

Taking his hand, it was she who led the way into the building and up the stairs. Jamie fitted her into his arms, as naturally as if she'd been made to fit there, and carried her across the threshold, softly closing the door on the world outside.

* * *

Lou stood at the window in her room, the curtains thrown back, and looked outside. The moon was full, and the land lay in a silver light. It was the night's answer to noon she supposed, and infinitely more beautiful than the sun's light. She loved these fields, these mountains. They were such a part of her. Of Kid. And also of Jamie and Rose.

Joy mixed with soberness as she reflected not on the day, but on her life. Life was strange, she thought. To have such rocky, trying beginnings, to know so many youthful years when she felt not a soul loved or wanted her, she had ended up with so much love in her life, so much joy. More than her share, she felt sure, and yet she only too happy to be greedy with it.

This time the realization of the presence of Jimmy Hickok didn't come slowly, but rather all at once. She looked out across the fields in the direction of the mountains, not surprised to see nothing. It was when she closed her eyes that that she saw Jimmy sitting there on a palomino. With amazing clarity and calmness she watched as he pushed off his hat and stared back at her. Those eyes had never been so intense as when boring into her own as they were now. She reached out, as if to bridge the distance, and swore there was gentle pressure on her hand in return.

"Our children are grown up, Jimmy." She said the words out loud.

Then, he replaced his hat, tipped it to her, lifted his hand in a goodbye, and rode for the mountains.

Lou suddenly gasped and opened her eyes, a damp sweat on her brow. Her heart thudded rapidly as she desperately searched the landscape.

There was no sign of a horse and rider, but a trail of silver dust settled slowly back to earth.

She never felt the burn of his eyes on her again after that night, but by the same token, she also never felt him stray too far from her heart again either.

* * *

Jamie's eyes remained open long after the candle went out and the fire burned low, and only moonlight cast an ivory glow on everything.

His heart clenched painfully as he recalled the last few hours. Unquestionably, they'd been some of the finest hours of his life.

She had worried for his pleasure. He actually snorted at the absurdity of this and muttered "told you so," to her dozing form.

She was his in every way, and he hers. He'd known Rose was a passionate young woman, but tonight had only scratched the surface of something new and unknown, yet infinitely promising to each of them.

She was lying cradled against his chest, her hair spread like a flame on the pillow behind her. Her back was like alabaster, and he gently traced the groove of it, wanting to know every inch of her better. He leaned forward to kiss her forehead tenderly, stroking a coppery strand of hair turned gold in the moonlight, noting a tiny dimple to the side of her brow bone he'd never seen before. He kissed that too.

Her eyes opened slowly and she smiled lazily up at him. All doubts of pleasing him had left her mind long ago, and now she was heavy-limbed and dazed from her own pleasure.

"I think I may love you, Jamie," she mumbled sleepily, stretching and sighing with pleasure.

Jamie smiled back down at her, and kissed her again thoroughly. Then he sighed, "I don't know if I'm going to survive this Rose. It almost hurts to look at you I love you so much."

Rose's mouth twitched and although the words warmed her through she raised an eyebrow, "I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

Jamie shook his head, "Here I am composing poetry for you and you'll turn it against me!"

She grew serious, "I don't need poetry. Just you. I love you."

He sighed, and brought one of her hands up to rest on his heart. She took great strength from the slow, steady beat and set her life's rhythm to it right then.

"It's yours Rose. It belongs to you. Please God, try to be gentle with it, because with the power to keep it beating, you also have the power to shatter it. I'm scared sometimes I love you too much, Rosie."

Rose's fingertips gently dug into his skin, as if to press closer to the gift he'd made her of his heart.

"Trust me?" she asked him the question he'd demanded of her so many times in the past.

"With all my heart," he whispered, smiling weakly, giving her back the words of trust she'd once given him.

"Then I promise, your heart is always safe in my keeping."

Tonight no one existed but the two of them, locked in a boundless love.

Tomorrow they would set out to conquer the world.

Together.


	21. Epilogue: Legacy

Epilogue: _Legacy_

The scream that split the air wasn't quite human, and Jamie rushed to Rose's side, grasping her hand and smoothing back her sweaty hair.

Her voice was weak and raspy, and she reached a trembling hand out to clutch her husband's shirt, pulling down fiercely on the fabric so that she wouldn't have to speak in tones above a whisper.

"Name him for my father if it's a boy, and after your mother if it's a girl…tell the baby about me…OWWWWW!" the gentle words disappeared into another ear splitting scream.

Jonathan Monroe, who upon request had traveled back to Sweetwater just over a year after seeing them wed to deliver Rose's first child, coaxed her through the next pain and then relaxed when she lay back on the pillow, flushed and panting.

"I love you Jamie," she whispered pitifully, groping for his hand.

Jamie's face drained of color as he looked first to Lou's ashen face, then at the doctor that had brought him into the world.

Jonathan surprised them all by chuckling, "Don't worry, Jamie. They all think they are going to die about this time. She's doing well."

"How would you know? You're not doing anything to help me but sitting there! If you tell me to push one more time, I swear to the almighty God I'm going to kick you in the head!" Rose growled, her knuckles going white on the bed sheet as she writhed and screamed at another pain. They were close now. She knew they either had to stop, or she had to die.

"Oh Rose, I'm sorry, I wish it could be me," Jamie murmured soothingly, touching her cheek.

She jerked away from his touch, "I wish it could be you too you bastard! This is all your fault! I-I am never going to bed with you again!"

Despite her worry and memories of her own near-death experience in childbirth, Lou laughed at Jamie's stricken look at that bit of news. She doubted a red-blooded woman like Rose would stick to her word never to share her bed with her husband again but his horror at the suggestion told her that Rose and her son were well-matched indeed.

Rachel let herself into the room slowly with a fresh pot of boiling water and a stack of blankets.

"Welcome! Welcome to the show! Is there anyone else who would like to come see me here like a beached whale with my legs in the air?" Rose snapped, "Twenty-seven hours I've been here! What more can you possibly want from me? Let me die in peace and dignity!"

Just as quickly as she'd been screaming, she was suddenly crying, and holding hard to Jamie, "Oh Jamie, I'm so sorry. I love you! I didn't mean any of it! I don't want to die!"

Jamie looked down at her with something between a smile and a grimace as another pain rocked her and she clamped with incredible strength for someone who'd been in labor for so long onto his arm. He knew he'd have bruises, and knowing her pain was many times greater wasn't helping for the moment.

Jonathan stood up and nodded, "Okay Rose, we're getting close! You're gonna need to push when I tell you too, alright? Not before. You're doing great, sweetheart. In just a minute you'll be holding your new baby."

Rose sobbed when she felt that her lower body was being separated from the rest of her, and trembled with restraint of not pushing, despite the natural instinct that made her desperate to.

"Rose, now!"

Rose screamed until her throat was hoarse and continued to push, grasping onto Jamie, sure she'd die any moment.

And then, another scream filled the air. A scream from tiny, but obviously healthy lungs.

Silence prevailed among the adults in the room as the infant wailed, possibly, Rose thought, the most precious sound in all the world. Tears touched her eyes though she had never been overly emotional about babies and especially screaming ones.

"It's a girl," Jonathan announced with a smile, "And a big healthy one at that."

Jamie had long ago decided that the most tender moment in his life had occurred on his wedding night, but he dispelled that notion when a few minutes later, a tiny bundle was placed into his arms.

There was no stopping the tears in his eyes at that point, nor did he try as he looked at his daughter. She was incredibly red, slightly misshapen, and not altogether happy about being born from the looks of things.

With a smile and a peek at her granddaughter, Lou motioned everyone out of the room for a few minutes. A parade could have marched through the bedroom and Jamie would have not noticed, so intent was he on his child.

Jamie brought a finger up to touch the tiny flailing hand, and his eyes opened wide in surprise when minute fingers curled around his with surprising force. He looked at the tiny little nail beds, perfectly formed. Life had never seemed so fragile.

"Hello," he said, not sure what else he should do in way of introducing himself, "I'm your Daddy."

The words were accompanied by tears of joy pouring down his face.

Rose watched the scene with a peaceful smile, the demons that gripped her moments ago gone with the pain. The bundle was so small in Jamie's large arms, and yet, Rose had little doubt who the boss was already.

Jamie walked to her and sat on the bed, reluctantly laying the infant in Rose's arms. Her tears spilled rapidly as she shook her head, "My God, Jamie. We made her. She's ours."

Jamie leaned over and kissed Rose gently on the lips, "Yes we did. And I have to thank you for her. I hope you don't take exception to this, but she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Rose laughed and sniffed, "How can I compete with her? She's perfect, isn't she?" She looked over her daughter carefully, wanting to know every detail, "Did you see her eyes?" Rose asked him finally, "They are blue, just like yours."

"But she's got your mouth…and your nose. Just smaller," Jamie said with his gift for the obvious.

Rose nodded and giggled slightly, giddy with the weariness and the joy.

"What should we call her?" Jamie asked.

"Louise for certain," Rose said firmly.

Jamie nodded in agreement. "What about your mother? What was her name?"

Rose's eyes turned down and she turned inward on her thoughts. Her own mother had never cared much for her, but in her remarkable Dream, or whatever it had been with her father, he'd told her of a woman that was full and life and happiness. Would she feel differently about her own child if Jamie wasn't by her side now? She shook her head. She couldn't imagine not loving this child, with or without Jamie there. But still, she could appreciate finally the struggle her mother had been through to do it alone, although it had been her choice.

"What about Jemma...for my father. And for you?"

"Jemma Louise McCloud," Jamie murmured.

"We'll call her Jem?" Rose suggested.

"We will," Jamie nodded.

Rose nodded in agreement, sighing, "Oh Jamie, let's have lots more babies."

Jamie laughed, "This coming from the woman who declared she'd never share my bed again just moments ago? I don't know if I can survive another birthing Rose! Do you see my arm?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "You poor dear. I hope you recover quickly. Is that a no?"

Jamie shook his head, "I don't think I could ever deny you what you wished."

Rose reached out to stroke his face and smiled, "And I can never deny you."

For a moment they sat, until the baby began squalling, and Rose realized she was hungry.

Jamie thought his heart would explode in his chest as he watched Rose awkwardly bring the baby to nurse with fascination. Eventually, both got the hang of it and their daughter fell asleep at Rose's breast.

Jamie eagerly took Jemma back, still sitting at Rose's side.

"Where in the world did this black hair come from? Wonder if she'll keep it?"

"My mother had black hair," a gentle voice at the door said softly.

"So did mine," another added.

Jamie and Rose looked to see Lou and Kid standing shyly in the doorway.

"Come meet your granddaughter, Jemma Louise McCloud," Rose invited them with a warm smile, and they needed no further incentive. Lou and Kid's eyes shone with tears as they cooed over the child with Lou and Jimmy's name.

"I think Jimmy's mother had dark hair too. I remember seeing a portrait of her once at Celinda's house," Kid said softly as he took his granddaughter into his arms.

"She's going to be a beauty," Lou said with a smile, "What color are her eyes?"

"Blue. Like Kid's, and Jamie's," Rose smiled, "Maybe a little darker. Almost violet, but I imagine they'll change a little."

"Jamie's never did," Lou responded and shook her head in amazement at this day, this life she lived.

The world and time moved too fast. Lou looked at Kid as he bent over Jemma talking nonsense. It seemed only hours ago she'd opened her eyes and seen Jamie for the very first time, in Kid's arms as he looked out the window at the plantation grounds. As Kid slipped Jem into her own arms, she might have been holding Jamie, Jamie who was now well over six feet tall, again.

It had gone by in the blink of an eye and she would not trade her life for anything but she wouldn't mind if it had just slowed down good bit, she thought.

In the next few minutes, Teaspoon, Rachel, Cody, Buck, Patrick, and Seth all crept into the room to have a peek at the newborn. Rose watched them all with heavy lids and a soft smile and accepted their kisses and good wishes like a benevolent queen. Jamie watched Rose, looked at the dark circles under her eyes and marveled at the pain she'd so quickly forgotten after giving him his daughter.

Lou was marveling too as she looked around her. Four generations of them were within one room. Granted along the way some of them had been lost, and had been reduced to memories held within the vaults of the heart. Today, they were found again, shining out now from an infant's pure blue eyes. Noah, Ike, Jimmy…all of them lived in _her._

Unexpectedly, another of their lost boys crossed her heart, as he did from time to time, with the same surge of guilt, pain, and anger. A tall, gangly boy who had been lost long before she had found him. _Jesse_.

They'd had news of him over the years, all of it bad, and news of his death had hit her and Rachel hard. She marveled at how Kid had been able to close his heart to the boy who had grown into a monster after his role in Noah's death. Teaspoon, too, had let his disappointment shield his grief. But the mother's heart in her still remembered his blue eyes filled with sadness and mischief and sweet humor and she had grieved both the life he chose and death he died as she knew Jimmy would have, Jimmy who so desperately had tried to turn him off the path he was hellbent on traveling. She had been glad of Jimmy's death only once and that was on the day she heard about Jesse's. If fate had folded differently, Jesse might have been there with them celebrating life instead of moldering in an early grave. For good or bad, better or worse, Jesse James was intertwined with their legacy.

Teaspoon's generation had carved out the West, built and shaped it into a land of opportunity and promise.

Her own generation had bridged the sea of grass and danger between East and West, but also opened gaps between North and South.

Rose and Jamie's generation was still making its mark, expanding with amazing speed, rebuilding what her generation had ripped asunder to bleed the evil of slavery from the land, seemingly learning the same evil endured and was turned toward the Indians as progress turned Westward. They would be tasked with protecting the West their fathers and mothers had built.

All of them had done it with the aid of an unbreakable force that had spanned the years, that would outlive time itself. A bond so strong that it sang within their bodies and coursed in their veins, as much a part of them as life's blood that kept them alive. It was love. It was family.

What pages would the fourth generation contribute to their story? What triumphs, what adventures, what dangers, what loves, what legacy rested in the chapters behind Jemma Louise McCloud's closed eyes?

Time would tell her story too.

* * *

Close by, on a windswept bluff with a spectacular view of the now rich grass that rolled all the way up to the majestic Rocky Mountains stood five simple, solitary crosses. Even a prairie fire hadn't dared to disturb their sanctity.

Starkly outlined against a lavender sky, they stood like sentinels between the ranch where the people who had lovingly erected them went about their lives and the horizon, where day after day was lost to the night, bringing them all closer to reuniting in the next world.

It was at the foot of one of these five crosses, even as the days grew shorter and the nights grew colder, that a tiny flower bravely pushed through the soil and stood proudly at the base of the monument, enjoying the shelter it offered from strong west winds.

 _James Butler Hickok_ were the words carved in the cross, and wild was the rose that grew there year after year after year.

* * *

Note: Finally complete! This was such a labor of love so many years ago, and it did me good to revisit it, like seeing an old friend after so long away. If you stuck with me through all those chapters, would love to know what you thought about Jamie, Rose, and Jemma's story!


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